Fade With Me

Chapter 17

-rpla-

-ikku-

-Go to the F-

Was I dreaming again? What were those weird voices in my head? Actually…that was just one voice. Hmm. And he sounded really familiar. I wondered who could be saying those fragmented things in my mind…

Rikku! Go to the Farplane!

I bolted upright in my bed, clutching my hand to my face in pain. The darn healers' magic had worn off slightly, and that one injured side of my face was stinging painfully again. Well…at least I was alive, right? I sighed. Mortality is such a fragile thing. "What's, who…huh?" I looked around in confusion, blinking my eyes a few times to adjust to the bright surroundings of the makeshift hospital room.

It was one of those moments - those many, many moments in my life - where I was awakened because of something disturbing in one of my dreams, or because of someone waking me up. Now if only I could remember what it was exactly that had woken me up. A dream? Or a person?

Both?

I heard a grunt of pain from the bed on the other side of the room. It completely cut off all the rational thoughts that were previously inhabiting my brain. I slowly turned my head in the direction of the sound, just to make sure it was what I thought it was. "Auron?" I whispered in disbelief, disentangling the blankets off from around my body. I carefully hopped off my bed before tip-toeing over to the side of his bed. "Are you awake now?" I asked in a soft voice, leaning over to peer at his face. I knew he'd be okay!

He was stirring around in his bed, and it was apparent that he was still in a lot of pain, despite all the magic and effort the healers put into saving his life. It took a lot out of them, but they succeeded! Auron was alive. And now he was finally waking up!

A tremor coursed emphatically throughout my entire body at the sight of the pained expression on Auron's face. It truly hurt to see him in this condition, even though I knew he was fine now. His pain…was my pain.

Carefully, I brushed a strand of hair away from his face. "You'll be okay, you know. You're made of tougher stuff than everyone thought." I smiled as my face started to heat up. I put my hand on his arm - a show of comfort and love, just like what Yunie had done for me yesterday. For me, though, this was obviously…a very different kind of love.

Auron groaned again, shifting in his position for a few moments before blinking his uninjured eye open. The other side of his face, from the hairline all the way down to his chin, was heavily bandaged. It was almost funny how Auron and I had matching scars now.

Almost.

"Auron?" I voiced. "Can you hear me?"

His unfocused eye darted around the room for several moments, scanning everything in sight, and then it steadily zoned in on my face. He gave me an odd, calculating look before responding, "Yes." His voice was dry from disuse.

I couldn't stop myself from sporting a huge, toothy grin. "Good!" My excitement was oozing from my high-pitched voice. "I am so glad you're alright, Auron! I had no clue what happened after the fight with Yunalesca, and when I found you, I was super worried! Then, we somehow came back to my time - which I still have no idea how it actually happened - and I….uh…Hey, what's wrong, Auron!?" The entire time I was talking, he had been giving me an apprehensive, wary look. Like he was trying to shield himself from me or something.

Another painful ache coursed though my body. The reason for it this time…was very different than it was a few minutes ago. "Auron?"

"You know my name," he stated as if it was the most surprising thing in the world. "How…" he seemed at a loss for words as his voice trailed off.

I nodded slowly when he didn't make a move to say anything else, and I furrowed my eyebrows in immense confusion, trying to ignore the panicky sensation that was settling in the pit of my stomach. "Yeah, of course I do! We've known each other for a…well, for a really long time. And -"

"Who are you?" His question cut off my sentence, throwing me completely off my kilter. He stared at me with impassive eyes, and it was as if he had never seen me before in his life. "Who…are you?" He repeated, with a more noticeable trace of uncertainty in his voice.

"W-What…?" My eyes widened as I stared at him like a total idiot. Auron didn't remember me. He…had just asked me who I was. "What are you saying?"

What is going on!? Did he suffer a serious concussion, too? And brain damage!?

