Author's Note: Thank you for fifty reviews and several messages on tumblr! One question caught my eye. GUEST left a review asking, "…but the doctors a time lord rright? He can take Mycroft and Sherlock back to see their mom? Right? Please? Begs?"

Answer: Yes. Kind of. The Doctor is going to take Mycroft back to see their mother but it's not going to be what you want. In fact, it was one of the first ideas that I had for the story and it is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to write. Not just in this story but in the eight years that I have written fanfiction. I'm not saying anything else but be prepared.

But that's a few chapters away. You still have time to grab your shock-blanket.

Chapter Sixteen

It was never a good sign when you walked into the room and saw that your brother was holding a chainsaw and charging towards someone.

"Hey, hey!" Mycroft cried, racing over, "Stop."

Sherlock paused and looked slightly annoyed as he asked, "What?"

"What are you doing?" Mycroft asked.

"I'm trying to decapitate Jack," Sherlock said, as if it was obvious.

Mycroft glanced from his brother to Jack, who was standing nearby, looking excited. He then glanced over at River, who was calmly watching on, and slowly said, "Okay…well…why?"

"To see what would happen," Sherlock remarked.

"Right," Mycroft weakly said, "Where did you get a chainsaw?"

"The cupboard," Sherlock explained.

"Alright," Mycroft slowly took the chainsaw away and said, "New Rule: No trying to decapitate Jack."

He broke off and thoughtfully asked, "What would happen?"

"I dunno," Jack said, "And now we never will."

Mycroft set the chainsaw back into the cupboard, in between the flamethrower and grenade-launcher. He then sat down and appreciatively smiled as the Tardis prepared a cup of tea. He shakily accepted.

"Alright, Sherlock," River pleasantly said, "What did I have for breakfast?"

Sherlock snorted and said, "That's not really my…"

"There's no need to…" Mycroft added at the same time.

"I insist," River cheerfully said.

"You do?" Sherlock excitedly asked.

"Oh no," Mycroft muttered, rubbed his brow.

Sherlock glanced at her, his eyes sharp and alert. He brought the tips of his fingers together but was unaware of doing so.

After several seconds, he smoothly said, "Bread crumbs the collar of your shirt. The faint smell of strawberries. The tiniest bit of butter stuck to the left corner of your lip. Toast with jam. And oatmeal. Only you had to make that yourself. There's a piece of dry flake beneath your fingernail. The Tardis didn't make it for you? How rude. Did you ask politely? Hmm…at any rate, the real question isn't what you had for breakfast but rather why you are spending a good portion of your life in a prison cell."

River's jaw dropped and she asked, "How did you know that?"

"Sherlock, now you're just showing off," Mycroft muttered.

Sherlock sighed and said, "The scraping around your wrist indicates handcuffs. Not to mention the fact that at night, Jack goes into his spare room whereas you use your vortex manipulator to leave. There are several possibilities, I won't bore you with them, but the obvious one is that you're a convict who is serving a significant amount of your time in prison but frequently escapes to adventure with the Doctor."

"Obviously," River sardonically said.

"Am I wrong?" Sherlock challenged.

She didn't deny it and instead smirked as he continued, "You then return so that none of the guards will get too suspicious. Now there's the matter of your journal. Don't worry; I didn't read it. It's obvious by how you're always saying 'spoilers' that the vortex manipulator doesn't always bring you to the Doctor in a straight timeline. Meaning that something you did two years ago might not happen to him for another five years. So you record your adventures in the journal and figure out where you are in each other's timelines. I'm sorry. I'm going off on a tangent. As I have previously stated, the real question is why you were in prison. The Doctor and Jack don't seem to have any problem and you seem harmless. Now. But I wonder if you weren't in a past regeneration. You told me that one the other day. Previous regenerations and tons of years to deal with the fact that you were a psychopath…"

He broke off, staring off into space.

"Yeah, we've lost him," Mycroft said, sipping his tea.

"That…is…incredible," River slowly said, "Absolutely impressive. He's only seven?"

"Yep," Mycroft answered, "Unfortunately, what you think is impressive often gets him in trouble. That's why I don't do it."

"Can you?"

"Yes, of course," Mycroft humbly said, "I'm better than Sherlock. But I'm usually modest. And like I said, our peers aren't exactly as understanding."

"But it is impressive," Jack laughed, "Mycroft, what did I have for breakfast?"

"Waffles with whipped-cream and brown sugar," Mycroft mumbled.

River laughed and asked, "Is your brother alright?"

