I was lucky I had pulled off that wicked-awesome window jump. I wasn't that good at phasing. One time I had hit the ground after the part where my clothes ripped but before the part where I became a wolf. Somehow it shocked me so much that I stopped phasing for a moment. I ended up just laying there naked before I got up and tried again- only staying firmly on the ground that time. Of course, when I finally made it to patrol everyone saw it in my head. And then replayed it to me every time I had patrol for, like, two weeks.
Actually, if I really thought about it, I wasn't very good at many wolfy-things. I was still only 5'9, shorter than even the newest wolfs. I had trouble phasing and I wasn't a very good fighter (or very fast) until I got really angry.
Patrol was hard for me. For some reason, a reason which Carlisle tried harder than anything to figure out, being a wolf tired me out more than it did the others; a fact that every wolf in my pack (and some in the other) knew. Jacob tried over and over to convince me to take less shifts on patrol but I told him it wasn't fair. "Let the freaks with googly eyes stay home with their imprints." I'd say. Then Jake would laugh.
So today, like every other time I had patrol, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it. The tiring part was only half the reason. Patrol was the only time when I could think about the knowing guilt I had over Sarah's attack. Even worse was that I felt bad for killing a living, breathing, thing. (I guess that depends on your definition of "living" and "breathing" but that's not really the point here, is it?) I felt sorry for the pain I had inflicted on the nameless vampire who had attacked her. Was that wrong? Was I being un-loyal to Sarah? And this brought me back to the beginning of my self hatred. I had to keep it from my mind at home but here, with my brothers (and sister) it was okay. They couldn't all understand why I felt so bad but they still felt sorry for me.
Sarah could never know how bad I felt about it though. Our lives weren't bad; we had more family and love than we could ever want. But I still knew that my best friend- the only girl I had ever really considered a sister- would never grow old. And if I'd been paying closer attention, I could have prevented it all.
A/N: Sorry, this chapter was really short. But the action will come soon. I promise… Mwah hahhahahaa! Excuse me. Oh yeah, and GRACIAS for the awesome reviews. If you have any suggestions for future events (I don't care how stinking weird they are) just hit me up.
Paz,
Lacey =)