Chapter Twenty-Two
Sherlock hated losing.
He furiously scanned the chessboard, looking for a way to save his king.
"Checkmate," Mycroft smugly remarked.
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it is."
"No, it's not!"
"Yes, it is," Mycroft laughed, "You have no way out."
"Yes, I do!"
"No, you don't."
"I do."
"You don't."
"Do."
"Don't."
The Doctor stifled a chuckle as Sherlock angrily growled.
"Checkmate," Mycroft repeated.
Sherlock grabbed the chessboard, pieces and all, and crossed over to the door. He wrenched it open and threw the game outside. The Doctor and Mycroft amusedly watched as it got lost amongst the stars.
"Chess is boring," Sherlock declared.
"Chess is boring when you lose," Mycroft corrected.
Sherlock made a face and the Doctor exclaimed, "You know, one day somebody is going to stumble across a bunch of random objects floating in the pockets of space."
"A bunch?" Sherlock scoffed, "Isn't that exaggerating?"
The Doctor looked thoughtful as he said, "Well, there were the notes from when you tried to figure out Jack's riddle—"
"It could have been a flamingo."
"That one Rubik's Cube—"
"It was broken."
"You broke it open to try and figure it out! Then there was the remote to the telly—"
"It was Mycroft's turn to pick the movie."
"The movie that Mycroft picked—"
"I had already deduced the ending."
"The Tardis manual—"
"You told me to do that!"
"Your toothbrush—"
"You saw that?"
The Doctor laughed and said, "It's only a matter of time before you try throwing one of us out. Now come along. It's time for bed."
"Where are you and River sneaking off to, tonight?" Mycroft teasingly asked.
In his grace, the Doctor managed to trip over nothing and sprawl onto the ground. The brothers smirked and helped him to his feet.
The Doctor looked both surprised and guilty as he asked, "How did you know…?"
"Because we're brilliant," Sherlock snickered, "We've known for two weeks."
"I'm sorry," the Doctor sadly said, hanging his head in shame.
"What for?" Mycroft snorted, "Spending time with your wife?"
"I'm sorry for going on adventures without you."
Mycroft shrugged and said, "I figure that it's probably better than staring at the console for eight hours, waiting for us to wake up."
"Just a bit," the Doctor sheepishly admitted.
"Still," Mycroft falsely-reprimanded, "Sneaking out after curfew to go on a date…"
"Oh, you're one to talk," the Doctor said with a smirk.
"I'm fourteen," Mycroft pointed out, mimicking his smirk, "You're twelve-hundred."
The Doctor's intelligent response was sticking out his tongue.
Mycroft laughed and said, "You know, you don't have to wait until we're asleep."
"Yeah," Sherlock pointed out, "We like River."
"Well, yes," Mycroft agreed, "But I meant, why don't you go on a date during normal hours? Normal hours for a Time Lord, that is. We wouldn't mind."
The Doctor looked worried and asked, "And leave the two of you alone? It's different when you're asleep because I don't feel as bad or have to worry as much."
"You don't have to worry," Sherlock scoffed, "We'll be fine."
He tried to smoothly lean against the console. In doing so, he managed to hit a lever and caused the lights to go out.
"Doctor!"
The Doctor clicked his Sonic, turning them back on. He gave Sherlock a kind smile.
"Thanks," Sherlock mumbled, his cheeks bright red.
"The two of you alone in my Tardis," the Doctor mumbled, "The entire universe would collapse."
"Fine," Mycroft sighed, "Why don't you see if Jack can come over?"
"Yeah!" Sherlock excitedly said.
"The three of you alone in my Tardis…" the Doctor started.
"So take the Tardis with you," Mycroft said, "We can spend the day in London."
"The three of you alone in London…"
Eventually, the Doctor said that he would think about it. They went back to the bedroom and he tucked Sherlock in. As soon as the door was closed, Sherlock asked, "Alright. Why are you so insistent that the Doctor goes on a date?"
"Contrary to your belief, Sherlock," Mycroft said with a wry smile, "Some people actually enjoy the company of others."
Sherlock narrowed his eyes and said, "There's something else."
"Alright," Mycroft sighed, "He has done so much for us in the past four months. He deserves to have a day with River."
"I guess," Sherlock muttered, "Let's just hope that he doesn't run into any alien-parasites."
() () ()
"And if you click the button, it will automatically cause the Tardis to come to wherever you are," the Doctor fussed, "And this button will summon our vortex manipulators. This button calls the Tardis phone. This button calls River's phone. This button automatically syncs your vortex-manipulator to the Tardis…"
"Doctor, I've got it," Jack chuckled, glancing down at his newly-modified cellphone.
"Right," the Doctor skeptically said, "Mycroft, you take the phone."
