Sorry for the delay- more writer's block. FML. Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait- it's quite intense. A lot of the reviewers said that they were happy to learn more about Caleb and Jackson's past. I love writing it, but I've been a little hesitant to keep going there since I worry that people would rather I stick to the present. Thanks for all the support, and from now on, I won't be as nervous about writing it.

Jesscah- I was going to draw out their strain for a little while longer, but as I wrote it, it just worked for Jackson to snap. I'm glad it came across as believable!

trudes193- Our favorite manager is growing up, isn't he?

Guest(1)- Ask and you shall receive (weeks later).

son-of-puji- Your review made me grin like a madwoman. And just for you, I postponed editing the beginning. I'm still going to get to that someday, though.

Pirate Gyrl- Congrats- you hit the nail right on the head. Caleb will be very supportive of the relationship (spoiler alert- for the most part).

Guest(2)- I know this review was for chapter 7, but I still loved it. I'm getting so many suggestions for more Cillian movies based on one comment about jeans. LOVE. Hope you made it through to 19, and you're still with me. :)

Clavis Salomonis- Someday, I will make a Cillian Murphy Trivial Pursuit game, and we can have a group play over Skype or something. Thanks so much for the support- I know it sounds repetitive, but the more I develop Jackson (and he starts to grow from how he was on the red eye), I get more and more nervous that I'm destroying his character. And as an aside, I get nervous every time I have to type your name for a review. I'm scared I'll misspell it! :D

A few notes about chapter 20: I wrote the Jackson/Cheryl conversation and the Lisa/Caleb conversation as separate parts, but they are actually happening simultaneously. Also, this chapter is going to get somewhat explicit.

DRAMA:

Chapter 20: Save Me From Myself

Jackson dropped onto the couch, facing Cheryl. He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees. He clenched his jaw tightly, praying that he managed to appear neutral. In reality, his heart was pounding. He had never had to deal with anything like this before. He honestly had no idea how he was supposed to handle it. He thought that Marie would probably have the person tortured to reveal their motive and then killed, or just killed, no questions asked. But physical torture wasn't his style, and he couldn't just kill Cheryl without knowing why.

"I hear that you have something to tell me," he said coldly, grateful that his voice remained steady. It took most of his self-control to not fidget in anxiety as he stared her down. Maybe Marie was right. Maybe he was going soft. You're a fucking manager- manage.

"Maybe," Cheryl replied, just as coldly. Her blue eyes were narrowed, as though she was studying him just as hard as he was her. Jackson fingers curled into fists. He hardly recognized this woman in front of him. She was like a coiled snake, waiting for the opportune time to strike. She tried to act tough, but he could see the fear in her eyes.

The two continued to stare at each other, waiting for the other to back down. Jackson was afraid to speak to her. He felt the hurt, the betrayal reaching critical mass in his chest and knew that if he opened his mouth again, there was a good chance that he would not be able to stay in control. He refused to lose his composure in front of her like he had with Lisa and Caleb.

He knew that she was trying to provoke him with her response, and by not acknowledging that she said it, he was maintaining power. Cheryl had information that he wanted, which could easily give her control of the situation, but by pretending that he wasn't all that interested in what she had to say, he could successfully stay on top.

Cheryl remained defiant, and Jackson decided to switch tactics. He grabbed one of the beer bottles that Jeff had left earlier. He went to reach for his lighter to remove the cap, but suddenly had a better idea. He bent down and picked up one of Caleb's Gold Cup Trophies, checking to make sure that it was unloaded. He pulled back the slide and wedged the cap in the gap. Keeping his eyes on Cheryl, he popped off the cap, noticing with barely-concealed satisfaction the hesitation in her eyes.

Jackson reclined against the couch and took a drink of beer. Cheryl's eyes narrowed again. "You won't shoot me," she stated, but her voice wavered slightly. Jackson shrugged halfheartedly.

