Author's Notes – Don't I wish...the characters of NCIS:LA are not owned by myself...I'm simply borrowing them for a spell.
I fought myself to not post this yesterday after I posted the Sam/Callen chapter. I really wanted to give Nell's perspective as well, but I didn't want to combine the chapters. So, I waited. I have to admit the fact that it was time for my crew to come home helped because my writing gets set aside when they are home. Had I completed the chapter and read-through earlier in the day, I may well have posted it right after chapter eleven went up.
Anyway, as always, I hope you enjoy. Please keep giving your thoughts. I can't say enough how much I am enjoying the feedback!
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Arriving on her doorstep, Eric doesn't know what to expect. He had tried texting Callen back. Ask him what was going on, but he didn't respond. Which only made Eric think something was wrong. Which is precisely why he decided against calling Nell before he came. Element of surprise if you will. Make it less likely Nell will be able to cover what is happening.
Using the key she had given him, Eric opens the door slowly peering around the piece of wood before entering the room. Upon shutting the door, he hears her voice loud and clear from the back of the apartment. "Go away, Callen!" Well that confirms his suspicion now doesn't it.
Heaving a sigh, he moves towards her bedroom, "It's me, Nell." He opens the door to her room and sees her sitting in the middle of bed. Immediately he takes note of her red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Moving to her side, he reaches out and places a hand on her cheek. "What happened?"
She shakes her head as the tears take over again and she does the only thing she can think to do. Nell puts her head against Eric's shoulder and cries. Having been on the receiving end of the tears more times than he cares to count in recent weeks, he lets her have a few minutes to get it out of her system. Looking up at her friend, "He called you didn't he?"
Eric shakes his head, "Texted. Said you needed me." He reaches over and grabs a tissue to give to her. He waits until she blows her nose knowing she will fill in the blanks as soon as she is ready.
Fixating her gaze on the tissue in her hands, "I told him, Eric." She looks up at her friend. "I told him about the cancer." Nell takes an unsteady breath as she tries to recover from the heaving caused by the tears, "And he was great. Did and said all the right things. Held me. Told me it would be alright." She gets up from the bed and walks over to the window in her room. "Then I told him leave. To go home."
Eric, completely confused at this point, takes a minute before joining her by the window. "I don't understand, Nell. Why would you tell him to leave?"
Letting out a small snort of laughter, "Because he can't make it alright, Eric. Because he can't tell me I will be fine. No one can."
Eric moves so he is standing almost directly in front of her. "Nell, look at me." After locking eyes with him, Eric continues, "What else happened? It doesn't make any sense for you to tell him to leave just because he told you everything be fine." He knows there must have been more to it than that.
After watching a bird flying across various branches in the tree in the yard, she looks down at her hands. "We went to bed last night. Slept in each other's arms. I woke up and he was watching me. And for a minute, I forgot. I got caught up in how amazing it was to be there like that. In his arms." Nell looks up at Eric, "Then I remembered."
She moves to sit on the edge of the bed leaving him watching her from the window. "I went to the bathroom and when I came back out I asked him what he had been thinking about when he was watching me. You know what he said?" She lets her body fall back on the bed gently as she closes her eyes. After a minute, she sits back up and locks eyes with Eric. "He was thinking about me. About us. A future with me."
Eric lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding as he comes up to her side, "Nell." Her name comes out with that tinge of I'm so sorry that everyone tends to think is fake, but he is completely serious about his intent. He knows how much she has wanted to hear that from him.
She laughs a little, "And I freaked out. Like lock myself in the bathroom without a word freaked out." She shifts slightly as replays the moment in her head. "He sounded so worried. And I knew I had to come out sooner rather than later or he would probably just pick the lock." Eric laughs at the description knowing she is probably correct.
"So I came out and took him in the living room with me. Told him about the cancer. Told him about the procedure. The radiation." Looking back at her hands, "And I don't know, Eric. I just got frustrated when he kept saying it would be fine. He made it sound like it wasn't a big deal. Like oh hey just get some radiation beamed into your body and it's all good. Move on. Life is good now."
Eric watches as she gets up and moves out of the room. Following her into the kitchen, he waits a moment before speaking. "You know this sounds familiar Nell. Don't ya think?" He waits for her to realize what he is talking about. "Why get mad at him? You didn't kick me out when I did pretty much the same thing."
She shakes her head as she moves past him and into the living room. "That's not the same, Eric. Not even remotely." Looking up to see he has followed her, she ignores the look on his face that says she is full of it. "You aren't him. That's the difference."
Eric gives her an incredulous look, "That doesn't make sense, Nell. Listen to yourself." He takes a seat on the couch waiting for her to gather her thoughts.
After a few minutes, she sits beside him and tries to explain herself. "It's not the same Eric because you're you. You're like my brother. My best friend." Seeing the lack of understanding, she tries another angle. "I don't have anything to worry about with you. There is nothing at stake." Feeling herself getting frustrated trying to get her meaning out, "I'm not in love with you Eric. I don't see myself in a white dress walking down the aisle to join hands with you. Having kids with you. Living my life with you."
Getting up and moving across the room, she looks back at him, "With Callen I could see those things. And this morning, he said he could too." Taking an unsteady breath, "but now what? I don't even know whether I will be here in six months. A year. And that's not fair to him. I can't be that selfish Eric. I can't risk him falling in love with me and then..." she pauses and looks away, "me not making it."
Eric crosses the room in just a couple strides and turns her to face him. He knows going into this, she isn't going to appreciate what he says. "First off, I am pretty sure the whole you can't risk him falling in love with you is a moot point. Unless you're blind." Taking a breath, "And here's the part you aren't going to appreciate. So brace yourself." He pauses long enough to make sure she is listening. "What gives you the right to decide for him. Tell him not to love you because there's a chance you could die. Talk about not fair, Nell."
He realizes this next part is going to sound even more harsh than the first, but it needs to be said. He is well aware Callen can be there for her in ways Eric will never be able to and Eric knows she needs that even if she can't see it right now. "Talk about selfish." He locks eyes with the young woman in front of him, "He needs you just as much as you need him. He needs to be able to hold you. Tell you everything will be fine because he's earned that right. More so than I have, Nell."
He sees her start crying, but he pushes his own emotions aside because he knows he has to finish speaking. "This affects him just as much as it does you, maybe even more. He has to stand by and watch you battle this demon that he can't even begin to understand. He can't trade places with you. But I can tell you he would in a heartbeat if it were possible." Pulling her into an embrace, "Stop pushing him away because you are afraid of how hard it will be for you if you let yourself imagine a future with him and the cancer stops it. Plan that future with him. Even if it's not guaranteed."