"With pleasure," Mycroft said, snatching it and putting it into his pocket.
"Doctor, we're going to be fine," Sherlock cried, "Stop worrying."
"Come on, Sweetie," River laughed, pushing her husband into the Tardis.
Jack, Sherlock, and Mycroft waved as the Tardis disappeared.
"Alright," Jack cheerfully said, "We're in London! What do you want to do?"
"We could visit Father," Sherlock suggested.
"Yes, that sounds good," Mycroft agreed.
"I've always wanted to meet him," Jack fondly said.
The three glanced at each other before cracking up.
"Why don't we get some lunch?" Jack offered, "My treat."
"I should hope so," Mycroft chuckled, "We don't have any money."
They headed into a restaurant where Jack glanced at the waiter and said, "Hello…"
"Don't," Mycroft groaned.
"Captain…"
"Jack!" Mycroft warned.
"Harkness," Jack finished with a grin, "Lighten up, My. You're worse than the Doctor."
"Did you just call me My?"
"Yep!"
Sherlock laughed and Mycroft snapped, "What're you laughing at, Sherly?"
His brother immediately frowned.
Mycroft snickered and went up to the salad bar. A piece of pizza suddenly hit him in the back of the head.
"Ouch!" Mycroft cried, "Knock it off, Sherlock!"
He stomped back to the table and reprimanded, "That wasn't funny."
"It wasn't me," Sherlock huffed, crossing his arms.
Mycroft glanced at Jack who looked surprised and said, "It wasn't me, Mycroft."
"So a piece of pizza just flew across the restaurant to hit me?" Mycroft snapped.
Another piece hit him and Jack slowly said, "Err…"
"Pieces of pizza are flying across the restaurant to hit us," Mycroft sighed, "Yeah…that figures."
The three ducked as an entire pizza flew towards them.
"That's impossible," Sherlock cried.
"Impossible?" Jack laughed, "Impossible! You live in a blue box that travels through time and space! You're a companion to a Time Lord. YOU'RE TALKING TO AN IMMORTAL MAN!"
"He's right," Mycroft agreed, "This barely qualifies for the list of impossible things that we've seen in the past four months."
By now, the other people in the restaurant were screaming and trying to avoid the flying food.
"Amateurs," Sherlock snickered.
"Alright, what do we do?" Mycroft sharply asked.
Jack tipped over the table and they ducked down to avoid a cascade of nachos.
"Can we eat them?" Mycroft asked, curiously.
"I wouldn't," Jack calmly advised, "We need to get to the source of the food."
"Where's that?" Sherlock curiously asked.
"The kitchen," Mycroft declared, "Where else?"
They crawled to the silver doors, avoiding hopping chicken wings. They then leapt to their feet and burst through.
The three watched in awe as an assortment of food swirled around them.
Mycroft grabbed several pots and pans and they used them as shields. Some of the food still managed to hit them.
"OUCH!" Sherlock shouted, as a meatball smacked into his arm, "That just came out of the saucepan!"
"Are you alright?" Mycroft asked, before being clubbed by several ears of corn. He winced in pain; they were still dripping with boiling water.
Meanwhile, Jack was trying to fight off a long string of sausages.
"Jack," Mycroft slowly said, "Maybe we should call the Doctor?"
"No, no!" Jack cried, "I've got this."
"There's no need for him to come!" Sherlock agreed, "Besides, you said that you wanted him to have a day to himself."
"Watch it!" Mycroft cried as another piece of pizza shot towards them. The point of the pizza embedded into the wall.
"That's not good," Jack admitted.
"The food is getting stronger," Mycroft wheezed, ducking a cheesecake.
By now, the string of sausages had twisted around Jack, binding his arms to his sides.
Sherlock backed into the corner, avoiding sizzling onion rings as they shot from the fryer.
"That's it," Mycroft cried, "I'm calling him!"
He took out the phone and hit a button. The Doctor and River immediately appeared. The former was brandishing his Sonic Screwdriver and the latter was loading a blaster.
"Food," Mycroft choked as spaghetti squeezed around his neck, "Help!"
The Doctor ripped the spaghetti away as River blasted the sausage-rope away from Jack.
"We weren't even gone an hour!" River jokingly cried.
"Yeah, yeah," Jack snarled.
The Doctor dodged a hamburger and calmly said, "Any particular reason the food is trying to attack you?"
"They aren't just targeting us," Sherlock cried, ducking as several hot-pretzels whipped towards him, "They're attacking everyone in the restaurant."
The Doctor cautiously opened the double-doors. As it turns out, everyone else had been sensible enough to run away.
"At what point did we start running towards danger instead of away from it?" Mycroft mused.
"Right around the Weeping Angels," Sherlock decided.
