Clash of the Smashers

Chapter Nineteen: Attack of the Annoying Army…although it's not really an army if there's only three…hmm…

Bario raised his hand up to deflect several of the small chunks of rubble that was flying through the air. Looking up in alarm he saw the white object stretch out into a hand. His first thought was that it was Master Hand…but a closer examination of the wildly twitching appendage showed that it was his lesser known counterpart, Crazy Hand.

Link looked up, surprised by the noise, and the new arrival. Quick as a flash, Ganondorf jumped up from his kneeling position, nailing Link with an uppercut to the jaw. Link flew back several feet, and Ganondorf stepped back as well.

"Oh crap. This guy again?" Diddy asked.

"This one's different. This guy's Crazy Hand." Bario said, tensing up.

"I've got a bad feeling about this…," Raichu said.

The Smashers prepared themselves for a fight…but it turned out they needn't bother, as Crazy Hand charged up a large energy ball…and flung it behind Ganondorf. Instantly a large portal, identical to the one Master Hand and Giga Bowser escaped through appeared.

"No!" Link shouted, trying to get up.

"Sorry Link, we'll have to finish this another time. Don't worry though…I've left behind suitable entertainment," Ganondorf, just oozing malevolent mirth.
Crazy Hand twitched a bit before shooting up a large ball of light that floated up to the hole in the ceiling…and exploded, sending out a blinding flash of light, that not only filled the entire chamber, but also shot out above the tower.

The Smashers covered their eyes, and blinked rapidly as Ganondorf jumped through the portal. A few of their eyes had cleared enough for them to watch Crazy Hand give them a twisted little wave, before vanishing through it as well.

Immediately after that the portal started to close. Link yelled in anger and charged for it, dodging small chunks of rubble that still fell from the hole in the ceiling.
"Wait a second…that portal must lead to where Giga is hiding…he won't get away now!" Diddy yelled, before following Link.
"Wait!" Bario yelled, reaching out, but narrowly missing grabbing Diddy.
Raichu managed to dash forward and grab him, just as a truly massive chunk of ceiling came crashing down…and slammed a five-foot wide hole through the floor. Large cracks webbed out from the hole.

"Diddy! Don't do that!" Raichu admonished him.

Diddy pushed Raichu off him, embarrassed about almost getting killed but irritated about missing his chance. Link jumped for the rapidly closing portal…and it vanished just before he hit it. He fell roughly to the ground.

He looked up, and glared at the familiar surroundings. Slowly getting to his feet he gave a howl of frustration, and started walking back towards the others, now that the debris was not falling in great quantities anymore.

"Sorry Link," Bario said, sounding seriously sincere.

Link just glared at him and stood off to the side, after walking around the hole.

"Okay, Ganondorf is gone, this tower doesn't appear to stable…and we have no way to get off this world…what the heck do we do?!" Falco said, his voice rising in volume with every word.

"Well Falco…I have an idea-" Bario started, when three of the tall windows near the roof of the tower were shattered as three different…things came flying through them.

Link looked up, and saw each of them…and paled in a fear he had never shown…not even when facing Ganon.

The first creature was small, about the size of a fist, and for all intents and purposes, appeared to be a blue glowing ball of light with translucent wings sticking out.

The second was a large owl, easily four feet tall, with an impressive wing span, wise owly eyes and dark brown and black markings.
The third was the strangest, and the only one without wings. It was a strange short man, about five feet tall, and pudgy, with rosy cheeks and a childish expression of joy. He wore entirely green tights, with a strange upwards pointing hat, and what appeared to be red underwear on his waist area. Rounding out the bizarre ensemble was his bright red small hot air balloon, through which he was clearly using for travel.

"Who the heck are these people?" Diddy asked, hesitant, and confused, because they didn't seem particularly evil, so Link's terrified reaction seemed misplaced.

"The most terrible beings in all of Hyrule…" Link said.

"Oh come now! Is that anyway to treat your bestest fairy friend, Navi?" The glowing blue ball asked in a rapid high-pitched feminine voice.

"Yes, I, Kaepora Gaebora, the wisest person in all of Hyrule agree. You're being rather rude Link," said the large owl.

"Ah! Mister Fairy! I knew you would be here! The nice tall green man said to come when the light flashed! It's been a while! Tingle missed you!" said the green clothed man.

"Please…go away! LEAVE!" Link practically shrieked.

"Link! Chill. Why are you so upset?" Bario asked.

Link glared at Bario, but seeing the other Smashers looking quizzically at him, he decided to answer.

