A/N: Pretty slow /disjointed chapter up ahead all Miley's POV again. Thanks for the reviews guys 3

Chapter Twenty-Six

Miley.

Waking up was hard. Remembering was worse.

The second I saw the dark blue sky I just felt sick. Everything hit me at once, reality forcefully invading my senses against my will. So instead of getting to my feet I rolled onto my back and just waited for a few seconds. I took a moment to just think.

After only just a few seconds I'd already realized I was feeling a lot better. Stable even. My emotions were muddled and conflicting but I felt more in control. I had a direction thanks to Denise, I had a priority and that was Nick. Right now focusing on him would keep me going until I could work out the mayhem that had just surrounded my life. I closed my eyes, letting myself reflect, not wanting to block out the details like I'd done before. Forgetting wasn't the answer but right now I didn't know what the solution was either.

"Miley?"

A hand lightly touched my shoulder as I opened my eyes.

Jason hovered over me, his face weary and exhausted. He gave me a weak smile as I just looked at him, seeing the anguish in his eyes. I wanted to ask questions but I knew right now I couldn't cope hearing the response, nor could Jason muster the words to explain.

"I'm okay." I finally announced looking at him straight on. "I'm…"

I shrugged not knowing what else to say. Jason just nodded and sat down beside me, "You look better…" He murmured putting his hand down beside me. "A lot better actually, you were kind of scaring us before."

I nodded putting my hand over his, "I was scaring myself." I responded reflecting on what I'd been saying, what I'd been doing and how I felt split right now. One half still wanted to escape this, while the one in control right now just felt the need to face everything that happened.

"Is…" I inhaled closing my eyes. "Is…is-"

I stopped my lip quivering at the thought, yet I needed to know.

"Nick…" His name fell from my lips slowly, guiltily.

"Denise just called, that's why I came in to see if you were up." Jason responded quickly, my eyes turning to focus on his desperately. Jason gave another smile and nodded, "He's come out of surgery and is in recovery at the moment- no visitors. He'll be moved to ICU once they're sure he's stable and if you're up for it Denise is on stand by to come pick you up."

The pressure on my chest lifted instantly as I felt a relieved sob slip from my lips. I covered my mouth knowing that it wasn't my fault, but still feeling like I let him down. I went to push the sheets back down, to get ready, to see him and actually witness the truth in the words Jase was saying. Yet he stopped me,

I looked at Jason confused only for him to look away from me. "Miley, there isn't an easy way to tell you this." He began slowly and I held my breath for just a moment knowing what he was about to say.

"She's dead isn't she? Selena's dead?" I asked.

Jason just looked at me, he didn't even need to answer, his traumatized eyes told the answer. "They tried, they tried so hard but…" He shook his head swallowing. "They couldn't save her. They couldn't save Justin either."

I looked away the ache that I'd lost returning. I guess I knew though, from the start a part of me had known when I heard the gunfire and realized they were missing. I knew. It hurt then, and it still hurt now.

I didn't push my grief aside. I let the tear begin to fall knowing I'd never get to hear her voice give me the advice I so often needed or see the smile I was welcomed with every morning. Jason wrapped his arm around me as I cried, trying to hold onto the memories, attempting to deal with the concept those were the only things I had left of them both now. I tried to push my feelings away, but my tears became sobs and I knew I couldn't stop. I let myself mourn both of them thinking of how their lives had been taken so quickly and mercilessly.

I didn't hear her come in, but Amy was suddenly pulling me into her arms. Just knowing she was there helped, but it still took a while until the sobs came to a stop and the tears even longer.

"You know that you did everything you could right?" I heard her ask me while I wiped my sleeve across my face.

I didn't respond for a moment, as Jason squeezed my hand. "Miley, don't for a second doubt the decisions you made." He stated very slowly as I nodded listening my eyes staring down. "Nothing could have prepared you for what happened last night, no training, no practice, no amount of experience yet you made the right decision. You saved so many lives."

"But I lost some too." I whispered looking up at Jason.

He nodded looking towards the window uneasily.

"How many Jase? How many died?" I asked feeling confident enough to ask.

Jason swallowed and shook his head, "Miley that's not important right now-"

"I worked with them." I snapped through gritted teeth, "I had to watch them line up against the wall and get shot. I deserve to know how many died." Jason's eyes skimmed over me to Amy who gave him a nod,

"Justin and Selena were killed first." He responded bluntly. "He then killed both armed officers. After that…well we're still getting statements and working out what happened but Nick got shot along with two others."

"And?" I asked.

Jason sighed, "I know Nick and a young woman, officer Henderson, were taken to hospital. Five dead, six including…" He didn't finish the sentence but I didn't want to hear the name of the man who had done this. I didn't want to consider that being at all, but I knew with death came the inability to avoid my regrets. I wouldn't take back killing him, but I despised that I'd taken someone's life.

