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Here it is! The chapter you all been waiting for! Enjoy!

Still big thanks to Cat for making it possible for me to post it!

Chapter 31

Her heart dropped to her ankles as their eyes met. Hermione's voice disappeared as she looked into his dark eyes. It seemed that even the fire fell silent expecting what was to come. The knuckles of the hand that held her wand blanched white from pressure. As she stood frozen with her wand hand by her chest and the other one gripping the edge of her bathrobe. She honestly hadn't expected him to be back from patrols so soon.

"Hermione…"

Severus rose from his seat to approach her and took a step in her direction, but the Gryffindor took a step backwards, keeping the distance between them.

Amber eyes were wide and scared. Severus stopped without taking another step. She looked like spooked deer, ready to run at the slightest sign of threat.

"I was waiting for you."

"Oh, really?"

Hermione didn't even blink as she snapped at him. She'd had it. It took a second for her to understand that it was unshed tears that were clouding her eyes. Severus made to move again.

"Don't you dare come closer!"

"You are acting childishly."

"Excuse me? Childishly? How Dare you! You arrogant bastard!"

All her brave thoughts of being polite, understanding and so on had just expired.

"Just try to make a move in my direction and I will hex you so badly that you will wish that you were dead."

"Hermione I…"

Severus looked lost, and dare she say… sorry.

"You what? Go on. I am dying to hear the reason why you almost raped me last night."

The Slytherin looked like he had been slapped with a wet towel. Pathetic. But right now Hermione really couldn't care less. She was the wronged party and she was going to act like it for once.

"Well?" Her voice was slightly hysterical, and reason was fast dwindling away.

"I am sorry Hermione. I was wrong."

"You are sorry? You know what? So am I! Sorry that I didn't burn my Hogwarts letter when I was eleven. I am sorry that Harry and Ron saved me from the troll that night. Sorry that Fucking Fudge passed that Stupid Law. Sorry that I actually thought I could make this pathetic marriage of ours work. I am sorry about a million and one other things right now, but you know what I am the most sorry a bout?"

There was a moment's heavy silence.

"That none of it really matters."

"We can make it work"

"Pardon? Make what work?"

"Our marriage"

Hermione opened her mouth, and closed it again. Her eyes full of disbelief.

"Do you? Merlin! Severus, do you know what you are saying."

"I was wrong, I admit it, but that doesn't mean that all is lost."

'He actually sounds like he believes that.'

Hermione said nothing, just turned around and went towards the bedroom.

"Where are you going?"

"To pack my bags"

"WHAT??!"

The question boomed in the silent rooms like thunder. Hermione turned around by the door to come face to face with a pair of furious looking obsidian eyes.

"You heard me. I will spend tonight in with Pansy. Or, I am sure that there is an empty cham…"

"You are not going anywhere!"

"Oh really? And who are you to stop me?"

Hermione could see the muscle on his jaw tense. He was clearly doing his best to control his temper.

"I am your husband."

"Yesterday you lost any right to use that term as a valid argument!"

"I have already apologised for that."

Hermione couldn't believe her own ears. He couldn't be serious, could he?

"You just don't get it, do you? I don't care how many times you say you're sorry. I don't believe you!"

"Why? It was a mistake."

"You went berserk because you were jealous of my Dead Cat!"

"I didn't even know you had a cat."

"You could have asked!! But no! Severus is so smart he knows everything" Well, I probably have to be grateful that you didn't accuse me of something like having an affair with Malfoy!"

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"But you did! And you scared me. A lot."

"Yesterday was a big mistake. What do you want me to say? That I am sorry for what I did? That I regret my actions then more than anything I have ever done, more than the day I received my darkmark? Because I am, and I do. I didn't mean to scare you! I just…"

"You were out of control… insane…"

"I was."

"Why? Why couldn't you listen to me?"

"Hermione do you have any idea what it means to wait? To hope for something? Something good. It is damn hard and just the thought that it was in vein." He closed his eyes for a second. "I am sorry for what happened…"

"How can you just say that? You almost… Almost…" Suddenly she couldn't say the word.

"Almost doesn't count."

"It counts to me"

"It was a mistake."

"Stop saying that!"

Hermione didn't even feel the tears that spilled from her clouded eyes and down her cheeks.

"Stop saying it like it changes everything! Because it doesn't! I don't want to be with you. Do you know how hard it was to try to understand you? Not to freak out every time you were near me? It was damn hard, but I tried and I did it. I saw you not only as a teacher that made my life hell, but as a man, a person. I welcomed your touch; I wasn't scared to be alone with you! And you… you… How could you!"

"I wasn't thinking straight. It…"

"Was a mistake? I already know that."

"No, you don't! I thought that I had lost you."

"Oh, yes. Severus, Mighty Severus Snape, Might lose a possession. Horror!" Hermione mocked him.

"Stop it!"

