Love Rectangle Plus One (Whatever That Is)
Chapter 19: Disintegration
Brooke walked towards the quad where Peyton was sitting. She had decided to take Lucas's advice and check on her, even though it was a few days late. Although Peyton had hurt her deeply, Brooke knew how sorry she was. And that if given the chance, she would take it all back in a second. Brooke loved her new friends, but she missed Peyton. They had been so close like sisters. Even if it would take time, she wanted to get their friendship back. And Lucas was right. She was worried about Peyton. She had been extremely shocked at what Jake had done, and she knew Peyton must've been freaking out about it. She really hoped the two of them had worked it out, since both Jake and Peyton meant a lot to her, even though she had been trying to hide that.
"Hey," she said softly as she took the seat opposite of Peyton.
"Oh hi Brooke," Peyton said pleasantly surprised.
"I kind of wanted to check on you," she said awkwardly toying with the ring on her finger, "I heard about everything with Jake."
"Oh," Peyton said nodding, "Thanks but you're a little late," she smiled, "We got together the day before yesterday."
"Oh wow," Brooke said smiling, "That's great. I'm happy for you guys."
"Yeah," Peyton said beaming, "Thanks."
Both girls were silent for a few moments trying to determine what to say. What was alright to say, which wouldn't be awkward. Finally Peyton broke the silence. "I'm really glad you were worried Brooke. I missed you. And I know you probably can't ever fully forgive me, but I'm okay with that. I deserve it."
Brooke nodded trying hard not to start crying. "I don't want to hold a grudge. I miss my friend. If we're never like we were, that's ok. I just need to know that I'll always have you, and you won't too anything like that again."
"I won't I promise. And I'm sorry for everything with Nathan and Lucas. It was really shitty of me, and I really do not want to be that person ever again."
"I know," Brooke said smiling up at her but then her ears perked up, "Wait, what about Lucas?" Brooke asked.
Peyton flushed. "Well just being his friend too when you were so mad at me. And you know all the stuff that happened before."
"What stuff?" Brooke asked suspiciously.
Peyton glanced over at Brooke. She looked utterly clueless. She had thought that Brooke knew about what had happened, but this was clearly not the case. Peyton's insides burned. Lucas hadn't told her? That was kind of shitty. But she really didn't want to cause trouble so maybe the best thing right now was to keep silent.
"You know nothing really," she said trying to act nonchalant.
"Peyton, what's going on?" Brooke demanded in a voice that brooked no argument.
Peyton glanced at her and sighed. Their friendship was hanging by a thread and she knew that if she didn't tell Brooke the truth now, there was a very good chance that that thread would be nipped in the bud and buried. There was no hiding this. She sighed again. "Lucas and hooked up," she said quietly barely above a whisper.
"What?" Brooke stared at her disbelief and astonishment shining out of her eyes. "What are you talking about?" she repeated almost on the verge of tears.
"The day after Nathan and I…." Peyton's voice pattered off noticing Brooke's completely crestfallen expression. "That was the day he told me for the first time," Brooke whispered to herself.
Peyton looked at her friend, knowing how much hurt she was experiencing and as had started to happen, it was her fault. "Brooke I'm so sorry. Please don't get mad at Lucas for this. We were both just hurting and he really didn't know what he was doing. It didn't go far at all. Please, if there's anything I can do…."
Brooke held up her hand silencing Peyton. "You've done enough," she said coldly. Peyton felt her heart sink down to her feet at this. "I have to go," Brooke continued. With that she jumped up and walked quickly away. Peyton just stared after her in silence, never feeling worse.
--
Brooke had waited until after school. She had avoided all of her friends the rest of the day, but she couldn't do it any longer. She shakily walked over to the gym. After pushing open the door she stared at Lucas messing around with the other guys before practice officially started. He looked so happy that it made her cry. But she quickly wiped away the tears and pulled herself together. She walked over to him and gently pressed her hand against his shoulder.
"Lucas I need to talk to you," she said urgently.
"Of course," he said pulling them to a corner, "What's wrong baby?" he asked wrapping his arm around her waist and bringing her closer to him.
"Don't touch me," she warned angrily wriggling free of his grasp.
"Brooke?"
"How could you Lucas? You knew that she was sleeping with Nathan behind my back. You knew she had betrayed me. God you hated her for that. And then the minute you don't feel so good, you start to have sex with her? How could you have ever said you loved me?"
"Brooke, slow down. What are you talking about?" he said trying to remain calm.
"Peyton, Lucas. I'm talking about Peyton," she said through gritted teeth. "How could you do that if you supposedly loved me?"
"Brooke, you had just rejected me!" he exclaimed, "I was hurt. We weren't even together."
"But you knew Lucas. You knew! You had just told me how you felt. God I was scared. I was so scared. But you just went off with Peyton, the girl my boyfriend was cheating with. That means something! How could you?" she repeated.
"I'm so sorry Brooke," he said clutching her hand, "I was just so hurt and it just happened. It didn't mean anything. All I wanted was you. All I ever wanted was you," he pleaded.
"Don't Luke, don't," she said her voice breaking. "I can't do this. Our whole relationship has been based on a lie and I just can't do it." She ripped her hand from his grasp and slowly started to back away.
"Brooke please, don't. Wait. I love you." Brooke shook her head slowly and placed her hands to her heart before bursting into tears and running away. And for the second time that day, someone that had hurt her watched the girl they loved run away.
