Chapter 15.
Nick.
When Miley didn't turn up to work the next day I wasn't that concerned…
I knew the high I'd given her would have eventually deflated, or maybe even burst sending a shock wave of reality back to her system. She'd agreed to talk, and when Miley didn't turn up I saw the bold blinking neon light sign that clearly said she regretted kissing me.
It was the next day when she didn't turn up either I started getting concerned. By then half the office knew Demi caught us once again in a compromising situation in the locker room and I started to receive glares and a lot of questions from Selena and Demi. It wasn't until the third day that I really began to question her absence as being more than just regret. I started to feel uneasy and worried that the love she had for me had been nothing more than lust and it had taken that kiss to bring her back down.
It was that afternoon when I finally got the courage up to face the man who could answer my questions,
"Where are you going?" Demi asked.
"To the Commissioner." I responded looking at her.
"Why?" She asked,
"Because my partner hasn't-"
"Come back," Selena murmured tapping on her computer, "Heartbreak will do that to you-"
"I didn't do anything Selena, she kissed me!" I hissed at her.
"She's not answering my calls, I don't think it's Nick Sel" Demi murmured.
I looked at her confused as I saw the look of concern in her eyes. It instantly provoked more confidence as I walked down knocking on the first door. It was a few moments before it opened and the Commissioner faced me. I raised my hand to salute as he shot me a look and I dropped my hand back to my side awkwardly looking up at my superior,
"Nick?" He responded distantly,
"Sir I was wondering where-"
"She has the flu,"
The door slammed in my face as I just stood there blinking a few times.
The flu?
Influenza?
Why hadn't I thought of that?
Something as simple as the flu! I rolled my eyes feeling completely stupid! It made so much more sense! I turned back to find both girls looking at me as I smiled relieved,
"She has the flu!" I stated.
"You sound awfully happy about that Nick," Demi murmured.
"I am, it means she's not avoiding me."
"She still might be," Selena stated,
I sat back on my chair grinning, "Not even your pessimistic attitude will get me down now Selena, because the flu is a lot better than every single conclusion I was drawing!" I announced then considered what I'd said,
The reality slapped me in the face, Miley was sick, at home most likely in bed. Miley was sick! Which meant she wasn't happy, something I was trying so hard to make her!
What if she was sick because of the rain? The fact I didn't give her my raincoat? The smile dropped from my face in an instant as I looked at the clock reading an hour until my lunch break. My mind quickly found another point, when I was sick I always used turned to one person, my mom. I instantly groaned throwing my hands over my face, okay this was worse than her avoiding me! Now I had a sick Miley who was probably zonked out on pain relief, making her more over emotional wanting her parents.
"You okay there lover boy?" Demi asked,
"Fantastic." I retorted,
This was not the plan! I wanted to make her happy not…sick!
I glanced at the clock then got to my feet walking back to the Commissioner's door knocking on it. I glanced to see both Selena and Demi looking at me as the door opened and I didn't bother to salute this time,
"Does she like chicken soup or-"
"My wife is looking after her Nick." The Commissioner interrupted.
He just stared at me, trying to send a hint which I got loud and clear that he didn't want me currently near his niece. "Aren't you going to that fundraiser dinner for the police academy tonight?" I asked as he just blinked watching me, "Is your wife going? If she is could I go and-"
"No."
He went to slam the door as I stuck my foot in it, I could literally feel my brain screaming at me to run as I looked up. The Commissioner stared at me surprised to say the least as we both just stood there for a moment. He finally opened the door allowing me access quickly slamming it once I'd entered. I puffed out my chest attempting to be brave turning to him,
"Look the other day you asked me what my relationship needed to be with Miley so I could help her," I announced as he looked at me up and down, "Well currently our relationship is in a very…unbalanced position, so therefore I need to see her tonight and I'm sure considering you care so much about her that you wouldn't want to leave Miley alone sick tonight."
"You do realise there is a camera at the locker room door right?"
