Chapter 21:

Love Rectangle Plus One (Whatever That Is)

Chapter 21: Too Close For Comfort

Peyton was in the library the next morning pretending to be studying but really staring into space and thinking about everything. She had betrayed and hurt Brooke twice, but it looked as if they were going to be okay. Peyton was happy. She and Brooke were friends again, and she and Jake were mad happy. But at whose expense? No matter how much joy Peyton felt, it was tinged with sadness at what Brooke was going through. She definitely did not deserve more crap. She had certainly had enough this year, especially from people who were supposed to care about her and love her. Peyton felt another pang of guilt for all the damage she had caused. She sighed. This thing with Lucas was so insane. She knew she had played a part, but she just couldn't fathom that Lucas had hid this from Brooke. Sure it was a big deal, but it was not so huge that Brooke wouldn't have been able to get past it if she knew. Peyton shook her head. Everything had just gotten so fucked up, so messy. She wished she could take it all back from the beginning.

While lost in her thoughts, Haley came close to look at the section where she was sitting. Peyton looked up and noticed the petite girl in front of her carefully examining the shelves of books.

"Hey Haley," Peyton said timidly, not sure if the girl would speak to her.

Haley smiled halfheartedly. "Hi."

"Look if you don't mind, I was just wondering how Lucas was doing?"

Haley glared that Peyton should even be asking such a question but answered, "Miserable."

Peyton nodded absorbing this piece of information. "I talked to Brooke last night, and I think we're going to be okay."

"If that makes Brooke happy," Haley said turning around.

"Look Haley, I know you're mad at me, and think I don't deserve Brooke's friendship, but I just want you to know that I really care about her and our bond goes back so long. I'm not going to mess this up again. And I am truthfully very sorry for what happened with Lucas."

Haley turned back around to face Peyton. "I know you are Peyton. And I'm sorry for being rude. I'm not mad at you. I'm just stressed out with everything."

"Yeah I understand," Peyton said giving Haley a shy smile, "I'm just wondering if there's anything we can do for Brooke."

Haley sighed and took a seat across from Peyton. "I really don't know. I think she's still mad at me for Lucas."

Peyton nodded sympathetically. "She's not mad Haley. She probably felt she was infringing on your friendship, and then took out her sadness on you. Just talk to her and let her know you're also her friend."

Haley nodded, her face appearing a little brighter. "I just wish there was something else we could do to make the situation better. Both Lucas and Brooke are heartbroken."

"I know," Peyton sad sadly, "Me too."

"Is there any possible way to get them back on track?"

"Brooke's so pissed and depressed right now that I don't think anything's going to help."

"That's what I thought," Haley sighed.

Peyton nodded. She together with Haley stared out the window dejectedly. It looked like it would be a long road back.

--

Nathan walked into the gym planning on relieving the tension from the day before. He knew he needed to talk to Haley, but all he wanted right now was to purge himself of all the stress and problems that their world seemed to be presenting. As he walked into the dark cavernous gym, he noticed a crestfallen looking Lucas sitting on one of the bleachers with his head in his hands. Nathan immediately felt bad. He and Lucas hadn't talked much since Lucas's warning about Haley. Although Nathan felt a little guilty about not listening to Lucas, he felt even guiltier that he hadn't really been there for him. It was a new feeling, since at the beginning of the year Nathan hated Lucas, but here he was now sincerely worried about his wellbeing. This had to be Haley's doing. Nathan smiled at her name. She had changed him so much for the better. It sucked to be in this stupid fight with her.

"Hey man," Nathan said quietly sitting down next to Lucas. Lucas just stared blankly back at him. "Look I heard about what happened," he said awkwardly, "And I'm uh really sorry."

"Whatever," Lucas mumbled.

"Look man, this isn't like you. You really care about Brooke. It wasn't like me. Don't sit here and moon over it. Go and talk to her.

"I don't just care about her," Lucas said indignantly, "I love her."

