Chapter 4

For hours I sat. My devastation led to woods, desperation caused me to hide, frustration caused me to . . .

"Umm are you crying . . ." Emmett and Jacob came toward me.

"I was deceived by both of you" was all I said to them I was about to walk away.

"I can't believe you are just gonna walk away from her just because getting with her isn't as easy as you thought it was gonna be," Jacob said disgusted.

"Why didn't you tell me about the venom issue?" I countered.

"I didn't think about it, it's not really an issue for Ren and me. She brought it up when it looked like you two were getting close, and then you went to kiss her and we had no choice but to interrupt . . ." His explanations were logical, there was no real reason for him to have retained the fact that I was venomous.

"At least I didn't kill her," I smoothed my hair back, "no one was harmed by this." I said trying to convince myself that that was true. I felt pretty hurt, I didn't know about her . . . even with the new piece of information I was given I couldn't make myself not want her.

"Man, this situation will figure itself out," Emmett sighed, "Bella and Edward's situation figured itself out and nobody thought it would." He was right about that, there relationship was the main reason I was here. I wanted an opportunity to feel that.

"There is nothing to remedy here, the facts are simple I cannot get close to Leah . . . she is not meant for me . . . I will not be with her." As I said those words a pain worst than anything I have experienced went through my chest. I didn't how I was going leave her here; I just knew I wasn't going to be able to see her face again.

"I believe that imprint proves else wise," Jacob murmured.

"I believe that this imprint thing was just something that your kind made up to force the person you wanted to be intimate with you!" I said spitefully I didn't really mean those things but it felt good to say just the same.

"They way you feel right now . . . I'll let what you said pass because I couldn't and wouldn't want to be in your place right now . . . they couldn't pay me enough." Jacob mumbled.

"I'm in no place right now . . . I'm in no place and with no one." I said bluntly.

"Great so we can go home and but today behind us." Emmett clapped his hands as if we had come to some sort of conclusion, but maybe he was right we all need to go home.

"Yes going home seems like a perfect idea." I said walking toward their house, I would pack my things and be out of all of their lives by sun rise. On the walk my phone rang it was Alice.

"Hello?"

"Hey I heard about what happened . . . are you okay?" she asked I could part of the conversation being had in the background they were trying to console Leah, with empty promises of my return and that everything will be okay.

"Yes I am fine," I listened for more of their conversation I heard as Ren cooed Leah but she said nothing. Part of me did want to see her just knowing that she would be okay would make me feel better.

"So will you be coming back anytime soon?" She asked.

"I am not far; I am about fifteen minutes from your home." I said.

"That isn't really an answer to my question." She laughed nervously; "Leah needs you, you know" She spoke softly.

"I will be coming back to your home." If only for one night, I needed the night to get my head and my stuff together.

"Great I will let her know maybe it will lift her spirits some." She said relieved.

"Do as you wish." I said coldly and hung up the phone.

After talking with Alice I continued my walk back to their home, Emmett and Jacob followed me, I felt like I was being stalked, but I knew what they were doing, they wanted to make sure I was truly returning to their home. To their credit they were right to follow me the thought passed trough my several times to just run until I made my way back to my home, to my family . . . no matter the pain I was under.

"Please stop walking behind me it is making me paranoid." I said acknowledging their presence.

"Thought you needed your space to think" Emmett said now at my side, Jacob was on the other.

"Whether you are at my side or behind me, you are still here are you not?" I countered.

"At least you are heading in the right direction now," Jacob said.

"I don't know if I can stay," I murmured, more actually I didn't know if I wanted to.

"Not to sound like you are imprisoned or like a broken record, but I don't think you will have a choice," Jacob said, "but it will be interesting to watch you try." I gave this imprinting thing too much power. I was going to prove that it was a very strong impulse at best there it could and would be ignored by me . . . even it I really didn't want to.

"We'll see."

I got back to the house and as expected, a sense of release fell over me from being close to Leah. I couldn't hear her stirring she must have fallen asleep which was a good thing, I had no good words to offer her.

"You came back!" Ren jumped into my arms and then into Jacob's arms, "I knew you would bring him back!" She kissed him.

"He had nothing to do with my decision to return . . . I am still not sure what I am going to do." I said, then I heard small whimpers come from upstairs, the sound took my full attention. I couldn't think past the desire to go up to her and end her suffering.

