Day Four: Mind Your Mum
(Part One)
They landed on the hard ground. Draco took a moment to gather his bearings. It was eerily calm. Nothing moved. He looked around, trying to figure out where they were.
"The British Museum?"
"I don't know," Narcissa whispered. "It was the first place that popped into my head."
Months Earlier
"Please see the attached brochure for muggle dress guidelines," Narcissa read aloud. She flipped through the brochure again. "I have no idea..."
"No idea regarding what?"
Narcissa look up as Draco walked into the room.
"You look half dressed," she said. He wore only light grey trousers and a white button up. No jacket, no cufflinks. Disgraceful.
"It said to dress 'muggle.'" Draco shrugged. "You on the other hand-"
"I look exactly like 3A!" Narcissa said defensively, waving the brochure at him.
Draco took it from her. "Muggle business wear," he read. "What happened to 1A? Muggle everyday wear. We are going on a walking tour, not attending a meeting."
"It's all I have," she replied, smoothing her pencil skirt and stepping into her heels.
"We could just not go," he suggested, watching her cast a cushioning charm on her shoes.
"We are going. I refuse to have the wizarding world believe I'm some cold, muggle hating, sheltered trophy wife or however that Skeeter woman described me." She pulled on a light jacket over her outfit.
Draco pressed his lips together. "At least take off that ridiculous hat."
Nearly a half hour later they apparated into the Leaky Cauldron. They approached a mousy little woman holding a clipboard.
"Here for the walking tour?" she practically squeaked.
They nodded. "Draco and Narcissa Malfoy," Narcissa said, watching the small woman's eyes widen as she glanced down the list.
"Oh right. Yes, yes," the woman scribbled. "If you'll join the group over there near the door please," she pointed with the end of her quill. "Just waiting on a few more people".
"Thank you," Draco said politely. He guided his mother over to the door where a handful of people were already waiting.
This is going to be a disaster. Draco pinched the bridge of his nose as he observed the other tourists. A portly man and his bland looking wife were standing in the corner. Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom. Both looking bewildered at the mere fact of having made it out of the house and to The Leaky Cauldron. Merlin this is going to be a long day. And here comes McGonagall looking like she ran into a Scottish blanket factory. He had to admit Professor Sprout actually looked halfway decent standing next to the new headmistress. He watched his mother exchange a polite nod with both of the professors as he diverted his eyes elsewhere. Two smartly dressed men were bantering back and forth near the door in thick Welsh accents and - Granger and Saint Potter. What in the world are a Mudblood and the boy-who-escaped-with-the-help-of-my-mum doing on a Muggle walking tour?
"Mrs. Malfoy. Draco," said Harry, smiling at them both.
Draco grimaced. Too bloody early for this.
"Mr. Potter," he heard his mother say. "I'm surprised to see you here."
"I never got the opportunity to go many places when I lived with my Aunt and Uncle," said Harry.
Oh, not five minutes here and already subjected to another tale of poor Potter's life. Draco sneered silently behind his mother. He turned in time to see Arthur and Ron Weasley walk over and join the group. And if could not get any worse...
"Right. Hello." A voice interrupted their conversations. Draco turned and looked in the direction of the voice. A young man, only a few years older than Draco was standing near the group. He recognised him from Hogwarts. Some know-it-all half-blood from Ravenclaw. "Good morning, everyone. My name is Adam and I'll be your guide today. I do hope you've all had time to look over the informational packet that was owled to each one of you." The guide blabbered on about rules and Merlin only knows what.
"...and we'll be heading out now onto Charing Cross Road. Do note this is the time of day when muggles start going into work. Please stay together!" Adam opened the door and lead the group out onto the busy street.
They all seemed to freeze as soon as they stepped out onto the pavement. It was as if they were expecting to be attacked. A couple members of the group wore a surprised look as if they had accidentally broken into a world in which they should not be.
Passersby paid them no notice as they went about their morning business. A few people jumped as a small, metal box on wheels rumbled by. And then another. Each box had one or two muggles sitting inside.
"What is it?" asked Narcissa, grabbing his arm.
"They're...cars I think," he whispered back. "Like individual Knight Busses."
Narcissa jumped a bit as another one passed. "How do you know?"
He shrugged. "I heard Weasley flew one into a tree during second year."
"Let's move along please!" Adam encouraged, walking down Charing Cross Road.
They watched with near morbid fascination as the muggles went about their daily routines. Shopkeepers opening up used bookstores, muggles walking in and out of coffee shops. Fascinated by the lights on poles switching between green, yellow, and red.
They stopped in front of a small Indian restaurant and waited as the guide watched the cars go by. As soon as they slowed Adam lead the group across the street and continued down the pavement.
"Where are we going?" Draco whispered.
"Some square I think," Narcissa replied as they crossed.
Draco stopped and looked at a pub as they walked by. Could fancy a drink. Is it too early to drink? Technically would be sampling muggle culture. His alcoholic contemplation was interrupted by a sharp pain in his left arm. "Terribly sorry!" he said as a muggle woman nearly shoved him out of the way.
"Draco!" Narcissa hissed, tugging on his arm. "Stop standing in the middle of the pavement."
