Chapter Thirty One.

Miley.

It was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. I didn't want to admit I was wrong, yet I was, and it had become very obvious the last week. Seeing Nick everyday battling physical pain just to do ordinary activities hurt me so much more than I'd ever reveal to him. Yet it was the emotional turmoil he was going through that really made me stop and think. Whenever I'd catch Nick alone gazing absently outside or staring into his stone cold coffee the same thoughts would occur. The doubt. The realization. Life wasn't about taking risks anymore. It was about enjoying every minute of it, because it was too short to waste even a second doubting the path I'd chosen.

Acknowledging the truth to myself was one thing, but writing it down…God I just felt like a complete idiot. Every word, every sentence that came together all I saw was failure.

I'd failed.

And I had to accept that even if it was hard.

I folded the letter and slipped it into the envelope that I'd already titled taking in a deep breath. Today was the day I lived for myself and not for others.

"Nick," I called out putting the envelope in my bag,

"Uhuh…"

I walked down the corridor peeking my head into our room finding Nick lounged across the bed shirtless in only his briefs. Nick's head turned away from the computer he was currently immersed in giving a cheeky smile,

"Like what you see?" He asked smartly,

I rolled my eyes staring at his briefs shrugging, "Not bad, I'd prefer no clothes at all…but hey this is a welcome sight that you are at least comfortable here now." I proclaimed walking over staring at his head. The bandage had been taken off yesterday and the almighty scar was now visible from the base of his hairline all the way to the back.

"Well I could get naked, but the only way that would be happening is if you were too and I some how don't see that happening." He joked at my expense as I just walked over to the bed leaning down so he could get a look at my cleavage,

"You're right it's not. New Miley is a good girl."

I leaned forward closing the laptop as Nick stared straight down my top, "And some how I think New Nick is less of the play boy he used to be, have you ever been with a girl this long and not had sex?" I asked crawling onto the bed beside him.

"No, but I've never lived with a girlfriend either so…" Nick shrugged, his eyes moving up to mine now, reaffirming his changed nature "I guess New Nick wants to try things differently, wants to make sure everything is perfect."

"And everything will be,"

I leaned forward pressing my lips against his feeling their warmth. Nick's hands grasped gently at my waist pulling me closer to him as I let myself press up against his body. This was why I had to do it. Because I didn't want anything to ever threaten the life I'd begin to plan with Nick. The life I'd imagined I would have as a little girl.

I pulled away looking at Nick's bright smile, "I love you,"

"I love you too, now put some clothes on. We're going out."

"Out?" He questioned as I climbed off the bed,

"Yes. I have today planned out. Now get changed, and wear something bright."

Nick groaned, "What does that even mean? We're not going to a circus or something are we?" I gave him a look and shook my head,

"No we're not, but no black and no moping. Get up."

I left the room and proceeded to get ready for the day making sure I had everything. I didn't know how well Nick would react to where we were going, but we were leaving for Denise and Bob's wedding next week, then Europe and well…It would be too late to have this chance again. And I better than anyone knew, waiting to say goodbye didn't make it any easier, it made it harder.

"Okay I'm ready, does white count as bright?"

I looked at Nick with his white t-shirt and low hung jeans looking sexy as hell. I nodded in approval kissing his cheek, "You look perfect, now have you got your pills-"

"Yes mom, have you got your car keys?"

I nodded and went to my pocking finding it empty, I turned giving Nick a warning look as he chuckled holding them up. "Can I drive-"

"No way, keys"

I watched him grumble but eventually he gave them over. "I want to drive home from where ever the hell we're going." I shook my head pointing to the door.

"You are not driving anywhere, now lets go."

Driving around with Nick had been good for us, I'd been worried coming home because he'd been so silent but now he never shut up. Being outside gave him more energy, even I could see the way his eyes widened just a little and his smile grew. But as we drove away from the city, Nick grew silent and began to fidget becoming restless,

"Miley where are we going?"

"Out of the city…"

"Why?" He asked blankly,

"Because…I want to." I responded simply.

Nick fell silent as his eyes looked out the window, thinking as suddenly I saw him realize. His face turned to mine blankly, "Please tell me you aren't driving me to where I think you are…."