"How do you not remember me, Auron?" I asked nervously. "We've known each other for a long time. And we were both guardians for Braska on his pilgrimage to defeat Sin."

He shook his head slowly. "I do not know you, Rikku."

My heart jolted at the sound of my name escaping his lips, goosebumps trailing down my arms immediately after. "How can you remember my name if you don't know me!?" I exclaimed suddenly.

Auron flinched at the sudden shrillness of my voice. His lips were drawn in a thin, tight line. "I…do not know."

My brows furrowed. "Yes, you do! You have to! I mean…you just said my name, Auron!" I crossed my arms. "Is this some kind of joke or something!? Because it's not funny at all. Actually, I don't appreciate it one bit…" I trailed off when I actually looked at Auron's expression. He was just as confused, if not more so, than I was right now. I immediately felt terrible for overreacting in such a horrible way. Auron had been awake for only minutes, and yet here I was, screaming in his face that he was basically an idiot and a jerk.

I'm a terrible person!

I stared at Auron as his confused expression remained rigid on his face. "You really don't remember me, do you?" I asked, trying to keep my hopelessness…my broken heart…from becoming too apparent in my voice.

He shook his head. "I do not understand how I knew your name just now. But I can assure you," he looked deep into my eyes with his uninjured one, "that I do not know who you are." He shook his head again, this time with a more desperation laced in his expression. "And for that I am sorry. You seem…to know me in some way…"

I bit my lip to keep it from quivering. Auron truly did not know who I was.

And for some reason…it made me feel like everything that I was hoping for…

…everything that I had been planning on for my future here with him…

…it was as if it all shot up into flames right before my eyes.

"Y-You shouldn't apologize to me, Auron. You've…you've done nothing w-wrong, you know?" I uncrossed my arms and tried to give him my best attempt at a genuine smile. "So all we can do is wait, I guess. I mean…I mean, what I'm trying to say is…that, uh, maybe you'll remember me once you get even better? Or maybe you just need some more rest?" I suggested several different things, all of which Auron made no move to reply. He was probably thinking that I was being a little too optimistic.

But if only he knew how pessimistic my thoughts were honestly becoming.

"Okay…well, I really need some fresh air from out of this stuffy room, so I think I'm gonna leave you alone for a little bit while I go out for a walk or something, okay, Auron?"

Oh, gods. Now I was rambling nervously. I seriously just needed to leave right now before I made things even worse than they already were.

Oh, and did I mention that again, Auron made no response?

"So…okay," I said lamely, slumping my shoulders in defeat. Auron wasn't even looking at me anymore. "Bye, Auron."

"Goodbye, Rikku…"

---X---X---X---X---X---

"What are you doin' outta yer room, Rikku!?" Pops shouted. I had almost made it all the way past several healers in the hallway, down the stairs, and through the door without anyone noticing my absence. But of course, leave it to Pops to be the odd one out of everything. He was lounging on one of the many couches in the main entryway of the mansion when he saw me come down. "The healers told ya to stay in bed! So turn yer ungrateful ass around and go back to bed."

"Have I ever done what I was told to do, Pops?" I replied with a good-natured smirk on my face. "And it's not like I'm dead or something! I'm completely functional and able to take care of myself, just so you know!" I turned my back on him. "I'm going on a walk and there's nothin' you can do to stop me!" If I had stomped my foot on the ground, I would've had the whole teenage-rebel-defiance thing down. I internally laughed at the thought as I glared daggers at my old man.

My dad huffed sarcastically at my proclaimed independence. "Yer practically swaying where ya stand, Rikku! I'm not letting you go---hey! Don't walk away from me!"

Same old Pops, I thought with a small smile on my face. He's still as overbearing and overprotective as ever!

"Later, old man!" I bounded out the huge doors, which immediately silenced all of his protesting words.

A smile flitted across my face. I missed you too, Pops.

