Marry Mione
By the Emperor's Sister
Chapter 7
Muggle clinics, Snape decided, though less complicating than St. Mungos, were not the kind of places he'd like to make frequent visits to. In fact his wife's, as he refused to believe in their non-marriage-in-the-muggle-world, check up with Dr. Caius was awkward to the point of embarrassment.
It all started when they arrived.
They had at least had the fore thought not to have driven the family car, as the car park for the clinic was apparently merely for show, and never seemed to have any free spaces. The fact that some desperate locals ended up parking on lesser-used walkways served to prove the case in point.
Hermione and himself marched up to the front desk to explain the purpose of their visit. The giggly young blonde in turn gave them directions and sent them up three floors and down the hallway to their left. She emphasized 'on their left' like it wouldn't be obvious when they arrived there. Once exiting the metal deathtrap large enough to hold a blast ended skrewt, they came face to face with a flower shop, a washroom, and a reception desk at the end of the hall to their left.
"We're pregnant, not stupid." Hermione groused as she waddled her way to the counter.
"You mean you're pregnant. I had nothing to do with it if you'll recall." Severus mused.
She merely ignored him.
The nurse at this station much reminded him of young Ginny Weasley. Albeit if Ginny was twenty some years older and not a Weasley. Gina, as that was the name printed on the caregiver's chest, proceeded to ask questions and scribble the answers on a form.
"Name please, madam."
"Mrs. Hermione Jane Potter."
"And you, Mr. Potter?"
"No. I am Professor Severus Snape."
"Oh. Then your relation to Mrs. Potter is?"
"Her spouse."
"Ah… wait. Pardon?" Gina blinked in confusion. "Is Potter your maiden name then madam?"
"No, that would be Granger."
"Ah. Ok."
"Our complicated marriage is a long, long story." Hermione explained, a slight blush tinting her sweet cheeks.
"Well then, moving along. The father of your child is…?"
"A Mr. Draco Malfoy now deceased."
"He was another husband." Snape informed her in a fit of perverted amusement.
Gina stopped writing to gape at them. Muttering something about 'sodding sitcoms' she shoved the forms at them. "Please fill these out. The doctor will be with you shortly."
Sitting down on the ugly yet comfortable sofa, his wife began filling in the necessary information as quickly as possible.
"She probably thinks I have a male harem." Hermione griped.
Severus helped her with as much information about himself and the Malfoys as he was privy to. Hermione seemed startled to discover wizards also had licenses, health cards and the like. He was quick to point out that they were part of another sect of people in Britain, not another country. They did exist in the muggle world too.
Soon enough they were called into the office of Dr. Caius, gynecologist and obstetrician. A place where they were, once again, told to wait.
'It's a wonder any muggle ever gets treated in such a place. What with all the waiting they make you do.' Severus thought un-kindly not noticing that his beloved had meanwhile been getting un-dressed.
"Hermione! What are you doing?" he gaped in alarm. 'She couldn't possibly be thinking about having a bit of fun before this doctor person arrive. Could she?'
"I'm getting changed. What does it look like."?
Severus, prudently, did not answer.
"The doctor can't examine me through all my clothes." She continued, "That's why they gave me this to wear." She held us a sheet of cloth with two armholes and a set of ties.
"How exactly does one wear… such a … garment?"
"Ties to the back."
Severus raised his brow. Tempted.
"No more comments out of you." She commanded, catching on, and hurriedly slipped the hospital gown on. With much awkwardness she managed to seat herself on the examination table. It probably would've been easier had she just asked him to help, but he guessed by viewing the red glow dusting her cheeks that she was too embarrassed to risk him putting his hands on her bare bottom.
Sighing quietly, he began to amuse himself by reading the un-moving posters pasted on the walls and eyeing the array of medical equipment scattered throughout the room. Something metallic and peculiar caught his eye.
"What in Merlin's great name are those for, pray tell?"
Hermione looked down at what had boggled Severus Snape's great mind enough to sneer at, and giggled. "They're stirrups."
"Don't be foolish, I know what stirrups are and those silvery monstrosities are not them." He snorted, "and if be some misguided muggle-minded sense they had happened to be such things then they are most certainly out of place here."
She had the gall to laugh at him. "They're not riding stirrups!" she chortled, highly amused at his expense. "They're used during examinations and, most probably, even during birthing."
"I can't possibly see how…" Severus never got the chance to complete his sarcastic query as she had taken it upon herself to demonstrate their use.
Hermione swiveled about to face him almost directly and placed one sock clad foot into each holster, baring all for his private viewing. Intentionally or not he never could quite say.
He'd be damned if he was going to let some other dirty minded old man gaze upon her lush purple-ly heaven nestled among chocolate curls, though. Despite his 'potions assistant's' demands that he take advantage of what his wife was wantonly offering, he was going to apparate them the hell out of there, as soon as he picked his jaw up off the floor.
But Hermione closed the gates to paradise and Severus lost his chance, for they were no longer alone.
The woman entered garbed in a long white coat, under which she wore an ugly blue t-shirt and matching drawstring trousers. There was a truly bizarre necklace draped haphazardly around her neck, like a tie. The round metallic disk pendant swayed as she moved, only to get caught on another nametag.
One that declared her name as Dr. Paige Caius, in neatly typed bold black letters.
Dr. Caius came equipped with a clipboard, a pen tucked behind one ear, and a large smile on her face. All the teeth on display blinded Severus, that he missed out on the primary greetings and introductions.
"Alright then." Dr. Caius began. "We'll start with the basics, checking your blood pressure, hearing and etc. Then I'd like you to give me a sample for testing and we'll see how the baby is doing."
Severus wondered at the healer's mental state. 'How do we see how the baby is when it hasn't even been birthed yet? There aren't any spells or potions that can perform such a task. So how exactly did a mere muggle think to accomplish the feat?'
"Well everything seems normal Hermione." Dr. Caius announced, breaking Severus free from his silent musings. "Fill this while I get everything ready in the next room."
Severus raised his brow at the tiny plastic jar in Hermione's hands. "Fill it with what, pray tell?"
She blushed. "Um… with pee, Severus."
He blinked. "You're telling me you are expected to urinate into that little thing? Muggles are truly the strangest of creatures."
She shrugged and slipped off to the adjoining loo. She returned in time to pass her urine sample to a passing nurse. Silently the walked to the room next door, Severus' mind buzzed with desire to learn how the muggle medic planned to live up to her boast.
'See an un-born baby indeed.'
He was rather glad, afterwards, that he had not voiced his thoughts out loud. Now he would not have to eat them. At present he was duly humbled by the amazing magic known as muggle technology. For all this miraculous woman doctor had to do was spread a little clear jelly-like potion over Hermione's engorged womb, point her steel wand at it and a grainy image of Draco Malfoy Jr. appeared on the fellyvision next to her head.
They even let them keep a picture.
'What amazing creatures muggle are!' Severus Snape thought. 'I'm doubly glad I switched sides. Perhaps there is a way to change the Dark Lord's, or my fellow Death Eater's, thoughts on muggles?'
He had never felt so hopeful before; and it only got better, a swish and a flick later, when he enchanted the tiny photograph to move.
end chapter 7