Chapter 4 - Love at Third Sight
SCENE 1 - EXTERIOR, ESTABLISHING SHOT OF ROYAL PALACE, NIGHT
The palace is in LONG SHOT. In the foreground, a medieval-type city lies in the shadow of the palace. CINDERELLA'S pumpkin-shaped coach speeds along the main drag through the city toward the palace.
CINDERELLA (V.O.)
When you're a fairy tale princess, you never know when your fortunes are gonna change or how much. Who'd 'a guessed I'd go from doormat to darling in one hour? From the bucket of ashes near the fireplace to a custom-built, chrome-plated horse-drawn coach? But there I was, on my way to the social event of the season, the royal ball. Where first prize was marriage to the prince.
SCENE 2 - INTERIOR, BALLROOM, PALACE, NIGHT
CINDERELLA (V.O.)
'Course, Step-Mommie Dearest got there first.
STEPMOTHER, LIZZIE, and LUCRETIA step through the entrance to the grand staircase at the top of the ballroom, where the royal ANNOUNCER calls out from a long parchment:
ANNOUNCER
(shouts)
Lady Nora Dismal, and daughters!
The three ladies - and I use the term loosely - walk down the staircase to the ballroom floor. As they near the floor, in the background at the top, a well-dressed man and woman step through the entrance.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
(shouts from a distance)
Lord and Lady Douche-bag!
PRIME MINISTER
Excuse me!
Stepmother and Stepsisters turn to see the PRIME MINISTER walking toward them, carrying a long list.
PRIME MINISTER
You are Lady Nora Dismal?
STEPMOTHER
That's what the man said.
The Prime Minister consults his list.
PRIME MINISTER
Our records say there are three eligible young ladies in your household, but you only came with two. Where's the third?
Stepmother puts on a sad face.
STEPMOTHER
Sadly, my lord, my stepdaughter recently met with an unfortunate accident.
CINDERELLA (V.O.)
And if you believe that, I got a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.
STEPMOTHER
Shut up!
PRIME MINISTER
(exasperated)
You get voiceovers interrupting you too?
STEPMOTHER
Frequently! I don't know why we even need narration. In my day, our stories never had narration, and they were still the finest works ever.
PRIME MINISTER
Yes, I caught some of your work. But you got your start in the silent era, didn't you? You couldn't have spoken narration even if you wanted it.
STEPMOTHER
We didn't need narration. We didn't even need dialogue. We had faces.
PRIME MINISTER
If they had faces like yours, I can see why they switched to dialogue.
STEPMOTHER
Watch it, buster! I'll have you know, when I had the role of the Wicked Queen in "Snow White," I was a contender for Fairest in the Land!
PRIME MINISTER
Sure, 'til you gave yourself that extreme un-makeover in the third act.
STEPMOTHER
But I still had class! I could'a been a contender, instead of that bum Snow White!
PRIME MINISTER
Slow Wit.
STEPMOTHER
Whatever!
(beat)
When does the prince show up?
PRIME MINISTER
Right about . . . . now.
Right on cue, the PRINCE appears atop the staircase at the other end of the ballroom. He starts walking down, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else.
LIZZIE
Rowr-rowr! Whoever chiseled his features deserves an award for sculpting!
LUCRETIA
Chiseled from pure marble, he's gotta be!
Lizzie and Lucretia hurry to join the receiving line of young eligible ladies to greet the Prince as he reaches the bottom of the stairs.
STEPMOTHER
(to the Prime Minister)
My daughters are suckers for well-chiseled faces.
PRIME MINISTER
I bet you taught them everything they know about chiseling.
Stepmother gives the Prime Minister a look.
STEPMOTHER
When one of them is the princess, remind me to fire you!
PRIME MINISTER
Don't count your pink slips before they're mailed. The Prince ain't exactly jumping out of the gate to rope either of your fillies.
Stepmother follows the Prime Minister's gaze, and sees that, just as with all the other "fillies" in the receiving line, the Prince barely gives her daughters a first look, let alone a second.
Lucretia and Lizzie refuse to give up so easily.
LUCRETIA
Oh, you majesty, don't turn away! Can't you see I love you!? I worship the ground you walk on!
LIZZIE
I worship the ground you walk on, the air you breathe, the water you drink, and the fire in your eyes!
LUCRETIA
Marry me, my Prince, and I'll live- we'll live happily ever after!
LIZZIE
Please, won't you give me your money- your hand in marriage!?