"Do you want to see Nick?" Amy asked me, "You could stay and get some more-"

"No. No I want to see him." I announced pushing the sheets down.

"Okay, I'll call Denise to come pick you up. I need to go make a press statement then I'll come to the hospital too with Amy okay?" Jason announced as I nodded hearing yet another dreaded word.

"Press? Media?" I asked looking at him.

Jason nodded standing up his eyes distant once more, "I need to get changed."

With that he left the room, leaving Amy and me alone. We sat there for a while, side by side. I let more tears fall but I didn't speak. She rubbed my back like so many times before, her hand warming my skin. It was then I really felt something in me snap, a feeling that had been lingering since I woke up.

"I thought I was going to die." I whispered out loud.

Amy's hand stopped and I turned to see her wide eyes. "I was sure I was going to die Amy." She just looked at me, her expression unreadable. I shook my head, "I thought…I was never going to see you again, or Jase or anyone."

I closed my eyes scared, "I was ready to die, and I don't know how to accept that I'm still here and they're not."

Amy didn't speak she just pulled me closer hugging my body. I buried my head into her shoulder and held her closer, cherishing this moment knowing that every second I spent with them from now on would be different.

It took a while but finally I got out of bed with Amy's help. That's when the physical pain really kicked in, and seeing my face in the mirror made more tears fall. I could cope with the cut on my head, but seeing the handprints around my neck was a whole different story. They made me feel sick because they were his left me to shower and I ended up using it's noise to hide more painful sobs that just came out even when I tried to stop. I scrubbed my neck until it was red and stinging wanting to destroy the skin he touched yet it still didn't feel enough.

I moved through the motions though, carrying on through the new painful reality until finally I looked back in the mirror. I stared at the same face I'd always seen, but I knew something had changed. I could see so many negatives, but I was also witnessing a positive. I'd accepting what had happened, something that had taken years with my parents. Now I just had to deal with it and that i didn't know the answer too.

"Miley hun, Denise is here." Amy called quietly outside.

I looked away understanding what that meant and for a second I felt like I did have something to look forward too. I instantly dismissed it opening the door because no one ever wants to see someone they loved hurt, yet right now Nick being in pain meant that he was still alive.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?" Denise voice chimed as I walked out into the lounge.

I turned my head looking at the two women, both pairs of eyes tired and pinpointed on me concerned. I just nodded and moved towards the door waiting to leave. "How about you come sit down, so we can talk?" Denise called to me.

Her sentence was simple yet everything in me stiffened. I looked at her fearfully, shaking my head as her eyes instantly widened.

"No, no honey he's okay. I'm sorry, I just want to talk to you first and tell you how Nick's doing before we leave."

"Why?" I asked bluntly. "Why can't you tell me there or in the car?"

"Because I want to make sure you're up for this." Denise responded truthfully, her eyes watching me like I was her patient. I nodded reluctantly and dragged my feet over to the couch sitting between them.

"Are you feeling better?" She asked me instantly.

I turned and looked at Denise confused, "Feeling better? I don't know how I'm supposed to feel right now let alone give you some kind of measurement. Just tell me how my boyfriend is, and then take me to the God damn hospital so I can see him." I felt myself snap frustrated with this, as she just nodded.

"Miley, Nick's in a critical condition. …" She trailed off thinking before she spoke, "He under went a very complex surgery that was successful. But…" I closed my eyes waiting to hear the next sentence. "The next forty eight hours are critical, do you understand that?" I gave one short nod, "Therefore the doctor has decided to put him in a medically induced coma."

Coma? The word sunk in as I immediately thought the worst. People didn't wake up from comas. People in a coma died. I clutched my knees trying to withhold any display of emotion, in the progress blocking out Denise. I could hear her mumbles but still the word repeated in my mind, obscuring everything else.

Denise's hands suddenly landed on my shoulders, forcing my eyes to hers.

"Miley? Do not panic. Hey, don't go blank on me. Listen." She spoke very slowly as I just kept nodding not knowing what else to do or how to react. "Miley, a medical induced coma is safe. It means it will give Nick time to heal. He is not going to die on us okay? We need to be strong for him and in forty eight hours or when the doctor thinks he's ready they'll bring him back to us."

"He'll wake up?" I asked looking at her pleadingly. "Please tell me he'll wake up."

Denise just looked at me and I saw it in her eyes, the lie forming. "I'm sure he'll wake up Miley." She wasn't though, Denise, a doctor wasn't sure her son would come out this.

I stood up not wanting to waste anymore time, "I want to see him."

"Miley I want you to eat something first-"

"No. No I want to go to the hospital."

"You've just been through an ordeal and-"

"And I want to see Nick!" I yelled at her furious. Staring down at both my aunt and Denise "And you cannot stop me. I've waited and you promised. You promised me. I want to see Nick."

