Hey yo! I can't believe I'm posting a chapter so soon after another chapter. I feel like I need to make up for lost time, since I spent a whole year sitting on this story, so I had lots of time to mull over the plot. Just not enough time, or sanity, to actually write it.

I've recently started Beta-ing for Captured by Noodles, who's creating some amazing and cute SasuNaru stories. I suggest giving her stories a read, if you haven't already. She's very inspiring and has a very big heart. She always makes sure to deliver her stories on time, which has motivated me to write faster and deliver my own chapters as well. Thank you for inspiring me, Noodles!

I'm excited I am now up to 20 followers! YAY! It's fun thinking that twenty other people are interested in how this story turns out. I hope this chapter meets your expectations. :D Please let me know what you think at the end.

Warnings: Language, Extreme Pouting, PatheticBall!Naruto, More earth-shattering revelations, Overall troublesomeness

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. :(

Chapter 5: Troublesome and Pathetic

"Are you going to hide in my cubicle all day?"

A muffled, very pouty, grunt answers.

An audible sigh and the sound of a rolly chair spinning around reaches Naruto's ears. He then feels the piercing glare of annoyed eyes drilling into his skull. Naruto simply scrunches up more tightly into the pathetic ball he's made on his friend's cubicle floor.

About twenty minutes ago, Naruto had flopped, yes flopped, complete with flailing limbs and pouty grumbles, on the floor of his friend's cubicle, after leaving the courtroom bathroom, with all of its unwanted revelations, and returning to the office. On his walk over, the scene from the bathroom had replayed in his head over and over, multiplying his humiliation and hurt.

Yes, Naruto understands that he had messed up pretty bad in that courtroom today and embarrassed his Unit, but he didn't deserve to be choked because of it. And yeah, even though he told the guy he was 'like a monster,' he really shouldn't have freaked out like that. Seriously, what was his problem? Maybe the term 'Psycho' was more accurate then he initially thought. Also, Naruto has no idea what to do about his spiraling-down-to-the-Earth-and-about-to-crash-into-a-firey-ball-of-flames career now. If he is kicked off the case, it would look pretty terrible to the higher-ups. So, somehow he has to figure out a way to stay on the case and make peace with Sabaku. Although, that seems pretty impossible right now, especially with all the hidden feelin-rah, and Naruto has no idea how he can pull that off. Yeah, the choking and the career problems are bad, but one question replays in his mind more often than all the others.

How did that guy not want to kiss him?

Seriously, what the hell was wrong with him?! Naruto is totally kissable! Naruto is young, cute, tan, and fit, with sparkling blue eyes and a mega-watt smile. And to top it all off, Naruto's a blonde! A blonde for Christ's sake! And a natural one at that. Honestly, it seems like a no-brainer. That guy must be stupid.

And to add insult to injury, The Psycho even seemed grossed out by the idea! Well, maybe not grossed out, but at least surprised by it. Like the idea of kissing Naruto hadn't entered his stupid head, and he couldn't understand how Naruto would ever think that. The man's reaction had gone against everything Shika said a week ago. And Shika's a genius. The man's always right! So, how could he have been so wrong about this one thing? This super-embarrassing, self-esteem-destroying thing.

And unfortunately, as mortifying as it is to admit it, Naruto has thought a lot about kissing Sabaku in the past week. After his friends' teasing, Naruto couldn't help but wonder if Sabaku's lips are as supple as they look. How would they feel gliding across his own lips? How would they taste as he nibbles on them? Would Sabaku's tongue meet his own, when he gently swipes his own tongue across the other man's lips?

Yeah. Looking back, it seems pretty ridiculous that Naruto didn't notice sooner that he has a mini-crush on Sabaku. But, what can you do, right? Although, it must be purely physical. Because honestly, the man's personality sucks. Sabaku has the emotional competence of an angry badger, and there is no way Naruto could be attracted to an angry badger.

No way.

So, now the main questions, for which Naruto has come for guidance, are: how does he fix his career, how does he snuff out his physical attraction to his angry badger of a boss, and should he get lunch soon because his stomach keeps growling?