"Yeah? So show her."

"Easy for you to say Nate. You didn't give a shit about what you did to her."

"That's not true Luke! You have no idea how I felt. Yeah I was a jerk, but do you think I don't have feelings. You don't think I felt like a jackass for messing up two best friends. You don't think I still don't beat myself up for it wishing I could take it back. Well I do."

"I'm sorry," Lucas said a little taken aback, "I'm just really depressed over this whole thing."

"I know Luke. But you can't sit here and mope in a corner. If you love Brooke, then go and tell her. Go prove how you're never going to let her go. And that you'll make up for what you did."

"When did you get so smart?" Lucas asked grumpily but with some endearment.

"Some people just change you," Nathan said cryptically.

Lucas stared at him quizzically but said nothing more than, "I guess they do."

--

After talking with Peyton the night before, Jake knew that he had to go and speak with Brooke. He was glad they had gotten their friendship back, but he was still worried about her. He hadn't really spoken to Brooke since the shit with Lucas went down. Yet after seeing Lucas's disheveled and plaintive appearance, Jake could only guess at how terrible Brooke was feeling. He prepared himself for the worst. He approached her during lunch, where she sat at the corner of the quad alone as if radiating a 'do not disturb' sign. Jake walked over quickly and sat down next to her. Without even saying anything Brooke collapsed against his strong body and he held her gently. After a few minutes, she wiped away the few stray tears that had fallen and moved slightly away to look at him.

"Hey," he said softly with a small smile.

Brooke attempted a smile back. "Hi."

"I'm sorry," Jake said honestly without any of the formalities of how are you. He just was. Brooke stared up at him. She loved Peyton and Haley she did, but she wasn't comfortable telling them everything just yet. Haley, because she knew how deeply close she was to Lucas. And Peyton because they were mending their friendship and Peyton had also been involved. But Jake, Jake was here and he cared. She just knew she could tell him everything. And she wanted to. She just wanted to spit it all out. She just wanted someone to listen.

"Me too," Brooke said slowly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Brooke nodded. "I know he loves me Jake. I know. And I did the worst possible thing by pushing him away then and not giving him a chance. I broke his heart, and I know I had no ties on him. But the fact that he just started hooking up with Peyton right after, as if it didn't matter. When he knew she was sleeping with Nathan behind my back. How could he do that? And then how could he not tell me about it. He was so sweet that moment when he told me he wanted to take things slow. He wanted me to love him just as much as he loved me. But how can he say he loves me if he can betray and lie to me so easily." At this Brooke broke down in sobs. It was so heavy, too heavy, but she was glad to get it out.

"I don't know Brooke. He probably thought you would never forgive him, not that that's a good excuse."

"I could've Jake. I would've, because I'd have known how much he cared about me, if he had told me the truth from the beginning. I know I hurt him. I know I deserved him not to be loyal to me at that moment. But God, how could he hide it?"

Jake nodded sympathetically and rubbed Brooke's shoulders to soothe her. "I wish there was something more I could do Brooke. I wish I could fix this."

"You've done so much already Jake. You've been there for both me and Peyton through everything, which I know could not have been easy."

"Thanks," he said with a shy smile, "But I wish I could make this not have happened."

Brooke nodded as tears filled her eyes. "I miss him so much sometimes. I love him more than anything, and it kills me to see what I'm doing to him. But then I remember what he did, and I don't know if I can ever trust him again. I'm so scared Jake. What if…" her voice choked on a sob, and Jake quickly wrapped his arms around her.

"It's going to be okay Brooke. It's all going to be okay."