"Probably not," he conceded, using the trigger guard to rock the Colt back and forth lazily on his finger. "Does that make you feel better?" Cheryl remained silent. "Maybe I just like how these look. They're real beauties, you know. All-steel. A man's gun. But guns can be so noisy sometimes...it's a real nuisance in a neighborhood." He dropped the gun onto the carpet and reached for a Benchmade that Caleb had brought. "These babies, on the other hand," he said, setting the beer aside and rising to his feet, "they're silent. And very useful in the sense that it's easier to not kill someone." He removed the Benchmade from its sheath and ran the steel tip across Cheryl's cheek, barely brushing her skin. The woman was completely still, her eyes fixed on him. Physical torture might not be Jackson's style, but he could inflict psychological pain without a problem.

"What do you think?" he asked, raising the blade to slide his finger along the edge. "Isn't it gorgeous? These are my favorites." He glanced back down at Cheryl. She was looking at him with the same hesitation, and what looked like excitement- almost arousal.

"Do you really not understand why?" she asked, giving him a hint of a smirk. "You're not stupid, Jackson. You know exactly why I'm doing this." Jackson furrowed his eyebrows.

"Jog my memory," he replied, crouching in front of the woman he had once called his teammate and long ago, his friend.

"You know why," Cheryl repeated, emphasizing every word. Jackson sighed and rose to his feet.

"And you know that when people don't cooperate, I tend to get annoyed," he reminded her, moving behind her. Cheryl twisted her neck to look at him. "But I think I have a solution." He ran his fingers through her hair and along her jaw, intentionally invading her space and devaluing her position. He bent down, pressing his lips to the ear that was turned away from him. He rested his arm on her opposite shoulder, letting the knife dangle in front of her face. "You are in way over your head right now. You will not win with your cute little games, and you are horrible at being coy." He stroked her hair again. "So tell me what I want to know, and I won't get annoyed."

Cheryl turned to face him, their faces fractions of an inch apart. "Where would be the fun in that?" she asked, a seductive smile on her lips. Jackson raised an eyebrow.

"You're getting off on this," he stated, pulling away slightly. She really did seem to think that this was some kind of game.

"And so are you," Cheryl replied, a knowing smile on her face. Jackson sighed and stood upright again. It wasn't the end of the world. He had been in scenarios similar to this before, and knew that it was a simple matter of changing tactics again. She was enjoying his attention, so he decided to head in the opposite direction.

He flopped down on the couch again, tossing the knife aside. He took another drink of beer and checked his phone. "You're insane, you know that?" he remarked, noting that he had another message from Ben.

"You would know," came the reply. Jackson ignored her, lifting the phone to his ear. He lit a cigarette, listening to the message. Robert was going to be alone in the club, his men watching from afar. He was trying to set a trap for Jackson. As far as Robert was concerned, it was going to be only Jackson coming for him. Jackson hung up his phone, satisfied. He intentionally focused his gaze to the right of Cheryl as he reflected on his plan for the evening.

Sure enough, it wasn't long before Cheryl spoke again. "Was that Ben?" she asked, trying to get his attention again. "Is he your hookup?" Jackson gave a non-committal grunt in response, still deep in thought. It would be easy enough to lure Robert out of the club, but they couldn't very well attack him in the parking lot- the security was too heavy.

"Are you sure you can trust him?" she needled. "You guys hate each other."

"I know," Jackson replied. He was well aware of their history, but Ben was also honest and used to be one of Caleb's best friends. He was the only one Jackson could have trusted enough in Robert's team.

"It was a choice between him and you, and I chose you." Her statement pulled Jackson from his thoughts, but he managed to look vaguely interested. He glanced at Cheryl, waiting to see if she would continue. Finally, he decided to make a move.

"You say I already know the answer, but I just can't figure out what would lead a woman to offer up her husband in the place of her brother-in-law," he remarked, taking another drink. "Any thoughts?" She didn't reply, and Jackson realized that Caleb may have been correct.

"Did you ever love him?" he asked, ashing his cigarette into the half-empty bottle that Jeff had left behind. He rolled his neck and inhaled deeply, trying to keep himself calm as he waited for the answer.

