A/N: Inspiration struck again, thanks to my RL friend Leafy. She keeps trying to make me eat bean sprouts. Dangling them in front of my face every time we eat together. Which is about every day.

I hate bean sprouts. Some of you might know them as Brussels or something of the sort.

Anyway, I couldn't find anything resembling a bean sprout in Aion, but nevermind. Let's just assume that there is.

Veggie-centralized, life-verse. More 'random' than 'story'. Plot bunnies, I be hating you.

'Kaolin' actually means 'white clay', hence the nickname Leafy gives me.

"We are the legion, we are Great Madness!" ~Reaza

Story begin.

Chapter 2: Sprout Mania

"Claaaay eat your sprouts!"

"No!"

"Look at it! It's crying cause you don't want to eat it!"

I leaned back in my seat as far away as I could without falling off, attempting to keep my distance from the offending vegetable dangling in front of my face. Leafalemyr, otherwise known as Leafy, insistently shoved her chopsticks in front of my nose, the little white bean sprout swinging from the ends.

"How many times do I have to tell you, I don't. Eat. Bean sprouts?" I strained to keep my face away, my upper body balanced precariously far over the edge of the chair.

"But it tastes so gooood!" The green-haired ranger pressed a little closer, making me lean even further back, and with a yelp I fell off the chair, the piece of furniture overturning along with me.

Leafalemyr is one of my best friends, and unfortunately one who also loves teasing me to no end. Especially cases like these. I'm fine with greens, anything except bean sprouts. Anything. Call me picky if you want, I don't care. Just no sprouts. Please.

"To you, not to me. It's yucky." I scrambled to my feet, eyeing the bean sprout warily as Leafy advanced on me, chopsticks still in hand.

"It's not yucky! It's good for you! It'll make you grow."

"Sprouts don't contain protein or carbohydrates and therefore don't contribute to growth. Your argument is invalid."

"Well…well it gets rid of constipation!" she whined.

"It's fried, therefore the cellulose in it has been broken down and it does not have much other use than taste. Argument invalid." I smirked faintly. My medical knowledge surpassed hers, by a long shot. Cleric fistpump.

She thought for a moment, before an evil grin crept onto her face. "How about if it's steamed then? Would you eat it?"

That shut me up.

"Why do I even agree to eat with you all the time…" I muttered under my breath. Leaf loved bean sprouts. And I hated them. I supposed that, by a long shot, I could consider her actions as fraternizing with the enemy. LET'S THROW HER TO THE SPROUTS-

Leafy just giggled. "Just eat it. See, it's waiting~~" She waved her chopsticks in the air, the bean sprout swinging to and fro.

I made a face at her. "For the last time, no. Don't make me burn that thing," I said flatly.

"Aww, you're no fun. The sprout is sad," she declared dramatically. "Fine then." Cheerfully, she popped the much-abused vegetable into her mouth. "I'll just tell your legion about how you just looooove bean sprouts."

My jaw fell open in horror and plain shock. "You wouldn't dare."

"Ah, but I would," she shot back cheekily, her expression growing even more mischievous as she played about with her newfound, brilliant idea.

My horrified mind played out all the scenarios in which Leaf announces my secret to everyone in Great Madness. Leafy's from another legion, Helios, but she generally knows some of the higher-ranking officials in my legion. I cringed as I imagined my dage Crossloki, assassin and master cook, discovering my so-called 'love' of the aforementioned vegetable. Either he'd believe Leafy and whip up a plate of it, expecting that I'd like it, or he'd get the hint and whip up a plate of it anyway, just so he could join Leafy in teasing me.

I had no doubt that Kexypitch, Bahiam, Latona and most everybody else would join in with delight. Latona would for sure. After all, that was what legions were for, weren't they?

"Okay, see ya! I have a big announcement to make~~" Leafy hopped out of her seat, grinning wide enough to almost split her face in two.

"Oh no don't you dare-" I started, before she vanished.

I groaned. Damn rangers and their Hide ability. This was so going to be the death of my dignity.

xxx

Legion meet-up that night, in Elyos Square. Reaza organized such meetings at least once a week, so we as a legion could talk often and mingle outside of quests and missions. Most everybody came if they were able, barring those happening to be abroad on missions at the time. That couldn't be helped, but it did make the rest of us closer as a whole.

