Marry Mione
By the Emperor's Sister
My odd inspired response to WIKTT's 'The Marriage Law' Contest.
Part 3:
Severus Snape hated it when people thought of him as a 'lecherous old man', as they did after his reporting to Albus of the 'Hermione Circumstance'. To retrieve the lost little Gryffindor lamb it was agreed that he would wed the chit, baby and all. Harry Potter did not agree with it, but Harry Flouting Potter could go sit on his thumbs as far as he was concerned. It was Lucius Malfoy's idea, and it worked in all their favor.
Not that his heroics were being praised, no he was just teased. Dirty Old Man chasing after a Young Piece of Skirt, tisk tisk. It really irked him to hear such teasing.
Mostly because they were right on the mark.
Severus Snape really was a pervy old gent. He was also about to get himself a young wife, one that he'd always fantasized about.
To be fair, he didn't harbor disgustingly lusty thoughts about his students. No, he only realized his apparent Lolita Complex when one Hermione Granger realized her womanhood. For the last couple years he'd dream about her doing rather romantic and sometimes raunchy things. From studying under him as an apprentice to being under him, or from nursing him back to health to providing 'sexual' healing. His latest favorite was 'ye old detention' fantasy and Hermione proving just how naughty a girl she really was underneath that Head Girl exterior. Of course all that was before her elopement with the Potter twit.
When he read about the new marriage law, Severus was damn well inclined to pursue her himself. She may have rejected him, and in one rather racy fantasy she had, but he would have had her whether she approved of it or not. He never said he wasn't a right bastard after all, but he was fairly sure Dumbledore would've helped, if only to keep her out of Death Eaters' hands.
But she ran away, got caught, and forcibly married to someone else.
And he got no nookie.
Sure it was sad when young Mr. Malfoy expired, but he couldn't stop envying his favorite student's demise. Who would've thought that all this time the confused young man's feelings of love for the witch were, in all honesty, symptoms of a particular fatal heart condition that had nothing to do with flowers and romance? Not him that's for certain. The only small upside to the whole dismal story was when his obsession became with child, and he could at least amuse himself with Lucius' pitiful tales of woe. Pity it wasn't considered proper to volunteer to help said pregnant daughter-in-law with her frustrations, otherwise he would've jumped at the chance. Instead his dearest, and most darling of friends, Lucius Malfoy, offered him something even more delightful.
His daughter-in-law's hand in marriage. He almost couldn't believe his good luck.
True Lucius didn't love the chit like she was a real daughter; he was only interested in protecting what was his. Draco's un-born son. Quite frankly, as much as Severus liked the man now, he couldn't, for the life of him, guess just how he had come up with this delightful plan. He always seemed to be such an empty-headed pretty boy.
He knew of course that the Order wanted to free Hermione, from whatever peril she must have been suffering for so long. Had Lucius only allowed the girl to show her pretty face now and then, they probably wouldn't have pushed the Minister of Magic so much. The Minister probably took a small inkling of sadistic delight in forcing the poor girl to marry again. Everyone knew the smarmy old goat held a grudge as long as his driveway. Pity for Lucius his personal vendettas overruled his personal acquaintances; otherwise Malfoy's argument concerning the laws' purpose would've overruled Albus' demands that the wench be made to wife once again.
Not that any of it mattered anymore.
Lucius wanted Snape to wed Hermione, and keep Draco Malfoy Jr., Draco Malfoy Jr. Afterwards, the new Mrs. Snape was his by all rights and to top it all off, they were including a dowry. It was a bribe of course to keep him from acknowledging the babe as his own spawn; and it was a bribe he welcomed as his bank account was rather skimpy at best, and his bride would surely wish to re-decorate their sparse and near crumbling home. The old ways were surely the best ways sometimes. It probably helped though, that the Snape's estates bordered the Malfoy's estates. One big happy neighbor-like family, only a catapult's throws away.
Still, even though he was positively tickled pink to be able to call Hermione his at long last, he wasn't about to act like it. He had a reputation to uphold after all. At the school anyway. So he was willing to sit tight and hear just what good excuses Albus Interfering Dumbledore could throw at him. He just hoped there would be no lemon drops involved. The damned things made his teeth stick together.
Albus didn't disappoint.
True there were the 'for the good of the blahblahblah...' that everyone else was yammering on about. Albus though hit on a very interesting idea.
"Having Mrs. Potter-Malfoy as your wife will take care of your pesky un-wanted women troubles Severus!" he twinkled.
Snape had almost forgotten about that.
There are some things not particularly well known about the wizarding world's un-human species. Take into account what happens in Bulgaria, for instance.
Bulgaria is mostly famous for its magical creatures know as Veelas. Now everyone knows that Veelas are women of exceptional beauty, and that any men in their presence act like babbling loons in order to impress them. When the Veelas are incensed they transform into hideous and vengeful harpy demons, breathing fire down onto their victims. What they've neglected to note is that were there is female, there is male.
Veelas are a lot like birds. For example, the mighty and vain peacock. The male peacock has a voluminous tail of exquisite design that it unfurls and struts about in order to attract a mate. Peacock females, if you've ever seen one, are drab and boringly brown by comparison. Veelas are fairly the opposite, where the female is outrageously attractive; the male is... well... not.
True those of Veela heritage are just as beautiful, especially males. Just look at the Malfoys for confirmation; But we are discussing Pure Blood Veela Males. Any Veela female will admit to being attracted to beauty, but only because they hope that the male of their choice has Veela ancestry, and their offspring will get closer and closer to being a pure blooded male Veela itself. As said pure blooded atributes have less to do with actual blood lines and are more like recessive super magic genes, these men are a valued prize as they are sparse creatures indeed. Nothing on this very earth is more sought after and desired than a pure blood Veela man.
Severus Snape just happens to be one.
His father and mother both were half Veelas, and as fortune decreed, Severus was born a pure blood. His parents were thrilled. The rest of wizarding society, being ignorant as they were, wondered just what nightmarish beast poor Severity Antonia Snape was ravished by to produce such an ugly child.
Severus Snape didn't have problems really until much later on in his youth. In his school days, he had the misfortune of attending classes with part Veela school girls, like Narsissa Black. They tended to hunt him down like rabid wolves after a wounded dear. His deep love of potions spawned after he discovered a 'Veela-Girl-Away' serum that worked wonders. Unfortunately it made his hair rather oily, and his teeth yellowed after drinking it so often. The next disturbing incident happened during the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Fleur and Gabrielle were a pair of the slyest Veela wenches he ever had his misfortune to come across. He was lucky to escape that year with all his robes intact.
Though Albus did have a point in pointing this little tidbit out, as he was one of the few wizards who were well read on all things magical. Another thing about Veelas being bird-like is that they are also characteristically like the noble eagle or the penguin. As in they tend to mate for life. So when, not if, he takes Hermione to be his wife, the rest of the Veela world will growl and storm and pull out their lovely tresses, but that's about all. They'll leave off hunting him down, though the same would not be said for any sons he and his bride produce.
The idea of children made his smile.
Albus Dumbledore took that to mean something else, and so the dealing was done.
Severus couldn't hardly wait for the affair.