"These are the most annoying creatures in all of Hyrule…Navi is EXTREMELY annoying, the owl won't shut up…and do I even need to say anything about Tingle?!"
Navi flashed brighter, and when she spoke, her voice was tinged with rage.

"Annoying?! I helped you stop Ganondorf, you ungrateful skirt wearing pansy!"
"Help?! You didn't help! All you did was yell at me and tell me to stab things in the head, or 'The weak points the eyes! Attack the eyes!' And let's not forget your helpful advice when you told me to stab the glowing 'thingy'!"

"That IS helpful!" Navi shouted.

"SHUT UP!" Bario yelled.

Link and Navi shut up.

"Now I don't know what you're problems are…but what I want to know is why are you three here?" Bario asked.

"Why are we here? That's a good question. A good question can only be answered with an equally good answer. Good answers usually come from good people…or in my case, owls, but what is good? Is it the absence of evil? A desire to help others? For if that is true, than goodness is rooted in selfishness. Those that do good do it to feel better about themselves, a selfish desire…and selfishness is considered to be an "evil" emotion…so therefore, since all good acts are selfish…than isn't goodness itself…evil?" Kaepora Gaebora asked.

"Interesting point…but you didn't ANSWER MY QUESTION!" Bario shouted.

"We are here, to distract you and keep you busy while Ganondorf's Tower falls on you." The owl said.

"What?" Diddy asked.

"Falls?" Raichu asked.

As if in answer to the question, the tower shook again, and the cracks spider webbed out even farther.

"Oh crap! We won't have enough time to escape!" Bario said.

"That's the plan! Want to buy a map?" Tingle asked.

"Why are you doing this?! What advantage is in it for you?!" Bario asked them.

"Ganondorf promised me great power…so I could CRUSH those insignificant worms back in Kokiri Forest," Navi said.

"I was told that I would have an audience that wouldn't throw rocks at me after my thirteenth telling of how to walk in a forward direction," Kaepora Gaebora said.

"And he said I would become a FAIRY! YAY!" Tingle said.

"Navi! How could you help Ganondorf?!" Link asked.

"It was easy. He was nicer than you."
"How was he NICER?! I put up with you for seven years!"
"Yeah, but you were SLEEPING most of that time!"

"LINK!" Samus shouted.

Link jumped and looked at her in confusion.

"What?"
"We don't have time for this. This tower is severely unstable, and we need to find those Bowser and Ganondorf guys!"
"She's right," Kaepora said, "You don't have much time left…ATTACK!"

Tingle giggled and threw several bombs from his high perch. They fell to the ground and exploded near Samus and Kirby, who dived from the explosion. Falco pulled out his gun and aimed at Tingle…when Kaepora tackled him from behind.

"Falco! Perhaps I should teach you proper aiming techniques?" Kaepora asked, as he tried to claw out Falco's eyes.

"How about…NO!" Falco said, landing a solid kick on the owl, knocking him back, but causing his legs to fly out and claw up Falco.
Diddy and Raichu turned to each other in confusion…this was not expected, but then they found themselves on the ground, having both been body-slammed by the surprisingly powerful Navi.
"The weak points are…your entire bodies! Ha ha!" she cackled, her glow flickering with every word.

Link and Bario pulled out their swords and faced Tingle, who laughed and threw some more bombs down. Bario batted them away with his sword, and they exploded harmlessly to the side…well, maybe not so harmlessly. The explosions caused the cracks on the floor to widen, opening up several inch wide holes that extended down to previous floors, which were developing their own holes.

Link took out his bow, and with one hand holding the sword and the arrow, he fired it. It penetrated Tingle's balloon and he fell fifteen feet before landing roughly to the ground. Before either swordsman could consider him incapacitated, he hopped up, with a large, ridiculous grin on his face.

"Ah good shot Mr. Fairy! But it will be nothing to the shots I shall shoot when I become a fairy!" Tinge said.

"Tingle!" Link said, "You're insane, moronic…and what do you freaking mean 'When you become a fairy'? You always say that! What do you think a fairy is?!"
Tingle looked taken aback.

"My back has been taken!"
"What?" Bario said.

"I mean…what do you mean what do I think a fairy is? A fairy is a fairy, an awesome being of extreme coolness!"
"No. A fairy is THAT," Link said, pointing to Navi.

Tingle followed his finger, and saw Navi flying around Diddy and Raichu, and Kirby as well, as all three tried to hit the small speedy target. Tingle's eyes grew wide, and his mouth dropped in shock.

"That's…bright…shiny…but…no…how?" Tingle stammered.