"You should stay," Alice said, "If you care anything for her, you will stay and try to make it work."

"What 'it' there is nothing between us," I went upstairs, I didn't want there opinions force upon me any further. I had to think this through for myself. I meant to step into the guest room where all of my stuff was I don't know how I wound up only feet away from her. Her back was to me and she was balled up as if she was trying to shield herself from some kind of pain. I went to touch her arm but then decided against it.

"This isn't helping . . ." I whispered, I wanted to leave her room but couldn't. I couldn't stand that I was causing her this pain. This wasn't helping either of us; we needed to learn how to act as if the other didn't exist. "One more minute won't kill either of us, right," I whispered and she sighed in her sleep, I guess she agreed with me. After a few minutes I did decided to leave her room, but I had also decided that I couldn't leave her here alone.

I spent the rest of the night in my room and watched the night embrace the day. Edward was the first to intrude on my solitude.

"First day of school . . . Alice told me to bring you this," Edward sat the stuff down and then looked at me, "you chose to stay." He said calmly.

"Against my better judgment . . . yes," I got up and looked the clothes that were brought to me.

"But you don't plan on associating with her I don't see how . . ."

"It's not your business to see or hear anything," I said a little more coldly than I planned to, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you, I just don't want to talk about her."

"Very well." He went to leave my room, "We will be leaving in about an hour. Emmett wants you come down and hang out. I think he's mainly curious about what you decided to do plus he thinks that you are cool as hell . . . his wording of course."

"Right," I said, "I will meet you all downstairs," trying to give him the hint that I wanted to be alone. As soon as I got him out of my room the tiny nosy Alice skipped into my room.

"May I help you?" I said to her wondering why she was now in my room, "Thank you for the clothes." I was hoping that acknowledgement was all she needed from me and that she would be on her merry way.

"No problem!" She smiled, "there's one more thing we could do to make you fit in a little better if you're interested" She arched her eyebrow and looked a little like the devil.

"What do you have in mind?" I said slowly, as soon as the last word left my mouth she pulled some scissors from behind her back and I knew exactly what she wanted to do.

"Trust me I know what I am doing" she smiled as she went to touch my hair.

"Why not, everything else in my life has been flipped upside down; my hair should reflect the change as well." I sighed sitting down and allowing her to cut most of my hair off. When she allowed me to look in the mirror I was shocked I actually looked decent.

"That's different," I stared at myself in the mirror and the first thought I had was is she going to like it . . . but it shouldn't matter and I told myself that it didn't.

By the time I got downstairs everyone was circling around Seth like he had been hurt.

"What's wrong with him?" I said curiously making a path so I could see. Leah was lying in his arms with these big dark glasses covering half of her face. He looked at me angrily as if I had done something to her.

"I can't believe you're still here. What do you want to torment her or something?" He growled. I was shocked that there was someone in the house that actually wanted me gone. I actually found his behavior refreshing. I was glad that someone else realized how bad me staying here with Leah could be.

"What's wrong with her?" I hesitantly removed the glasses, and saw the sad, puffy, red, sleeping eyes beneath them. She clung to her brother and he pushed me away from her.

"I know everything that has happened. If you don't want to be with her that is your choice but you will not punish her by always being around her when you don't plan to stand beside her." I stepped back I didn't think it was in Seth's nature to be so forward.

"I understand." I respectfully did as he wished and went into the kitchen.

"Don't be put off by Seth," Jasper said, "he doesn't like to see Leah hurt." I could relate to his behavior, I would act the same way if someone were to hurt Maria or Marisol, I nodded in agreement to his statement. In the background of Jasper and my conversation I heard Leah's voice.

"No, I am fine let's do this!" She sounded happy about school I wanted to see her and as hard as I tried to stay invested in the conversation I interrupted Jasper.

"Excuse me . . . I forgot something in my room." I almost rushed into the other room, and then slowed my pace so that I wouldn't look as anxious as I felt. I was sure that seeing Leah happy would relax all anxiety I was feeling. I had even convinced myself that we could be friends, we work and self control on both our parts we could remain platonic.

"Good morning," she smiled weakly at me, her face looked so tired and drain even with those stupid glasses on I could tell how deeply hurt she was.

