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2. Not Quite Heaven, Not Quite Hell

When Lily saw the tawny Hogwarts owl swooping through the kitchen window, she felt a simultaneous swooping in her stomach. She could remember her careers session from last year perfectly: she knew what marks she needs to work in charms development. She also knew that she didn't get them. Even Petunia, who usually shrieked at the sight of anything remotely magical (including owls) was silent at the look on her little sister's face.

Lily's hands shook as she untied the letter from the owl's outstretched leg:

Lily Evans,
The Kitchen,
77 Rosemary Lane,
Surrey.

She looked upwards and her eyes fluttered closed, half pretending the letter still hasn't arrived, half praying for a miracle.

The small black brochure left in the Gryffindor common room was upstairs on her desk. She didn't need to read it to remember it though, not when it had been stuck on her mirror for the whole 6 months before exams: a reminder.

Charms Research in the Department of Mysteries
-Limited information upon request

Requirements:

OWL's: A minimum of 9 outstanding OWL's.

NEWT's:

Ancient Runes: O
Arithmancy: O
Charms: O
Defence Against the Dark Arts: O
History of Magic: E or higher
Potions: E or higher
Transfiguration: E or higher

Other Requirements:

-Must be able to perform basic charms without a wand
-Must understand Ley Line Theory
-Must have examples of own charm invention
-Must pass Ministry of Magic psych evaluation

Ministry reserves the right to veto any and all candidates,

Every Gryffindor had picked up the intriguing brochure: its colour alone making it stand out. And every Gryffindor, as soon as they saw the requirements list, had put it back down. All except for Lily. Her eyes had widened considerably as she read the list, but when she gat to the end, they were glinting with determination. Chin up and jaw set she stood, and, in front of her astounded class mates, marched off to request 'limited information'.

Lily Evans had always payed attention in class and had always done most of her homework on time. After her career session though, she changed. If she wasn't in the Great Hall eating, it was a pretty sure bet that she was studying, and not just the course work. She would be found in the library with Severus, their heads close together as they unravelled the art of spell invention. She would sit under the beech tree by the lake, thick tomes, specially borrowed from Professor Flitwick, spread around her. Everyone believed she would achieve her required OWLs (and NEWTs) and they would have been right, except for a single event, the afternoon before her last exam: transfiguration. The same event, in fact, that Lily had been unable to stop thinking about all summer.

"Lily darling? You're pale," Her Mother's voice dragged her back to the present, "You don't have to open it now…"

Lily shook her head hard, missing the anxious glances exchanged by her parents. She ripped open the envelope, oblivious to the fact that her estranged sister was crossing her fingers for her.

ORDINARY WIZARDING LEVEL RESULTS

Pass Grades: Outstanding (O), Exceeds Expectations (E), Acceptable (A)
Fail Grades: Poor (P), Dreadful (D), Troll (T)

LILY ANNABELLE EVANS HAS ACHIEVED:

Ancient Runes: O
Arithmancy: O
Astronomy: O
Charms: O
Defence Against the Dark Arts: O
Herbology: O
History of Magic: O
Potions: O
Transfiguration: A

The letter dropped to the ground. Her shoulders slumped momentarily, before she squared them again. "Well!" She flipped her hair. "Who'd wanna be an unspeakable anyway?" Her voice sounded trembly and unreal.

"Oh honey…" Mr Evans eyes, the same green as his daughter's, seemed to see through Lily as he pulled her into a hug. They all knew how badly she wanted this, how excited her letters had become since she had found the brochure. "You know, sometimes these things happen for a reason." His deep voice was soothing, "Maybe you're meant to do something else…"

Lily sniffed. She knew her Dad meant well, but an Acceptable transfiguration OWL wasn't even enough to continue onto NEWT level. And every career choice Lily had considered required NEWT level transfiguration.

"Honestly Lily!" Petunia felt sorry for her sister, but her voice was impatient. "You've spent the last two months saying that you bollocksed your tra-, trans-, that you bollocksed that exam!"

Lily nodded, still in her father's arms. "I know. But, but I still hoped. You know Tuney…" She looked at her sister, red-rimmed eyes pleading. As she moved away from her Dad, she swallowed. How could she have believed, even for a moment, that she still had a chance at that job? Instead of transfiguring her gerbil into a 'romantic gift' she'd somehow managed to make a carnivorous rose-with a lot more thorns than usual, and teeth. And if that wasn't bad enough, the damn thing had bitten her examiner! Not her, not Potter (who's fault it was in the first place!), but Professor Tofty. Really, when Lily thought about it, she was probably lucky to have passed.

"Lily darling? Would you like some breakfast?" Lily looked down at her incredulously. She had discovered, upon her return from Hogwarts, that she was 2cm taller than her Mum. A fact which had delighted her all summer, but which didn't seem to matter to her anymore. "Breakfast?" She finally managed to croak. "No." Then, as Mrs. Evans face fell, "No thanks Mum, I'm just not hungry."

Lily trudged slowly back upstairs to her room. She was not in a hurry to get there- she was dreading the arrival of her friends' owls. Sure enough, when she arrived, she recognised the three birds waiting on her desk. Two were dumped unceremoniously back out her window, the only alteration; 'RETURN TO SENDER' written in red ink across the front. If they thought…if the two boys who's fault all of this was honestly thought that she wanted to hear from them now! Well, they were clearly even battier than she thought.

The third owl was from Mary. Lily reached slowly for the letter, biting her lip.

Dear Lily,
I'm taking the fact that I haven't heard from you as a bad sign. If I'm wrong, and it's just because you're still dancing around the living room in jubilation, please forgive my lack of faith!!

BUT! If -as you predicted (you must be sick of being right all the time!!) your transfiguration mark left a little to be desired, talk to someone. After all, sometimes sharing bad news can make you feel better.

I did ok. O's for Herbology and CoMC, E's for Charms (thanks by the way!), potions and Defence, A's for Astronomy and Divination, a P for Transfiguration and a D for History.

As you may have guessed, I wouldn't mind getting some revenge on a certain transfiguration teacher either! I say we should sic Remus on her!

Here Lily burst out laughing. She and Mary had discovered Remus' secret (although he still didn't know it) in third year. And the idea of setting the sweet, gentlemanly (if occasionally cowardly) boy on a teacher, in the hopes of provoking his inner wolf, was simply absurd! Lily turned back to the letter.

I don't know the marks of the other girls, but we should all catch up soon! It feels like forever since I saw you Lil. Let me know when you're free and we can meet in Diagon Alley for school supplies.

All my Love,
Mary

Lily was half smiling as the grabbed ink and parchment and made herself comfortable on her bed. Carefully balancing her newly opened ink bottle, Lily began to write.

Dearest of Mary's!!!
There was very little dancing going on this morning. As we both guessed (it is hateful to be right sometimes!!) it was all transfigurations fault. I got an A. I got O's in everything else, but it doesn't mean much anymore. The worst part is that I can't even be an auror or a healer because Professor McGonagal only takes E students for NEWT level. Ah well! Perhaps I can join you in your some-day book store!?!

To be perfectly honest, I'm not really feeling up to seeing anyone yet (although your letter has made me feel considerably better!) but give me a day or two and I'll let you know about Diagon Alley.

Always,
Lil.

Lily paused, grimacing as she chewed on the end of her quill. It just wasn't the same as a pen! Sometimes she wondered why the wizarding world had to be so goddamn medieval about everything!

She shrugged, dipping once more into the ink and scratching slowly:

P.S. Congrats on your marks...and I won't take credit for your charms. After all, if it weren't for my overnight crying jaunt your transfig mark would be considerably higher!