"We are now approaching Trafalgar Square. To the right is the National Portrait Gallery. If you'd like to step this way I'll give you a brief overview of the square and gallery. You'll have a few moments to look around and then we'll continue on." Adam lead the group in front of the gallery.
"Now, as I said, this building you see here in front of us is the National Gallery. It was founded in 1824 and has a collection of over 2,300 paintings dating from 1900 and going back to about the mid-13th century. Unlike wizarding paintings, muggle paintings..."
Draco ignored their guide. He looked around the square, squinting in the early morning sun. He had to admit the square was nice and vaguely wondered if the muggles could possibly be good at art. Perhaps we could come back sometime, he mused, thinking of how the suggestion should put him back in his mother's good graces after the hat debacle earlier.
Draco's plotting was cut short as a muggle girl walked by. He openly stared as she passed, clad in tight blue trousers and Knockturn Alley-esque high heels. Yes, definitely coming back here.
"...and if you all would follow me down the steps please, we'll continue through the square and down The Mall."
Narcissa looked over at her son, gaping in unison with the Longbottom boy at some whorish looking passerby. She grabbed his arm, "Come along, Draco," she said. "Just because we are amongst muggles doesn't mean you should be acting beneath your station."
"I was just admiring the architecture," he said.
"The architecture, I'm sure," she responded, turning and heading down the second set of stairs. "Going to write the girl's parents a nice letter on how their daughter was constructed?"
Draco blushed.
They walked through the square. Stopping momentarily to admire the fountains, lions, and the statues on oversized plinths. They began to cross the street and were stopped by moving traffic. Cars moved quickly by on either side. Narcissa looked straight ahead, trying to ignore the fact that she was stuck on a concrete island surrounded by muggles and fast moving metal boxes. She read the signs on the buildings on the other side of the street: Pret A Manger, Caffe Nero, an oversized number 60 in an offensive shade of blue, Uganda House, and a sign for The Underground.
Narcissa thanked the goddess profusely for having survived the death trap island as they crossed the street and passed by The Underground entrance. They rounded the corner and walked through a tall, stone arch. They muddled their way through a school group of children before continuing to walk down "The Mall" as Adam had told them it was called.
She had to admit she was starting to like London. The Mall reminded her of her favourite part of Wizarding Paris 'Rue de Merveilleux' with it's stone buildings on one side and a lush park on the other. Clouds were starting to appear in the sky and she hoped it wouldn't rain.
The group stopped in front of a gate, guarded by two men in red uniforms and black fuzzy hats. Adam dropped his voice and moved closer to the group. "Behind these gates is Clarence House. Built between 1825 and 1827 Clarence House is the current official residence for three members of the muggle royal family. It was also home to the current muggle monarch, Queen Elizabeth, for nearly fifty years. Should you wish to visit Clarence House it is open to the general public during the month of August. Please owl the 'Muggle and Magical Relations' office for further information." Adam backed away from the group. "If you'll follow me this way, please," he said in a normal voice and they continued down The Mall.
Elizabeth? Dreadfully common name for royalty. Narcissa rolled her eyes at the thought. They must be the three least liked members of that family to be stuck in such a small house.
Their tour continued down to the end of The Mall where a stately looking house sat behind high iron gates which were decorated with gold. The cars zoomed past them and in a circle around the ornate fountain which sat in front of the house and Narcissa wondered for a moment if the muggles could even see it.
"Over there is Buckingham Palace. It is the official London residence and principal workplace of Queen Elizabeth II. The palace contains approximately 19 state rooms..."
Not only does she have a common name but she's a second! Poor thing never had a chance. Narcissa admired the lovely pink and yellow flowers on the side of the pavement, ignoring the rest of Adam's brief history lessons.
"Almost as lovely as our manor, wouldn't you say, mother?" Draco asked a bit louder than socially acceptable.
"I think it's breathtaking," said Hermione to no one in particular.
"You would be impressed by it, seeing as you and Weasley will be living in a broom cupboard this coming autumn," Draco said with a smirk. He wasn't surprised when The Prophet had announced their engagement shortly after the war had ended.
"Draco!" She glared at him before Granger or Weasley could respond. Narcissa hoped they would stop soon as her cushioning charm was starting to wear off.
They passed by another park, full of tourists, people reading books with white strings hanging from their ears, couples sitting and eating on blankets. It reminded her of the early days of her marriage when she and Lucius would go on day trips or he would surprise her with a holiday to Russia, France, or Austria. Her thoughts were interrupted as they gathered near a stone arch with a chariot and four horses on top.
"We are about to go on the underground train. Please make sure you have your plastic card out that says "oyster" before we get into the station." Adam held his card up for the group to see. "This is your ticket for the train so please do not lose it."
The stale warm air hit them as they walked through the station. By the time they had each waved their arms while holding the plastic ticket over the entrance barriers, Narcissa was completely overwhelmed by the smell, the low ceilings and the narrow corridors. Their group slowed and formed into a queue. Looking to the left, Narcissa noticed muggles rising from a downward sloping tunnel. Surely they can't be levitating.
