Love Rectangle Plus One (Whatever That Is)

Chapter 20: The Weakness In Me

Jake shuffled out to the quad a few minutes before lunch. He threw his bags down on the table before sitting down to wait for Peyton. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a dejected looking Lucas come out of the double doors of entrance. He looked around, his eyes red-rimmed, hoping for some glance of Brooke, Jake guessed. When he didn't see her, his eyes dimmed even more and his face appeared even sadder. Lucas's eyes finally rested on Jake. He tried to smile, but it failed miserably. He walked over quickly towards Jake avoiding everyone in his path until he came to the table. Lucas sank down into a seat and stared out blankly. Jake looked back over at him almost feeling sorry for him. Lucas looked so beaten, so heartbroken. But not even that could excuse what he did.

"Hey," Lucas said finally looking up.

"Hi," Jake said flatly.

"I really fucked up," Lucas said sighing.

"Yeah you did Luke," Jake said anything but gently.

"Did Peyton tell you?" he asked in a small voice.

"I overheard you and Brooke talking yesterday in the gym," Jake explained.

"Oh," Lucas said and hung his head.

Jake sighed. "Look Luke, I feel bad for you I do, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with what you did. I can't believe you'd take advantage of Peyton like that."

"I didn't" he exclaimed on the verge of breaking down, "I don't know. We were both hurt, it just happened."

"That's the point Luke, she was vulnerable, and you knew what she had just done. You had to have known she had some inferiority complex about Brooke. But no that didn't fucking stop you."

"I'm sorry Jake," Lucas said not even protesting.

"And then of course there's Brooke. How could you tell her you love her and then just go and hook up with someone else? How could you be another person to hurt her?"

"I should have told her. I know Jake. I know okay. What more do you want me to say?"

"I don't know Lucas I don't know. But I can't even look at you right now."

"What are you saying?" Lucas asked his voice breaking.

"You're one of my best friends Luke. But I can't deny that I'm pissed. I just I can't deal with you right now. I can't make it better, and I'm pissed with what you did. That's all."

"I'm sorry Jake."

"I know Lucas, I know," Jake said softly. He gave him one last glance before getting up and walking away.

--

Brooke and Haley crept together to a table at the corner of the quad. Haley's arm was wrapped securely around Brooke's shoulder as they sat down together to eat. There were a few minutes of silence as they settled in, until Haley broke it.

"You ok Brooke?" Haley asked gently.

Brooke shrugged not responding. Haley sighed hating to see her friend like this. Brooke was wearing sweatpants to school, possibly for the first time in her life, and absolutely no makeup, which was definitely a first. She just seemed so withdrawn and completely out of it. "Brooke, please," Haley prodded.

Brooke attempted a smile. "I'll be okay Haley."

Haley reached out her hand and Brooke clutched. "I'm so sorry Brooke."

"I know you are. But let's please not talk about me," Brooke laughed although it sounded bitter, "Anything new with you."

Haley felt the familiar pangs whenever anyone asked her this, because still no one knew about her and Nathan. But as usual she responded the same way, "No," she whispered.

Brooke nodded and they were silent. Both just unhappy but glad they had each other. Yet the moment passed. Out of the corner of Haley's eye, she noticed Lucas glancing at them heartbrokenly. He caught her eye and after 12 years of friendship, Haley knew he needed her over there. She looked back at Brooke, who also had noticed Lucas. Her face was drained of blood and her expression was sheer sadness.

"Brooke, I'm…" Haley began but Brooke held up her hand and interrupted "Just go, Haley," she said quietly.

"I'm here with you. I can talk to him later. Or not, if you don't want me to. Whatever you want Tigger. "

"Haley, he's your best friend. Just go talk to him. He needs you."

"You need me too. I won't leave you."

"Haley just go," Brooke said her voice on edge, "I just want you to go."

Haley stood up and stared at her sadly. "I'm not trying to hurt you Brooke."

"Please just go," she said shaking her head.

Haley nodded almost breaking in tears. She ran to catch up with Lucas. When she got up to him, they hugged for several minutes. Brooke stared out at the two best friends. Her heart broke and she began crying, all alone.

--

After letting go of Lucas, Haley glanced at him and slapped him across the face. Lucas touched his stinging cheek but he smiled at Haley. "Thank you," he whispered.

I'm so disappointed in you."

"I know Hales. I hate myself for this also."

"Luke, how could you?"

"I don't know Hales," he mumbled, "I was just so hurt, and Peyton was there and we just…" his voice pattered off.

"That's no excuse," Haley murmured but her eyes betrayed that she felt for Lucas.

"I know," he replied hanging his head in shame.

Haley wrapped her arms around Lucas again. "I'm so sorry Lucas. I wish I could make this all go away. Brooke's miserable, and now she's probably mad about me and you, and God this all completely sucks."