Denise looked at Amy who sighed standing up. "You need sugar to at least keep your energy up." She mumbled walking towards my kitchen cupboard. Denise stood up too, combing her finger through her hair as I realized she was still in the same outfit this morning. She'd been with Nick all day.

Amy came back offering a bag of starbursts and a few lollypops. Her eyes stared into mine glaring as I reached out taking them quickly. Amy pointed toward one and without an explanation I unwrapped the candy and stuck it in my mouth.

"Okay, you can go but only until midnight. Then you are coming home and sleeping, then you can go back tomorrow." Amy ordered looking at Denise who nodded as I shook my head.

"No, I'm staying with him until he-"

"No, no your not." Denise stated forcefully, "Nick would want you to be resting."

She knew that line would work, and it did. I closed my mouth the sweet treat between my lips feeling solid and uninteresting to my normally inviting taste buds. I finally nodded as Denise moved over whispering something to Amy then nodded for me to follow. I hugged my Aunt goodbye and felt her uneasily let me go, her arms staying open even when I was gone.

"I'll see you soon." I promised and she nodded giving a weak smile.

"Yeah, yeah you will. I love you."

"Love you too."

I followed Denise to her car and took up the passenger seat. I wriggled into the comfy leather, touching it realizing how similar it was to my own car. The BMW Nick wanted to drive so desperately. Would he ever get too? I crunched onto the lollypop deleting the thought as Denise started the engine.

"The shooting at the-"A voice proclaimed through the speakers. Denise lunged turning off the radio while I watched.

She caught my gaze and gave me a look, "You don't need to hear that. You already know what happened." I nodded in agreement, yet still I pondered what the media were saying about the attack.

The drive was short yet long. It was peak hour and I was positive I could have walked faster to the hospital, yet as I watched the large crowds moving between streets I couldn't imagine myself being out there right now. I just wanted to keep to myself, to isolate my mind and heart away until I ever attempted to reengage myself in the tangled outside world. I didn't feel safe at the moment, not out here.

"All the family are here." Denise proclaimed as we parked, "Demi included."

Demi. Demi was here and surely she'd know what had happened to Selena. They were best friends. I swallowed the lump in my throat my mind racing, what was I supposed to say to her? How I was sorry? That I wished I could have done more? I felt a tear slip not wanting to see her, to feel the sadness of losing Selena again. I just wanted to focus on Nick because if I let these emotions swamp me I'd crumble.

"They've been asking about you." Denise added after a moment turning the car off, while I kept my eyes firmly focused way. "Especially Joe and Demi, they've been worried. They'll be happy to see that you're okay."

"I'm not okay." I whispered.

I opened the door and got out before Denise could respond. We walked into the hospital in silence, my eyes locked on her feet unwilling to gaze around at anyone else. Her pace was steady and direct turning sharply and letting little time to pause. After a maze of long corridors, quick footsteps and nurses laughing finally Denise abruptly stopped.

"Hey, any news yet?" She asked quickly,

I hung back keeping my eyes down, "No, the doctor- Miley?" Joe's voice began my name yelled mid sentence. I couldn't help but look up only to be enveloped painfully in a tight huge. The yelp that left my lips was both in fear and agony as the body let go instantly.

"Oh God, Miles, Oh God I'm sorry. Oh God." Demi whimpered, "I just…Miles."

I didn't look at her and redirected my face and eyes down. I didn't want them to see me, or for my eyes to view their grief. I shied away and stepped further behind Denise who let out a sigh,

"Miley?" Demi cried confused, "What's wrong with her?"

Demi's sobbing filled my ears as I felt the other half returning. My chest tightened and I stopped breathing. I needed to escape. I couldn't deal with this. I turned only for arms to forcefully grab me, "No, No. You want to see Nick. Remember. You want to see Nick." Denise whispered holding me against her, "You can do this you're okay. Let's go sit down."

Denise pulled me onto a sit and put her hand into my pocket pulling out another lollypop. She offered it to me and I took it in my shaky hands. "Calm down, it's fine okay? Have another one and just close your eyes and count to ten. You'll feel better." I counted. It didn't help.

"You said she was okay." Joe whispered my ears listening to Demi's muffled sobs.

"She saw him get shot Joe. This compared to this morning is okay."

I sucked on the lollypop as the seats beside me were filled. I could hear Demi softly crying to my right, the sound constant and unchanging. After a while a hand filled my vision, a palm opening up towards me. I slowly let my eyes look up seeing Joe sitting there. My eyes focused on Demi for a moment, her head lost in his opposite shoulder. My eyes moved back to Joe and he gave me a weak smile,

"You're going to be okay. He's going to be okay."

I nodded and took his hand, letting him squeeze it.