I took a deep breath of fresh air once the calming wind blew by my face. The itchy bandage on the side of my face was making its presence more and more known now that I was conscious again, so in a spur of the moment decision, I ripped the wrappings completely off. Ouchies. I tried to ignore the panicky thought that some of my skin had been torn off along with the bandage. It had practically torn my face off with it! But at least the itchiness was gone now.

And I felt like a new person.

A stronger, experienced, older, wiser…

…brokenhearted Rikku.

I wasn't sure if that whole combination was a good thing or a bad thing yet. I shrugged my shoulders, a thought reminding me that I didn't really care, either.

"He doesn't know who I am," I thought aloud in a daze. "He doesn't even…remember."

How could Auron not remember me!? After everything we'd been through…I guess I thought it would be harder to forget such important stuff like that. Then again, maybe his memory of me really was affected by his severe injuries…or maybe it wasn't strong enough to last through anything at all…or maybe-

This is the last time I will say this…go to the Farplane, Rikku! Please.

It was that voice again. The voice that had woken me from my dreamless sleep.

Baathum. Why didn't I realize that earlier?

I ignored the voice in my head that said, "You were too worried about Auron to even care, Rikku."

"Why do I have to go to the Farplane?" I asked in an annoyed voice. My annoyance was directed more at myself than Baathum, though. "Is there more to the mission or something? Because I thought I completed it." I crossed my arms. "I saved Auron's life by bringing him here…but now he doesn't remember who I am, Baathum! So what else is there to be done that will even change anything!?"

Just go…

The voice echoed around in my head for several moments before fading away entirely. I had never felt more alone in my entire life than I did at that very moment. So for once, I decided to listen to Baathum. I would do what the fayth said right away instead of always thinking beforehand. No more questions. No more delays. Just go.

So I did.

And I had nearly made it to the entrance of the Farplane, but a voice drifted over to me, stopping me in my tracks.

"Rikku!?"

Hmm, that sounded like Yunie! I turned around, and - sure enough! - there was my cousin coming towards me, breathing heavily from the overexertion of running. "Rikku! I've been looking for you everywhere!"

It sounded urgent! "What's wrong, Yunie?" I asked once she got to where I was standing. "Did something happen?"

She shook her head a few times. "Well…yes. But nothing bad, at least." She shook her head a few times, then pointed her finger at me accusingly. "Where have you been, Rikku? Uncle Cid said you left a few hours ago!" Here comes the Yunie-rant. "You know you still need your rest. Why did you leave? And why did you take the bandage off of your face, Rikku? You are still injured! I don't think you should -"

"Yunie, Yunie, calm down!" I tried to placate her anxiousness. "I'm fine. The only reason I'm even out here is because I needed some air." I crossed my arms over my chest. "You know how I feel about anything resembling hospitals…they make me really antsy! And claustrophobic!"

She nodded understandingly. "Of course I do. I was just worried. You were gone for such a long time."

Was I really? Time flies when you're lost in thought, I guess.

"Sorry, Yuna," I muttered, shuffling one of my boots on the dirt path. "I didn't mean to worry anybody, you know."

My cousin crossed her arms with a huge sigh. "You worried me, but I will forgive you." She smiled tenderheartedly at me, but then her eyes lit up in remembrance. "Oh, right! I was looking for you because I went in your room to speak with you, but you weren't there. That's when I noticed that Auron was awake!"

"Yeah, I know…"

"But he doesn't seem to remember much about anything," Yuna added, cupping her chin with her hand while she thought.

"Yeah, I know…"

"And Auron isn't sure why he can remember certain things, but not other things."

"Yeah, I know…" I said with a little more exasperation in my voice that time.

Finally, Yunie looked at me, surprised. "You already knew all of that?" she asked, obviously bewildered. It was like she had only just now heard what I said.

