**THIS WILL BE THE LAST CHAPTER.** Can you believe it? I know I didn't really give you guys any notice but it was a recent decision. This story is taking place so far back in the season and there is so much more we know (well, not that much…) but so much more I want to explore and write about. I mean Ali's dynamic with the group, how fun will that be? I can say I'm a bit curious about what her opinion of spoby will be (probably better than hers of ezria… oh, too soon?)

BIG dialogue in this chapter (in more ways than one) but the words just kept flowing and I couldn't stop myself. You're all going to have to tell me if it comes out coherently and connected because after the 50th read through I just couldn't tell anymore.

And to Ash: YES

Spencer took a step out of the shower, her thoughts feeling more jumbled than they had when she was dry. She could still hear footsteps outside the door as she wrapped the towel sausage-like around her. The steps moved back and forth in a harmonious motion somewhere in the main part of the apartment. She tried to uses their monotonous tone as a way to self sooth but all she could think about were the feet causing the disturbance.

Why didn't she just leave last night? She could have avoided this stupid fight and the A threat that followed.

She listened as the steps were met with the steady drip of water droplets from her hair to the floor. She didn't feel much up to moving, not when the continuous ache of guilt saturated every inch of her being.

It was just another thing to add to the list of trouble she'd caused Toby Cavanaugh.

She took her time getting ready, not bothering to care about the time or weather she'd be late to first period. She didn't care when she showed up to be perfectly honest. She had no desire to stare at a chalk board full of quadratic equations for six hours while there were more pressing concerns on her mind. All she really wanted to do was squeeze into a corner somewhere and lose herself in a book for the next week. Anything to get her out of her own head and the people swimming around in it.

But regardless of her desires, she still found herself standing in front of Toby's large metal door some drawn out minutes later in preparance for a smooth withdrawal. Or, it would have been smooth had her legs not gone stiff.

She slung her bag over her shoulder, letting her car keys rattle in her hand as a reminder of her destination. Toby stood in front of her, his hands deep into his jeans pockets, looking at her with more unreadable features.

It was eerily silent, the air only filled with the early morning hum of the town the resided out the front step. It would have been simple for Spencer to take her leave, slip out without another word. But as proved yesterday, Spencer seemed to like to make things more difficult for herself.

Mindless sounds continued to be the only thing passing their eardrums for an extended amount of time, far longer than they ever normally would have let it.

Finally, Toby turned his head across his shoulder, and brought with it, his voice and a throw at wary small talk, "You should at least grab something to take with you."

Spencer rocked back and forth on her heels, glancing at the array of cooking instruments Toby had yet to put away, "It's fine I'll just pick something up on the way."

He didn't protest but simply shifted his weight on his feet.

Spencer's mind swarmed with fighting thoughts.

Just go Spencer. Leave. She tried to convince herself that was what she should do. That standing awkwardly in the doorway was only making the division between her and Toby more like North and South Korea. Maybe they both just needed time apart, to cool down and think, address the problem tomorrow with cool and calm minds.

Then again she thought a shower would do that and it only distressed her more. She reached gingerly for the door handle when suddenly, her hand started to shake. All of her exit resolve fled like fish scattering from a predator. She had no idea what Toby must be thinking at her, frozen, staring down a doorway. Though, it wouldn't have been the first time he'd witnessed her doing something crazy.

"I can't - I can't leave with things like this -" she sung out to the door, "with you and me like this…" She turned back toward him.

Toby remained silent, his face full of hard lines.

"Can you just yell or scream or - or throw something or -?"

"Why do you want us to fight?" He broke in.

"Because... would a fight be any worse than this? I'm so tense I feel like I'm taking the SAT's! And it's not gonna stop until we hash this thing out." Her words were far more brave than the desperation she was feeling. There was a much bigger reason for her violent desire.

"So you think, if I throw something, everything will be alright?"

She would have laughed had she not been so wound up, "It was just a suggestion…"

"No Spencer," he said shaking his head, his jaw locked, "I know that as soon as I say something you don't want to hear you're just going to tune me out."

