Kaidan sat down beside Lauren. "What happened to your hair? I thought it was brown the last time I saw you."
Lauren self-consciously fingered the short red locks. She spoke barely above an audible whisper. "It was and it was long...to the middle of my back. The Alliance made me cut and dye it so I could change my look some...basically to protect me from anyone pissed about Torfan."
Kaidan sat quietly without looking at her. He wasn't sure what to say or if he should say anything. After a few long moments, she broke the silence.
"You want to know about it, to know why, don't you," she said without really asking a question.
"I saw you on the news," started Kaidan.
"I barely remember any of that...I was just numb," she explained. "During N-school, I remember Anderson getting pissed at me because I told him I didn't care. I mean, we were going after pirates and mercs and whatever, but besides 'taking out the bad guys,'" she said holding up finger quotations, "what was the point?"
"You're keeping human colonies safe. You are helping people," Kaidan stated.
"Yeah, I get that...but that's not enough for me...maybe it's selfish, I don't know, but I just can't rally up the strength day after day to put my ass on the line to stop a drug smuggling operation. But when those batarians killed Daniel..." Her lip quivered. "In cold blood...I guess I just wanted to return the favor. For a moment I guess I thought I had found the reason to fight that Anderson told me get." She swallowed hard and kept the tears welling up from falling. "I know that sounds awful and heartless, but they killed someone I loved and I needed to make them hurt too, but revenge isn't nearly as sweet as it should be."
A sad smile crossed Kaidan's face. "Yeah, I understand. That's how I felt too when Vyrnnus hurt Rahna...I just wanted to hurt him though. I just..."
Lauren continued. "I sort of knew what I was doing, but my rage just overtook me and I..."
"Lost control." They said in unison. Two sad faces looked at each other, trying to find some solace and maybe some redemption in the other's eyes.
"Maybe I told you then, I don't really remember, but I always felt like I never said thank you for being there with me after everything with Vyrnnus," Kaidan said.
Lauren gave a quick, but wan, smile. "I really didn't have a choice. I was taken to the same places you were."
"I know, but you didn't have to be nice."
"Well, after Indi left...you were kind of my best friend."
"But after...you saw me and Rahna..."
"I acted all pissy?" Lauren finished and even gave a little laugh. "Yeah, let's just chalk that up to immaturity. I still wanted you to be my friend. Just wasn't good at showing it."
An awkward silence followed. Kaidan wouldn't dare tell her about those fleeting moments of attraction he had had...especially now that they were reawakening with her so near. Lauren was afraid to remember the crush she used to have on Kaidan because she just wasn't ready to let Daniel go yet.
The transport stopped at Alliance R&D headquarters. They both stood. "This is your stop too?" Kaidan asked.
"Yeah, I start today. I guess I'm helping develop armor to help biotics and weapons to defend from biotics."
"I guess we're co-workers then. That's where I am. It gets really tiring, but the snacks are good," Kaidan chuckled as they got off the transport and they walked toward the building.
"How did you get here?" Lauren asked. "Did you screw up like I did?"
The smile fell from Kaidan's face. "No," was his short reply. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Oh."
Kaidan looked serious. "Maybe someday, ok? I am glad to see you, especially not on the battlefield."
"Yeah, Kaidan. I'm glad too. It'd be nice to be friends again."
x-X-x
April 12, 2181. Kaidan was moved in late 2180 to a top secret department that Lauren could not enter and he wouldn't talk about. She was curious because it was about that same time that turians started being seen in the building. But today she caught a glimpse of Tevos, the asari Councillor, talking with Anderson. This made the whole thing very unusual. She had never seen or heard of any of the Citadel Council ever making a trip to Earth.
"Come on, Kaidan..." Lauren pleaded on the transport home. "Tell me something...anything!"
"I can't...it's all classified. I could get court-martialed."
She impulsively grabbed his hand. "I swear on everything that is sacred and holy I won't tell a soul!" He felt the rush of her biotics from the touch. Then he smiled at her and let go of her hand. She was still wearing the ring Daniel had given her.