"Well where do you think we are going?" I asked putting my indictor on.

Nick paused for a moment before responding.

"The cemetery."

I swallowed and sucked up my courage, "Yeah, I mean Yes we are going to the cemetery because it's time we said goodbye to them. To Selena and Justin."

Nick's face completely dropped and I waited for him to lose his shit at me. Yet he didn't. He remained silent, and if anything that was more painful than having him yell at me because at least I would have known his emotions. So I followed his lead and kept my mouth closed driving through the directions in my mind to a place I vowed never to go as a child.

When we parked I finally felt confident enough to turn to Nick,

"I know I should have asked but I knew you wouldn't have come and I need you to do this, if not for yourself then for me." I whispered hopeful as I carefully leaned my hand over to Nick's leg. His eyes were so distant and steady; it felt like he hadn't even heard me.

"Nick, we need to say goodbye, I need to say goodbye because I can't…"

I stopped shaking my head, because words couldn't explain the feeling that lingered with me. I didn't know what it was, guilt perhaps? But it was heavy and constricting at times. I just wanted to make this right.

"You're right you should have asked me." Nick finally murmured.

His tone was enough for me to draw my hand back, scared of what he'd say next. Just as I began to move it, Nick's finger stretched out touching mine, pulling them back to his. I watched as he entwined our fingers and squeezed tightly,

"But you're right we need too."

I looked up at him biting my tongue, as he gave a nod. "But we don't have flowers."

"We do," I whispered, "I bought them this morning while you were sleeping they're in the back of the car."

Nick just looked at me and nodded again, "Okay, then lets do this."

I couldn't help but feel relieved, but a part of me knew this was the right time for both of us. We released hands and got out of the car only for Nick to grab hold once more the second we were with in arms length. I got the flowers out handing two bouquets to Nick, and staring at the two remaining sets of flowers.

"You bought four?" Nick asked,

I nodded and hesitantly took the two remaining bouquet's out.

"I did, now Jason said the…" I murmured frowning at the word I was about to say, "Graves are over there, Selena's is closest then Justin's."

Nick nodded, "Then Selena first,"

"Yeah okay."

The cemetery was empty of life today much to my relief. I didn't want any other people coming into our frame of mourning. We walked slowly, hand in hand both silently thinking about the couple. I didn't know Justin that well, but Selena…God every day I thought about her, in my sleep I heard her scream and every time I saw Demi I could see the pain in her eyes. I would never be able to forget her but I tried to keep only the happy memories. It was hard.

When we stopped at her grave, Nick stiffened.

"Do you want to say anything?" I asked staring at the head stone, which was nothing out of the ordinary a few words strung together with her name and age. The images it brought were nothing but ordinary though,

"No." Nick responded bluntly dropping the flowers.

I nodded and leaned down picking up the bouquet and placing it against the gravestone more carefully. I stared at her name and took a deep breath, "You didn't deserve this, you were meant to have a good life. A long and happy one. I'm going to miss you Selena, I really am. I'll always remember I promise." I felt a tear fall but I didn't try to wipe it away.

I waited a moment before standing up and turning back to Nick. His eyes were filled with tears, and I could see the words on his lips.

"How about I go find Justin's grave and you can meet me there?" I asked simply, knowing Selena meant more to him then he'd ever reveal. Nick didn't respond but I knew he needed to be alone with her, "It's just over there okay," I murmured pointing in the general direction,

He nodded and I stepped away with the two bouquet's leaving Nick behind. I waited until I was a few yards away before I looked back to see Nick on his knees tears streaming down his face. I could almost feel his heart break because some part of him still loved her even if he didn't want to admit it. I kept walking until I came to where Justin's grave was, instead I didn't stop I'd come back in a minute because these flowers weren't for him.

It was only a short distance away I couldn't believe it when Jason told me it was the same cemetery. That all fallen police were buried together. Then again how would I have ever known, I'd never been.

It didn't take long until I found my parents names. I could feel tears threatening to fall, but I didn't feel sad, I felt relieved because for the first time I knew they'd be happy. That they would be truly proud of me even if I felt like a failure.