"That's not true!" she spouted incredulously, "Don't make me sound like some 13 year old having a fight with their mom -"

"Then prove it and listen to me." His eyes were flaring, clearly he had been waiting for this continuance too. "I think that you're lying to yourself and you're doing everything you can to prove that you aren't. I know you were afraid to go back home last night and so do you." Her mouth opened momentarily in protest before she thought better of it. This is what she asked for isn't it? "You keep trying to do things or prove things, putting yourself in danger -"

"Putting myself in danger?" Spencer shouted out instinctively, "Did I put myself in Mona's car that night she tried to throw me off the side of a cliff?

"No, but you did go to the church that night to confront Ian, alone, which, if you need reminding, nearly got you killed.

"You guys have become so wrapped up in all of this that your desperation to find answers is causing you to do stupid, senseless things."

"Says the guy who joined forces with the enemy."

He blinked, "That's different -"

"Tell me how? Tell me how going home to sleep in my own bed is more dangerous than you working within inches of a notable murderer." She shook her head in disbelief "I can't believe you're being so hypocritical -"

"At least I had a reason!" Toby threw in unexpected defense, "At least I was doing it to protect -"

Spencer rolled her eyes, matching it with a disbelieving expression. "Yeah and I'm just did it for the adrenaline rush." she sneered in sarcasm, "What do you think, I make decisions because I think 'hum - it'd be fun to put myself in mortal danger today'? I do what I do to keep us safe. To protect all of us. To feed this far fetched plan I have of making it to my high school graduation." The heat was rising in Spencer's cheeks heavier than she'd thought it would, "Yeah, maybe it's counterproductive sometimes, but if I spend my entire life hiding under your bed sheets," she threw her finger angrily in the mentioned objects direction, "it's like - like surrender! I might as well tie them onto a stick and wave them around!"

"Spence, staying here one night wasn't going to change anything -"

"How do you know? You look away for a second and boom, A's invaded Poland.

"Melissa could have left! She could be on another continent right now and I would have lost my only chance for answers -!"

"I thought you said you were gonna leave it alone for the night?"

She shook her head at her slip, completly forgetting her promise from the previous night. She attempted to reattain her rational, "Yeah… well I…" She wasn't succeeding.

Toby made a furious movement, "Damn it Spencer!" He swore unlike himself. "Now you're not even going to tell me when you do something senseless? Am I gonna have to wait until I get a call from the coroner? You think what you're doing makes you brave, when in reality it just makes all the people that love you not able to sleep at night!"

"Are you serious?!" Spencer started at him, sharing his heat with equal, if not more, intensity. "You're seriously going to talk to me about getting a call from the coroner and endless sleepless nights?

"I thought you were dead. I thought I found your lifeless body next to a pile of dirt in the woods off I95." her face fell as unpleasant pictures from weeks past flashed before her. She saw dead bodies, black fabric and rows upon rows of white ceiling tiles, "I thought that - that what we did to you all those years ago made you do this - and got you killed…"

"Spencer…"

"No." She spoke strongly while liquid filled her eyes, "Try to sleep when you think you're the reason everything bad has happened to the person you love the most."

"That's not true." He said immediately. A sigh escaped his lips at the drastic change in dynamic, "You know that's not true. You're the best thing that's -"

"Should I remind you again how I was the reason you got sent to juevie? And hated by the whole town, and almost tried for murder and -"

"Spence - Spence." he placed his hands on her flailing arms in attempts to stabilize her hysteria. "After all this time… do you honestly think I'd still be standing here in front of you if I held even a shred of resentment towards you?"