"Maybe you should just go speak with him."

"Huh?" Naruto looks up to meet the brown eyes of his closest friend. "Speak with who?" he inquires, innocently.

The brunette closes his eyes for a moment, before meeting Naruto's innocent gaze. "Naruto," the brunette responds, impatiently.

"What? I really don't know who you're talking about!" he whines.

Shikamaru sighs.

"What?" the pouty ball demands.

"Naruto, you really need to work this out."

"Work what out, Shikamaru?" Naruto asks, with very wide eyes, feigning innocence.

The brunette gestures towards the pathetic ball. "Whatever it is that has you scrunched up on my cubicle floor."

Naruto buries his head further into his arms. "Hrmm," he grunts. "You don't even know what the problem is," he mutters.

"Stop throwing a tantrum and go make up." Shikamaru nudges the ball with his toe.

Naruto lifts his head and gives Shika a pathetic pout. "I'm not throwing a tantrum." he responds, petulantly.

Shika lifts one eyebrow, clearly not convinced.

The ball explodes into a fail of limbs. "Shika, you don't understand! He tried to kill me this time!"

His friend is clearly fighting the urge to either smile or roll his eyes. "He tried to kill you?"

"Yes! He choked me and I almost died!" Naruto makes the appropriate hand gestures and facial expressions to accompany his exclamation.

Unfortunately, his friend's eyes turn skeptical, as he crosses his arms and leans further back in his chair. "Really? And how did this happen?"

Well, skeptical or not, at least he was listening. Naruto is relived and excited to be able to tell his story… finally, as he sits back on his heels with his hands resting on his knees. Twenty minutes is long time to pout to get attention. A really long time! And he was hungry! "Well, you know I went to the jury selection today, right?"

"Yes." Shikamaru already looks worried.

"Well, I kind of shouted… hrm, maybe that's the wrong word… I sort of exclaimed… eh, that doesn't sound much better… I made a loud statement in the middle of proceedings…" Naruto seeks a glance with innocent blue eyes at his friend.

Shikamaru smirks. "Of course, you did. What exactly did you say?"

"Well, it was sort of supposed to be in my head…"

"Of course…" Shikamaru nods, like this is normal.

"I sorta said, 'Shut up,' and it sorta sounded like I was saying it to…" Naruto pauses and then whispers, "the judge."

"Do you like your job, Naruto?"

Pretending he doesn't hear Shikamaru's sarcastic question, Naruto continues. "Anyway, Sabaku was mad, I guess, and dragged my into the bathroom, locked the door, and pushed me against the wall."

"Kinky."

"Gah!" Naruto's eyes bulge, as his face flushes. "So, not helpful, Shikamaru!" Naruto clears his throat. "As I was saying," A dramatic pause and a deep breath, and then Naruto says the next statement so quickly, it is almost unintelligible. Almost. "I-sorta-thought-he-was-going-to-kiss-me-but-he-didn't-and-it-got-super-awkward-and-then-we-got-in-a-fight-and-I-said-he-was-like-a-monster-and-then-he-attacked-me-and-tried-to-kill-me!" Naruto takes a small breath and says slower. "Then, he told me I was 'off the case,' and I should ask for Sarutobi's permission to be excused. What should I do, Shikamaru?" he whines, sending his friend another wide-eyed look.

"I know I've asked you this before, but how do you get yourself into these situations?" the brunette questions calmly.

"I don't mean to. They just happen to me." Naruto pouts.

Shikamaru sighs. "Anything else? I really need to get back to work."

"Gah!" he huffs, surprised. The younger male's expression then turns insulted. "Rrr," he growls. "Shouldn't you be more upset about this? Your greatest friend ever was almost asphyxiated by your crazy badger boss in a grungy bathroom!"

"Ehh, Chōji better."

"Wait, what?!" he blonde shouts indignantly.

"Chōji's my 'greatest friend ever.' You're more of the unpredictable side character," the brunette teases.