"Of course I did," she responded coolly, "Things change." She looked up at him. "People change." Jackson flexed his jaw, balling his free hand into a fist. He tried to take himself out of the scene, watch it as a disinterested third party.

"So, you stopped loving him when he left the agency," he stated flatly. It wasn't a question. It made sense in a twisted way. He had to admit that he understood to a degree. "And when you knew Robert wanted me dead, you figured you would give up Caleb because he isn't a loss, right?" He rolled his neck again. "And apparently I am."

Cheryl scoffed. "Of course you would be," she said, staring up at him.

Jackson dropped his chin into he free hand. He knew he should keep his mouth shut, but Caleb's earlier comment kept nagging at him. "Was he your second choice?" he blurted, and then clenched his jaw. "Don't answer that." This is fucked up.

"You know the answer," she replied anyway, defiant. Jackson shook his head in disbelief.

"So you go for the exciting guys, and Caleb got boring. Cold." He remarked, still attempting to hide how upset he was getting. He looked up when Cheryl started to raise her voice.

"Who the hell do you think I am?" she demanded, daggers in her eyes. "I didn't try to kill Caleb because I don't love him, and I didn't try to keep you alive because-"Jackson got to his feet, giving her a warning glance as he motioned to the door with his head.

"You let him hear you and I'll kill you right here. Understand?" he growled, interrupting her. Cheryl scowled at him.

"I don't even have feelings for you anymore, you asshole," she continued, but she did lower her voice again. "Yes, I wanted you first, but you didn't seem interested and I got over it." She shook her head, laughing bitterly. "So get over yourself."

Jackson dropped back in his seat and took a deep drag of his cigarette. He stared at her, waiting for her to continue. "I did what I did because you do what's right and Caleb just gave up," Cheryl insisted. "He knows what goes on, and how important what we do is, but he decided to just abandon it. How can I respect a man like that? How could I let you get killed and let a nothing like him live?" She paused. "How can you not see that?"

Jackson gritted his teeth, twirling the Benchmade in his hand. He had never wanted to slit a throat so badly before. He should have anticipated this. He knew that Cheryl had always been bloodthirsty- how could he have let Caleb fall so hard that he married this specimen? He should have tried harder to break them up earlier on, tried harder to convince Caleb that it was a bad idea. He should have done something.

"We do what we do so people like Caleb don't have to," he snarled. They worked behind the scenes to keep the "civilians", as Marie called them, safe. Cheryl had offered Caleb up as a sacrifice just for being a man who preferred to not kill people. Jackson wasn't stupid. He knew that Cheryl was well aware that she didn't not have any other choice. If she had simply told him what Robert was going, he could have responded. She was a liar- she had involved Caleb for her own reasons. He felt the bile rising in his throat. He wanted her dead.

"Is that it?" he asked through clenched teeth, dropping his cigarette into the beer bottle. He pursed his lips and relaxed them again, wanting nothing more than to get out of the room. He felt as though he would break her neck with his bare hands if he stayed. He pinched the bridge of his nose, attempting to will away the increasing pressure in his head.

"No," Cheryl replied, pulling him right back into reality. Jackson exhaled, waiting for her to elaborate. "I'm pregnant," she added. Jackson froze. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. He recalled Caleb telling him that the two hadn't had sex in four months, and Cheryl wasn't obviously showing.

"And it's not Caleb's," he finished, pausing to see if she would refute it. When she said nothing, he opened his eyes again. He didn't recognize anything in this woman. There was absolutely no reason for her to be telling him this. She knew damn well that it wouldn't save her life. She knew that he wouldn't tell Caleb- he knew that his brother wanted a family, and there was no way in hell he would pass on the information that his soon-to-be dead wife was carrying another man's child.

"It's Robert's." Jackson felt a wave of heat rush through his body when he opened his eyes and saw the smirk on Cheryl's face as she watched her words sink in. He recognized that smirk. She was telling him in order to torture him. She knew that he would have keep this secret from Caleb forever. It was her final 'fuck you'.