"I made a mistake," I whispered putting the flowers down side-by-side, "I made a huge mistake mom and dad, but I can fix it. I'm going to fix it."

I smiled at the graves, "I love you, so so much. I'm going to make you proud I promise."

I stood up taking in a breath and one last look before turning around only to stop. Nick stood there just watching me, his hands clutched around the other bunch of flowers.

He stepped towards me opening his arm as I felt myself let out a sigh moving up to him. I moved into his arm as he wrapped me up in his warmth, kissing the side of my head.

"I'm proud of you." He murmured simply.

I smiled and hugged him back, "It's hard, but it feels better."

"I know. It does." Nick responded letting me go.

We stared at each other, all teary eyed. "Justin?"

Nick nodded, "Justin and then let's go some place fun."

I gave him an apologetic look, "Actually I kind of already had the rest of the day planned."

Nick.

"Work, really?"

I turned to Miley bewildered as she turned off the car shrugging.

"Yeah work, we haven't been since… well we haven't been back." Miley attempted to reason with me, "We're on a day of rebuilding, of saying goodbyes and I think it's time we both came back. To see everyone."

I snorted and leaned back against the leather seat, combing my fingers through my hair. This was going to be shit. I mean not that I remembered a lot of what happened, hell I didn't even know where I was standing when I got shot. But everyone else in the office would, they'd all look at me differently now.

I suddenly realised the irony. This had been Miley's biggest fear, that people would treat her differently once they found out the truth. Now I faced the same scenario, but couldn't hide behind a nickname. I had to face this, just like I'd had to go to see Selena and Justin's graves because there was no moving forward if you weren't willing to take a step headfirst into life.

"You okay?" Miley asked me.

I looked at her eyes, she was nervous, she had been all day and I couldn't work out why.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine Miles." I responded reaching out to her, "Are you okay? I mean this is going to be hard, you realize that right?"

She nodded looking away. "I know that, but you're going to be with me."

"Of course,"

Miley turned back to me and I smiled leaning forward, "We're going to be each other's rocks from now on okay?" I nodded and pressed my lips against hers, the sweet taste calming my fears at once. If she could face this, I could too. They were our friends after all.

I pulled away and gave her one last peck before we clambered out of the car.

"It looks the same from the outside," Miley proclaimed as we headed up the steps,

I scanned the ugly grey building and shrugged, a part of me wanted to agree but another part knew there would be nothing about this place that ever felt the same. Not with Selena and Justin gone.

"I wonder if Jason is in?" I questioned trying to take my mind off it.

Miley nodded opening the front door for me, "He said he would be last night when I called to ask if it would be okay to visit." She explained as I gave her a look, "I mean I didn't want to give Jason any reason to be mad at me, we're in a good place at the moment and I don't want to jeopardize that."

"Sucking up to the boss, that is so unlike you Miley," I joked,

She laughed shoving me in the shoulder, "Shut up,"

We walked into the foyer and both stopped dead in our tracks. I never would have noticed it on a regular day, but I guess both of us had been looking. There were new photo frames on the wall of fallen, all those who had died in the shooting. My eyes instantly fell of Selena's smiling face, looking so damn elated and I felt sick because I remembered that day. The day after graduation when we all lined up in our brand new uniforms to get our photos taken, we thought we were on top the world, little did we know we were so minor in reality.

"Come on," Miley nudged me forward, "We can do this."

"Yeah we can," I responded taking her hand.

We walked up to the front desk, as the elderly bitchy receptionist I'd hated with a passion since day one, suddenly did something unexpected. She smiled. I literally did a double take, yet second time round the smile was still there.

"You're back finally, The Commissioner said you might be coming in today." Great if she knew that meant everyone did "It's great to see both of you looking so healthy and happy."

"Yeah thanks," I murmured as Miley elbowed me,

"Thank you, how's everything been going around here?" She inquired as the woman handed over two guest cards to get past the security doors,

"It's been busy." She stated. "And extremely emotional, but we're battling on. It'll be good for everyone to see you, give them something to smile about."