"Yeah, that's a fairy. I'm not a fairy, so stop calling me Mr. Fairy you brainless moron!"
"Fairies are…EVEN BETTER THAN I THOUGHT!" Tingle shouted.

"You got to be kidding me," Bario said.

"I can't wait to become one! The only thing standing in my way is…YOU GUYS!" Tingle said, turning to face Bario and Link.

They raised their weapons, prepared for an attack…but not THIS attack.

"Tingle-Tingle, Kooloo-Limpah!" he shouted, while spinning around and throwing shiny glitter in the eyes of Bario and Link.

"Agh!" Link and Bario shouted at the same time, dropping their swords and scrubbing at their eyes.

Tingle giggled again and yanked out a large satchel of maps.

"Buy my maps!" he shouted, spinning the satchel around and smacking Bario to the ground, and then doing the same to Link. He then dropped the satchel on both of them, and threw a "Tingle Bomb" at the satchel.

It exploded, and hurt Bario and Link, but it also split open the bag, covering the two with maps. Tingle assisted in their confusion as they tried to get up from the rolled up papers, by throwing more around.

"This is ridiculous!" Link said, trying to find his sword.

Tingle grabbed another bomb…just as Mario hammered him in the back.

"Ack!" Tingle said, dropping the bomb as Mario flipped over him. Then Tingle's bomb exploded at his feet, sending him flying.
Mario helped move the maps, throwing several of them down the rapidly growing holes, and soon Bario and Link had their swords and were fighting ready, but Tingle didn't look quite so eager to fight anymore, as he rapidly scuttled away from the three.

Falco decided that Kaepora's biggest advantage was his flight, so he decided to stay in close combat, to prevent him from taking off. Unfortunately his big thick wings, sharp taloned feet and pointy beak, aided the owl in close combat.
Falco and Kaepora exchanged many a blow, and it might have gone on forever, or at least until the tower fell on them, if Meta didn't slice through several feathers. The owl backhanded…backwinged? Meta, but was distracted long enough for Samus to hit him with a missile.

Navi was gleefully dancing around Kirby, Diddy and Raichu, when a large brown, birdlike object slammed into her. The owl and the fairy both crashed into Tingle and the three ended up in a heap.
Taking advantage of the opportunity, the nine Smashers surrounded the three annoying creatures, weapons drawn, and they were very careful to avoid the holes and debris, as the tower seemed to be falling apart even faster now.

Tingle, Navi and Kaepora Gaebora got up and glared at the Smashers.

"I won't let you stop me from becoming a fairy!" Tingle yelled.

"I won't let you stop me from becoming ridiculously powerful!" Navi exclaimed.

"I won't let you stop me from hitting you with our ultimate attack!" Kaepora said.

"Oh yeah well…wait what was that last one?!" Bario asked.

"It's time for our most powerful, group attack! Prepare to feel mild to extreme discomfort…as we OBLITERATE you!" Kaepora screamed, as the three started to glow with energy.

"Uh guys…kill them!" Falco said.

It was too late. They were just about to unleash their horrible attack when a several hundred pound mass of the ceiling slammed down on top of them, squishing them instantly and creating a hole to the bottom of the tower.

There was a brief moment of stunned looks, before Diddy broke the silence.

"That was surprisingly anti-climactic."
Then the tower broke the silence by collapsing more rapidly. The Smashers moved like the wind to avoid chunks of the ceiling, and to jump over the holes that were appearing and widening, as the walls became a shattered mirror of cracks.

"What do we do?! How are we going to get out of here?!" Falco asked.

"Like this," Bario said, shooting his hand forward in a fist, like he was punching something…and a purple ball of energy flew out in front of him and expanded quickly to make a portal ten feet in front of Bario.

"What?" Link said.

"Everyone in if you don't want to die!" Bario yelled, flipping over a chunk of rock that was falling and he dove into the portal.
Everyone ran for the portal, and Link ended up by Samus, while Kirby, Mario and Meta dived in.

"Is this a good idea? Where does this portal go?!" He asked.

At that moment the cracks in the wall grew too much, and all four walls collapsed, with the ceiling exploding outward in a stream of unrepressed dark magic, as the last bits of Ganondorf's mystic energy holding the tower together evaporated, allowing the full brightness of the sun to stream in. The walls collapsed farther down, like dominoes and the entire floor started to crumble.

"Really not a good time to question our salvation!" Samus said, before diving in herself.
Link sighed, and seeing no other alternative jumped in as well, with Raichu, Diddy and Falco close behind. The portal slowly closed, and in a few short seconds, Ganondorf's once mighty tower…was dust and stone. The area they arrived in however…was not…