Author's Notes – Not mine...unfortunately.

And it's back! I found my muse again and this story is back in motion. The first paragraph seemed to just jump on the page and it set the stage for the next part of this story. That was all the direction I needed apparently. I am relatively happy with this chapter. I am very happy to make on course with my original intent.

Please read and review! Let me know your thoughts. Tell me what you think. Oh and if you get the chance, please check out my little one-shot that popped in my head while I was struggling with this story. It's called Lifeline.

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As he watches her stir in his arms, Callen takes a moment to allow himself to imagine this being every day. Her laying in his arms. Falling asleep together. Waking up together. He can see the future more clearly than he has in a long time. A life with her. He marvels as he thinks how true the old adage is that says things happen when you least expect it.

Nell wakes up to see Callen watching her. She leans forward and places a quick kiss on his cheek before excusing herself to use the bathroom. He watches as she gets up with a fraction of the stiffness she had last night. Taking the opportunity, Callen uses the bathroom in the hallway before making his way back to the bedroom. Reclaiming his place on the bed, he waits for her to come out.

Seeing her appear in the doorway, he motions for her to join him in bed. She curls up against him once again. After getting comfortable, Nell speaks softly. "What were you thinking about?" Getting no response, she clarifies. "When I woke up, you were watching me."

Callen knows this is the first of many times he will battle his internal warning system when it comes to embarking on this relationship with her. But they agreed last night not leave things unsaid. That is why things went so bad before. Because they weren't talking. "I was thinking about you. Us."

Nell, laying with her head on chest, goes for the obvious. "Like us going out on an actual date? You know. At a restaurant. With people." Callen laughs. A genuine one. And she swears it's the best thing she has heard in the last few days.

"Yea, that too." He shifts his position slightly as he pulls her closer to him. "I was thinking you are the best thing that has happened in my life in longer than I care to remember. And I don't want to let that go. I was thinking about what our future might look like." Callen feels her body stiffen almost immediately. The tension coursing through her body. He makes note of her not so subtle attempt to relax her breathing. And how miserably she fails. "Nell?"

Before he can get a response, she is on her feet and moving towards the bathroom. He sits up on the bed as he calls her name again. Her motion culminates with the door being shut. Then locked. "Nell, what's wrong? Are you ok?" He moves to the door completely at a loss as to why she walked away.

Once inside the bathroom, she comes to rest in front of the mirror. Taking in her face, Nell is well aware of the impact of his words. The future he is creating in his mind. One that she would have jumped at not so many days before. But, now everything is in limbo. And she has no idea how to tell him that.

Locking eyes with her reflection, Nell comes to the realization that maybe that is exactly why she shut him out in the first place. Maybe her subconscious was trying to protect him. Protect her. Do the one thing that would send him away. Force him to walk away before things got any more complicated than they already are.

"Nell. I'm getting nervous here." And she hears in his voice that he is indeed getting antsy. "What's going on?" Splashing water on her face in an attempt to calm herself, Nell knows she can't stay locked in here much longer. If nothing else, he will pick the lock. "I really need you to open the door. Or at least let me know you're alright." She knows that is the only warning she will get before he comes in uninvited.

Having no other choice, Nell dries her face and emerges from the bathroom. He is right there. Immediately doing a once over like he needs to make sure she has no physical injuries. Reaching out to place his hand on the side of her face, "Hey. What's this all about?"

She covers his hand with hers before slowly removing it from its location. Keeping his hand in hers, she moves towards the living room and takes a seat on the couch. He sits beside her no less confused than he was when she locked herself in the bathroom. And worried. God, he looks so scared right now. She knows this conversation has to happen, but honestly she is just as scared as him. Afraid it will all be too much. Afraid her future won't fit into his future. All the things she had imagined would happen after she fell in love. Traveling the world. The big wedding. The honeymoon. Kids. Setting up a house with her family. Spending time with friends. All those things are on hold. They have to be.

