Author's Note – Nope, not mine.
OK. So this chapter sucked to write. In a massive way. I only happy with about half of it. Maybe a little more, but I just couldn't get the right feel. Hopefully, it at least gives a little more insight into what Nell and Callen were thinking. After writing this chapter, the story seems to have come to a natural end. It is most definitely not the ending I had intended, so I am going to work more on it over the next few days. I really don't feel the story should end with this chapter. At all. I just have to re-think the direction a little.
Please read and review. Let me know what you all think. Suggestions and advice are always welcome!
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Callen sits in the chair watching her sleep and immediately regrets not having listened to her from the beginning. He had been so focused on himself and what he thought was happening that he didn't step back long enough to see anything else.
After several minutes, he rises to his feet and walks over to the couch. Positioning himself on the floor by her side, he raises a hand to push some stray hairs away from her face. She shifts slightly under his touch and he immediately stills the action. Once he is confident she isn't waking up, he stands up and goes into the kitchen to get himself some water.
He notices the papers from the hospital on the counter and walks over picking them up without thinking. It's more of a habit probably. The need to have all the information. Except now, holding Nell's private medical information, Callen pauses. He forces himself to place the papers back on the counter knowing it isn't his place to invade her privacy. He knows she will talk to him when she is ready. Hell, she probaly would have by now had he not been such an ass.
Before he has time to berate himself any further, he hears a series of soft moans coming from the living room. Moving quickly to Nell's side, he leans down and reclaims the spot on the floor right by her small frame. Seeing her eyes blink in confusion, he speaks softly as he reaches up to brush his hands through her hair. "Hey sleepyhead."
She is officially confused. The last person she had expected to see right then was him. Nell places her elbows against the couch and moves to sit up slightly. She immediately regrets the decision and gasps at the unexpected wave of pain. "Damn. That really hurts." Her hand moves to gently apply pressure on the side of her chest.
Callen shift his position so his legs are folded underneath his body and he is leaning on his knees. The new vantage point give him enough height to see Nell completely as he reaches out and helps her re-position her body a little higher on the couch. "What can I do?" He knows, through way too much experience, the person in pain needs to dictate positioning.
Seeing the worried expression fall across his face as he speaks, Nell feels the immediate need to allieve him of his fears. "I'm good, Callen. I just forgot for a minute. That's all." Seeing he isn't convinced, she reaches up and lays her hand on his check hoping to make him feel a little more assured. "Just so you know I will blame the drugs if this conversation ends up sounding worse than I intend it to..., " she pauses for a minute before continuing. "What are you doing here." She feels the need to clarify, "not that I'm complaining. At least not about you being here. But I tried to call you and text you."
He takes her hand and places a kiss on it before speaking, "Eric found me earlier and we talked." He looks off to the side as if remembering the conversation. "Or more like he talked and I finally listened." Placing his gaze on her face once again, "He didn't tell me what is going on with you, but he managed to get me to see where my logic was flawed. About more than one thing, actually."
Nell smiles at Callen before taking a breath to steady herself, "I need to get up." He sits back slightly and waits to see what help she may need. He watches as she keeps her left arm firmly at her side and uses her right arm to push off of the couch. As soon as Nell gets her body upright, she leans forward slightly as she takes a few breaths. As soon as she recovers from the action, he gently holds onto Nell's right arm as he lifts her to her feet.
They make it to the hallway before Nell waves him off. "I got this, Callen." She can see the apprehension in his eyes and smiles in an attempt to make him feel better about letting her out of his sight. "I really am fine. I just have to use the bathroom." He takes a step back, but refuses to leave the hallway area until the door is shut behind her.
In that moment, Eric comes through the front door carrying the bag of prescriptions. Immediately noticing Nell is not where he left her, he calls out to the man he left to care for her. "Callen?" Seeing him come out of the hallway, "Is Nell alright?" Callen nods as he walks towards the taller man.