Normally I looked forward to such meetings, but this time I absolutely dreaded it. Leaf had cheerfully informed me that her 'message' had been delivered, and told me that I was to fill her in on everything that happened. It was because of her great agility, and her agility alone that prevented me from slipping my fingers around her throat and throttling her right there and then-

Ahem. Violent tendencies aside. Yes, I was mad.

I hadn't met anyone from Great Madness in the remainder of that day, but now I was going to have to. I'd considered not going, but then again I couldn't hide forever. So it was with great chagrin that I dressed for the minor event.

I made my way towards Elyos Square. Swallowing nervously, I straightened my chiton and strode into the congregation with as much confidence as I could muster. People turned to see who I was, and when they caught sight of an awkwardly smiling, blue-haired cleric, most had clearly faux innocent, guileless expressions on their faces, whereas others had mischievous glints in their eyes, not even bothering with discretion.

Like Kexy, for example.

In full view of everyone else, the sorcerer sidled up to me and draped an arm over my shoulder. "So," he drawled, leading me into the sparse-ish crowd. "How's life?" Eyes followed me in silent amusement as I walked on helplessly with Kex, and I suppressed an inward cringe. They seemed like they had something planned…

"O-okay, I guess?" I stammered.

"Anything…well, you know, interesting to share?" Kex's expression was even more mischievous than it usually was. "I'd love to know."

"Uh… not really." There was a banquet table in the general center of the congregation, and that was where Kex was leading me. I saw some of my friends hanging around the table, talking and snacking on the finger food and other miscellaneous eatables arrayed on the table.

"Are you sure now?" Latona sidled up on my other side out of nowhere, with a grin to match the Cheshire Cat on her face. I swallowed again. "Y-yeah, why?"

They knew, they knew they knew they knew and I'm so dead-

"Oh, nothing," Euwyn answered for her, waltzing into my line of sight. "We're just interested in your week. You know, that's why we're here, right Daevas?"

A murmur of agreement went through the crowd. Scanning through the faces, I saw Bahiam, Crossloki, Whitesage, Aiania, Bigheall, Littlerock, Abrider, Lathander, Kathline and so many more… all watching me with expectant looks on their faces.

Something's going on…Why are they all looking at me like that? Did they hatch some nefarious plot against me that involved bean sprouts? I don't like this feeling…Leafy, the next time I see you I am SO killing you…

My mouth was dry. "What- what's going on?"

"Nothing much, really," Bahiam replied, grinning. "A little green-haired ranger from Helios just happened to fill us in on your latest culinary preferences-"

I KNEW IT LEAF YOU ARE SO DEAD WHEN I GET MY HANDS AROUND YOUR LITTLE NECK I SWEAR I'LL-

"-so we decided to present you with your favorite food."

Wait, what?

Smirking, Loki produced a large plate of bean sprouts from behind his back with a flourish. "Made this especially for you, mushu. And it's steamed as well. Exactly the way you like it."

Oh. Hell. No. My worst fears were realized. They were going to feed me sprouts.

My opinion notwithstanding.

Nefarious plot indeed.

Their smiles turning evil were the only warning I had. With a panicked squeak I dived out of the way as several of them lunged at me. Breaking into a sprint, I ran out of Elyos Square for dear life with the equivalent of a full Elyos platoon hard on my heels. Roots sprang from the ground every other minute, trying to catch my ankles, and I had to jump at the last second to avoid getting my feet restrained and pitching face-forward into the ground. Not to mention having assassins on me with Sprint on was hardly a stroll in the park.

But no. No bean sprouts. Never. I'd rather do a one-man siege.

I veered sharply off-course, heading for the bridge. Panting hard, I looked back over my shoulder and became even more frantic as I saw the assassins loping along easily behind me, dage and Oscillum and the others. In a last-ditch effort, I swerved sharply and launched myself off the edge of the bridge.

Free-falling, I winched out my wings suddenly and banked steeply in another direction. Swooshes and flapping sounds told me that I wasn't alone. Most of my pursuers hadn't missed a beat, joining me in the air almost as soon as I had leveled out. It was basically a game of hunt, I realized, the prey being me. Just that the end of it wasn't death. Something much worse.

I bet they were enjoying it. Definitely enjoying it.