"Hopefully, thank you."

I pulled Miley away giving her a face, "Accept it Nick," She stated raising her eyebrows at me, "People change when bad things happen, whether you want them to or not."

We scanned our cards and walked into the office to find it entirely different. I mean we'd expected it, but hell this was like an entirely different building. I gawked looking at the now more open room, the cubicle walls were no more, replaced with glass instead and the desks were all bright shiny plastic. The room was no longer white but a pale blue with brand new computers at every desk and black smooth carpet. It looked like a serious police department, not some old heritage listed crappy workplace that hadn't been renovated since its completion.

"Holy shit it looks amazing." I couldn't help but announce looking to Miley.

Her eyes were looked to my left thought analyzing the absent space.

"The walls gone," I noted realizing why the room was more open, the evidence lock up was gone completely. "I wonder why they did that?" The second I saw Miley's face I realized why, this has been the wall

"Miley?" A voice yelled ecstatic.

The room being larger also echoed a lot easier. I watched as multiple heads popped up from inside their office space, as a familiar figure bounced down the hallway from our right.

"Demi!" Miley returned, a smile appearing on her face as she broke away from me and rushed towards her friend. I stood there and watched the girls collide exchanging a laughing hug,

"There was rumor you were coming in, I didn't believe it though considering you didn't tell me." Demi proclaimed hugging Miley tightly,

"Yeah sorry, I only decided yesterday. This place looks amazing."

Demi glowed letting Miley go, "I know right, you've got to come see my desk."

"Okay let's see it." The girls both turned and I stood there blankly.

"Forgetting something?" I snapped lightly.

They both stopped and looked at me as Demi shrugged, "Hey Nick?" I frowned as she just smiled, "Well you can come too if you want?"

"Thanks," I responded sarcastically, "Really feeling the love."

"Aww wanna a hug baby brother!" A voice proclaimed behind me as I was tackled into a headlock. I groaned trying to push the dead weight off me, finally breaking the grip. I looked at Joe who had a smug smirk as I smacked his arm,

"Dude brain injury." I hissed fixing my hair.

"You don't have a brain." He responded as I just glared at him.

Kevin stood behind him looking his normal stick up the ass self, "Did you tell the Commissioner you were coming it because I think you two are going to cause a rather large disruption." His tone just made me roll my eyes.

"He said we could, can't you at least look a little happy to see me Kev?"

I gave him a look as I watched my eldest brother finally crack a smile,

"Course I'm happy to see you!"

"Yeah and you got fatter." Joe proclaimed slapping my stomach,

I jumped away glaring as they both laughed, "God I hate you two."

"Nick, oh my God how are you?" A voice asked.

I turned to see James, a guy I'd met at the academy looking at me relieved. I'd hardly seen him since he was in the drug division but it looked like all the units had become closer since we'd left from what I'd heard anyway. "Yeah good I guess, I'm on the mend." I responded cheerfully,

Suddenly people were moving towards me, faces that I hadn't seen since the shooting. My family of sorts. The questions were all expected, how are you? How's the injury? When you coming back to work? It was good because suddenly I felt at home, and after this morning everyone was smiling there wasn't a chance to think too much about anything else. Miley joined us and hugs were exchanged between everyone, the whole office grouped together in a strange display of community spirit. That was until a familiar voice broke the party,

"What the hell is going on out here?"

I couldn't help it, even though he'd cooked us dinner only three nights ago Jason's voice sent a shiver up my spine. Everyone turned and at once hands moved to heads while The Commissioner eased himself through the crowd. He took one look at me and then turned to Miley.

"You two, office now." He snapped as Miley rolled her eyes,

"We're guests," She held up her card, "You should be more friendly to-"

"Office, now both of you."

Miley huffed but headed towards Jason as I smiled at everyone stiffly standing around. "What the hell are you all doing, get back to work!" He yelled as everyone instantly scattered, I couldn't help but smile because some things never changed.

I followed Miley down the hallway, walking past my old desk that was gone now replaced with someone else in a glass cubicle. I'd realized a while ago that my injury would have an effect on my position here, I guess I was about to find out how much.