"Shika-ma-ru!" Naruto whines, with sad eyes. "How can you say that?! I'm way more fun than Chōji!"

"But you're 'way more' troublesome and require 'way more' effort."

Naruto pouts. Pathetically. "I don't require effort."

"Yes, you do."

Naruto pouts. Even more pathetically.

If that's possible.

"But," Shikamaru sighs, tilting his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "I guess, it is part of your charm."

Naruto looks up hopefully, blue eyes sparkling. "It is?"

Shika smiles in spite of himself and looks to the side. "Yeah." The pony-tailed man repositions himself in his leather backed chair, licking his lips, and re-crossing his arms. "And as for Sabaku choking you, I can't say I haven't thought of doing that to you myself. I just haven't actually done it, yet." His eyes flick back to the blonde, amused.

"Hey!" Naruto exclaims, resentfully.

Shikamaru smirks.

Naruto pouts. The most pathetically ever. Even more pathetic than the small kitten on that stupid motivational poster.

"This is big deal, Shika. I got attacked by my boss," he whines.

The brunette sighs, and seems to give in. "Exactly how bad did he strangle you?

"Bad!" the pathetic one immediately shouts.

Shikamaru shakes his head in exasperation. "You know what I mean. Did you fall unconscious during the strangulation?"

"What?! No!" Naruto sounds confused and rather offended by the question.

"Oh. Well, let me see the bruises, then."

"Bruises?" The blonde's face turns rather puzzled.

Shikamaru's face is very serious as he responds. "Yes. Strangulation victims generally have bruises from the assailant due to the force of the handgrip. Let me see your bruises, so I can assess the degree of strangulation."

Naruto seems to catch on, as his eyes widen rather comically. He purses his lips and looks to the side. "M Mrrm rrm mrmrr Mrrrmes."

Shikamaru hides a smile behind his hand. "I didn't quiet catch that, Naruto."

Naruto turns his head back, glaring. "I don't have any bruises!"

"I see. Well, did he cut off your airway?"

Naruto sink further down into the cubicle wall. "No," he mumbles reluctantly.

"Did it hurt at least?" Shikamaru tries to keep the humor out of his voice. It doesn't really work.

"Well, my head hurt! It slammed against the tiled wall." Naruto retorts.

"Did the strangulation hurt?" the brunette repeats.

Naruto glares at Shikamaru defiantly for a moment before responding. "No."

"So, he didn't actually choke you?"

"He had his hand on my throat! Isn't that enough?!"

"Naruto," Shikamaru says, rather patiently.

"Fine! He didn't actually choke me, but I thought he was going to! That should be enough! Where is the anger on my behalf, Shikamaru?" Naruto looks to the side and mumbles. "I thought we were friends."

"We are friends. You're like my second 'greatest friend ever.' But I can't help feeling that you instigated it."

Naruto's head whips back to face his friend. "How can you be my friend and say that?!"

Shikamaru gives the blonde a pointed look. Then, his brown eyes become distant, as his expression turns contemplative. "You called him a 'monster' right?"

"I said, he was 'like a monster'," Naruto immediately corrects. For some reason, the distinction feels important.

His brown eyes focus back his blue-eyed friend. "Either way, that's pretty harsh, Naruto."

"Just because I said something like that doesn't mean I should be attacked! They're just words!"

"You of all people should know, that sometimes words hurt more than fists," he friend replies, sagaciously.

Naruto looks to the away from his friend's piercing eyes. Shikamaru had a point. "Well, I was angry," he says in an attempt to defend his actions.

"Because he didn't kiss you."

He sputters. "What?! No!" His tan face aflame. God…How does he do that? Say just the right thing? Naruto quickly looks to the side, hoping his friend hasn't seen through him… yet.

Shikamaru smirks as his takes in his friend's affronted continence and reddening face. The brunette's face slowly returns to its previously serious expression. "So, you said he was 'like a monster' and then he lunged at you."

Once he feels prepared for the questioning again, he meets his friend astute gaze again. "Right."

"Instantly, or did it take a while?"