"Good morning Leah," I said don't if what I felt was guilt or anger, but I knew that rushing to see her was a mistake, any hope I felt for us dwindled.

Leah was now the plague to me. That may not be the right word to describe what I felt, everybody defines a plague as something to be avoid something that could cause death or pain. What I felt for Leah was different I was like a moth trying to avoid an enthralling flame. Now that I had been here for a few months I would have thought avoiding her would have become easier. I had taken to acting as though I hated her, the more attracted to her I felt the more distant my behavior was.

Even with my plan working at its best I would have my weak moments. Toward the end of the school day I yearned to see her the most. Especially during history, we were studying WWI and even though I didn't live in an area, I knew about this event when it happened . . . I didn't need a recap. This is when I would find a way out of the class and wonder the halls. Sometimes I would get Emmett out of class; he was slowly becoming the first male of our kind that I truly trusted. We'd walk to Rosalie's class he would stare provocatively into her teachers' eyes and he would let us come inside her classroom for a while. He would flirt with Rosalie for a while then he would go back to class. After hanging out with him I would make one stop pass Leah's art class. It was the one time that I would see her and she would seem truly content. I imagined that it was because of the crazy things the red haired girl in the class said, she seemed a little unstable. I took some sort of weird pleasure in seeing her paint, her face seemed so focused. Maybe it was the way she rocked her leg back in forth as she stroked that paint brush on the canvas, it was kind of erotic. This time as I walked by I heard the girl squeal.

"Awww he did it again!" She squealed, "You two should totally be going out already!" I had to laugh at her statement, if only she knew the half of it. I waited to hear what Leah would say to her statement.

"Crap, I actually liked this shirt!" She groaned, had the girl's statement thrown her so much that she had caused damage to her favorite shirt. I hated this shirt she found a way to wear it twice a month and every time she wore we would hear the same conversation between her and Alice. I was waiting for the day Alice would destroy it.

"Well rush to the restroom and see if you can salvage it." Her teacher said excusing her from the classroom. I had to think quickly, I didn't know if I wanted to actually engage in a conversation with her or not. I went into the bathroom before she came out into the highway. I decided that it was time to try at least speaking to her again. It had been months since we had actually talked.

"Do you actually go to the restroom?" She asked me. I was glad that she asked a easy question something that didn't had anything to do with our feelings because I wasn't prepared for anything like that I just wanted to her talk, and for her words to be directed to me, even if was revolved around something as trivial as my bathroom habits.

"No," I directed my attention to her shirt and all the red paint she was now drenched in, "What happened, did you miss the canvas?" I laughed.

"I spilled . . . it happens." She sighed and looked down the mess she was covered in, she pulled the shirt away from her body and my attention was immediately drawn to her bare skin that was now exposed. When she looked back I thought I was busted and that she knew that I had looked at her inappropriately. If she had noticed she didn't seem to mind, took a step toward me and I backed away, I didn't want to give her the wrong idea. I still thought it was impossible for us to be in a relationship together. Her body just confused the hormones within me. "Don't!" She whined and repeated her action to be close to me. "Why do you leave your last period so much?"

I wanted to be honest with her and tell her it was because I missed her toward the end of the day. That there was the twinge in the pit of my stomach that ached constantly and they only time I was relieved of the pain was when I was with her. I could have even said something as simple as I like the way you look when you are painting. Instead I settled for a truth that completely omitted her from the equation, "If you were a hundred and fifty would you honestly enjoy taking a history class?" I whispered I was so close to her that her unique smell danced all around me. She smirked at my statement at least she got the fact that I was trying to be funny.

"Aren't you tired of this yet? It has been months," She begged me for the answer; my worst fear came to life. It was one of those hard questions that I couldn't answer. Yes, I was tired of the way I was acting. I was tired of pretending not to feel anything for her, when I felt everything for her. With her standing so close to me I couldn't ignore the lust and love that she created in me. Since I loved her for once I could be truthful, even thought the answer I would give her wouldn't be the one she wanted to hear.

"This is the only way I know to ensure that you will be safe." I walked pass her, the teacher was bound to be missing my presence by now, "I will see you at home." I said to her, the words comforted me as well it made leaving her easier.