Thanks for everyone who read. let's skip the fuckery that is real life and just laugh a bit ok?
Klaus was finishing his sketch from the couch.
"How much longer?" Caroline said from the couch across from him
"Patience is a virtue love"
Caroline scoffed and got up.
"Why did you move?" Klaus asked
"Because you're taking forever, I know you're like a billion but cmon"
"I'm not a billion"
"Feels like it. Do you even know how to have fun?"
"Yes I do, though my ways are a bit more sanitary than yours"
"You're one to talk, not like vampires can get sick anyways"
"Does that mean you'll be eating off the floor like a dog?"
"Speak of dogs, are you going to show me how you look like as a wolf?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Because I am not here for your amusement"
"Right because that's what I'm here for. Tyler let me see"
Klaus flashed infront of her.
"Do not use that name in my presence"
"Why? Are you going to spank me?"
A smile flashed across his face
"Maybe love, you'd probably enjoy it"
"Ew, no, not into that sick freaky shit, course you be into that. You just love to tie someone up or chain them up and take away all their control, just like your hybrids"
"Stop! Too much snark"
Caroline's body relaxed where she stood. Her face was blank. Klaus walked behind her and moved her hair aside. He opened the control panel located under her neck. There were knobs for lust, sass, snark, sarcasm, happy, bubbly, and a few more emotions. Klaus dialed down the snark. He closed the panel and ran his fingers through her hair.
"Niklaus what are you doing?!" Elijah said as he entered the room, "Where on earth did you even get that thing?"
"What is it Elijah?"
"I find it very disturbing that you have a machine with the likeness of Miss Forbes"
"Was there a point to you interrupting me?"
"Marcel is missing"
"So?"
"His ranks are confused and do not know what to do. And Henrick is missing again"
"Hayley is completely useless, her inability to keep track of one child is beyond her"
Stefan was carrying his mermaid down the road. The lobster was scurrying behind them.
"Where are you taking me?" Ariel asked
"I'm not sure, but no one's going to believe me if I don't have proof"
"Put me down!"
"You can't walk, you don't have legs"
"Put me back"
"Why? So you can stay in that boring lake all day? Just like the Loch Ness monster"
"Nessie's real!"
"it is not"
"He's real, he's just naturally blurry like big foot"
Rebekah was driving her red convertible through New Orleans. She saw Marcel and Stefan/silas walking across the street and they stopped in front of her car. She slammed on the breaks.
"Are you mad?!" Rebekah yelled getting out of the car
The two looked at her confused.
"What the hell are you doing here Stefan?" Rebekah asked
"Another shadow self! I'm quite lucky these days" Silas said
"What?!" Rebekah yelled
"Come with me!" Silas grabbed onto her arm and pulled her along with Marcel
Caroline was outside the bar trying not to throw up anymore, as if vampires could throw up. She heard the sound of Hayley scolding Henrick and calling for a cab. Henrick sulked and went outside. Caroline looked up at him.
"You look just like him" Caroline said
"I'm not my dad, I'm Henrick"
"How do you look like him?"
"I dunno. I just do. But I don't look as old as him though."
Caroline could see it in his eyes, they were so full of light and he had a goofy smile on his face. This definitely was not Klaus. Henrick looked to be about 17. A group of girls walked by and they all glanced over at Henrick. He smiled back and blushed. Caroline couldn't believe it, he was actually blushing.
"Go talk to them" Caroline said
"I don't know what to say"
"It helps if you have the accent"
"What accent?"
"The accent that your dad has"
"Dad just talks funny"
"Accents are beer goggles for girls"
"Really?"
"yeah, you should try to talk like your dad more, it's pretty hot"
"Did it work on you?"
"A little"
Caroline couldn't believe it, she was flirting with Klaus's son. What was in his gene pool? Was she just predestined to be attracted to Klaus?
"All dad does is draw and paint and drink. Then he says I can't drink"
"Your dad is a lot older"
"I know, he's like a million or something"
"Not a million, I said that to him once"
"Really?"
"Yeah, course I was dying at the time so I really didn't care"
"How do you know my dad?"
"It's a long story kid"
"I'm not a kid, I look the same as you"
"No, I'm trapped in a buffer year, i look 17 but i'm 18"
"Oh can you drive? Mom won't let me drive"
The sound of Klaus's voice in an american accent calling Hayley his mom just didn't sit right with Caroline.
"This is too weird"
Silas was dragging Marcel and Rebekah to a tea parlor. They sat down at a table and proceeded to have tea, with tea cakes, pastries and sugar cubes. Silas used his power on them to make them stay.
"What are we doing here?" REbekah asked
"We're having tea" Silas said
"you're not stefan" Rebekah said
"And you're not that blonde. Here have a cookie"
Rebekah's phone started ringing and Silas reached for it and looked at the picture on the phone.
"oh, another one! I'll be right back" Silas said disappearing
Caroline walked into the house. Hayley walked in and walked into another room. Henrick was busy texting on his phone. Caroline glanced over at what he was doing.
"You can't go see all of them, they'll eat you alive" Caroline said
"What am I suppose to do then?"