Jackson broke. He made it to Cheryl in one step and backhanded her across the face, sending her head snapping to the side. At that point, he didn't care if he had broken her neck. He turned and slammed his hand at the wall, leaving his knife sticking in the cheap paneling.

"Oh, don't act like you're defending him," Cheryl snapped, whipping her head around to glare at him. "You didn't give him the time of day until you needed his help. Admit it- you're upset that you lost. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You don't respect him, either." She spat at Jackson's feet, leaving a splatter of blood on the carpet. "You have one weakness, and it's your pride. You're upset because your mind games, your threats, none of it bothers me. You don't scare me. And if Caleb hadn't switched your phones, you never would have figured it out. And-"

Jackson lunged at her, grabbing the woman by the throat. He opened his mouth to tell her that no, she didn't know him. That he loved his brother, and would never do anything like what she was doing. He would never betray the people who he cared about. But she wasn't worth his words, and he owed her nothing. She was dead wrong about him, though- she had to be. He yanked his hand away and spun around, storming into the bedroom.

Lisa dropped down on Jeff's bed and watched Caleb. He leaned against the door, apparently trying to eavesdrop on the conversation. She wanted to say something, but didn't know what. He seemed so different from when they had parted back in Minnesota, but that was to be expected. She wondered if she had the same look as he did- tired, confused, and out of place.

"What are they saying?" she finally asked, breaking the silence. Caleb sighed, frustrated.

"Nothing much," he replied, "and they're too quiet anyway." He walked over to Lisa and knelt in front of her. "Let's see it," he ordered. Lisa pulled off her hoodie and shifted to move her shoulder closer to Caleb.

"It's funny," she remarked absently as Caleb removed the bandage. When he looked up at her, she continued. "This scar," she said, motioning with her hand, "came from an attack two years ago." Caleb glanced at the scar and then back up at her, giving her his full attention. "I didn't let anyone see it, except doctors. Jackson was the first since then, and now I'm just pulling off my shirt whenever." She laughed awkwardly. "Well, I didn't really give him permission to see it the first time, but still...it's funny."

"Well, I am a doctor," Caleb replied lightheartedly. "Kind of." He smiled. "But I get it. You don't really know me, so..." He rose to his feet and sat down next to her, gauging her reaction. "That kind of violation never really leaves you, but eventually, you learn to move on and trust again. Sounds like you're getting there."

Lisa nodded. "And it sounds to me like you're just starting," she replied tentatively. Caleb raised his eyebrows in surprise and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I don't know if I would compare this to a rape," he replied, staring straight ahead, "but I get what you're saying. It's the risk we take when we trust people, I guess. If you rely on someone, they can break you. If you trust no one, then no one can hurt you." He turned to look at her again. "Right?"

Lisa nodded. She thought back on her previous conversation with Jackson. She had been second-guessing the things he had said about Ben, Jeff, Overtown, and others, and kept telling herself that she was trying to provide another perspective. But now she was wondering if she was still stuck in the remnants of her attack. Was she just having problems completely trusting in someone else? She had thought that she trusted Jackson, but maybe she was still clinging to small shreds of defiance to avoid falling in line.

"I think I'm making things difficult," she admitted, the corners of her mouth turning down slightly. "I want to trust..." she trailed off before saying 'him', remembering what Jackson had said. She shook her head dismissively. "Never mind, it's not important."

Caleb raised an eyebrow. "If you say so," he replied, and turned her torso to get a better glimpse of her stitches. "It's not your fault, you know. He just doesn't know how to be a person sometimes. He can be an asshole, but he's doing the best he can." Lisa looked into his eyes, and he gave her a knowing nod.

Caleb placed both hands on Lisa's elbow and forearm, moving her arm slowly in various directions. "How much does this hurt?" he asked.

"It's just a little stiff," Lisa replied, "like I need to stretch it. It's kind of a dull ache, I guess. How does it look?"

Caleb lowered her arm and let go. "No infection that I can see," he responded. "Stiffness is normal. Actually, there's a fair chance that it will be permanent. The bullet didn't go that deep, but I'm guessing it still did nerve damage." Caleb's face darkened. "I'm sorry," he murmured, sounding guilty.