She didn't know how a person could look sorry and angry at the same time, but Severus was pulling it off somehow.

"Hermione, you were never my possession, but you are mine. I don't blame you for being angry with me, for being scared. But you have no right to say that. You don't know me."

"You never wondered why? I am trying to understand you, to know you, I really am. But every time I ask something you … you… slither your way out and all I get are answers meaning nothing. Amazing how you can say so much and tell me nothing useful. All the time we are together is nothing but smoke and mirrors."

"I have never lied to you, or tried to deceive you."

"You know what the worst part is? I actually think you believe that. I know its true, but it changes nothing."

"What do you expect me to do? Pour my heart out, cry on your shoulder? I am not that kind of man."

"I know! I know that Severus. I doubt that you would have lasted against the Dark Lord if you were. I knew you were a dangerous man when I signed the petition. I knew it when you kissed me. I knew it when I fell asleep in your arms, in your bed. I know that you have done lots of terrible things, and I have no illusions about you being a saint. But I would never have expected you to turn your fury against me. Never…"

There was silence for a second. Thick and heavy, it seemed to last forever.

"Why? You could have asked Severus. Just one simple question that morning. One."

"I couldn't. It wasn't as simple then."

"It was simple."

"It wasn't. I thought... I had many thoughts on my mind. I am only a man Hermione and I made a mistake."

"Stop saying that! Mistake! Mistake! I bloody well know it!"

Hermione wiped her face with the back of her hand and then lifted her arms up so that the sleeves fell down revealing angry blue circles around her wrists.

"See? It hurts. So stop saying it was a mistake like I am unable to understand the word."

Severus' face turned to stone as he saw the bruises around her wrists. He hadn't realised he had been so rough with her. Not only had he scared her, but he had also hurt her. He felt sick. He wasn't surprised that she didn't want him to come close to her now.

"I will say it as long as it will take you for you to understand that I was wrong. That I am sorry."

"Of course you were wrong. That's the problem."

"Do you hate me?"

Hermione lost her train of thoughts as Severus spoke to her.

"What?"

"Do you hate me? For what I did?"

The Gryffindor just stood there not knowing what to say. Did she hate him? She was angry and hurt, but hate? She tried to make sense of the storm that was raging within her. To find hate for the man before her. The one second turned into two, then three. She couldn't speak as she didn't know what to say.

Hermione desperately wanted to tell him that she hated him. To scream it at the top of her lungs, but all that came were tears. She couldn't say it, she couldn't scream it. It would be a lie... she couldn't hate him. More tears slid down her red cheeks. She couldn't find a drop of hate for what had happened. She was angry because he hurt her. She was scared because he did something like this. She was disappointed in him. But she couldn't hate him, because it was a mistake. Mistake. Mistake. Mistake.

The young woman covered her face with her hands and the only sound was the muffled ding of her wand hitting the ground and her sobs.

She hated herself for being unable to hate him.

'It's not fair! He hurt me! He scared me…'

Her sobs came harder. It was not fair.

'Why? Why can't I just say it?'

Her body shook from the sobs and her head hurt from all of it. Through tears she saw him coming closer.

"Don't! Don't come near me. It's all your fault. Yours!"

"It was a …"

"Don't say it! I hate that word!"

"I should have asked you…"

His voice was so low that she barely heard him.

"I want to leave Severus."

Her voice was a sob.

"No"

"Why?"

"You are mine."

"You hurt me! Let go of me, please. Let me leave"

"No Hermione."

"Why? Severus, please." She trembled from tears. Hermione was looking into his dark eyes and all that she saw were shadows.

"I can't… Forgive me."

"No! No! NO! I want to leave. I want to forget. I want to wake up and know that Hogwarts was just a bad dream."

Hermione didn't know what she was talking about. Herself? Severus? Last night? The Law? Magic? She wasn't a bottomless abyss, and the goblet of her self control had just overflowed.

Severus just stood there and watched her sob. He wanted to hold her, but he knew that this wasn't the time. She needed to calm down first. To see reason, and then he would ask for her forgiveness.

One thing that shocked him was that she was unable to say that she hated him. She looked like she wanted to but was unable to. It was something that Severus had noted before. When Hermione was angry she was unable to lie. She knew it was a mistake.

Hermione didn't know what to do. She couldn't stay with him in one room. Her thoughts were a tangled mess and her vision blurred.

"Hermione…"

"No, I don't want to hear anything. I can't…"

Grabbing her wand she ran into the bedroom slamming the doors shut and warding them. Leaning with her back against them she sank to the floor and started to sob again. She didn't know why she was crying, she just couldn't stop.

"Hermione!"

"Leave me alone!"

"I will not leave you alone while you are like this!"

"No! I need to be alone! I don't want to see you!" She choked back another wrenching sob. "This is all your fault. It was all a lie."

"I will be in the sitting room if you need me."

His calmness infuriated her even more.

"I Won't!"

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