"Jase you could have been a little nicer, I mean-"

"Miley I'm their boss, I can't just walk up and give you a hug."

"Why not?"

I watched Uncle and niece bicker before me as Jason opened the door for both of us, "Because I have a reputation to maintain." He replied simply.

"Doesn't mean you need to be a dick about it."

Jason just gave me a look closing the door behind us sighing, "Miley they won't respect me if I give you a pleasant hug." He pressed as we continued into his office.

"Of course they will, I'm your family." She snapped sitting down.

I followed her led sitting in the chair beside her, "Fine I'll give you a dramatic farewell, will that make up for it?" He joked only for Miley to stare at him unimpressed. "Okay well let's get on with it, we need to talk about what's going to happen with you two."

"Here?" Miley questioned uneasily.

"Yes here," Jason responded smiling. "So Good news or bad news?"

"Bad news"

"Good news."

Miley and me said at the same time as I shook my head, "Good news."

"On Tuesday next week we will be having the annual medal ceremony, and I'm very proud to say you will both be receiving the medal of valor." Jason proclaimed as I looked at him surprised, a medal? "For an act of outstanding personal bravery intelligently performed in the line of duty at imminent personal hazard to life under circumstances evincing a disregard of personal consequences."

My eyes widened, "Oh my god, thank you." I whispered.

"I don't deserve it." Miley murmured shaking her head, "I didn't do anything someone else would have in the same situation. Nick was the true hero, he saved my life."

Jason looked between both of us, "You both are hero's okay? Nick you did something extremely courageous in calling David out, and Miley… you'd be surprised how many officers collapse in pressure. You were in an office full of police but none of them took the risk to attack David. You did. You are both very deserving members of the awards and you will both be there accepting them before you go down to the wedding."

"Thank You Sir." I stated more officially, feeling a little overwhelmed.

"Thanks Jase,"

"No problem, now the bad news…"

Jason looked towards me awkwardly, and I could see from his eyes.

"I'm losing my job aren't I?"

Jason stared down at the folders in front of him, before slowly looking back at me. "Well…to an extent yes. Nick you are no longer capable of being a field officer, the board has decided to honorable discharge you of your services." I swallowed, knowing it had been coming but that hurt. That really fucking hurt.

This was all I'd wanted and now I didn't have a job. I'd lost my job because I'd been shot in the line of duty. It sounded so stupid but at the same time so logical. It made me mad, pissed, and hundred other emotions but I'd assumed this would happen. I was alive, that was something I had to be thankful for and I'd find another job, what I didn't know but I would with time.

I noticed Miley had gone deathly silent beside me, which was strange I'd been waiting for her to yell at her Uncle but maybe even she realized this was the only option.

"Of course we aren't kicking you to the street Nick, in normal situations where injury becomes a factor you'd be offered a desk job which in your case would never work. You'd go crazy and so would I." He stated flipping over a page of the file, which I assumed was mine. "But there is a position available that you might be interested in,"

I felt my chest tighten looking up at him hopeful, "What?"

He smiled, "How do you feel about teaching the recruits defense tactics at the academy?" I felt my mouth dry up, looking at him wide eyed. Defense? In the gym and outdoors everyday? The one thing I loved more than anything?

"Yes." I yelled before I could stop myself. "I will take it. YES"

Jason instantly laughed offering me a booklet while I jumped up smiling like an idiot "Well it's not a done deal, you need to read this and-"

I snatched the book eagerly flipping through it, "Yes, yes this is perfect. Yes."

I turned to Miley expecting to see a smile on her face, waiting for congratulations but instead she was staring at her fingers. I looked back to Jason confused, to see he was also watching her caught off guard like I was.

"Miley, Hun, do you not want him-"

"This is for you." She stated pulling out an envelope from her bag.

I watched her hand the envelope to Jason who just stared confused. He took it as I reached out to Miley putting my hand on her shoulder, she didn't look at me though, her eyes filled with something I didn't expect to see. Disappointment?

I sat back down hearing Jason hastily tear open the letter,

"Mi what's going on?" I asked her confused.

She turned and looked at me apologetic, "Don't be mad."