The Commissioner said it so calmly it didn't even sound like a threat, his eyes however said otherwise. I felt an awkward laugh escape my lips unsure of what to say next because now that I knew that…well there wasn't a lot I could say.
"We made a deal that was for the work force, not personal…" He announced.
"But Sir, the issue Miley has is personal. I want to help her."
"I think you and me have a very different understanding of that word Nick."
"I don't Sir."
"And why should I trust anything you say Nick?"
He glared at me as I sucked in a breath, "Because I love your niece."
I felt my throat instantly dry yet I'd said it. I'd actually announced that I loved Miley. I almost felt my knees collapse beneath me, because I knew it, I was being completely truthful and for once when I said it in reference to a female I actually meant it. The Commissioner just stared at me with the same blank emotionless face for a few moments while I stood there trying to understand what I'd just done, because that wasn't my brain, no none of this was my coming from my head but rather my heart. I was in love with her, I was in love with the good, the bad and the sad Miley Stewart
"You love her?"
I looked at him and nodded, "Yes Sir." I stated more confidently this time.
"Have you told her that?" He asked.
"No Sir."
His lips moved slightly as the Commissioner finally nodded, "My wife and I are leaving at six thirty pm, she is currently staying at my apartment until she is well I will email you the address."
My eyes widened as my tense body slumped in relief,
"Yes Sir, thank you Sir."
"You are dismissed."
I turned and bolted from the office as both Selena and Demi's eyes shot up,
"Nick what the fuck were you thinking?" Demi hissed at me
"Did he fire you?" Selena asked hopeful,
I walked back to my desk sitting down, "Quite the opposite actually."
They continued to throw questions at me but I ignored them both and went back to work. In my lunch break I went out and ordered flowers to be delivered this afternoon, while also buying a separate bunch for tonight. I went and ordered Chinese food knowing although she had attempted to say she didn't like it, her eyes said otherwise. I specifically ordered chicken noodle soup and promised to return at six. I bought some more Candy adding it to the uneaten collection and returned just in time to start my afternoon shift,
It was all going well until my older brothers dropped a bombshell,
"THEY'RE ENGAGED!" Joe yelled.
I looked up as he stared at me excited, almost glowing with Kevin by his side.
"Who?" I asked not really listening.
"Mom and Bob!"
"Bob?" I asked confused,
"Her boyfriend Nick, the one you seemingly are avoiding." Kevin announced,
"They're engaged?" I yelled a little too loudly,
They both nodded, as I felt disgusted, "How could she!"
Both their faces instantly stared at me confused as I just looked at them, "How can you be happy? How dare she do that! There is no way she can fall in love that quickly, our dad only died-"
"Over ten years ago." Kevin hissed at me, "She deserves to be happy Nick!"
"Let's hope you're not invited to the wedding." Joe snapped.
With that they both sent me an almost identical glare and walked off. I sat there for a moment trying to digest the news my fingers bringing up my dad's final email to me. I read it through feeling sick at the concept my mom was moving on, how could she move on? I stared at the words my father left, the only thing I had as I pinched my lips closed deciding tonight it wouldn't be just Miley talking but me too because I guess we both still had issues that maybe we could help each other with.
Miley
"We'll be back by midnight."
"Approximately midnight," My aunt corrected looking at my Uncle.
"I don't see why we have to stay later than midnight Amy…"
My Aunt shot my Uncle a glare as he instantly looked at her shrugging innocently. I watched the unspoken argument consume their eyes until finally after a few frowns and lip twitches Jason huffed seemingly the loser in the battle.
"We will be coming home tonight Miley, just remember that."
My Uncle just glared at me as I frowned feeling like I was missing some very important piece of puzzle that obscured the entire picture. "I would hope so…" I responded in a monotone, "I mean you do live here?"
"Exactly, we live here Miley, our bedroom is right next to yours so-"
"Jason stop it." Amy snapped.