I nodded. "That was the other reason why I needed to get out of there." I wrapped my arms around myself as a chilling wind blew by us. "He…doesn't remember anything about me, Yunie. Well, except my name. But he can't even explain how he knows it!" I sighed dejectedly. "I thought everything was finally about to turn out okay for me. Guess it doesn't work that way after all…"

"Hey," Yuna scolded, wrapping her slender arm around my shoulders. "No long faces, alright? Auron is healed and awake, and he will remember you, along with everything else that happened. You just need to give it some time."

"'Give it some time'…I've heard that before," I muttered under my breath, but Yuna must've heard me because she gripped my shoulders in an even stronger hold.

"I am surprised at you! What happened to the cheery, optimistic Rikku?" she joked. "I miss her."

I sighed again. "Yeah, I miss her too. I'm pretty sure she's back at the bottom of the Moonflow waters with that creepy fiend." I shuddered at the thought of the monstrous fiend's razor sharp teeth. I had almost died that day…and I had nearly died so many other days while I journeyed with Braska and his guardians. Death was almost a constant companion around me now.

"Rikku? Did you hear what I just said?" Yuna asked patiently, biting back a laugh. "You look a little starry-eyed."

I shook my head a few times. "Sorry, I think I got lost in my thoughts for a minute there…what were you saying?"

Yuna laughed that time. "I asked if you would like to go back to Tromell's place with me? We can visit Auron and maybe get more information about his…memory problem."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, good idea. Oh, and before I forget…did you tell anyone else what I told you last night? About where I really was, and what I was doing?"

She shook her head firmly. "No, Rikku. I would never break your trust in that way. If you wish for everyone to know the truth, you will tell them on your own time. Until that moment comes, your secret is safe with me."

I hugged her…hard. "Thanks, Yunie! You're the best!"

She laughed into my shoulder. "So I've heard."

---X---X---X---X---X---

When Yunie and I returned to my room, we were shocked to see everyone - and I mean everyone - surrounding Auron's bed, talking to him, asking him questions, examining him. I could practically feel the discomfort rolling off Auron's body. How dare they!

"HEY!" I shouted. That did the trick. Everyone turned around to stare at me in confusion. Pops, Brother, Buddy, Shinra, Tromell, and even a few healers were there. I crossed my arms angrily and tapped my foot on the ground.

Brother scratched the back of his head, laughing uneasily. "Rikku is back!" He raised his arms into the air half-heartedly, but they immediately dropped to his sides when he saw the look on my face.

I nodded, rolling my eyes. "Yeah, I'm back. Why the hell are you torturing him!? Can't you tell he just wants to be left alone for a little while?" I took several steps closer to them, and as I did so, everyone took several steps away from Auron's bed. "God, you guys make me so mad!"

A jumble of murmurs and apologies greeted my ears. I rolled my eyes again, but this time, a small smile was tugging at the corner of my lips. "Just get outta here, you guys. Let the poor guy breathe."

Pops clapped me on the shoulder before walking away, followed by Brother, Buddy and everyone else. Wow, they actually listened. Did something change while I was gone?

"They missed you. And they don't want to ruin anything."

I snapped my head around, completely forgetting the fact that Yunie was still in the room with me. It was like she had just read my mind.

"You said it out loud, if you were wondering," she laughed, eyes sparkling.

I sighed, shaking my head slowly. "Oh. I really need to stop doing that."

She walked over to me, wrapping her arm around my back. "You're fine the way you are, Rikku." Then, Yunie smiled at Auron. "I am terribly sorry about them, Sir Auron. They…let's just say they were very thrilled to see you."

Auron's brow furrowed. "Why would that be? I do not understand."

If there were any other pieces of my heart to be broken, they were smashed down to an unidentifiable dust right then and there. This should've been the part where I emerge from my depression, completely optimistic, eager to cure Auron, but I just didn't have it in me any more. I felt like everything I had to give…had been all used up on the mission.

Tears clouded my eyes. "You're a popular guy, Auron," I said in a soft voice.