--
Brooke ran from the gym away from her cheerleading practice and didn't stop until she reached the tutoring center. It was locked but she could hear some sound from inside. She knocked loudly on the door and she heard some shuffling of feet, before Haley turned the door open and stared wide eyed at Brooke's unwonted disheveled appearance.
"Brooke what are you doing here?" she asked like a deer caught in headlights. At this Nathan appeared from behind her sensing something was off. "I have to go to practice, but I'll see at our next session Haley." Haley nodded distractedly before pulling Brooke into the otherwise empty room. "Are you ok?" she asked worriedly.
Brooke shook her head. "I just broke up with Lucas."
"What?" Haley screeched, "Why?"
"He hooked up with Peyton."
"He did not," Haley said shaking her head, "He would never do that to you."
"It was before we were together," Brooke explained sadly. "That day I rejected him," she quivered before breaking down into sobs again.
Haley's mouth opened slightly in understanding. She began to rub Brooke's back as the girl cried in front of her. "Never do that to me Hales. I can't handle another friend doing it. I just couldn't."
Haley's hand stopped cold in fright. She knew she was already in a sense doing the very thing Brooke couldn't take. And it hurt like hell to know that she would be causing her friend even more pain. Brooke looked at her through her tearstained eyes. "Hales, are you ok?"
"Yes," Haley said shaking herself away from her thoughts, "I'm right here for you Brooke."
--
"You hooked up with Lucas?" an angry voice demanded from Peyton. She turned to her doorway and saw a red-faced Jake standing there looking down on her with such hostility and anger in his eyes. She swallowed hard knowing she couldn't escape from all the lies. She had to tell him the truth.
"Yes," she said in a small voice, "I did."
"God, Peyton," Jake shouted, "How could you do that to Brooke a second time?"
She stared at him trying to remember it all herself. And then she knew that she had to tell him everything. She didn't want to hide the truth anymore. Especially not from him.
"For as long as I can remember," she began softly, "Brooke and I were best friends. And she could get any guy she wanted. I was always second-best. And then she and Nathan started dating. I didn't even care at first. They were the king and queen of school. Everyone thought they should be together. I was happy for her too. But as always the same feelings of insecurity and loneliness came back. Nathan would flirt with her and kiss her, and I was jealous. I wanted something like that. And then Nathan started to flirt with me. I knew it was wrong but I just for once wanted to be as pretty and appealing as Brooke. And then we hooked up, and I fell for him. For all the wrong reasons but I did. And I can't take that back Jake. I can never take that back.
Jake looked at the crying girl before him filled with regret and remorse and he spread his arms over her lightening fast. "Shh it's okay Peyton. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"No. I need to. I made a mistake Jake. I always just wanted to be as good as Brooke. I just wanted someone to love and appreciate me. And when Nathan broke it off, I was so mad. I had betrayed Brooke for nothing. Just so I could feel better. And then there was Lucas. And all those feelings came back and I messed up again. I don't want to do it anymore Jake. I'm so sick of betraying Brooke. She's been nothing but good to me and I'm just so sick and jealous. God I hate it. I hate everything I've done." Peyton looked at him sadly before breaking down into large sobs. Jake pulled her tighter to him.
"Peyton, you're a good person. You've made mistakes like anyone else. And you've been through a lot. But you have people that care about you. You don't need to feel jealous again. Brooke needs you no matter how hard she tries to fight it, and she'll forgive you for this. And Peyton I love you. And I want you. God I want you so much," he said his voice muffled as he buried his head in her shoulder.
Peyton smiled and clutched him closer. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I didn't know the story and I really don't have a right to be mad," he continued.
"It's okay. It's all going to be okay," she whispered. And she pressed her lips to his need floating back and forth between them. She needed him and he needed her. And that was it.
--
It was late that night when Jake left and Peyton was exhausted. The day had completely worn her out and she wanted nothing better than to go under the covers and fall dead asleep to all of the crap. She would have preferred if Jake could stay but she really didn't want him to get in trouble with his parents, so she had let him go. She closed her eyes and sighed. She thought she might have a problem falling asleep because of everything but she was so exhausted that she could feel herself drifting towards it the moment her head hit the pillow. As she was about to be float away a loud ferocious knock on her bedroom door made her jump up and open her eyes. The door turned slowly and there was Lucas.
From the moonlight she could tell her looked like hell. His clothes were all rumpled and his eyes appeared tear-stained and bloodshot. She stared at him expectantly.
"What on earth were you thinking Peyton?" he screamed, "Why did you tell her. You knew how she'd react!"
"Are you seriously putting this on me?" she asked suddenly way pissed off at him.
"Damn right I am."
"Take a step back Lucas. Because this isn't my fault. You should have told her about it. From the damn beginning, you should have told her."
"I didn't want her to reject me again and not trust me."
"Right, because that's working out so well now," Peyton muttered sarcastically.
"How could you Peyton? Why did you tell her? Why did you have to ruin everything? You know I love her. God I love her so much and now she won't talk to me. We're over." Lucas collapsed onto the bed in tears and sniffles.
"I'm sorry Lucas," Peyton said feeling for him but still believing this whole thing could have been avoided if he had just told her the truth. She herself would have told Brooke if they had been on speaking terms. Everything was on Lucas and he had blown it. "But this isn't my fault," she continued, "And I think you know that. And I also think you should go." She couldn't handle him being there right now.
Lucas nodded and stood up. "I'm sorry Peyton. I'm such an idiot."
Peyton nodded sadly. "We're all idiots. Every single one of us."