She tries to figure out where to start. How to start. Nothing sounds right. She opens her mouth to speak so many times, it's a wonder he hasn't just given up. She finally just stops thinking and starts talking. "Ok. Here goes." She takes a breath, "Every year I go in for a full physical. The works." She lets her mind wander for a minute, "God, do they suck!" The silence that follows causes him to squeeze her leg gently in an attempt to bring her back in focus.

Looking at the man beside her, she continues. "Right. So one of the tests is a mammogram. I'm guessing you know what that is, right?" She waits for confirmation before continuing, "Well, mine showed microcalcifications. So I went in for a biopsy a couple of days later." Suddenly feeling like he can't breath, Callen rises to his feet and walks slightly away from her side. She gets up and joins him across the room. "The procedure I had done yesterday was a lumpectomy. The tumor was fairly small. The doctor was able to remove it completely. But I still have to go through radiation."

Callen shakes his head in disbelief before taking her in his arms and holding her tight. "It's fine, Nell. It's taken care of, right? That's what you said. They got everything." The ability to form rational thought has disappeared and the only thing he can is keep telling himself she's fine.

She pulls away from him and locks eyes with him. "Callen, I have cancer." She watches as the words seem to finally be permeating his barriers. "I have to get five or six weeks of radiation still." His face glosses over and she knows he is blocking the words again.

"But they got the tumor. The radiation is just to make sure, right? Just to be safe." The slight tremor in his voice is the only noticeable cue that he is allowing the ramifications of her words to sink in even a little.

Even though she knows she has no right, Nell feels herself getting frustrated at his reaction. "Callen, you aren't listening to me. I have cancer. The surgery doesn't guarantee anything. And the radiation? You make it sound like a matter of just taking a few treatments and then we can pretend this never happened."

He goes to pull her into his embrace once again. He is sure it is probably to make himself feel better more than it is to help her. If he can just get her in his arms, then she won't keep talking about it. He can deal with the reality later. For now, though, he needs to just push the reality aside and pretend it isn't really there.

She pushes away from him, "No. Callen. You have to hear this. Really hear it." This is why she needed the days alone to figure this all out. Without everyone else being a part of it. Without having to make other people feel alright with the diagnosis.

"You want to know why I walked out of the bedroom?" She doesn't give him a chance to answer before she continues, "Because you were talking about the future. A future with me. And I can't guarantee that. More now than ever. I can't tell you I will still be here this time next year. I can't tell you the cancer will not come back because I don't know if it will. And even if it doesn't. Even if I go into remission. What then?" Her insecurities bleed through at this point. "You stay with me, why? Because you don't want to walk away from someone who went through cancer treatments. Or maybe you do love me. Maybe you stay because of that. But what kind of future does that mean?"

She walks across the room fighting to control the tears that have now started flowing down her face. Turning around, she faces him again. "Cause I don't know about you. But my future didn't include this. My future was finding love. Finding the guy who I would marry. Spending my life on a journey with him." The bitterness of the reality fights through as she continues, "And kids. Callen, I want kids. Now? Now I have to decide if I get my eggs frozen just in case the radiation affects my fertility. And even that doesn't mean anything because that isn't a guarantee either."

She shakes her head as Callen starts to cross the room in her direction, "No, Callen. You don't get to make yourself feel better right now by holding me and telling me everything will be fine. Because you don't know that. You can't." She turns her back to the man who is fighting to keep ahold of what little composure he has remaining, "Go, Callen."

He feels himself stop breathing at her words. "Nell. Don't do that." He crosses the room and turns her to face him. Callen doesn't want to leave her. Not like this. Not now. Not ever. "Don't tell me walk away." He wraps her in his arms and just as it seems she is relaxing, Nell's fight returns.

Pulling out of his embrace, she finds her voice again. "Go home, Callen. I want you to leave." He tries reaching for her, but stops when he feels her hands on his chest pushing him towards the door. "I can't do this right now. I can't be strong for you. I can't help you understand." She moves towards her bedroom turning around one last time before she disappears down the hallway, "I am still trying to figure out how to be strong for myself."