"Yes," Mycroft slowly said, "Err…he's basically so deep in thought that he's forgotten that he was talking to us. Just wait for it."

After ten minutes, Sherlock suddenly looked up and shouted, "You killed the Doctor!"

"Very good," River smiled, "But do you know how?"

Sherlock gave her an incredulous look, "No. Obviously, I wasn't there and I have no other information about what happened. I can't build bricks without clay. Did it work?"

She stared at him for a moment before saying, "Err…no."

"Right," Sherlock said, "Of course not. Good. Blimey, I have a headache. Jack, you had waffles for breakfast. With whipped cream."

"And brown sugar," Mycroft added, raising his mug of tea.

"And brown sugar," Sherlock agreed, resting his head down on the table, "Ahhh…is it time for bed?"

"No," Mycroft chuckled, "Great power comes with great pain, Sherlock."

Sherlock rubbed his temple as the Doctor strolled in, whistling a tune. He paused at the sight of River and Jack and softly mused, "Why haven't I dropped you two off somewhere yet?"

They laughed but realized that it was a valid point. It had been a week since the funeral-incident and they were still happily travelling with him, even if River came back and forth.

Sherlock merely groaned and the Doctor looked horrified, "What happened?"

"Migraine," Sherlock dramatically moaned.

River calmly said, "I think that I broke him."

The Doctor put a sympathetic hand on Sherlock's shoulder and rummaged through his pockets, pulling out things and throwing them to the others to hold. He eventually pulled out a small vial filled with purple liquid. Sherlock took it and swallowed the liquid, much to Mycroft's horror. He immediately felt better before turning and saying, "Now, let's do Jack…"

"No," Mycroft laughed, "No analyzing two people in one hour. Your bloody head is bound to explode."

Sherlock sighed but perked up as Jack exclaimed, "I know where we can go! Why don't we do one of those Mystery Train Rides in the countryside of England? Sherlock and Mycroft would love it. They have a dinner, then a dance, and then the mystery begins and we have to try and solve it!"

The brothers eyes lit up with excitement and the Doctor laughed, "Sure, why not?"

He hit the proper button and the Tardis rocked. The Doctor, Mycroft, Sherlock, and River held on and amusedly watched as Jack went toppling into another room. He emerged, sopping wet, mumbling about how he had landed in the swimming pool.

The Doctor had parked the Tardis right on the train. The countryside whirled by as the five stepped out. Stars twinkled in the inky sky.

"I've never actually been on a train," Sherlock said, slightly impressed.

A conductor came over and asked, "Excuse me? Where are your tickets?"

"Right here," the Doctor smoothly said, pulling out his Psychic Paper.

The conductor nodded and dazedly said, "Very well. Sorry about that, Your Highness. I didn't see you come on. We're just about to begin."

"After you, Your Highness," Mycroft joked as they took their seats.

The train picked up speed and Mycroft glanced out the countryside. He only jumped when Jack whispered, "Don't look now, Mycroft, but that girl's been staring at you since we first left the Tardis."

Mycroft turned and Jack whispered, "I said don't look!"

Sure enough, a teenager was eyeing him from the other side of the cart. Upon meeting his gaze, she gave him a small smile and looked away.

"Maybe you can try for Date # 2," River teased.

"No, I…" Mycroft broke off and asked, "Hang on. How do you know about that!?"

River merely smirked and the Doctor gave him a guilty look.

"Why don't you just announce it to the whole universe?" Mycroft suggested.

The Doctor laughed but it was short-lived as Mycroft glanced back over at the girl.

"Don't even think about it," the Doctor warned.

River glanced at him and lifted a complimentary glass of wine, "Here's to travelling with the…oh! Sorry, Sweetie."

She had accidentally spilled a good amount of the wine onto his shirt and bowtie.

The Doctor assured her that it was fine but still got up and headed towards the bathroom.

"Might want to leave your Sonic behind," River offered, "You don't want to flush it again."

The Doctor's cheeks reddened and he muttered something about it only happening once, but he handed it to her nonetheless.

As soon as River heard the lock of the door, she clicked her own Sonic and cheerfully said, "There! That should buy you some time."

Mycroft stared at her for a moment, both impressed and appreciative, "Thanks!"

"Don't screw it up," Jack offered.

"Thanks," Mycroft sarcastically repeated and he nervously set off.

"H…hi," he stammered upon reaching her table.

"Hello."

He glanced back at Jack, who gave him the thumbs-up, and decided to throw caution into the wind by saying, "Hello. Mycroft Holmes."

The girl smiled, "I'm Vanessa. Vanessa Fletcher. Are you new in town?"