His eye darted to my face, reading my expression, analyzing everything. That was what it looked like to me, anyway. That thought gave me a little bit of comfort because it reminded me of what Auron would do whenever he was trying to figure someone out. The past Auron, that is. And the future Auron…but not this Auron.

I laughed out loud at the pure hopelessness of the situation, a stray tear running down my cheek.

"Please…don't cry, Rikku." Auron's brow was furrowed as he said it, almost as though he was asking himself why he even bothering to comfort me. I could practically hear him think, "I do not even know her."

I heard a soft click from behind me. When I turned around to see what it was, I saw Yunie smile softly at me leaving the room, closing the door behind her. My gut clenched.

Yunie's leaving me here with Auron. She's giving me time to work through things…

I wiped the tears from my eyes before turning around again to face Auron's confused expression. "I guess it's just us now."

He nodded slowly. "Rikku…there is something I must know." He paused for a moment, almost as though he was stumbling around for the right thing to say. "I wish to know…why I feel so at ease around you…and so lost when you are not near. I do not remember anything, so I cannot make any sense of it."

My heart stopped. I blinked at him stupidly. "W-What are you saying?"

He sat up in bed, giving me one of the most intense looks I have ever gotten from him before in my life. "Were we lovers?"

I didn't know whether I should laugh…or cry. I could laugh because Auron and I were most definitely not lovers - despite the fact that I wouldn't mind that too much if it was actually true.

But Auron never cared for me in that way. So I could laugh about it, and ignore the pain.

Or, I could let it all out and just cry. Cry for the loss of the man that I was completely, undeniably in love with. Cry for what had never been. Cry for the impossibility of ever getting my Auron back.

Cry for the fact that he was never mine to begin with.

Laugh or cry? Weird situations call for weird responses, and that was exactly the case with me right now. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I laughed uncontrollably, not pausing even when Auron looked at me like I was crazy. I just couldn't stop.

"You t-think we w-were lovers?" I asked in between a few laughs and an onslaught of tears.

He stared at me, making no response. That was when I realized that he was probably still waiting for an answer from me. The answer that I didn't want to give him…and yet, I had to give him.

Wiping my tears from my face and clutching my stomach to stop myself from laughing, I looked deep into his eye. "No, Auron." I took a deep breath. "We...we were never lovers."

He shook his head slowly, trying to make sense of everything. "Then why do I feel this way?" He asked himself. "Why!?" He pounded his fists on the soft mattress before looking at me intently. "Why don't I remember anything!?"

My lip quivered as I thought of something to say to comfort him. Words completely escaped me, though. How do you tell the man you love that you were never lovers, and how do you him that everything is going to be alright, even when you don't think it will be?

"Auron, I have an idea."

He looked at me, his fierce gaze penetrating straight down to the very core of my being. "What?" he asked slowly.

"I have an idea," I repeated. "But you're going to have to trust me." I walked over to him to help him out of bed.

"Where are we going?" he asked as he managed to stand up without my help. I couldn't say I was surprised that Auron healed as quickly as he had. He was always amazing like that.

Shaking my head to get my thoughts back on track, I gave a quick reply, "The Farplane."

His brow furrowed slightly. "I do not understand. Why are we going to the Farplane?"

Because that's what Baathum told me to do, I thought to myself. I didn't have an answer for him. "I'm not sure," I muttered, but I was pretty sure he had heard me.

What surprised me…was the fact that Auron still followed me out of Tromell's mansion, even though he and I both knew that I didn't have a plan.

"I trust you, Rikku," he murmured after we were outside.

My heart swelled with an unknown emotion, and I had to turn my head away to hide the smile that was lingering on my face.

---X---X---X---X---X---

A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE! Please forgive me? Ahem, anyway. Well, there you have it. The last chapter of Fade With Me. NOT! I'm really sorry for lying earlier, but there's actually ONE more chapter, then the epilogue! I hope that makes you happy! ;D And once again, I thank all you readers and reviewers out there for your continued support and love in reviews, etc! I LOVE YOU ALL!