"For what?" Lisa asked, confused. "You didn't shoot me. And it was so much worse before you helped me."

Caleb began to re-bandage the wound. "But you could have gotten much better treatment in a hospital with sufficient equipment and rest. It's like the difference between masking tape and welding." He sighed. "Do you realize how difficult your life is going to become?"

Lisa frowned. Going to become? "What do you mean? I know I have to work and live where I'm told. Is that what you mean?" She offered her sprained wrist to Caleb, who nodded.

"That, and you can't get a driver's license. You can't get anything that requires a social security number- no bank accounts, no credit cards. If you go to a hospital, you can't give any personal information and you will always have to pay in cash. You can't have a medical record anymore. Living off the grid is incredibly difficult in today's world."

Lisa sighed in frustration. "I know it will be hard, but I don't have any other choice. Except prison."

Caleb shook his head. "That's not technically true," he replied. "I'm assuming that you met Marie. If you turned in her and Jackson, you would probably be able to work out a deal. And you could easily explain what happened at your dad's house."

Lisa's jaw dropped. "Are you really suggesting that I-"

"No," Caleb replied quickly, cutting her off. "I'm saying that it's an option." He inspected her wrist. "This is coming along nicely. It's not a bad sprain. I would say maybe another week with it wrapped, and you'll be fine. It will probably still hurt for a week or so after that, though." He moved Lisa's wrist back to her lap, smiling warmly. "I'm just surprised that you are handling everything so well. It's a real testament to your strength. Impressive, really."

The two turned toward the door when they heard a sudden outburst from Cheryl. Lisa was unable to make out what she was saying, but thought she heard 'Caleb' and 'love'. She looked back at Caleb, wondering if he heard. His facial expression gave nothing away.

"Cheryl doesn't love me," he said, sounding as though he was talking to himself. "I've known for a while, I think." He turned to Lisa, giving her a sad smile. "But I'll be alright eventually." He took her left hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "We have to keep moving, right?"

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass," Lisa quoted. "It's about learning how to dance in the rain." She and Caleb looked at each other for a few seconds before she broke out into a giggle, falling onto her back. Caleb also laughed, giving her an incredulous look. "Someone gave me a card with that on it once. I wanted to tear it up, but I stuck it to my fridge," she explained, still laughing. "It's cheesy, but I love the imagery."

Lisa looked up at Caleb, who was thoroughly amused. He was so sweet- how could anyone want to hurt him? Caleb dropped down next to her, staring at the ceiling. He still chuckled every once in a while. "That was really stupid," he admitted, "but thanks."

Lisa rolled her head to look at him. "No problem. I have a few more, if you want. There's a cute one about a caterpillar." Caleb shook his head, grinning.

"Maybe later," he replied. Lisa was amazed in how quickly he became the Caleb that she had met earlier, and hoped with all her heart that he wasn't putting on a mask like his brother was prone to do. She didn't know Caleb well at all, but she felt an odd connection with him- he was so easy to talk to. And it was amazing how at first glance, he seemed so different from Jackson, but she could see many similarities in their demeanor.

"Do you want to talk?" she asked quietly. "About Cheryl, I mean?" Caleb shook his head, his amusement fading.

"Not really," he replied. "I'm trying to cope with it, but I just don't want to be treated like an emotional invalid. You know what I mean?"

Lisa nodded. "I hated the sympathetic looks," she admitted. "And how the people who knew- my dad, mostly- didn't know how to act around me. It's easy to treat yourself like an incomplete person when everyone is treating you like one. You can get so sucked up in the sympathy and just end up feeling sorry for yourself."

Caleb nodded in agreement. "I'll keep your offer in mind, though," he informed her. "Thanks again."

Lisa smiled warmly. "Thank you," she insisted. "For everything." She opened her mouth to ask Caleb if he was really going to participate in Robert's execution, but she was interrupted by the violent opening of the door. She and Caleb both shot to their feet, and she tightened in fear from the look of pure rage on Jackson's face.