"But that's what I don't get? Why shouldn't you? After all the horrible things I've done -"

"Spence -"

"After all the pain I've caused you -"

"Spencer -"

"You're so good and pure and I just taint this whole relation -"

"STOP Spencer! Just stop!" He broke in determinedly, "That's all over, it's all in the past. Forget about it, I have. I'm not going to let something that has no place in my life anymore effect it. It all worked out in the end, that's all that matters. I'm done with the police, I got my own place, away from my mess of a family, I working, doing what I love and I have you -"

"Is it all in the past though?" She whispered, like her ears just passed over half of his words.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean your mother!" She croaked. She realized how unsympathetic it sounded the next second, and her cheeks flooded with color. She lowered her dolcic tone. "None of this would be happening, A wouldn't be holding this over you if it wasn't for me."

Toby's perplexed expression hardened, "What ever happened with my mother Spencer, it's not your fault."

She didn't have a retort. She'd run out of steam spouting all the thoughts that had been cramming her mind for a lifetime. Maybe she hadn't been the reason his mom died but she was certainly the reason her son was being tormented by it now.

Toby looked at her, focusing in on the intricacies of her features, "Spencer I want you to listen to me. Really listen." He took a firmer hold on her forearm and launched his crystalline eyes at hers. "Whatever you think you did - or didn't do back then… or now - it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to me." He paused slightly, possibly to reinforce his statement, possibly for a response. But Spencer just stared back, giving the slightest shake of the head, "There were some rough months in there but -"

"See I -" Spencer began to cut in before Toby returned the favor.

"Spencer I'm not finished. It doesn't matter. Don't you get that I love you? So you made some mistakes when you were 14, so did I, so did everyone! You use to hate me! I use to resent you! And if that was still the case I don't think we would have slept in the same bed last night.

"We are not those people anymore. The Spencer you're talking about, this heartless, life ruiner," He raised his eyebrows in questioning at the preposturey, "wouldn't care like this. You wouldn't have sifted through that damn manila folder with me for hours, or - or stayed with me all those nights. Or bought me that truck or got me that landscaping job at your house -"

"Stop -" she cried softly as she weakly attempted to remove herself from his grasp.

"Do you care about me?" He threw suddenly.

"I - what?" she gave up her efforts in surprise.

"Do you care about me?" He repeated.

Her voice broke in desperate sincerity, "Of - of course I do -"

"Then what else matters?"

"Toby, I've learned long ago that you can't just brush the past under the rug."

He threw his hands into the air in forfit, "Then what do you want to do? Hold a party to celebrate all our failures and mistakes?"

"You don't get it do you?" She stepped away from him, "We can't just forget about the past because A wont!

"What, we try to move on, heal and forget, suppress the gnawing guilt eating away at us? How long's that gonna last until theres another A or another threat, huh? How long before the sham of a life I've scraped together gets pushed off a cliff? Next thing I know, I'm eighty years old still paying off the debt I owe from thirteen.

"It's never gonna end Toby." She spoke with a sigh of reality, "This, all of this, is gonna follow me around for the rest of my life. And I just don't think -"

"You don't know that." He reassured, "You can't think that way. We're going to end this."

"No we, we should not do anything Toby! You've already fought through your fair share of suffering and I'm telling you it can only get worse from here." The desperation in her voice was evident. "You need to get out now before -"

"Spencer I'm not just walking away. Not again."

"You don't have to deal with this! You shouldn't. This is my fight, not yours."

"I think it's a little late for that -"

"Yeah and whose fault is that?"

"A's. Red Coat's. They're the ones at fault here Spence. Don't forget who the real enemy is."

A pseudo chuckle escaped in a puff of air, "Yeah well we're not all peaches ourselves."

"Will you stop beating yourself up!"

"Maybe that's what I deserve!" Toby watched her carefully, as though not understanding her words, "Maybe A was right, maybe I don't deserve to be happy."

"What are you talking about?"

Spencer paused, her mind flipping with the age old question, to lie or not to lie. She looked up at him, her hands remaining on her hips where she'd must have unknowingly put them in some aggravated moment. There was a silent beat, one they hadn't had since before their dispute, which must have been long because her voice was growing hoarse.

Another hard look into the pleading features of her boyfriend's and Spencer reached into her back pocket.

She flipped her cell on, pressed a few buttons and turned it outwards.