"Instantly!" Naruto responds, excitedly, glad to be heard so seriously. "Like I didn't have time to think and I was flying!" He uses hand motions to emphasize his words. "Then suddenly, I slammed against the wall and his hand was on my neck!" Naruto's hand goes to his throat.

"Hmm…" Shikamaru looks thoughtful, as his eyes become distant. "Do you think it was some kind of trigger?"

"Trigger?" Naruto asks, puzzled, hands falling back to his lap.

"Like something in his past triggered an extreme response."

"Hmm, I don't know. The guy seems to have some issues. He did mention that his family sucks, it could have something to do with that."

Shikamaru nods. "That's a possibility."

"So," Naruto bites on his lower lip, and looks down to the floor. "Do you think I should report it?" he asks in a soft voice, as he looks back up at his brunette friend.

"That's up to you."

"Hmm," Naruto pauses, chewing on his lower lip. "I don't really want to get him in trouble. I mean, I did sort of provoke him. And… it didn't really hurt. I mean I have a headache and the back of my head's sore, but it's not worth destroying the guy's career over, ya know? No harm done really." Naruto shugs.

Shikamaru snickers. "I knew you would feel that way."

"What? How?"

Shikamaru gives Naruto a pointed look.

Naruto returns with an exasperated one of his own. "Just tell me what you're thinking, already!"

Shikamaru purses his lips, hesitating.

"Spit it out!"

Shikamaru studies Naruto's exasperated face for a moment. "If Yamato had shoved you against the wall of a bathroom and put his hand on your throat, would you let it slide?"

"What?! Of course not!"

Shikamaru gives him that pointed look again.

Naruto feels his eyebrow twitch. "It's not the same, Shika," he responds, annoyed.

"Exactly, Naruto." Again, that look.

Naruto stares into Shika's penetrating gaze before looking away. He suddenly feels naked. He chews on the inside of his cheek and begins picking at stray treads on the carpeted floor. Naruto's mind travel back to his earlier thoughts of his mini-crush on Sabaku. His blue eyes shift up to Shikamaru's expectant face, and he wonders if he should confide in him.

How do I snuff out my physical attraction to our angry badger of a boss?

Honestly, Shika really wasn't the type to judge. However, throughout their entire friendship, Shika had only known Naruto to be 'straight,' and Naruto had never felt the need to correct that assumption. He had only shared that very private part of his sexuality with one other person in his life, and it hadn't ended well. Since then, he had played the straight guy through and through. No point in experiencing all of the turmoil that comes with homosexuality, when women are just as attractive.

Also, he hadn't felt this interested in another man, since…

Well, it doesn't matter. Sabaku was his angry badger boss and obviously hated Naruto. No point in going there. Plus, he wasn't even sure if the man was gay.

No. Scratch that. He wears eyeliner. Lots and lots of eyeliner…

Gah! Whatever! It doesn't matter if he's gay or not! The man is off limits and obviously not interested! I'm going to carry this secret to the grave!

"It's not much of a secret, Naruto. Just confess to Sabaku and get it over with."

Naruto's heart skips a beat. "Wait," he panics. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me." Shikamaru turns his rolly chair back around and begins clicking away on his keyboard.

Naruto is frozen. His mouth hanging open and his face bright red. After a full five minutes, Shika finally peeks over his shoulder at his immobile friend.

Noticing this, Naruto becomes mobile again. "Shika." Naruto says reverently. "You can read minds?"

Shikamaru snorts. "Hardly. You're just so easy to read." Shikamaru turns around and continues typing. "If you like the guy, it's not a big deal. Just go tell him how you feel."

Naruto chews on his bottom lip, suddenly feeling very off-balance. "You don't care that I…"he trails.

"Like guys?" Shikamaru finishes.

"Mmm," Naruto affirms.

"I thought you knew that I knew."

Naruto sputters. "Wait, what?"

Shikamaru stops typing and turns around. "Naruto, I know you never talk about it, probably because you're afraid of judgment. But you get incredibly flirty when you're drunk. It wasn't all that hard to figure out."

