Samuel felt the room grow suddenly warm and his lunch turn sour in his stomach. He panicked as the bathroom doorknob slipped in his hand. It twisted on the second try, and Samuel reached his goal with only moments to spare.
He tasted the bitter burn of acid in his mouth, gasping and sobbing around a lump of guilt and shame.
He rarely allowed himself to feel his failure so deeply. But this time there was a cool flannel pressed to the back of his neck, a glass of clear water, and soft words of comfort babbled in his ear.
The sun was low in the sky when he realized that he was tangled in an afghan, leaning against John. His head was now pounding and he felt hot and dry and thirsty.
"...time is it?"
"It's okay, Samuel, do you want more water?"
Samuel could taste that misdirection and sat up sharply, squinting at the clock. Eight-twenty, and three hours of brewing remained or the Wolfsbane would be ruined. He swung his feet to the floor and began moving forward.
He found Amanda in the den with Troy. She was bent over the desk, writing carefully and methodically; he was tucked into a nearby chair with a large stack of University catalogs. Graduate school then. Troy certainly had the necessary intellect. Personal feelings aside, it would open many doors for the young man.
But right now Samuel was pressed for time. "I hadn't realized that you were considering further education. I think you would do well. But for the moment, I need to focus entirely on brewing, so can you stay a bit longer?"
Troy agreed so quickly that Samuel decided to pay closer attention to the young people, just not tonight. Potion to brew. Imperative. But his head was sending pounding signals of pain. Aspirin and water would help. He'd find both in the lab.
His hands were shaking, not enough for others to notice, but more than he'd like while slicing roots. He sighed as he closed his hand around a familiar bottle in his cupboard, then cursed when he realized it was empty. He was digging frantically through drawers when John stepped in with a glass of water and two white tablets.
"Your hands are shaking. Here, this should help." He spared the tablets the barest glance.
"No. Not while I'm handling potions ingredients. Aspirin would work, but I'm out."
And then the household seemed to mobilize around him. John was pulling him back into the den and Troy was grabbing car keys. By the time Samuel had regained control, he'd been dosed with aspirin and threatened with forced feeding.
He tried complaining to Amanda about being bossed and bullied, but conceded the point when she stared straight through him. Perhaps his best course would be to shut up and accept the help as offered. He found he couldn't disagree when Troy declared him feverish. But the Wolfsbane wouldn't wait.
So in the end, John stayed with Samuel in the lab, and Troy and Amanda were left to their own devices. The chair in the corner felt padded, he wondered who had incanted the change, but then struggled to put his mind back on brewing. "Slice the stems with the grain first, matchstick sized pieces; then cut across the grain at one quarter inch intervals." When he wasn't trying to be Alpha Wolf, John could follow directions quite nicely. Samuel smiled lightly as he felt the pain receding. Or was he just dissociating? No matter, didn't hurt as much and the chair offered perfect neck support, Samuel let himself float.
There was a hand on his forehead again. "Everything is chopped, sliced, and squeezed the way you asked. Can you talk me through the brewing?"
Keeping his focus on the potion required Samuel's full concentration. And finally they reached the first resting phase and with it thirty minutes of peace. "Samuel, stay with me right now. Just three more steps, okay?"
"Why didn't you ever check on me? After Prague, you never came. Wanted you to come."
"I thought you hated me for pushing you. Using you to get information back to the Order. You were waiting for me?"
"You're so much nicer when you aren't trying to be top dog."
"Yes, but sometimes you need to be pushed."
"John, what happened after we left?"
"Ron killed Nagini, and Harry cornered Voldermort..."
"No, I don't care about that. With you. Tell me about you."
"Things were pretty chaotic for a while. The Ministry put a lot of pressure on Harry. He's learned to play politics to get things done, though. And the first thing he thought about was the future. Don't ask me how he managed to repeal Umbridge's Edicts, but within two days, Minerva was offering me the Defense job. We thought the curse was broken with Tom's death. But such is life."
"What do you mean?"
"I made it through end of year exams again, and then Minerva offered the Transfiguration post to Dora. So I quickly found myself a professorship here in the states."
"You've been in the States for four years? Teaching Defense?"
"No, Literature. At a small private college. It's nice, actually."
"Why would Nymphadora teach anything?"
"She had a really hard time adapting after Hermione was killed."
"John.." Samuel's boneless peace was receding and he leaned forward in his chair, "what happened to the Granger girl?" He was pleased to hear the steel in his own voice again.
"Harry and Ron had planned to go into Auror training together. But when Harry realized the amount of power he held over the Ministry, he decided to focus his energy on politics. Ron lacks both Harry's cache and his financial resources, so he needed to continue with the original plan. I don't know why Granger joined him, but she definitely had the grades and reputation to get whatever she wanted."
Samuel felt cold as he stared at John. "Keep talking, Wolfe."
"Samuel, she was a truly good person. But she was never as quick as the boys, not physically. Dora meant to protect her, that's why she requested Hermione as her partner. They were following a lead on Macnair, but the house was booby trapped. Dora ducked, Hermione didn't. At least that's how Kingsley thinks it happened. Dora won't talk about it. She withdrew from everyone, including me."
John took a deep breath and continued, "She dumped me two days before Minerva mentioned offering her the post. I left, hoping it would make things easier for her. Seems like it worked, 'cause she's Head of Gryffindor now."
"You're a real arse, you know? What would you have done if she'd tipped the other way? Lead her on even more. Marry her and pretend she lights your fire. Merlin what a mess."
"Wait a minute, you're jealous. Have you forgotten that you pushed me away? Right after you realized what Draco was trying to do... Oh, God. You didn't mean it, did you? You were trying to protect me. I'm an idiot, fortune's fool not once but twice. Samuel, I'm so sorry."
"And Nymphadora?"
"I can't mend that. I don't feel what she wants me to feel. She has a chance now to find someone who can."
"John, how do you think Nymphadora will feel if she ever discovers your preferences?" His voice sounded sharp to his own ears, like Minerva scolding a student. But he couldn't let this go.
"Samuel, what's done is done. I can't change it. Let it go, okay?"
"The problem with old business, John, is that it has a way of re-emerging in new relationships."
"You think that my dealings with Tonks four years ago will poison our relationship now?"
"No John, I think that our failings poisoned your chances for a healthy relationship with anyone at the time, and that trying to pass yourself as a straight man was incredibly selfish. I further think that now is the time to put our old business to rest, for good."