"She's fine, Eric. Sore, but fine." He reaches out and takes the bag from Eric. Looking at the pill bottles, he glances over at Eric. Seeing the two very different prescriptions, he attempts to clarify with Eric, "So one is pretty potent and the other not so much. I take it she isn't a fan of pain pills." Eric shrugs his shoulders.
They both hear the door open and watch for Nell to make an appearance. When she fails to come back into the living room after a reasonable time period, the two men make their way to the back of the house. Eric comes around the doorframe first and sees Nell, still tired from all the medicine, laying on her bed. Walking over to his friend, he sits on the edge of the bed to check on her. "Hey. How ya feelin'?" He sees a weak nod of her head before he laughs slightly, "that good, huh?"
She attempts to smack the man beside her before realizing there is no point, "I hate narcotics. I hope you have something else from the pharmacy because there is no way I'm taking any more narcotics!" He laughs softly as she unknowingly answers the question just asked by Callen.
"How about you just worry about sleeping it off and you can decide from there." He looks back in the doorway and motions for Callen to come in the room. As soon as Callen gets within her range of sight, "I told Callen what the nurse said, though I'm not really sure it was necessary. He's going to stay with you tonight, but if you need me just text. OK?" She responds with a nod and squeezes Eric's arm as a thank you.
Callen turns and watches the man leave before settling his attention back on Nell. Seeing her sleeping peacefully, he looks around the room for a place to sit. Finding nothing suitable, he claims a spot on the floor beside her bed and allows his mind to wander. He still isn't sure what is happening with her and he has no clear idea when he will know. But he has no doubts about one particular fact. He has no intentions of going anywhere anytime soon.
Nell wakes up and the first thing she notices is the lack of light. Sitting up slightly, she looks at her clock and realizes she has been asleep more than awake in the last several hours. Putting her head back on the pillow, Nell closes her eyes as she catches her bearings. Eric at the hospital when she woke up. Bringing her home. Leaving to get her meds. Callen being there. She is positive Callen was there.
Pushing herself into an upright position, Nell rises to her feet immediately regretting the action. She allows her body to fall back onto the mattress figuring it's better than landing on the floor. The action causes the man at the side of her bed to stand as well. "Hey, let me help you." The voice startles her and she jumps in response. Coming around to her side, Callen apologizes quickly. "I didn't mean to scare you."
She shakes her head in response, not quite trusting her voice yet. Not entirely sure whether to blame the medicine or gravity, she is concerned if talking occurs, then so might something else. Nell points to the bathroom and Callen immediately helps her to the doorway, "I'll be fine, Callen." He looks at her with skeptical eyes. "Really, I will. I just got up too fast. Forgot gravity sucks sometimes."
Not wanting to make her feel like she has an audience, Callen makes his way to the kitchen intent on getting a small snack together. Having already spent a lot of time in her apartment, he automatically knows where she keeps the various items he needs. As he looks through the fridge, it occurs to Callen he has no idea what, if anything, she would even be willing to eat at this point.
He comes around the corner from the small room in time to see Nell making her way to the couch and immediately moves to her side helping to lower her as she sits. Uncharacteristically unsure of himself, Callen moves to sit on the chair facing the couch. He isn't really sure what to expect at this point. And he is afraid if he asks, she will just tell him to leave. Which leaves them sitting in silence.
After a minute, she decides he isn't going to talk which means she may as well. "Soooo...," she drags the word out in typical Nell fashion and he immediately smiles at the normalcy. "This isn't awkward or anything, right?" The air is pretty thick and it seems neither one really know how to proceed.
More than willing to own up to his part of the tension, Callen decides to break the ice first. "I really am sorry for walking out on you and not taking your calls." He moves over to sit next to her on the couch. "Look, I know we need to talk. Figure things out. But I'm not sure now is the right time."
She immediately cringes at his words. They are the same as what she thought before all this blew up in her face. "That didn't exactly work out the first time did it Callen?" The words come out a bit more harsh than she initially intended. She makes a move to stand up feeling like she needs to get some distance between them. It isn't him. It's her. This whole mess is her fault. She knew he was going to be hurt by her actions. Knew she was breaking his trust. But she convinced herself it was necessary.