"I'm sorry." I whispered as Joe squeezed harder.

"Why? You haven't done anything wrong."

"I should have helped him. I should have helped them."

I caught Demi's head move a little, my eyes turning completely towards them. I wish I hadn't looked but I couldn't turn away either. Her bright red eyes appeared staring at me confused, "They died instantly." She murmured moving her mouth from Joe's shirt. "You couldn't have saved her Miley. You couldn't have saved anyone."

I just stared at her broken expression, knowing that until the day I died I wouldn't believe that. I could have done something, what, I didn't know, but I could have changed something.

Demi reached out to me, her eyes now staring at my neck.

"We're going to get through this okay? We're going to stick together." Tears escaped down her face as she looked at me not so much asking but telling me. I took her hand with my other one nodding trying to absorb their grief and deal with my own. I just had to keep myself focused on Nick and not let anything else converge on me.

"Denise…" A voice called out.

My eyes looked entirely up for the first time seeing a doctor. Denise was instantly up and I dropped both hands moving to get to my feet.

"No you don't, sit down finish the lollypop." Denise snapped pushing me back.

I watched intently as she spoke to the doctor who seemed calm and content. Denise's head bobbed along watching him speak, then finally they both exchanged a smile. The doctor left and Denise returned to us,

"Can we see him?" Kevin's voice asked.

I turned looking Danielle and Kevin who sat to my left, along with Bob all looking at Denise desperately. She nodded giving a smile, "We can see him," Instantly both brother's were up and Denise gave them a look, "Only two at a time for the next twenty four hours."

"I'll go first then." Joe proclaimed.

"No, I'm going and I promised Miley she could see him first."

Everyone turned to look at me as I bit down on the lollypop unsure. Kevin sat back down stiffly, while Joe finally nodded and leaned down to me. "Make sure you slap him hard for me, the idiot, he should have taken that bastard down." Joe tried to joke but if fell upon deaf ears.

Denise motioned for me to get up and follow which I did. Then I stopped suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Did I really want to see him like this? Lying there completely alive yet so dead to my eyes. Demi's hand reached out touching my arm gently,

"Miley go, he needs you."

She was right. He needed me. Nick needed me.

I nodded and walked towards Denise who smiled. She looped her arm around my shoulders pulling me closer as we walked down yet another corridor. The same doctor stood before a door speaking to a nurse, his eyes looking up seeing both of us.

"I said family only Denise," He instantly warned, "You know the rules."

"I do know the rules, and I'm sure she will be family one day." Denise proclaimed simply giving the doctor a look. "She is his significant other and if you still can't accept that I will go find a ring and put it on her finger to make it official for the records." The doctor sighed and nodded.

"Fine, but if anything happens-"

"I'll take full responsibility. Now can I see my son?"

The doctor nodded looking through the window, "I'll be back in the morning if nothing changes Dr. Stevens will be in control until then." He gave Denise and pointed look before turning and walking off as she rolled her eyes,

"God I hate Neurosurgeons, they think the know everything." She mumbled under her breath opening the door.

My eyes instantly went to the bed desperate to see Nick's face, to hold his hand and feel the warmth that would assure me the words I'd been hearing were true. But instead I was hit by an image I struggled to comprehend. There were so many wires, tubes, braces, bandages and machines. I literally couldn't recognize him.

I stopped dead in my tracks turning to Denise terrified who just sighed loudly.

"Oh Nicholas," She whispered shaking her head sadly.

Denise moved towards her son, looking around examining the machines while I just stood there trying to find a piece of him that I could have. Denise eventually turned back to me and gave a weak smile,

"Don't cry Miley, please don't, he wouldn't want that." She whispered as I realised a few tears had fallen without my consent. "Come here, hold his hand…we're not supposed to but I always do this with my own patients. I believe that even in a coma people can still hear and recognize the voices of people, especially their loved ones." She whispered to me.

I stepped forward seeing that Nick's lifeless hand was tucked up in the sheets. Denise got a chair and I sat down staring at it, unsure of how I'd feel when I touched it, whether it would be too much to bare knowing he wouldn't grasp it back. I eventually forced myself to reach out and ever so delicately I moved my fingers into his. They were warm. Alive.

"Hey, listen…" Denise announced quietly.

I looked up at her playing with one of the machines, a steady beeping rhythm filling the room. She smiled at me, "That's his heart beating on it's on, perfectly stable." Denise muttered more to herself then me as I waited for Nick to grip my hand yet he didn't.

I sniffled and felt more tears consuming my eyes as I clutched it tightly now,

"I love you." I murmured. "You're going to wake up for me okay. You're going to wake up. You promised you wouldn't leave." I looked up at his face lost beneath medical equipment as I stared at the clock above the bed slowly ticking,

"You promised." I repeated wishing I didn't have to wait any longer.