I folded in my wings and dived, gaining speed and rocketing downwards. To no avail. Not five seconds later Kex and Sage were flanking me, evil smirks on their faces. I broke my fall and flapped hard, pushing myself forward as fast as I could. I would not eat sprouts not not NOT-

Two strong hands grabbed me firmly by my upper arms, and I whipped my head around to see both the men grinning at me. Then with a sharp jerk, they changed direction with me in tow, hauling me back towards Sanctum. I strained to free myself, but their iron grips weren't something to be trifled with. Then, with twin grunts and a swing, I was tossed towards land.

I hardly had the time to make any noise of terror for being thrown through open air like a ragdoll. A grunt of exertion came from behind me as I landed in a set of waiting arms, feathers and all, strong hands breaking my fall. All the air went out of my lungs with an 'oof' at the sudden stop. "Gotcha, koala," Bahiam quipped cheerfully. " Now if you don't mind, do me a favour and unwear your wings."

I was fully intending not to, but landing instinct kicked in and my wings melted away before I had the time to recollect my wits and do otherwise. "Thank you," the gladiator said graciously, before slinging me over his shoulder and starting to walk.

Sprouts. He was taking me to the sprouts. Nononono he can't I won't I REFUSE TO BE FORCE-FED-

I railed and squirmed and struggled, pounding my fists on Bahiam's back, but his grip was secure and I got nowhere. It was rather demeaning to be carried in such a manner, but that was hardly on my list of concerns. Being force-fed sprouts were.

When I'd finally understood that there was no escaping Bahiam's hold, I gave up and slumped against him dejectedly, resigned to my fate, my bleak destiny. THIS IS A COLD, SAD WORLD FILLED WITH PAIN AND SUFFERING AND SPROUTS-

Bahiam strode into Elyos square, and, craning my neck, I peered around my captor's arm to investigate the situation. Frankly it was horrifying. Dage holding the accursed plate of sprouts with all the poise of a master chef holding his finest creation, smirking; Osc and Ghost, a chair between them as they stood ready to pin me down. Everyone else, windswept and returning from the chase, watching the proceedings with eager enthusiasm.

I flailed with renewed vigour, and once again got nowhere. Lifting me off his shoulder, the gladiator set me on the chair and I had my upper arms pinned back by both the waiting men. Dage approached me, a fork in his hand, several bean sprouts dangling from it, mocking me. "Open up," he cooed gently like a mother would her child, except that he was wearing an evil grin on his face. The sprouts hung in front of my nose and I gave it as wide a berth as one would the apocalypse.

"Nonono I don't- I don't like this please I-" I whimpered helplessly, trying my best to avert my face and avoid the damned fork. Iron grips held me to the chair, and the horrible vegetable came closer to my face when I had nowhere else to turn.

"Eat it eat it eat it eat it eat it-" a chant rose from the onlookers enjoying the show, and I turned back to stare at the bean sprouts despairingly.

"Just eat it, and it'll all be over," Kex said comfortingly. "It's not that bad."

I glared at him, then had to go nearly cross-eyed staring at the fork right in front of me.

The background chant grew louder, egging me on.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I opened my mouth and ferociously snapped up the sprouts, chewing furiously and forcing it down. Cheers and applause filled the air as I made disgusted faces at the floor, spitting and sputtering and generally trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

"You did it Kao!" Kex cheered, slapping my back in congratulations as Ghost and Osc released me.

"We're proud of you koala," Bahiam smiled, mussing my hair.

"Never again," I gasped, but no one seemed to have heard me.

"Today we proved that bean sprouts are nothing to be afraid of!" Latona declared loudly, gaining a whoop of approval from the watching crowd. I groaned. My dignity was way down the drain and on its way to the sea right now.

"Kaolin has showed that it is possible to overcome fears with the the help of one's legion!"

I didn't recall asking for help on overcoming this matter.

"Three cheers for Kaolin!"

Gawd, Latona. Stahp. I'm embarrassed now.

When the cheers had died down, dage contemplated the giant plate of bean sprouts still in his hands, my tiny mouthful hardly having diminished it. "What will we do with this though?"

All eyes fell on me.

With a shriek I bolted off my chair. "NONONONO I DON'T WANT ANY MORE-"

~Fin~

A/N:

Boy am I glad it's impossible to send vegetables through a computer. Who knows what you guys are thinking right now. I am very, very grateful xD

Hoped you enjoyed this as well, next chapter will be more action-based and starring Bahiam ^^ stay tuned!

Peace out,

Kakashiz/Kaolin