"Play hard to get, you can't be that available"
"I've never done this before"
"They all like you, but you can't like all of them"
"why not?"
"Seriously?"
Henrick looked up at her and gave her the puppy dog eyes. He was too much like Klaus.
"Don't use that on me."
"Is it working?"
"Don't be the jerk that makes them hate guys. If you're not interested in one of them, be upfront about it, but don't go after all of them. Don't be greedy"
"Ok"
Henrick turned and opened the door and Sophie stood there. Sophie looked at him but knew something was off about him.
"I'll be back later!" Henrick walked past Sophie
"But we have to talk! Klaus!" Sophie yelled
"That's not Klaus" Caroline said
Sophie looked at her confused. Klaus walked out, when he heard Henrick yelling something.
"Sophie, Caroline?" Klaus asked
"We need to talk" Sophie said
"I need a drink" Caroline said walking off
Caroline walked into the room where the Carebot was. She stopped and looked at it.
"This is some freaky shit"
Caroline walked up to it. Carebot stood there, looking blank. Caroline waved her hand in front of it, and poked it with her finger. She felt real. Almost too real. The realization of what this thing was and what Klaus was doing with it hit her.
"KLAUS!"
Caroline heard Klaus yelling near the door and flashed there. She found the door open, Sophie gone, and a wolf sitting in a pile of clothes instead.
"Klaus?" Caroline asked
The wolf tilted its head and whined.
Rebekah and Marcel were still sitting at the table drinking tea.
"Why are we still doing this?" Rebekah said
"No idea" Marcel said
"I drank 3 pots of tea already!"
Stefan/Silas returned with Elijah.
"Stefan what is the meaning of this?" Elijah asked
"We're having a tea party" Stefan/Silas said
"I don't think this is the time-" Elijah started to say
"Join us" Silas said
Elijah sat down and poured himself some tea. It was strange as he didn't know why he was doing it.
"Now that we're all here" Silas said
"Stefan, you've gone mad!" Rebekah said
"She drank a lot of tea" Marcel said
"Do you need to use the little girls' room?" Silas asked
Caroline was chasing the wolf through the rooms of the house. Klaus apparently liked to chew on the furniture, knock over lamps, and apparently wasn't housebroken.
"Klaus get back here!" Caroline yelled
Klaus turned the corner and ran into the kitchen. Caroline ran in after him and watched him slide across the cool tiles. He crashed into the dishwasher, denting it. She walked up to him, her hands on her hips.
"Bad Klaus! You made a mess!"
Klaus looked up at her and whined. He rubbed his face on her leg. She sighed and with her hand she ran her fingers through his fur. His tail was wagging and he lightly nipped her hand.
"Bad Klaus! No biting!"
Klaus then shoved his face into her crotch which she quickly pushed him away. He jumped on her and knocked her onto the floor. He was licking her face.
"Ew, wolf drool"
Klaus then started licking her chest and shoved his face into her breasts. Caroline immediately pushed him away.
"Bad dog! You know you're not suppose to do that!"
Stefan put the mermaid on the couch in the boarding house. It seemed no one was home. The lobster followed him and sat next to the mermaid.
"Can I get some water?" Ariel asked
"How come you don't have legs yet?" Stefan asked
"Cause I'm a mermaid! Now put me back!"
"I know a witch, well did know a witch, maybe she can give you some legs and you can walk around so I don't have to carry you"
"Why don't you just put me back"
"But no one will believe that I found a mermaid"
"Actually I found you"
The lobster scurried over to Stefan and pinched him on his leg.
"Ow!" Stefan kicked the lobster away, "do that again I'll give you a warm butter bath!"
Caroline laid down on the couch while Klaus sat there watching her. Caroline saw that Klaus was still staring at her even in wolf form.
"How did you even get like this? Nevermind I don't want to know. What I do want to know is what you were doing with that were slut Hayley. You and her hooked up and had a kid? Seriously Klaus? Do you just not have standards? You probably have fleas."
Klaus barked back.
"Oh be quiet!"
Klaus barked again. Caroline picked up the newspaper that was rolled up and hit him on the nose.
"Bad dog! No barking!"
Klaus barked again and showed his teeth.
"No biting!" Caroline said as she reached for the spray bottle
Klaus barked again, his jaws snapping, hissing at her. Caroline sprayed the bottle at him, and he recoiled in pain. His paws tried to cover his face and he shrank away. Wolfsbane and water.
"No biting! No shoving your nose into my boobs or crotch and go on the wee wee pad!" Caroline yelled
Klaus shrank away behind the couch. Caroline sighed. She went around the couch and saw Klaus sitting there, his eyes still tearing.
"Cmon let's go wash it out of your eyes" Caroline said
Caroline walked upstairs to the bathroom and filled the tub with water. Klaus followed her in and closed the door. Caroline motioned for him to get into the tub. He jumped in and splashed her. Caroline looked around and saw the various shampoos.
"Surprised Hayley doesn't have dog shampoo" Caroline said
Hope you were amused. This story is so not serious at all!