A large pot of soup suddenly tipped over and River quickly pulled the boys away.
She blasted the pot and the Doctor asked, "Why didn't you call us sooner?"
"We didn't want to bother you!" Sherlock guiltily said.
"What," the Doctor cried, his eyes twinkling, "And have us miss out on the fun?"
He and River stood back-to-back, raising their weapons of choice.
"Ready, Sweetie?"
"Geronimo!"
() () ()
Mycroft wiped bits of pie from his hair and watched as the Doctor tended to the burn on his brother's arm. Sherlock gave him a grateful look before muttering, "Bloody meatballs."
It had taken over an hour to fight the food. Just when it looked like the food was about to overpower them, it had suddenly stopped attacking.
"I don't get it," Jack now muttered, glancing at a monitor on the Tardis as a small laser scanned the bits of food that they had collected, "It's like the food is alien."
"Exactly," the Doctor cried, "It's from the Planet Chameabia. They have food that's similar to Earth only it's all planted."
"Planted?" Sherlock asked, "Like a garden?"
"Yep," the Doctor grinned, "Every bit of food starts out as small spores. I bet that some of them managed to float through space and they ended up getting into the restaurant."
"Really?" Mycroft sighed, "That's the explanation? Alien spores that floated through space and just happened to land in the restaurant that we were at?"
"Weirder things have happened," the Doctor remarked with a shrug, "The spores got into the kitchen and planted. They would have blended in with the other food."
"Alright," Jack slowly said, "That might explain everything except why the food began attacking everyone?"
"A side-effect from exposure to Earth's oxygen," the Doctor smoothly explained.
"And the reason it suddenly stopped?" Sherlock skeptically asked.
"It spoiled."
"Just go with it," River snorted, when both Sherlock and Mycroft opened their mouths.
"Fine," Mycroft sighed, "Alien spores. Why not?"
"Weirder things have happened," Sherlock repeated the Doctor's remark.
"Really?" Jack snorted, "You're completely fine with that answer?"
"Yeah," Mycroft shortly said, "It's been a long four months."
"Now if you don't mind," River brightly said, "We're going to get back to our date."
"Go ahead," Mycroft reassured them.
"What are you doing anyway?" Jack asked before saying, "On second thought, I'm not sure that I want to know!"
"We're picnicking on Asgard," River explained, "Wonderful place. You can see fifty different moons."
"Oh," Mycroft happily said, "So you're finally doing Asgard?"
The Doctor nudged him and Mycroft grunted, "Right. Err…spoilers."
River laughed and said, "Now you're getting it."
The Doctor and Mycroft shared a quick look. The former quickly changed the subject by saying, "Are you sure that you'll be alright in the Tardis?"
"Sure!" Jack shrugged, "Hey, what does this button do?"
He hit it before the Doctor could reply. Fireworks shot into the air, lighting up the room.
"Don't worry," Mycroft hastily said, "We'll be fine and we won't bother you for the rest of the day!"
The Doctor still looked worried but River put her arm around his elbow and nudged her vortex manipulator. They vanished with a flash.
"Are you sure that you don't want to bother them?" Jack mischievously asked.
Mycroft merely smirked.
() () ()
"Fifty moons," the Doctor cheerfully said, "What can get better than this?"
River merely smiled and reached over, adjusting his bowtie.
Something suddenly hit the Doctor in the back of the head.
"What was that?" River asked, surprised.
"Let me see," the Doctor mumbled, picking it up and saying, "Yep…a piece of shrimp."
Three more pieces hit him and River chuckled, "Did the spores follow us?"
"Nope," the Doctor said with a wry smile, "Just my companions."
River laughed as she realized what was going on. Mycroft, Jack, and Sherlock were standing nearby. A dinner roll hit him. Then came the lobster.
"YEEEOW! IT'S STILL ALIVE!"
River cracked up as she watched the Doctor dance around, frantically trying to avoid the lobster's claws. Sherlock was on all-fours. Mycroft was smirking. Jack had his arms crossed and was trying to look reproachful, all while hiding the fact that he was shaking with laughter.
"Hey, Mycroft…" Sherlock wheezed in between spurts of laughter, "Didn't…he also throw…a pitcher of water?"
"Oh yeah," Mycroft cried, "Thanks, Sherlock!"
"Thanks, Sherlock," the Doctor growled but he still smiled and braced himself. The water drenched his clothes and plastered his hair to his forehead. River tenderly brushed it aside.
The Doctor wiped the water from his eyes and cheerfully asked, "Anything else?"
"Nope! I'm good!" Mycroft declared.
Jack hit his vortex manipulator and the three were gone.
The Doctor wrung out his bowtie and gently said, "Now, where were we…?"