Lucas nodded and stroked Haley's hair, wishing so much that it could be Brooke's. "I miss her so much," he whispered, "I wish I could just go back in time."

--

School was over and found Haley and Nathan together in the tutor center. It was quiet as Haley waited for Nathan to finish some practice problems. He sighed a couple of times before finally giving her the finished result. She glanced at the paper but didn't seem to acknowledge anything written on it.

"What's wrong Hales?" Nathan asked tenderly, reaching for her hand. Haley gave him a small grin and gently rubbed her thumb against his.

"I'm just so worried about Brooke and Lucas. How could he do that to her after… well you know," Haley said blushing remembering who she was talking to.

"It's okay," Nathan said pretending to shrug it off but her words still stung. He knew he had been an asshole, and he had no idea why Haley could want to be with a guy like him, but he was just thankful she did.

"I'm sorry Nate. I'm just scared and concerned."

"Shh, trust me Haley, you have every right to care about them, and be worried about being caught between them."

Haley looked up at him in shock. "How did you know?"

"I know you too well," he smiled, "Plus it's a pretty shitty situation and things like that always happen."

Haley nodded, but didn't add anything. Nathan caressed her hand for several more moments before breaking the silence. "Look Hales, I need to talk to you about something."

"What?"

"You know the repercussions of keeping secrets, and I don't want to anymore. I think we need to tell people we're together."

Haley pulled her hand away irritated. "How can you be so insensitive? Brooke and Lucas are going through so much already. How could I possibly add another level to that?"

"Look Haley I admit the timing is bad, but they'll be even more pissed if we continue to lie to them."

"Nathan I'm not going to hurt Brooke like everyone else does," she blurted out not even realizing how that would affect Nathan."

"Really?" he said now angry, "Maybe you just don't want to be with me. What do you think you're too good for me or something?"

"How can you even think that?" Haley cried, "You know I don't want to spill this right now because I don't want to hurt Brooke and everyone else. It has nothing to do with you."

"Yeah right," Nathan scoffed, "You know Jake said you wanted to be with me, but now I'm beginning to think you're just stringing me along for some reason." Nathan didn't believe the words as he said them but for some reason he just wanted to cut Haley as she had him.

"Jake said what?" Haley gasped. "He… he knows?"

"Yeah," Nathan muttered.

"You told him?" Haley asked incredulously, "How could you do that?"

"I didn't," Nathan yelled, "He saw us together. And that's beside the point. Why are you so against us being seen together as a couple?"

Haley shook her head. She was just too pissed and shocked from everything. With Jake knowing, with the shit with Brooke and Lucas. It was just too much. "I can't do this right now. I have to go. I'm sorry." She jumped up quickly grabbing her stuff and rushing from the room.

"Haley…" Nathan pleaded as she fled, "Haley!" he screamed once more, but she wasn't coming back. And he sunk into his seat with his head in his hands.

--

Peyton walked silently through the cool dark night air to a house she knew so well. She had no idea what to say to Brooke, but she knew she had to say something. She couldn't hide from this anymore. And she couldn't keep betraying Brooke either. It wasn't fair, to either of them. She approached Brooke's bright red door which seemed to glow in the moonlight. She knocked softly and then again loudly, but there was no answer. Peyton sighed and crept to the Brooke's personal entrance. She pushed the door open slightly, and saw Brooke staring at the television screen, but not really seeing it, with a box of half-eaten chocolates in her hand.

"Brooke can I come in?" she asked softly.

Brooke nodded, not even issuing a protest. Peyton almost burst into tears seeing the best friend she'd ever had like this, and knowing it was probably all her fault.

"I'm sorry Brooke. I knew he liked you, but you always just seemed to get guys so effortlessly, and I wanted to be like that. I know it sounds so horrible, but that's the straight truth. That's the reason for everything. And if you don't want to be my friend after this, then I understand. But I just need you to know that I'll always love you. And you'll always be my best friend."

Brooke's previous blank face quickly dropped and she burst into tears. She nodded imperceptibly, but Peyton saw it and rushed over. She threw her arms around Brooke and tumbled onto the bed. They held each other for what felt like hours.

"God Brooke I'm so so sorry. I wish I could take it all back. You've always been there for me. Through everything and I let you down."

"No," Brooke choked out finally speaking up, "I should have seen how depressed you were. I should have known."

Peyton shook her head. "No Brooke this is my entire fault. Every last little part of it."

"That's not true Peyton," Brooke whispered, "We've all made mistakes."

Peyton nodded. "I love you Brooke. And I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that."

"Can we please be friends again?" Brooke asked softly.

"I can't believe you're asking me," Peyton said laughing through her tears. "But there's nothing else I want more."

Brooke smiled. "Hoes over bros."

"Buds over studs."