Author's Notes – You guessed it...not mine.
Here we go again! This story is definitely back in full swing. I am still following the premise of giving the readers a chance to see everyone's perspective. Thank you for being patient with me as I worked through the doubts I had in regards to writing this piece. I finally just stepped back and quit over-thinking it. I am back to letting it write itself.
Again, I welcome all comments and suggestions. Please feel free to let me know about anything that appears confusing or doesn't seem right. I have taken some of the suggestions or points of confusion and incorporated them in the story in an attempt to explain where everyone is coming from at any given time. Hopefully, it is all making sense at one point or another!
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He is left standing there. In her living room. Alone. Everything in him is screaming that he should refuse to leave. Force her to talk to him. Make her see everything will work out. But she's right. He doesn't know what will happen. He doesn't know what the outcome will be. So, he listens to her. He does what she asks. Because, at the end of it all, what other choice does he have.
He quietly closes the door and locks it behind him as he makes his way out of her apartment. Reaching his car, Callen pulls his phone out of his pocket and sends Eric a message. Nell needs you. The only saving grace he can see is the fact that it is Saturday, so he knows Eric won't be at work. Taking one last glance at her apartment, Callen puts the car in drive and pulls away.
The further away he drives, the more angry he gets. Angry at himself. At the situation. The lack of ability to do anything to make this better. Nothing in his arsenal can make this go away. He finds himself angry at drivers around him who just seem to be going too slow. Angry that he didn't say the right things. Angry he doesn't even know what the right thing to say is.
And god help him. He finds himself angry at her. Angry for pushing him away. Again. Making him walk out that door. Not letting him be there. Not allowing him to comfort her. Help her. He reaches out and slams his hand several times into the steering wheel. He has to find some way to gain some sort of clarity. But right now he finds himself unable to even figure out how to form a rational thought.
Without realizing where he had been driving, Callen finds himself in front of the Office of Special Projects. Knowing he needs to get his anger under control, he pushes his way through the doors of the now deserted building and goes straight to the gym. Not really caring about the possible damage that could occur, Callen begins punching the bag in front of him.
Sam arrives at the office intending on a quick in and out. Grab the forgotten paperwork and head back home to spend the day with his family. Finding the missing documents without issue, he turns to leave pausing only when he hears the unmistakable thud of the punching bag being hit. Had it been a day during the week, the sound would have been drowned out by the activity of everyone doing their jobs. However, today the building was empty so the sounds were echoing throughout the building.
Slightly confused, he makes his way to the gym stopping as he takes in the sight unfolding in front of him. His partner. Beating the hell out of a bag. Without having wrapped his hands. And he is definitely not taking it easy. Moving to intervene before he breaks a bone, "G!"
Callen vaguely hears the sound of his partner as he continues to unload on the bag in front of him. He only ceases his actions when he feels Sam's hand on his shoulder. Reeling back, Callen fights the pre-programmed response to strike him. He looks up to see Sam holding his hands up along each side of head, "Hey, man. What's going on?"
Walking over to a shelving unit, Callen grabs a towel from the stack. Wiping the sweat from his face, Callen moves to walk around his partner. He isn't really in a sharing mood right now. No one else was supposed to be here. It was supposed to be his time to figure out how to move forward. "Nothing, Sam. I'm good."
The large man rolls his eyes at the statement before reaching out to stop Callen from moving any further away. This action causes Callen to react. Just not exactly how Sam thought he would. He had been expecting another physical reaction. Sam had even been prepared to dodge the jab he was sure would come from his friend.
"What the hell is wrong with me Sam." Callen's voice is full of anger. "Is there some cosmic joke I'm not aware of? I piss someone off in a past life? Because I really can't figure it out. So, maybe you can help me with that."
Having no idea what is happening, Sam poses the obvious question. "What's going on G. Where is this coming from?" He moves to take a step closer to his partner before stopping as Callen matches his step backing away.
"How exactly is any of this the way it's supposed to be? I really don't get it. My childhood was spent moving from one hell-hole to the next. My adult life has been spent living like a ghost. I come home to an empty house. My biggest possession is a box of clues to a past that I can't even remember." He lets out a laugh that is tinged with anger and disgust. "Every time I get close to someone. Every time. Something happens."
Sam watches his partner as he takes a couple deep breaths as if trying to clear his head. Knowing there is not anything he can say to help, especially considering Sam has no idea what is going on, he opts to stay silent.
"Tracy chose the job. My relationship with Kristin was a lie. She never even knew my real name." He locks eyes with his partner as he speaks again. "But you know what, Sam? As much as those hurt me, it was just me getting hurt. Tracy could've cared less. And Kristin was hurting over a guy that never even existed."
"This goes beyond me. It doesn't just touch me. Hurt me. This...," he pauses and Sam swears sees tears forming in his friend's eyes. "this touches someone who has never done anything to hurt anyone. How the hell is that fair?" Breaking eye contact with his partner, Callen attempts to regain control over his emotions.
Sam takes this opportunity to close the gap between the two men. Reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder, Sam speaks softly. "Who are we talking about G?" He waits the few minutes it takes for Callen to pull himself back into control.
"Nell. We're talking about Nell, Sam." He nods his head already having suspected it might have something to do with her. He had already guessed Callen and Nell had been embarking on some sort of relationship. He stays silent as he waits for Callen to speak again. "We've been spending a lot of time together the last several weeks." Callen's blue eyes look up to his partner, "And I can't imagine being anywhere else. Can't imagine not being with her."
Callen moves away from Sam as the tears take over before he has a chance to stop them. Turning his back to the man in front of him, Callen leans forward placing his hands on his knees as a brace designed for the sole purpose of holding him up. He takes several breaths as he tries to stop crying. "G, you've gotta give me something else here. I don't understand what is going on? Did you two have a fight or something?"
Callen lets out an uneasy laugh as he straighten his frame turning to face his partner once again. "She has cancer, Sam." He waits for the large man to process the information before continuing, "And she won't let me in. Won't let me be there for her." He throws his hands up in defeat, "What am I supposed?"
Taking a few breaths of his own, Sam struggles to catch up to the latest piece of information before he pulls his partner close to him. Hugging him for several seconds before pulling back and locking eyes with Callen. "You wait, man." Callen looks at him as if he has lost his mind. "You let her know you will be there when she is ready. You let her know you aren't going anywhere. Even if she won't let you physically be there, you make sure she knows how you feel." Noticing Callen has broke eye contact with him, "Look at me, Callen." Waiting for compliance, "Everytime she pushes you away, push back. She needs you, even if she can't see that."
Pulling him into another embrace, "And you talk, man. Talk to her. Talk to me. Talk to anyone that you think can help. Know that you can't fix this for her. And that's alright. Let her cry. Let her get mad. Let her own it." Callen breaks the hug as he locks eyes with the man in front of him conveying a silent thank you before walking into the locker room.
Callen comes out after several minutes to see his partner returning his phone to its place in his pocket. "What are you doing here anyway, Sam?" He lets out a laugh as he sees the folder that seems to have materialized from nowhere in the hands of his friend. "Why am I not surprised!?"
Sam puts his arm around the smaller man as he pulls him towards the exit of the gym. "Let's go, man. You owe me breakfast."