As the queue moved forward she realised that they were not levitating but were rising on a moving staircase. She watched the people in front of her. The mudblood and Potter had no issue boarding the staircase. One of the Welshmen nearly fell over as he boarded. Narcissa felt her heart beat faster as it neared her turn. Merlin knows what The Daily Prophet will say if I topple down a muggle staircase.
She braced herself, counting one, two, three as she nearly hopped onto the staircase and grasped the moving railing. Draco mimicked her a few moments later, grabbing one of her shoulders for balance. She watched, wide-eyed as the stairs moved them down the tunnel, trying to see how the muggles at the bottom were disembarking. The brochure said nothing about having to utilise moving steps!
No sooner had Narcissa managed to hop off the moving staircase she found herself back in the swarm of people. She was jostled by tourists and Londoners alike as they made their way toward the platform."Honestly, have these muggles no manners?"She whispered to Draco. And a serious lack of decor, Narcissa thought, raising an eyebrow at the dated brown and beige tiled walls as they filed onto the platform.
She glanced up at an overhead sign Cockfosters 5 minutes it read. She looked around the platform and took in her surroundings. A group of Asian woman stood near them, their faces half covered by some sort of mask. An elderly man and woman standing in the middle of the platform reading a map. Obviously American, Narcissa thought, noting the abundance of flags on their clothing and rucksacks. She just had noticed a rather oddly dressed muggle woman with a beret on her head dressed in a short white shirt, white chunky shoes, and stockings with her dotted knickers showing right through walk past them when she felt a sharp pain in her right foot.
"Ow!" she hissed.
"Oops! Sorry Mrs. Malfoy," apologised Arthur quickly.
"It's alright," Narcissa said, trying to fight the look of pain from her face. "It is rather crowded in here." You muggle loving, ginger arse.
A woman's voice echoed through the station and Narcissa heard a dull noise growing steadily louder. A set of lights appeared at one end of the platform as a train arrived into the station. The clank and the squeaks of the train reverberated off the walls.
The doors slid open and they followed Adam into one of the carriages as a man's voice was now instructing them to mind a gap.
What gap? Why did muggles build something with a gap? Do they honestly need to be instructed there is a gap? Can't they bloody well see where they are going? The questions flowed through Draco's head. He was anxious to get into the train. What if the ruddy thing leaves without us? He inched forward, closer to the backside of Longbottom than he had ever cared to be. Draco raised his leg to step into the train and found himself tripping and falling forward into the carriage. His face grew red as he righted himself and ignored the snickers and tuttings of the muggle passengers already on board.
"Mind the gap, won't you darling?" Narcissa whispered as she gracefully stepped up into the train and moved to the far side of the the carriage. She grasped one of the yellow poles near the opposite set of doors and motioned for him to join her.
"Please stand clear of the doors." No sooner had Draco grabbed the pole did he hear an incessant beeping noise and the sound of the carriage doors whooshing shut.
The train gave a slight lurch and began picking up speed as it left the station. "The next station is Green Park. Change for Jubilee and Victoria line."
Draco looked at the map overhead. "Where are we stopping?" he whispered to Potter who had somehow managed to stand next to him.
"Haven't a clue," Harry replied, looking cheerfully around the carriage.
"Holborn station I think," said an airy voice. Draco reluctantly made eye contact with Luna and nodded.
"Do you think the reason for the gaps is nargels?" She carried on, completely oblivious. "They could be breeding them."
The train jolted them from side to side in the dark tunnel until it finally slowed into the next station.
"This is Green Park. Change here for the Jubilee and Victoria lines. This is a Piccadilly Line service to Cockfosters."
The doors slid open and more muggles boarded the train. Narcissa was pushed closer to Draco. The air on the train was humid and the close proximity to others was starting to wear on him. By the time the train had left Green Park and was speeding towards the next station, Narcissa's handbag was swinging dangerously close to his unborn wizards.
"This is Piccadilly Circus. Change here for the Bakerloo line. This is a Piccadilly Line service to Cockfosters."
Again more muggles boarded the train. Narcissa backed into Draco. Closer and closer until there was no space left between them.
"The next station is Leicester Square. Change for Northern Line."
The increasing speed of the train pushed her back firmly against Draco. The carriage rattled. She felt something hard graze her arse. The carriage tipped slightly as they sped along a curve. A bead of sweat formed on her forehead. It's just my imagination. He would never -The train jolted again and her heart skipped a beat at the realisation. Oh please let it be from the whore girl in Trafalgar Square. She bit her lower lip. Or even from that mad looking woman on the platform in the dotty knickers.
Draco cringed and stared up at the ceiling. It seemed his mother's constant nattering could be quite easily stopped by an erection between her bum cheeks. And as horrid as the situation was at its inconceivable and incestuous heart...he found that he didn't mind her gap at all. In fact, he quite enjoyed it. Further in fact, he rather seedily wanted to rut in it - to see what he could inspire to pass her lips instead of a criticism.
Narcissa sighed in relief when most of the passengers alighted at Leicester Square.
Draco quickly moved himself away from his mum, hoping she hadn't realised what had happened. By the time they arrived at Holborn, Draco was mockingly announcing the stations in his head.