I frowned looking at my girlfriend bewildered, "Why would I be mad?"

"You're quitting?" Jason whispered.

My head snapped back to Jason who held the letter in his fingers, looking over it at Miley confused. She just looked away sinking into the seat. I pulled my hand back shaking my head confused,

"What?"

No one responded to my shock, "No you can't be quitting, you would have told me right?" Miley didn't respond keeping her eyes down. She was being serious though, this wasn't a joke, "Why? I don't understand you love your job. You…" I trailed off dumbfounded while Jason just stared at her, his mind slowly ticking away.

"After everything?" I continued trying to understand, "You went through hell to get into the force, and now you're just quitting? I don't understand Miley; I don't get this- what the hell is going on? You love this job." I didn't mean for it come out so harsh, but this was so damn out of the fricken blue.

"Miley are you listening?" I hissed grabbing her arm, "Miley?"

Her eyes slowly looked up to mine filled with tears,

"I made a mistake." She whispered simply, like it explained everything.

"What are you talking about?" I yelled at her.

Jason suddenly pushed back his chair and stood up. I looked up watching his somber face as he walked around the desk. Miley watched him too until he stopped right in front of her. He leaned down to her, closing his eyes for a second thinking about what he was going to say.

He finally opened his eyes looking at her concerned, holding out his hand.

"Miley what you said in the letter, I want you to say it me so I can be sure." Jason stated slowly as I watched Miley's lip quiver, and I felt sick because I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand.

"I made a mistake Jason, I…" She dropped her head. "I'm an idiot."

Jason sighed pulling her into a hug, "No your not Miley, you are not and-"

Miley started crying and it hit me like a ton of bricks, this was why she'd been nervous all day, not the cemetery. She'd been planning this for a while. And the disappointed in her face wasn't aimed at anyone but herself.

"You were right, you were always right. I wanted to be them, I wanted to live like they did just so I could be close and…" I listened to her explain as I stood up walking over to her, pressing my hand against Miley's back. She'd been so busy looking after me, I hadn't even noticed this realization occurring right in front of me. "I do like this job I do, but I can't live like this I'm not cut out for this Jason. I can't wake up every morning and question whether I'm going to make it home. I can't sit in this office knowing what happened here. I can't walk in and see Selena's face next to my parents. I can't do that. Because I wasn't meant for this job, I was never meant for this job."

Then she was pulling away from Jason crying, "I'm so sorry."

Jason opened his mouth but I stepped in pulling her arm forcing Miley to stand up. She turned to me and I moved both hands up grasping her cheeks, "No. No do not be sorry." I stated shaking my head, "You made a mistake, but you just learned from it. You can still be what ever you want to be Miley, you do not have to be disappointed in yourself okay?"

"But I failed you and Jase I-"

I looked at her shaking my head, "No you didn't, if anything you've made me a million times prouder then I was this morning." I whispered honestly, because admitting you were wrong was hard. "And I promise we will both support you no matter what, right Jason?"

We both turned to see him, looking completely utterly relieved,

"Of course we will, we love you we will always be supportive of your decisions."

Miley nodded wiping her eyes as I kissed the side of her head,

"Everyone makes mistakes, that's what life's about and now you've realized you can go and do something you love. You are not stupid, disappointing, a failure or any of those words. You're brave and I love you okay?" I brought her into a hug as Jason leaned back in the daze looking at the roof, then to me,

"Thank God," He mouthed and at that moment I knew this wasn't just a weight taken off her shoulders, but the entire family.

A.N: Thanks for the reviews :) Okay I need to say something, has anyone read Allegiant (by Veronica Roth)? If you haven't stop now. If you are going to stop now. If you haven't finished it stop now. :P I'm a big fan, and well I'm pissed and heartbroken about the ending but it made me realise how I really need to finish this story because having a shit ending is just not an option in my opinion. It's a happy ending or nothing in YA genre anyway.

So on that note- is there anything you guys really want to see that you haven't? Next chapter it the last then epilogue and I already have it mildly planned in my mind but I want to make as many of you guys happy as I can...to an extent. So let me know :)