Within seconds, Jackson's face turned to stone, as though he were sucking his emotions into a tight container. "I need to talk to Lisa," he said to Caleb, his jaw muscles flexing from the strain of his attempt at self-composure. Caleb nodded, and made a quick exit.

Lisa reached down for her hoodie, realizing that she and Caleb probably made quite the picture laying on Jeff's bed like that. How had she not noticed that she was still topless? Jackson strode deliberately to her, knocking the material out of her hands. He grabbed her face with both hands and tilted his face down to pull her into a hard kiss. Lisa felt her knees give way and she quickly hooked her arms under his, clinging to his shoulders to maintain her balance.

Jackson wrapped an arm around her neck tightly, pulling her body firmly against his as his tongue moved wildly in her mouth. Lisa's eyes shut even more tightly as she felt the burst of pain in her shoulder, and she tried to pull away.

Jackson's grip loosened. "Tell me I'm not like she says," he murmured harshly against her lips, and dove into her mouth again. Lisa's heart tightened at the pain she heard. "Tell me I'm not a monster." He kissed her again, sucking the very breath out of her. Lisa staggered backwards as Jackson released her, pulling off his t-shirt in one quick motion.

"You're not a monster," Lisa assured him, her voice shaking. She had never seen him like this, and it was scaring her. Not because of how rough he was being, but because of how tortured he looked. "Jackson-" She was cut off by another hard kiss, and she couldn't help but moan. She had never felt like this before. She knew that she should be protesting his behavior, but his behavior just wasn't the problem. In fact, it felt surprisingly thrilling. Jackson stepped forward, causing Lisa to back up until she hit the edge of the bed and fell onto her back. Jackson came down with her, catching himself on his forearms to prevent himself from crushing her.

Her back arched as Jackson ran his fingers roughly up her spine, unhooking her bra with one hand. Lisa briefly tensed, but didn't struggle as he slid her straps down her arms, exposing her bare breasts. "Jackson," she tried to begin again, but it came out as a sharp gasp as she felt his mouth enclose around a hard nipple, sucking it and flicking his tongue over the tip. She shuddered in pleasure, her eyes closing again. She flinched when he ran a tongue over her scar, kissing it.

"I don't want to hurt you," he murmured miserably, and Lisa felt hot droplets hitting her skin. She had to stop him. She grabbed his face with both hands and pulled sharply, forcing him to crawl up to become face to face with her again.

"What happened?" she demanded, trying to pull him out of this frenzy that he was in. He just looked at her, and the wild expression on his face broke her heart. She used her thumbs to wipe the tears from under his eyes. She kissed him softly, running one hand through his hair in an attempt to soothe him. Her other hand stroked his spine. "What happened?" she asked again, whispering. "Talk to me."

"You happened," Jackson replied, closing his eyes. He dropped his head down onto her chest, breathing heavily. "I don't want to be a bad person anymore." He pulled his arms in, squeezing her sides. "Fuck you, Lisa. I was fine before I met you."

Lisa was stunned. She had no idea how to respond to this. Should she apologize? Say 'you're welcome'? His words were harsh, but she didn't feel like his anger was directed at her.

"You're not a bad person," she murmured, still caressing his back. She could feel the muscles relaxing under her fingertips. "You just try to be sometimes."

Jackson raised his head, looking at her. He seemed to be analyzing her, trying to figure out if she meant what she was saying. Apparently he liked what he saw, because he leaned forward for another kiss. This one was softer, and Lisa felt him sink into her, letting her support his weight.

She smiled, reaching up to brush his hair from his eyes. "I think we're going to be okay," she assured him, cupping his jaw with her hand. Gazing into his eyes, she knew that she was falling in love with Jackson Rippner. All she could do now was hope that she wouldn't live- or die- to regret it.

Oh God, so much drama. I hope that it wasn't over the top. I didn't intend for it to get that heavy, but the words sort of wrote themselves after a certain point. Let me know in the reviews, pretty please!

Oh, and I want to do a quick poll: Do you guys think that Jackson, Lisa, and Caleb will all survive to see the end of the story? If not, who is marked for death in your mind?