I watched my Aunt in her sparkling dress that made my eyes almost hurt slap my Uncle's chest glaring up at him. He let out a huff and turned to me, "Are you sure you don't want us to stay home? I mean they really don't need me to make a speech, you still look terrible so maybe it would be a good idea?" Jason questioned seriously staring at me as I pulled my purple blanket up to my chin,
"Thanks Jason," I responded sarcastically. "Way to make be feel better."
"Miley I'm just worried-"
"Go worry about me at the Police academy fundraiser." I responded my nose running as I wiped it with a tissue, "Because your voice is hurting my head right now and all I want to do is sleep. Please leave…"
I looked at both of them as my Aunt nodded, "Okay hun, call us if-"
"I start dying, yep sure." I spat,
I rolled over burying my blocked and throbbing head into my lumpy pillow. My Aunt gave a sigh but I heard the bedroom door gently close sealing the blackness as I cuddled up into my bed, feeling the sea of tissues fall into the crevasse I created in the sheets.
I was so run down I could barely move, my head and nose felt like they were going to explode while I was continually coughing, sneezing, chocking and sniffling because of what I had been convinced was a deadly disease. The doctor however disagreed, telling my concerned family members that it was just the flu. The flu? God I felt like I should be planning my imminent funeral, not dealing with some more complicated common cold that most of the world got when the weather turned bad.
I was frustrated, angry, tired and sick to death of being stuck in this fucking apartment. To say the least I hated being sick,
I was relieved when the front door slammed because it meant that firstly no more noises to make me flinch and my head bang, along with the added bonus of no more concerned eyes. I hated having Amy and Jase hovering, yet they were so damn good at finding pointless reasons to hang around me. I regretted coming to their apartment in the first place now, I'd just wanted Amy's advice on painkillers not a freakin hospital room which was monitored like a prison.
The front door opened again as I let out a groan, swiping a strand of my greasy hair from my face pulling my blanket up tighter. A moment later the bedroom door opened as the light flicked on,
"I told you to leave, I just want to sleep okay!" I snapped sitting up,
I winced at the brightness covering my eyes in pain, as I peaked out of my fingers at the darkened shape in the doorway. A few more blinks and finally my eyes focused on the figure, as I instantly felt a hundred times worse.
"Nick?" I asked trying to make sure I wasn't hallucinating,
"Hey Miles, you look…" He hesitated looking unsure, "Sick."
I just stared at him for a moment, so many questions consuming my brain but suddenly an emotion took control, embarrassment. I don't know if it was my heart or my brain responding, maybe it was just a reflex as I flung the blanket over my head trying to hide the absolute hideous disaster I'd become,
"What the hell are you doing here?" My voice yelled as instantly my body decided to fight against my raising voice by adding a lovely coughing sound "GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!"
"I can't hear what you're saying, you're muted by the blanket!"
"I…Said…Get…Out!"
"What?"
"GET OUT!"
The coughing got worse as I flung down the blanket reaching out for my water bottle, only to find Nick holding it out to me. I chocked almost unable to breath as I snatched it from his fingers gulping the liquid down trying to reduce the pain in my chest and throat. After a few more mouthfuls I released the bottle breathing heavily as I sniffled closing my eyes,
"You okay?" Nick asked calmly,
"Do I look okay to you?" I spat.
There was silence for a minute as I finally reclaimed control of my body. I turned looking up at him as suddenly a large bunch of flowers were presented to me, blocking my view of him. Another bunch? I'd already been sent one!
"You promised we'd talk Miley." He announced.
"I…"
"Are regretting that now?"
He looked over the top of the flowers as I bit my tongue and he nodded giving a small sigh, "I knew you would, honestly I thought you were missing work to avoid me it was only when I finally got the balls to ask your Uncle-"
"You spoke to Jason, about me? At work?" I asked amazed.
"Yeah, how do you think I found out you were firstly sick, and staying at your Uncle and Aunt's place? I'm talented but I'm not a mind reader Miley."
My eyes widened, as suddenly Amy and Jason's interaction made far more sense and the missing piece finally finished the picture, they'd know? They'd allowed him to come here? "What the hell?" I spat my voice scratchy, "Are you best friends with him now or something?"