"N…no," Mycroft replied, "We're just visiting."

"Oh, that figures," she said, "Have you done this before?"

"What? Talk to a girl?"

"Well," Vanessa mused, "I meant have you ever ridden on the Mystery Train Tour but either one works."

"Err…honestly the answer to both is no," Mycroft laughed.

Vanessa smiled and shifted over so that he could sit, "Well, there's a first time for everything."

Jack, River, and Sherlock amusedly looked on.

"Not bad," Jack said.

"Aw," Sherlock said in a falsely-cheery tone, "Mycroft has a girlfriend."

"MYCROFT HAS A GIRLFRIEND?"

Without warning, the door to the bathroom burst open and the Doctor flew out.

River glanced down at the Sonic and back up before realizing that the door was technically still locked, just off of its hinges.

"That's impressive," Sherlock agreed with River's unsaid statement.

"They seem to be hitting it off," Jack said, pointing.

The Doctor stared at Vanessa's booth, horrified, before barking, "Jack! I need your vortex manipulator!"

Jack handed it over, puzzled, and the Doctor hit the button. He immediately appeared next to Mycroft who jumped and cried, "Doctor? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

The Doctor hit the button again and appeared next to Vanessa. He then reappeared next to their original booth and grabbed the Sonic from River before appearing next to Vanessa once more and actually scanning her.

"Doctor, are you alright?" Mycroft asked.

"How is he doing that?" Vanessa whispered.

The Doctor hit the button again and was suddenly clinging onto the chandelier hanging above them.

"What…?"

He hit the button again and was gone.

"What just happened?" Vanessa asked.

"I have no idea," Mycroft said.

"How did he do that?"

"It's a…magic trick," Mycroft lamely said.

Vanessa raised an eyebrow and asked, "Like making blue police boxes magically appear in the room?"

"Something like that," Mycroft agreed.

Vanessa laughed before saying, "Oh my…"

"What's wrong?"

"Your friend…he's outside…"

"What?" Mycroft gaped, turning and seeing that she was right. The Doctor was peering into the window, clinging onto the outside of the train, "How…Doctor, get in here!"

The Doctor hit the button again and appeared next to River and Jack, who had leapt up and raced over.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" River anxiously asked.

"Don't do that!" Jack cried.

"What were you thinking?" Sherlock huffed.

"Doctor," Mycroft gasped, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," the Doctor said before glancing at Vanessa, "I have a few questions for you though."

"Shoot."

"What's your name?"

"Vanessa."

"Vanessa…?"

"Vanessa Marie Fletcher."

"Where do you live?"

"331 West Oak Street."

"Are you or have you ever been an alien parasite?"

Vanessa blinked at the question before saying, "No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"So you're completely human?"

"Yes."

"Would you be willing to let me know if that changes?"

"I suppose so."

"Alright," the Doctor brightly said, "You're welcome to sit with us if you'd like."

"Really?" Vanessa asked, "Thanks!"

"Sure," the Doctor shrugged, "I'm the Doctor and this is my wife, River. You've already met Mycroft. This is his brother, Sherlock, and this is Jack. We can call it a double-date."

"Sounds good to me," River brightly said.

"It's a deal," Vanessa agreed and Mycroft felt a flush of excitement.

"Excuse me?" Jack spoke up, his arms crossed.

"What about us?" Sherlock added.

"Well, you can still sit with us," the Doctor laughed, "Nobody needs to feel left out!"

"Yes but as far as triple-dates go, Jack isn't really my type," Sherlock joked.

Jack pretended to look offended as he remarked, "I thought what we had was special!"

"Fine," River remarked, bending down to loop her arm through Sherlock's arm, "Then I will go with Sherlock and Jack can go with the Doctor!"

The Doctor paused a beat before saying, "Fair enough!"

"What just happened?" Mycroft asked.

"No idea," the Doctor admitted, "I think that we messed up somewhere."

"Mm," River agreed, "Let's switch dates."

"Alright," the Doctor easily said, "Come along, Sherlock!"

Sherlock laughed and sat across from him. River snorted and sat across from Jack, allowing Mycroft to sit across from Vanessa.

"No, this doesn't seem right," the Doctor joked, scratching his head.

"Let's switch dates again," Jack brightly said.

"Right," the Doctor said, "Let's see…River can have Mycroft. Sherlock can have Vanessa and I can have Jack."

"Nope, that's not going to work," Sherlock mused.

The Doctor thought about it for a moment before saying, "Jack can have Mycroft, I can have Sherlock, and River can have Vanessa?"

"We're getting there," River mused.

