Left, right, left, right. That's all I could think about while I was running, the world was so confusing that I couldn't be a part of it anymore.
Left, right, left, right. As I ran forward I was also trying to run onwards, onwards and away from all the problems, all the confusion and all my mistakes, I couldn't kill Emmy; but not killing her meant hurting Bella and although my head told me to stay, my heart wanted to go, and I made the decision to trust my heart.
"EDWARD.... EDWARD!!" said a familiar voice in my head.
"EDWARD COME BACK NOW!"
Carlisle was mentally screaming at me and I couldn't stop him. I listened around to make sure he was on his own, which stupidly he was, and I stopped and waited for him to catch up. He soon did, and we looked at each other, and I was suddenly hurt that he was ready to defend himself. He had his hands in fists and his chest out ready to attack me, or defend himself. Why didn't he know that I would never hurt him?
I tried to tell him I wasn't going to fight by putting my hands forward to indicate I wanted a hug. I was so confused and all I wanted was to know I had one person to fall back on, but he didn't loosen up. He didn't even loosen his solid jaw and piercing stare, I was about to apologise when he started talking to me again, not through voice, but thoughts. I listened to him while I stared curiously at his jaw line that I think has never been so clenched tight and it was because of me.
To be honest it upset me.
"She loves you"
"I know and I'm so..."
"What, you're so sorry?... so sorry that you picked the girl who was going to kill you instead of the girl who killed herself for you?... she changed everything for you... and you do... you do this...but you haven't just hurt Bella. Have you thought about all the other people you are leaving? Like...your daughter and me... me... Edward ...and your mum, your friends...the people who love you, your putting their life's in danger for what?... for your stupid love?"
"I'm...sorr..."
"Don't even say it Edward... so what now, you going to run off to that beast and live happily ever after? Oh, well straight after she kills your wife, daughter, mother, father, sisters, and brothers ... .or will you be there to fighting alongside her?"
I couldn't answer him. Carlisle had never been this angry with me, and I don't blame him, but I would never fight against my family. I was just about to protest against his assumption, when he said something like "should have guessed" and then he ran off.
I was battling against myself to run after him, but I just collapsed on the floor and stared at the sky aimlessly.
It was still day time, about 2 in the afternoon, I would have thought, there were lots of clouds in the sky, but it was a nice day considering the time of year and the area I was in. l laid there for what could have been the rest of my life, while I made things out of the clouds. I had just seen a bunny with two heads when I realised that I had well and truly lost the plot.
"You could have anything... everything....but no! You have to fall in love... Stupid"
I was getting annoyed with hearing people's thoughts and started staring back at the moving clouds trying to figure out what the big cloud above could be.
"What am I even going to say? Oh I'm sorry I tried to kill you all, but hello can I speak to Eddie?"
Emmy? Emmy had come for me! I shot up and ran in the direction of the voice and the tangy smell. Her smell was so unique. The way the sweet mouth watering smell lingers on your nose and was picked up from miles away. I was also mentally slapping myself when I realised I was so happy that I heard her call me Eddie again.
"And, oh sorry, Adam; but I don't love you anymore; go conquer the world on your own. Yes that's going to go down a treat..."
Her last thought went through my mind a couple of times before it finally sunk in. Adam is a member of the N.O, and they were together... She doesn't love him anymore!
I could hear her feat gracefully landing on the wet ground beneath them as she grew nearer and nearer. Louder and louder her cursing and swearing filled my mind, and then stopped and everything went back to silence.
I suddenly stopped too, she must be able to smell me, and I was shocked it took her so long. She was becoming a really good tracker.
"Eddie" she said confused in my mind, right now is when you wish you could talk back to her telepathically. It would be a lot easier. All I wanted to do was pick her up and give her a hug. So that's what I went to do.
"Emmy" I whispered from behind her making her jump and turn around quickly.
"Oh Eddie! But why are you here and not there? I couldn't do it Eddie I couldn't ki..." I ran up to her lifted her off the floor and kissed her roughly, as I pushed my tongue on her lips she parted them enough for me to enter and feel the heat of her mouth, taste the venom as it entered mine and I shared mine with hers. I opened my eyes mid-kiss to see her eyes looking at me filled with wonder and passion. I reluctantly pulled away and placed her back on the floor as I gave her one last little peck to show that I didn't want to let go.
As soon as her feet hit the ground she exploded and started shouting out lots of questions, that I wasn't listening to. All I could think about was how nice her hair looked and how sexy she looked when she was full of mud and all in a huff. I suddenly realised that I should really be listening, which was good because she just got to the part of her rant where she asked me the most important question.
"What do you want, Ed?"
A simple enough question, but my problem is it didn't have an answer. I didn't want anything, because whatever I want, I get and just ruin everything else. Including my last major 'want'. Example A: my last relationship. I wanted that and now look at it. Example B: Ness. I wanted her so much and I have probably lost her too. Do I need to go on? I decided somewhere between arguing with Carlisle and looking at the clouds that I will never want anything else and just live my existence being someone else's want. That is if anyone wants me.
God I'm hopeless.
Great, I had lost myself in my head and was suddenly aware of the girl in front of me with a stern expression and folded arms.
Oh she looks so hot when she is mad...
"Hun, I don't know what I want"
"Wrong answer" she said and she turned to walk away. I felt that unwanted feeling of want, and I wanted Emmy. But not to have her as mine, I wanted to have her, if you get my where I'm going, I wanted to take her there and then up against the trees, I wanted to feel her skin against mine, her hands clenching mine as I showed her how much I need her.
And that's what I did I ran up to her and took her there and thank god she just went with it.
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As we lay on the wet grass, entwined in each other's limbs, I started staring at the clouds again, and drifted back into my little world apart from this one, smelling of sweet sticky toffee
"Your eyes, they're black"
"Um, yeah. I'm a little bit thirsty"
"Oh, well there is a village up there, I'm sure we will get some easy targets... bet I can beat you there"
Emmy jumped playfully up to her feet, making me gape again at the extremely gorgeous body she had, as she stood in front of me naked whilst pulling back on her shredded top and battered shorts that had suffered badly from our last activity
"We will get some cloths first of course"
"Emmy, I can't eat humans..."
She looked at me with a stern face.
"I don't eat them, I drink them... Hmm..." she looked away into the trees that surrounded us then suddenly her head shot back to face me.
"Ok well I doubt we will get any animals around here it's just birds and squirrels, and I doubt they have much blood" Emmy shuddered playfully, and looked at me with the silent question placed on her face; so what next?
"Yes you're right, but I am not drinking human blood... you wouldn't do it either if you could hear their thoughts just as they die. As you're killing them."
"Oh, I have the best idea ever, you wouldn't kill a human, but you would drink human blood. If it was donated right?" she wagged her eyebrows and then rubbed her hands together excitedly.
"Well... I don't know Em... I haven't drank human blood for over a hundred years now, and I don't know if I could... do it..."
"But you are really thirsty, and no one dies for the blood it's just a bit of someone's. Also I know someone who could get it ASAP so we don't have to worry about time. Oh come on! It's all good!"
"I suppose I could try..." I said while playfully sighing. I didn't want to drink human blood again, but how could I say no to her when she looks at me like that? "But we are getting you come clothes first."
I gazed at her body that was barely covered by the shreds she was trying to move around to cover her belly, even through covering her belly wasn't the biggest part of her body I wanted covering. No one sees my girl.