Nick snorted, "Oh yeah totally, we get along great." He responded sarcastically giving me a look placing the flowers beside me, "Putting it simple, I stood up to him and I guess he liked the approach I took because the Commissioner said I could come look after you tonight."
"Look after me?" I spat, "I'm not a child, I am-"
I felt the itch as I turned my head sneezing, sending all the tissues on my bed to shift from my jolting motion. A tissue box instantly appeared in front of my face as I reached out grabbing one blowing my raw nose,
"Sick, you need someone to look after you."
"I'm okay, it's just the flu." I whispered dropping the tissue,
"Well if it's just the flu then we have no reason not to talk."
I looked at Nick feeling almost claustrophobic, I was trapped like a deer caught in the headlight and by the smirk on his face he knew it too. "We need to talk about it Miley, you can't keep running from me, or kissing me until we at least talk." He stated trying to ease me into it, "Look if it helps I have chicken soup sitting in the kitchen with some other Chinese food, if you're up for it-"
"Chicken soup…" I whispered desperate for warm liquid to sooth my throat.
"Yep Chicken noodle soup to be precise, so how about it?"
I looked at Nick's analyzing eyes as I closed my mine still feeling completely mortified, "I don't want you seeing me like this…" I whispered
"You look beautiful," Nick responded leaning down, "Sick or not."
I turned staring at him as Nick kissed my forehead, "So do we have an agreement?"
"Okay," I responded, "Fine, but just the basics."
"That will be more than enough," He moved away picking up the flowers, "I'll be back with the soup, you just lay back relax and I will put these in some water. Oh and tomorrow if you're up to it, that bag there has a whole bunch of candy I assume you've only just finished the last lot from when you got shot?"
I looked at him confused, "I finished them in like two days."
Nick's eyes widened, "You really do have an addiction to sugar, I'll be back."
He smiled and disappeared out the door as I sat there for moment surprised that although I was nervous, I wasn't scared to talk to him. Nick had this front to him that almost entranced me to relax, even though my mind was still spinning. He managed to clear my thoughts and make me focus on the immediate not the future,
Nick returned a few minutes later with soup with I devoured. I hadn't had an appetite in days, but it appeared the chicken soup was exactly what I needed. Nick took a spot next to me on the bed, flicking the individual tissues away, I warned him I was contagious but he just waved his hands at me taking a spot up beside my body. Nick ate his dinner with me, as he smiled and told me about the last few days, about how Selena and Demi wouldn't stop annoying him and how half the office knew about our rendezvous in the locker room.
"Oh and my mom got engaged." He suddenly proclaimed.
I dropped my spoon into the soup turning towards him, "Oh my god!" I stated smiling at him, "That's great Nick, are you going to see…" I trailed off noting his expression as I frowned. "You're not happy about that?" I asked confused.
Nick swallowed and stared at his food "No, I'm not."
"Why?"
He opened his mouth to respond only to sigh shaking his head,
"Look I don't want to talk about this, let's concentrate on you."
"Wow hypocritical much?" I retorted,
Nick's lips fell into a straight line as he just looked at me, "I'll tell you about it one day…" He stated after a moment, "Just not right now okay? It's more important that we discuss the elephant in the room."
"What elephant in the room?" I asked.
Nick leaned over my body carefully managing not to knock the soup. I opened my mouth only for him to instantly slide back, a photo frame now in his hands. I stared at the image as he placed it between us,
"Where was this taken?" Nick asked carefully,
I picked up the frame staring at the photo within, my six-year-old self happily grinning with my mom and dad either side. I traced my fingers down the wooden frame turning to Nick whose eyes were watching me with intrigue, not sympathy.
"Empire State Building, on my sixth birthday." I responded closing my eyes remembering that day so vividly, it was so windy and cold yet I was determined like every other year to be up there. "It was a tradition…" I continued keeping my eyes close, "That every year on my birthday my parents would take me up there, I just loved it, seeing all the buildings, watching the people and traffic below. I felt like I was on top of the world. I would have spent hours there, especially that day, I just loved it so much up there."