"I guess I never noticed you still wear that," he said, grateful for the distraction.
Lauren looked caught off-guard for a second, but rallied with an embarrassed smile. "Yeah, I really loved him. It's more sentimental now. Can't bring him back."
"You ever thought about moving on?" The words fell out of Kaidan's mouth before he could stop them. Once again Lauren looked surprised.
"Well, to be honest...sometimes...yeah, I do. Just haven't found the right person, I guess..." Her voice trailed off.
"You feel like you'd be cheating, don't you?" Kaidan said softly. She nodded.
"Yeah, I understand. I'd probably feel the same way," he said. No one spoke again before Kaidan reached his stop. Both were wrapped up in their own thoughts. Kaidan was mentally kicking himself and wondering if he actually did ask her to dinner if she would say yes, or would that be considered fraternization since she did outrank him, but then decided it wouldn't necessarily because though they were in the same building, they weren't serving together, so it could possibly be ok. Maybe after approval from their supervisors, but he was getting ahead of himself...
Lauren stared at her ring. She did miss Daniel, but now it was like she missed Indi. They were both years gone. There were hollow places in her heart where they had once been, but they weren't raw anymore. She also thought about the datapad in her pocket that held a message from Anderson. She was supposed to meet him tomorrow at 0830...
x-X-x
She walked into the spartan office where Anderson sat. Tevos was there, and at her side was Ambassador Donnell Udina as well. Lauren saluted Anderson and Udina then greeted Tevos, who simply gave a polite nod.
"Lt. Lauren Shepard," said Anderson to Tevos, as a means of introduction. Lauren knew Udina from meeting with him after Torfan. "Shepard, we've got something big in the works. I'm sure you've heard rumors."
"No, sir, not really," Lauren said honestly. "I've kept my head down and I don't hear much."
"Well, it's time to bring you into the fold. The Alliance is working with the Council and specifically the turians on an experimental ship," said Udina
Tevos continued, "We are hoping that this new alliance of humans and turians will help strengthen the galactic community, especially so soon after the war between your races. Both groups are sharing technology and expertise to develop a new kind of ship. One that we hope the Citadel Council will be able to replicate and use for our own fleet."
"I don't know how this involves me...I've only been used for weapons and armor research in recent years," said a perplexed Lauren.
"Right," said Anderson, "but you have already proven yourself a capable soldier. We honestly had to give you...time...time after Torfan. You may not know this, but you were the most well-known human soldier in the galaxy...the most notorious. We had to let that settle down. Besides the batarians, the galaxy has pretty much forgotten Torfan...and since I'm going to be in command of this new ship, I knew I wanted my executive officer to be one of our best. That...is you."
"I've never been an XO before, sir," started Lauren. "Wouldn't you rather have..."
"No, I don't. I'm an old soldier set in his ways and I need someone young with fresh ideas and I've seen you through N-school. I know you are the woman for the job. Being an XO can be learned and we have time. Leadership, on the other hand, is something that a person either has or doesn't."
"Thank you, sir..." Then she looked at Tevos and Udina. "Um, thank you too?"
"We had nothing to do with this," Udina said snidely. "You can thank Admiral Hackett and Capt. Anderson. Now if you will excuse us, Captain. The Councillor and I must take our leave and head back to the Citadel."
"By all means," said Anderson, standing in respect. "Thank you Councillor. I'm sure you will inform Councillor Sparatus of our progress and invite him to see the work being done."
"Indeed we will, Captain," answered Tevos. "I know personally that Sparatus is quite anxious to finish his other duties in order to see this project. Lt. Shepard, it was a pleasure."
As Tevos and Udina left the room, Anderson sat back down and leaned back. "Shepard, I'm taking you under my wing. You are going to know the ins and outs of this new ship. How it works, weapons, shields, crew contingent, everything..."
x-X-x
On the ride home, Lauren quickly found her seat beside Kaidan. She looked at him with a smile, leaned in and quietly whispered, "Normandy."
A/N: This completes Service! I will soon move on to the novelization of the ME Trilogy for Lauren. Thank you for the follows, the favorites, and the encouraging reviews!