--

Nathan sat outside the tutoring center waiting anything but patiently for Haley to finally come out so they could talk. They hadn't spoken since the disastrous day before, and Nathan felt completely lost without her. He knew he had upset her and that she had hurt him, but everyone was on edge. Hopefully they could just forgive each other for the harsh words and move on. He missed her so much, even just going a day without talking to her. He glanced once more at his watch willing her to come out. He had skipped practice to meet her and he knew Whitey would kick his ass, but at the moment he didn't care. Finally the door opened and he heard Haley's sweet voice saying goodbye to someone as a random girl made her way out of the room. She stared quizzically at Nathan, wondering why the star basketball player of the school was anywhere in the vicinity of the tutoring center. He glanced back at her blankly before barging into the room and shutting the door quickly behind him.

"Haley, can we talk?" he asked sheepishly.

Haley looked at him wearily but nodded and he took a seat in the chair the other girl had previously vacated. "Look, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you about Jake before. It was stupid; I just didn't want you to get mad."

"You should have told me, Nathan," Haley sighed.

He ruffled a hand through his hair. "I know that Haley. That's why I'm apologizing. And I'm sorry for questioning you wanting to be with me. I was just hurt. But if you want to wait a little longer before we tell them, I will too."

Haley shook her head, her brown eyes plaintive. "Nathan, I really don't think this is a good idea."

"What are you talking about?" he asked suddenly on guard.

"Things are so hectic and stressful right now. And both Lucas and Brooke are pretty upset. I just don't want to cause more trouble. I just think we ought to take a break or something," her voice pattered out noticing Nathan's distraught expression.

"What about how I feel, Haley," he asked his voice as sharp as ice.

"I'm sorry Nathan," she patted his arm awkwardly, "It's better this way," before grabbing her bag and exiting from the room, leaving him there alone for the second day in a row.

--

After cheerleading practice, Brooke walked hurriedly to her car. She had just spent the last two grueling hours trying to avoid Lucas's glances. Peyton, immediately noticing Brooke was in no mood to be running the practice, took charge. Brooke was at least glad of that, but she was tired and upset and just wanted to go home and forget everything. Yet that did not look to be an option, as she approached her car and saw Lucas standing in front of it. How on earth had he gotten there so fast? Brooke's eyes instinctively began to tear up, and turned to walk away from him, planning to find someone else to give her a ride home.

"Brooke wait, can we please talk?" Lucas asked running up out of breath, and softly pressing his hand into her arm to turn her around.

"Get your hands off me!" she yelled shrilly, and Lucas backed away slightly shocked. "I'm sorry," he said gently.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" she asked her tears falling freely now, as all of her anger and sadness directed itself against him. All of the feelings she had been hiding, and the one thing she was still hiding infuriated her against him. "I have nothing to say to you Lucas. How can you stand here so calmly? Don't you get it Lucas, or should I re-tell it to you. You betrayed me and then lied to me about it. Please just leave me alone!"

"I'm sorry Brooke. I never wanted to hurt you," he said giving one last plea.

"Well it hurts all the same!" Brooke yelled but then her voice became so soft that Lucas barely heard her. "It hurts so much, even more because I love you. But I hate that I do. I hate you."

Hearing Brooke say that she hated him made Lucas spin out of control. He stared at her but his focus got fuzzy because of the tears slipping out of his blue eyes. He shook his head trying to rid himself of the words and he stared at her, heartbreakingly, before kicking the surface of the parking lot and walking away. Brooke watched him leave, even more upset and confused than she was before.

"He's a good guy, you know," a voice said breaking her from her trance. She whirled around scared before realizing it was only Mouth.

"Did he tell you what happened?" she asked her voice wavering.

Mouth shook his head. "But I know that whatever he did, he's so sorry. And he's miserable without you. You should just give him a chance, at least to apologize. He owes you one and you deserve to hear one."

Brooke nodded, her tears starting to fall again. She was so sick of crying, but it seemed like it never stopped. Mouth came close and brushed them away. "It's going to be okay Brooke. Just tell him how you feel and then hear him out. I'm sure it'll all work out from there."

Brooke continued nodding with a small smile on her face. "Thank you Mouth," she whispered hugging him before giving him one last smile and escaping from the school. She needed to go home and think. There was way too much on her mind.