The Prince rolls his eyes and walks away from them and the rest of the receiving line, hardly believing these two gals think he's dumb enough to fall for their guff.
Stepmother and the Prime Minister join Lucretia and Lizzie.
PRIME MINISTER
(to Lizzie and Lucretia)
Better luck next fairy tale.
(to Stepmother)
If you'll excuse me... or even if you won't.
The Prime Minister heads over to join the Prince. Lizzie and Lucretia look petulantly at Stepmother (Cinderella's stepmother, their biological mother... oh, you know what I mean!)
LIZZIE
Did you see that!? How could he just snub us like that!?
LUCRETIA
We were models of poise and charm! Heck, we're models, period! How could he not want a piece of this!?
STEPMOTHER
(with withering look)
You gave him too big a piece. Didn't I tell you to play it cool!?
LUCRETIA
Us!? If the Prince had been any cooler, we'd have gotten frostbite!
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Lady Lauren Macaw!
The Prince, Prime Minister, Stepmother, and Stepsisters look up to see Cinderella at the top of the entrance staircase, in her original ensemble by Fairy Godfather. She begins to descend toward the ballroom floor.
CINDERELLA (V.O.)
I knew Stepmom would have her eagle eyes peeled on every other gold-diggin' dame at the ball, seeing what kind'a competition her girls had. I had to hope the new threads and makeup job and the phony name would be enough to bamboozle her, provided she didn't look too close.
The Prince takes a surprising interest in Cinderella.
PRINCE
Who's the fox in the slick threads?
The Prime Minister consults his list.
PRIME MINISTER
Don't know. There's no "Lauren Macaw" on the census list.
(beat)
She looks like a woman of means, so hopefully she's another good prospect for a marriage. That is, if you actually had any interest.
The Prime Minister notices the Prince is still staring at her.
PRIME MINISTER
Why Your Highness, do you actually have an interest in her?
PRINCE
Don't be a dunce! I've said it before, I don't go for that mushy stuff!
(beat)
And yet, there's something about her... Every other girl at this party's got that look in her eye like a used car salesman sizin' up the first sucker of the day.
The Prime Minister glances at the camera, then back at the Prince.
PRIME MINISTER
You know, I think the younger audience actually got that reference.
PRINCE
Some things are timeless.
(beat)
But her?... She's got the eyes of a kid goin' to the circus. They're sayin' she ain't gold-diggin', she's just here to have a ball. I like that.
(beat)
Think I'll go see if her eyes are talkin' straight.
Cinderella wanders across the ballroom. The Prince follows her.
The Prime Minister has a surprised smile on his face, until he notices someone in the shadows behind the staircase. The someone is in shadow and so can't be identified, but the Prime Minister obviously knows who it is, since his expression turns to long-suffering tolerance.
PRIME MINISTER
I figured you'd be watching. Well, Minister, it looks like you're idea's working, but how's about you just wait and see if it works on its own?
The shadowed figure disappears behind the stairs. The Prime Minister's expression now says he's just been brushed off.
PRIME MINISTER
(mutters angrily)
Way too big for his britches.
SCENE 3 - INTERIOR, BALLROOM, PALACE, NIGHT
Yeah, I know it's the same location as the previous scene, but it is a different part of the room, and very different things will be happening, so yes, we're calling this a new scene!
Cinderella meanders toward the buffet table as she takes in the sights of the royal ball.
CINDERELLA (V.O.)
I hadn't been to a shindig like this since . . . Aw heck, I'd never been to a shindig like this. The lights, the music, the colors . . . or what the colors would be if this weren't a black-and-white movie. And I couldn't see myself going to a shindig like this ever again, especially if Stepmother found out I was here. So I wanted to make the most I possibly could 'a this night, even if I only had 'til midnight.
PRINCE (O.S.)
'Scuse me, Miss Macaw. Hope I don't sound too forward, but would you care to chew the fat for a while?
The Prince steps up to Cinderella, who turns toward him.
CINDERELLA
If you mean the cheesecake, I'm saving that for later -
As soon as she catches sight of him:
CINDERELLA
Hey wait a minute! You're the prince from "Snow White!"
PRINCE
So what? You seen one fairy tale handsome prince, you seen 'em all.
CINDERELLA
You mean, you really are the Prince!? For this story!?
PRINCE
That's why they made me heir to the throne.
CINDERELLA
Must be rough, knowing someday you'll have to manage an entire kingdom all by yourself.