Seeing her motion and realizing what she is doing, Callen reaches out and places a hand on her arm effectively stilling her motion. "Nell, don't. We can talk if you want. I just thought with everything that happened today." He takes a breath knowing he can't exactly fill in blanks with information. "With whatever happened today. What you have been going through. The medicine in your system. Hell, pick any number of things." He lets out an exasperated heave of air, "I just thought now wasn't ideal for figuring anything out."
She puts her head down for a brief second before turning her body and facing him. "Look, Callen. I know things are crazy right now. And I know you must be going crazy. Telling yourself all kinds of things." She grabs his hand and locks eyes with him, "trying your hardest to fight everything in your head that is telling you to run. And that's my fault."
He starts to interrupt her words, but she shakes her head to silence him. "I did the one thing that I swore I never would. I hurt you. Not intentionally, but it happened nonetheless." She keeps going while she has the nerve, "I could give you the reasons, but they don't really matter now do they?"
Callen reaches to touch her face knowing this conversation probably isn't easy for her either. "They do matter, Nell." If his hand hadn't been on her cheek, then he would have missed the slight shake of her head as she lowers her head to face the floor once again. "You know why they matter? Because something I did, or didn't do, made you feel like you couldn't come to me. And I need to know..." He gently raises her face so he can take in her eyes, "I need to know why. Why you chose to shut me out."
The words hit her like a ton of bricks and the regret she is feeling magnifies. "God, Callen. I never meant it like that." She takes his hands in hers as she tries to explain herself. "I didn't know what was happening with us. You were here every night. We did all this stuff together like we were a couple, but you never..." She struggles for how to put into words what she thought, "it was like you weren't willing to really commit to me. Like you were playing house or something. I tried to figure out what I needed to change. How I could make myself more like someone you would be willing to share with the world. With our friends." Her voice has been steadily losing its power until the last words come out as almost a whisper, "with anyone."
Callen's heart sinks lower than he imagined it could go. She believed the same thing Eric had. That he was just using her. Immediately feeling an overwhelming need to feel her in his arms, he moves to pull her into an embrace stopping when he remembers what Eric had said, "I don't want to hurt you."
Nell moves along side Callen so she is flush against the couch and guides his arm so it is resting along her hip. Allowing himself to fall back against the couch, Callen gently pulls her against his chest as completes the motion.
"You know the night I came here? Not knowing you had left?" He waits until he feels Nell nod her head. "I came to talk to you. To tell you how I feel. I wanted you to know where I stood. Wanted to see where you stood." He feels her tense beneath his embrace and he reaches up to run his hand through her hair in an attempt to relax her. "And you were gone. It didn't make any sense because you hadn't mentioned anything to me about leaving." He sees no reason to bring up all the details, "When you came back and told me Eric knew where you were and that you had talked to him, but you still couldn't talk to me. I just couldn't handle it."
Lifting her face so she can see into his eyes, "It felt like you chose him over me. I had put myself out there. Gotten close you. And you made your choice. So, I left. Because I couldn't handle how much it hurt." The tears fall over his hand and he knows he went too far. He should never have brought any of it up. Not right then.
Nell knows there is nothing she can say to make up for what happened. Erase the hurt caused. "I should have never pushed you away. I should have been more upfront about what I was thinking. Geez, it's not like I don't speak my mind any other time."
He smiles at her comment and pulls her head to rest back on his chest, "I think we both made mistakes." Tightening his grip around her waist, he takes a deep breath allowing the tension of the moment to leave his body. "How about we call it even."
He feels her snuggle into his chest before speaking, "On one condition." He holds his breath as he waits for her to continue, "We relocate this little share fest to the bedroom. I'm thinking the bed will be more comfortable than the two of us trying to lay on this couch together." Releasing the breath, he smiles into her hair. He is pretty sure she could've asked for just about anything and he would have agreed. As long as he could keep her in his arms.