Naruto's face returns to an interesting shade of pink. "Oh."

"We've all just been waiting for you to come out to us."

Naruto's stomach drops, when he catches on to the gravity of that statement. "We?"

"All of your closest friends. We're actually pretty surprised you haven't said anything, yet."

"When you say 'we,' you mean…" The blonde hesitates. "You, Chōji, Lee, and…"Naruto leaves an unspoken question.

"Yes, even Kiba," the brunette answers.

Naruto returns to his ball and rests his head on his knees, a deeper blush climbing up his neck. "Oh… Since when?"

"He said, he's known since high school. Said you dated someone, but tried to keep it a secret. Obviously, not very well. Sneakiness has never been your strong point."

"Wait! He knew about… about that?" His stomach does summersaults.

"Said he walked in on the two of you once…. In the locker room showers, I believe? We didn't ask him to elaborate. He sounded a little traumatized."

"Oh, God." Naruto's blush deepens to a rather fetching shade of burgundy.

"With a guy named Sa-"

"That's okay!" Naruto interrupts, a little panicky, reaching up to wave his hands in front of the brunette's face. "I believe you! You don't need to say his name."

Shikamaru face suddenly turns shrewd. "So, I'm guessing, that guy is the reason you've kept this part of yourself hidden for so long."

Naruto's sapphire eyes darken, and his face turns guarded. "You could say that." He looks to the side and his eyes are unfocused, seemingly lost in old memories.

His brown-eyed friend looks like he wants to say something more, to comfort the blonde somehow. His hand lifts, but he slowly allows it to drop back on his armrest.

"Wait a moment…" Naruto's expression turns suspicious, as his blue eyes lift to meet Shikamaru's once more. "So, last week when Kiba teased me about liking guys and hiding something…"

"Ha ha…" Shikamaru chuckles, glad to see Naruto recover so quickly. "Finally caught on to that, have you?" he teases. "Kiba's been dropping hints like that for years now."

"What?! Years?!" Naruto's eyes become comically wide.

Shikamaru chuckles. "Yes, years. Most of them have been pretty subtle, so I'm not surprised you didn't notice before now. He's been hoping you will respond with something like 'Yeah, I like guys, too. Deal with it!' and we can all move past it. I've been telling him to knock it off and to not pressure you, but instead he seems to be getting bolder. Honestly, I really don't blame him. Sometimes, it feels like the elephant in the room." Shikamaru smirks. "Especially, when you tried to convince Kiba to go home with you at last year's New Year's party."

"I did what?" he demands. Naruto heats up. Yet, again.

"Yeah, I'm not surprised you don't remember. Don't worry, he took it as a compliment, considering you've never tried that with the rest of us. I'm actually a little hurt."

Naruto ducks his head behind his arms as his flush deepens. "Someone kill me."

"Look, Naruto, as I've said, we already know about your preferences and we like you no matter who you like. We all just want you to be happy."

Naruto hides for a few more moments before peeking his head out. "Really?"

"Really." Shikamaru shoots him a small smile, before turning back around to finish typing. "Now get out of here. I have a report to finish by four-thirty and you're distracting me."

"Okay Okay." Naruto pushes off the cubicle wall and stands up. "I'm honestly surprised you're even working."

"Well, this was due last week. I managed to talk my way into an extension," he responds, smugly.

"Figures." Naruto snorts. He glances at Shikamaru's back for a moment, and warm, bubbly feelings surface. The blonde suddenly throws his arms around the brunette's shoulders and gives him a hug from behind. "Thanks, Shika!"

Shika tries his best to shrug off the blonde nuisance. "So troublesome. Just get out of here."

Chuckling, Naruto releases the brunette and spins to leave. "Wait!" Naruto twirls back around on his heels. "That was heartwarming and all, but it really didn't answer any of my questions."

Shikamaru sighs as he pauses typing. "You really are troublesome."

And there we go! Chapter 5! Next time, we'll see what Naruto does with Shika's advice!

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