Sam's kissing me. We're standing in the rain, covered in mud and she's kissing me. Her lips are ridiculously soft, and I can feel every inch of her damp body against mine. I press her into the tree, soaking up the taste of her.
I'm snogging my best friend in a forest in Costa Rica. I don't know who breaks for air, but my skin is tingling and our ghosts seem very far away. I should have done this a long time ago, but maybe neither of us were ready.
"Sam…" My throat is closed off. I feel her lips on my jaw, and then my neck. I turn my head and she's kissing my ear. It makes my legs go weak and I lean into her more. I don't want her to stop, but I don't want to continue without knowing what we were doing. What this was. Sam's relationships could usually be counted in weeks or days. I didn't want to lose the other half of me over a mistake.
"Shh." She blows into my ear and if the tree wasn't holding us up I might have fallen over. How she knew my weak points, I don't know.
"Does this feel weird to you?" I manage to pull my head away, pushing wet hair out of my face. Her hand quickly replaces mine, so I move mine to her cheek.
"No." Sam kisses me again. "You?"
"Hunh. Uh. No." I feel a little dazed. Climb a cliff? No problems. Take down a charging wolf? Child's play. Deal with my emotions for Sam? God help me, I'm hopeless. "It feels good. I just...I've had ...you're more than a friend to me, Sam."
"You can say it, sweetie." She gets this smile on her face. Her smile is always bright, and beaming, and puts a warmth into my chest every single time. It's extra warm today, and spreads down into my stomach. "You loooooove me."
"Do you love me?"
"Say it." Her fingers are in the hairs on the back of my head again. She could probably convince me to sign over my fortune to the nearest beggar by doing that. "I love you, Sam."
"I love you too." The way she says the words comes out in a rush. I realize she must have been holding them back too. I'm flooded with relief. Some trepidation too, and more of that warmth. I pull back.
"Lets get back to camp. We need to get the footage off these cameras…" I trail off as I realize that the cameras are still recording. "Oh shit!"
Sam starts laughing as I scramble to turn mine off. She grabs my hands, then hits the power on first mine, then hers. I'm sure for effect so she could have the undoubtedly amusing look on my face a few seconds longer.
"I was wondering when you'd notice."
"You knew?" I can't believe her! She knew the cameras were rolling and still let me… make a fool of myself. Of course she knew. I should be used to cameras in my face by now. I feel her thumb stroke across my cheek, and I feel my agitation lesson. "Sam…"
"Sorry." She kisses my nose, and I can't help smiling along with the impish one on her face. "I just can't resist you. You're totally made for the camera. I might have to distract you from the hidden one in our tent."
"Sam!" It's not even the camera thing that makes my cheeks burn, but the insinuation of what she has in mind.
She looks at me with this predatory hunger, and I feel that warmth in my stomach coil up like a spring. It's a sensation i'm all too familiar with from nights where she caresses my scars. I sometimes feign sleep just so that she would do it longer. It used to be bad - bring back memories and fears, but over time it turned into something good.
Her expression makes me bold, but even so, I'm a bit surprised by my own words. "I was going to offer to share a sleeping bag, but I think we're going to need more room than that."