PRINCE
Ah, managing's the kingdom's the easy part. I got ministers to middle manage everything for me. The hard part is managing the middle managers, making sure they're managing the kingdom.
(leans in to whisper)
Between you and me, I think the Minister of Finance has been cooking the books, if you know what I mean.
CINDERELLA
(whispers back)
Your Highness, what I haven't seen about cooking books hasn't been invented yet.
PRINCE
So . . You here for the princess tryouts too?
CINDERELLA
I won't lie and say I wouldn't be happy to marry royalty - especially royalty with your looks - and saying I'm happy where I live now would be an even bigger lie, but I ain't gonna stick my neck out as far as this pack 'a hussies.
PRINCE
(smiles)
I like you, Lauren.
He holds out his hand.
PRINCE (cont.)
Care to trip the light fantastic?
Cinderella takes his hand.
CINDERELLA
How about we just dance?
The Prince and Cinderella walk hand in hand to the dance floor, passing by the grand piano at which SAM is casually tickling the ivories. Sam sees the Prince and Cinderella together. The Prince turns to Sam, who looks back in anticipation.
PRINCE
Play it, Sam.
Sam obliges, beginning to play "As Time Goes By" as Cinderella and the Prince begin dancing in front of everybody.
SCENE 4 - INTERIOR, BALLROOM, PALACE, NIGHT
Yeah, the same location again, but a few hours have gone by since Scene 3 ended, so we're calling this a new scene, too.
Cinderella and the Prince have been dancing all evening. Everyone else at the ball has been watching them, particularly Stepmother, Lizzie, and Lucretia. The stepsisters look mad enough to chew lead. Stepmother tries not to show it, but she is too.
SCENE 5 - EXTERIOR, BALCONY, PALACE, NIGHT
Hah! Different location now! Have to call this a different scene!
CINDERELLA (V.O.)
Boy, somebody on the writing staff's gettin' full of themselves.
The Prince and Cinderella's dancing leads them through a huge doorway to a large outside balcony adjoining the ballroom, where the dancing stops and the Prince simply leads Cinderella to the balcony's ornate railing overlooking the palace's vast gardens.
CINDERELLA (V.O.)
Who would'a guessed? Like I said before, a few hours earlier I was a doormat, and now I was the belle of the ball. And I was even starting to wish it was a wedding bell. Everybody thinks royal guys are stuck-up snobs who only chase girls for money or politics or a one-night stand, and otherwise wouldn't give commoners the time of day. But not him. He gave new meaning to the name Prince Charming. He knew how to talk to a lady, and his mouth was on a straight road from his heart. And my heart was steering a course right to his. I was falling for him like a ton of bricks.
PRINCE
Who're you talking to?
CINDERELLA
Oh . . anybody who'll listen to how nuts I am for you.
(beat)
There, I said it. Truth is up, your Highness. I didn't come to steal your heart away, but you nabbed mine instead.
PRINCE
Lauren, you're amazing. Weird, but amazing.
CINDERELLA
(sighs in resignation)
Prince, I gotta level with you. My name's not Lauren Macaw, it's Cinderella. I gave your people the phony name 'cause some other people'd skin me alive if they knew I was here.
PRINCE
What other people?
CINDERELLA
Other people who wanna be your wife. Or your mother-in-law.
PRINCE
You mean she ain't even my mother-in-law yet, and she's already tryin' to make my life miserable?
CINDERELLA
Miserable how?
PRINCE
Maybe you didn't want to steal my heart, but you did it anyway. I'm the one falling for you like a ton of bricks.
(beat)
And I'm gonna level with you. My ministers cooked up this royal ball caper, not me. They're the ones who want to hitch me up with a wife.
(beat)
And the worst part is . . maybe it worked.
The Prince takes Cinderella by the hand and draws her closer.
PRINCE (cont.)
I don't know much about romancin', and even less about marriage, but I think if I ever was gonna get hitched, it'd be with a girl like you.
Cinderella gets all starry-eyed.
CINDERELLA And I wouldn't say no.
The Prince gently takes Cinderella's chin in his hand and draws her even closer.
PRINCE
Here's puckerin' up to you, Kid.
The Prince and Cinderella close their eyes, and lean slowly toward each other's lips.
CINDERELLA (V.O.)
It was a dream come true! It was the most incredible moment of my life! It was -
With a loud BONG!, the palace's clock tower starts striking the midnight hour.
CINDERELLA (V.O.)
- the worst timing in the history of fairy tales!
TO BE CONTINUED