"Past tense," Nick murmured, "You don't love it anymore?"
I opened my eyes as I fell back to reality pushing the frame away a feeling of longing consuming me, "I haven't been higher than the 32nd storey in a building since…" I trailed off.
"9/11?"
I nodded as Nick took the photo, "You look like them…"
"I know, it makes it hard for Jason." I whispered staring into my soup, seeing my reflection in it's almost clear surface, "I look like my dad, and so many times I just catch him staring at me, wishing, hoping that I was my dad, but I'm not even if I try to be I'm never gonna be them."
"Yet you're still trying to be like them aren't you?" Nick whispered,
His words were careful and planned as I nodded, "I am."
"I guess you and me are in the same boat then? Trying to be like our parents."
I turned staring at Nick sniffling as I wiped my nose with a tissue. He moved closer to me as I looked at him, slowly Nick wrapped his arm around me. "I know talking to me isn't easy, I know that Miley but can you just tell me what happened that day because all I know is that you lost your parents." He murmured quietly as I leaned my head on his shoulder closing my eyes,
"I lost so much more than my parents Nick." I whispered.
"I understand that too,"
"I don't think you do, no one does." I responded seriously trying so hard not to let the emotions surface, "Your dad he went to war, he chose to fight and in a way so did my parents becoming cops, but that day they didn't get up in the morning and think today I could possibly die, they got up and followed a completely normal daily schedule."
"Do you remember that morning?"
I nodded feeling my lip quiver, "I do, I remember everything."
"Do you want to tell me?"
I shook my head as he nodded and we fell silent, "But I'll tell you what happened after the towers fell…" I opened my eyes as Nick looked at me and I stared at the frame feeling sick trying to not lose my courage, "I didn't speak for two months following their death, well that's what my uncle and aunt said because all I remember is that for the rest of 2001 all I did was stare out windows,"
"Why?"
"Looking for my parents." I whispered simply, "Waiting for them to come home,"
"But they never did." Nick murmured squeezing my side.
"No," I responded letting out a breath, "They didn't,"
I traced my fingers over the glass looking at my mom's smiling face, my dad in the shirt I gave him for his birthday that year. "A little girl at my school lost her mom on 9/11, they found her wedding ring and a photo frame which had sat on her desk. Her family decided that they would bury that instead of the body they never got." I explained to Nick as his eyes watched me trying to understand as I shook my head, "She got something to bury Nick, she got closure and what did I get…"
I felt a few tears slip as I shook my head, "I got nothing."
I looked at Nick as he watched me listening gently rubbing my side, "I stood at my parents funeral, it was a complete spectacle. I hated every second of it." I hissed through gritted teeth. "I had to say goodbye to them in front of the entire New York police force and hundreds of people who I didn't even know, not to mention the media. So I didn't say goodbye, because as I looked at those coffins I knew they were empty, there was nothing there so how could I mourn them? How could I have closure when I had nothing of them to bury."
I felt a sob come from my throat, "So I didn't say goodbye, and I never have."
I dropped the frame as the sobs kept coming ranking my aching frame as Nick pulled his arms around me. I turned and buried my head into his chest and waited for him to say he was sorry, like everyone did, but he didn't utter anything.
Instead Nick let me cry into his shoulder, rubbing my back in silence. The food was removed and Nick pulled me to lie down helping me to blow my nose as the tears kept falling. I hated myself for not saying goodbye that day at their funeral, but I knew I couldn't let them go, not then, not now, because to me it never felt like they'd died, they just hadn't come home.
Eventually the tears stopped and exhaustion took over, as I let myself relax against Nick's chest listening to his heartbeat, and my own proving that although I felt so dead inside I was still here whether I wanted to be or not.
A/N: Because you guys are so awesome I decided to update again! I didn't realise this chapter was so sad until I read it back :\ Anyway hope you enjoy! The next chapter is a cute one :) Kind of...