"We're intelligent. We can figure this out," Sherlock joked.

Mycroft rolled his eyes, which wasn't unnoticed by the other four. They looked slightly disappointed at his lack of enthusiasm and Mycroft softened and said, "How about…Doctor, you can have Vanessa, I can have Sherlock, and River can have Jack?"

"Or," Vanessa said with a smirk, "I can have Jack, River can have the Doctor, and you can have Sherlock."

"Or I could have Jack," Mycroft joked, "You could have Sherlock, and River could have the Doctor."

"I've got it," the Doctor cried, "What if I have Jack, Sherlock can have River, and you can have one another?"

Mycroft stared at him before saying, "Fair enough."

"Wait," Jack mumbled, "I'm confused. Who am I dating?"

"Who aren't you dating?" Mycroft joked.

Jack chuckled and muttered, "Good point."

The six laughed and talked for another hour. Mycroft couldn't believe his luck. Vanessa didn't seem to find it weird that the Doctor tried to convince her about the importance of bowties or that River fumbled with a strange looking blaster and shot the conductor's hat off. Vanessa thought that it was amazing when Sherlock was able to deduce that the conductor was having an affair. She laughed when Mycroft threw a dinner-roll at the Doctor who threw a chicken-breast in return. She even joined the others in laughing when Jack went up to a woman and smoothly said, "Hello! Captain Jack Harkness…"

The tables were pushed aside and the booths were adjusted to make room for a small dance-floor. Jack led his new date out, much to the Doctor's dismay.

"You've broken my two hearts," the Doctor pretended to sob.

"Come on, Sweetie," River flirted, leading him out onto the dance-floor by his bowtie.

"Great," Sherlock joked, "Now I'm dateless."

"You can still dance," Vanessa encouraged.

"I don't dance," Sherlock muttered, monotonic.

"Come on, Sherlock," Mycroft laughed.

"I don't dance."

"Yeah, you do," the Doctor loudly said, coming over and dragging Sherlock to his feet.

The Doctor was a mess of arms and legs as he flailed and flopped around. Sherlock threw his head back and laughed, tapping his foot along to the beat. To Jack's dismay, his date disappeared. River laughed at the look on his face and the two linked elbows, dancing around in a circle. The Doctor chuckled from the floor; he had somehow gotten his ankle caught in his bowtie and was proceeding to untangle it while still trying to dance.

"Your family is really weird," Vanessa mused.

"Yeah," Mycroft agreed, holding out his hand. The two danced for all of one minute before they heard a blood-curdling scream.

"I didn't do it," Jack cried as he stared down at the woman he had flirted with. She was lying on the floor, covered in blood.

"The mystery's begun!" Vanessa excitedly said and they took their seats.

"Ooh, a mystery," the Doctor excitedly said, "A mystery on a train. A murder-mystery on a train. What could possibly go wrong?"

Five minutes later, he was being pushed from the train. Luckily, the driver had been nice enough to actually stop the train. The Doctor skidded down the dirt slope, closely followed by a shouting Mycroft. The Doctor helped him up, just in time for the two to be knocked down by Jack and River. The four glanced back at the train and saw that Sherlock was still busy arguing with the conductor.

"Am I wrong?"

"Get off!"

"AM I WRONG?"

"No," the conductor cried, "You're right! You're absolutely right! However, some people would rather enjoy the entire mystery than have you spoil everything by solving it!"

Sherlock merely shrugged and said, "Well, that's boring."

He hopped from the train and the Doctor quickly caught him and gently set him down.

Finally, Vanessa angrily hopped off, calling the conductor a few choice-names.

"You didn't have to do that," Mycroft appreciatively said.

"That's alright," Vanessa assured him.

"Hey," the Doctor shouted, "What about my Tardis?"

"I've got it," River sighed. She hit the vortex manipulator and vanished. Seconds later, the blue box appeared next to them and she stepped out.

"Wow," Vanessa muttered, "That's some magic trick."

"Yes," Mycroft slowly said, "Well…would you like us take you home?"

Vanessa grinned and pointed, "Actually, that's my house right over there. Thanks for the fun date, Mycroft."

She stepped forward and kissed him on the cheek before saying goodbye to the others and walking home.

Mycroft realized that he had forgotten how to stand. His knees buckled and the Doctor caught him, laughing at the expression on his face. River also grinned and Jack offered, "Good on you, Mycroft."

"Mm?" Sherlock looked up and mumbled, "Oh yes, very good, brother dear. But we must prioritize. We know that it was the Colonel who killed the mistress but we don't have a motif…"