Toby took a step closer and leaned inward, squinting towards the screen.

"When did you get this?" He questioned in sharp concern.

"Last night," she responded, "after you went to sleep."

"Spencer this isn't -"

"I think there are enough prior offenses for me to take A's threats seriously." She defended, knowing what he was going to say.

"A can't - A can't control us, she can't -"

"Really? Because it seems like A is always 10 steps ahead of us and knows everything thats going to happen before it does so whether shes psychic or pulling the strings, if A says somethings going to happen theres a very damn good chance it will."

"How many times has A almost broken us up?" He retorted rhetorically. "And look where we are now."

"Yeah, fighting."

"Because we can. After all the crap we've been though are you really going to tell me this, a stupid text, is going to dictate what happens to us?"

"It wouldn't be the first time."

Toby paused in frustration. How do you explain something to someone so dead set in defiance? All he knew was that he wanted to keep trying until the sun went down.

"So you're ready to end it all. On some hypothetical threat. A isn't here right now Spencer, it's just you, making the decision that theres nothing worth fighting for anymore."

"That's not what I'm saying -"

"You said staying here was but I think this sounds a lot like a surrender. And maybe you're ready to, but I'm not."

"What if we don't have a choice?"

"We always have a choice." He's voice was suddenly distant. "You choose to fight, to protect what you love…" He drifted off. "I've chosen too many times not to, I know my choice, what's yours?"

The weight of his words hit Spencer with full force. Despite herself, she suddenly felt lighter, like they were all she needed to sustain her through anything A threw at her. She hadn't realized until that moment how frightened she had been. Not about A or what she was capable of or even about some ultimate anticlimactic demise, but of losing the only person that could put her on her feet after catching her when she fell.

Ever since their motel reconnection there had been an unacknowledged strain on their relationship, this tick in the back of Spencer's mind that broke into every moment she spent with Toby, begging the question she thought had an inevitable answer. How long until this all blows up again? How long before we get irreversibly damaged? How long do we have left? I guess over a year of lies and secrets hadn't left them on the solidest of ground. This last one in particular. She felt like she was waiting for a wind strong enough to knock them down. And she feared a simple breeze would be enough.

Their fight over household dorming wasn't their first sign of tension, it just intensified what was already there. Just another chip in cracked glass.

And this all terrified Spencer, however simple a solution seemed. If she wanted to be with him, to fight this through, she would simply decide to. But it seemed like greater powers were working against her. Some cruel magic eight ball that kept giving her horrendous answers. And the resolve that use to keep her shaking it until the probability finally weighed in her favor had shortly died out in the conclusion of a purely rigged system.

But still, and maybe it was ignorant feeling, she believed Toby. They'd fallen apart and picked up the pieces more times than they could count. Their relationship hadn't weakened, it had grown stronger with ever fall. They'd been through false accusations, lies, secrets, near deaths, supposed real deaths, persistent british doctors and trips to mental hospitals. And yet, here they were. Shesh, the shear fact that they were alive was miraculous enough.

Spencer's throat tightened "I don't want to lose you."

"Then don't."

Her feet beat her words to him, which escaped muffled as she dug her face into his cotton t-shirt "I love you."

While the tightness of her arms may have seemed constricting, he felt it bind him with reassurance. Spencer's unease hadn't been a one way street. "I love you too Spence." He pulled her as close as he could to his chest, "And I'm not going anywhere."

I told you didn't I? For a very actions-speak-louder-than-words sort of couple this was A LOT of talking for them. Maybe it's because of how hot-headed they both are that I just couldn't see an out in the conversation, just rebuttal after rebuttal after rebuttal.

But hey! Look you got a spencer initiated I love you! :)

Also, most importantly, thank you all for reading! I never say that in my notes, I usually just thank people via reviews, I forget not everyone reviews! (Though who's fault is that…;) But really, whether you review or favorite or follow or some or none, I really appreciate you reading this far with me. Thank you for liking something that I like to do. :)