Pairing: Sasuke/Sakura, implied one-sided Naruto/Sakura, implied Mystery!/Sakura
Prompt: biter
Genre: humor/romance
Word Count: 1,100
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: Written because I needed a break from schoolwork. :P Please tell me if you get what actually happened, ha. My brain is fried.

Lost in Translation

"Say, Ino, have you seen Sakura-chan around?" Naruto's eyes narrowed at the empty space beside the oncoming blonde, and a pout formed on his lips as he sat alongside a disgruntled Sasuke and many empty seats. "She was supposed to meet us here for lunch."

"Ha!" her soft voice released a bark of laughter. Her eyes were positively agleam with mischievous delight, but Naruto didn't see what was so funny. "Don't bother waiting for her," she cautioned, and the lilt in her voice immediately created a curious slant in Narutos' brow.

Ino was up to something.

"I think she's a little, ah… preoccupied at the moment."

Naruto's face scrunched in dissatisfaction. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't listen to her petty gossip, fool," came the deep, impatient voice to his right.

Ino reared back in indignation as Naruto turned on Sasuke with, "Whatever, bastard—we can't eat without Sakura-chan!"

"She'll come, or she won't, moron. Just order your food and be quiet."

He mustered another quick glare at the shinobi, and then turned back to a not-so-subtly fuming Ino. "So, where is she?"

"Why should I tell you two?" Ino sniped. "It's not as if either of you would actually like to know."

Naruto squinted at her. Was she crazy? Did she forget who he was? Didn't she know what the hell Sakura-chan meant to him? To the both of them?

Not that the teme was going to admit their slowly progressing amends anytime soon. But whatever, Naruto was working on that.

"Come on, Ino! Just let us know how much longer we're going to have to wait for her to show up."

And to Naruto's surprise, Ino's features dropped the tinge of annoyance and were replaced with thoughtful calculation. Naruto watched as the slender blonde silently settled on her conclusion before quirking a brow and releasing a soft laugh; he immediately got the feeling that maybe it was Sakura-chan that was up to something instead, but quelled it.

"You know what? Maybe it'd be better if you were to reschedule. I'm not so sure you'll be seeing her today."

"But—"

"Drop it, Naruto," said the dark figure. He had already ordered his dish and was about to help himself to the first bite. "It's not worth it."

Translation: She's not worth it.

Naruto knew that Sasuke—through all of the Uchiha's immensely-convoluted emotional misunderstandings and his lost life lessons on how not to get pummeled by angry females—had meant his words to mean: Ino's aimless taunts are not worth the aggravation, now shut up and let me eat in peace, moron. The blonde in question, however, had seemingly misinterpreted the raven-haired heart-breaker's blunt declaration to mean: None of you, and especially not a certain, annoying, pink-haired kunoichi, is worth my time or space.

Subsequently, this was possibly the worst thing that could have been said at all, for Ino was no longer indignant over her own blows; she was irate on behalf of Sakura. Naruto sensed an incoming wave of female-solidarity-fueled violence rushing his way, and in his haste to make peace, he said the first thing that came to his mind.

"Hey now, Ino," he said with a placating hand. "You know the bastard didn't mean that! Even after all of those days going bat-shit crazy, his bite isn't nearly as bad as his bark." Sasuke sent a death glare that went ignored, and Naruto aimlessly rambled on. "It's just like the rest of us! I'm much more bark than I am bite, too, and just think about Sakura; she can definitely hold her own with both the bark and the bite, you know?"

Translation: Just shut up, Ino, shut up! You're going to make him start moping again, and I have been working too damn hard to get him out of that stupid brooding rut that he's been in ever since he got back! He's even paying a little more attention to Sakura-chan now,and if you don't stop talking, you're just going to mess everything—

"Well," Ino whispered conspiratorially, as a devilish thought flickered in her eyes and a saccharine smile slowly spread over her lips. Somehow, Naruto got the feeling that she hadn't caught onto his telepathic message at all. "It's never exactly been a secret that Sakura's been into that sort of thing… but at least, you can now rest assured that we have testimonial confirmation; Sakura-chan is, indeed, more of a biter."

A pause.

"But you're right, she's not one to complain about barking either," she added.

"We're… We're not talking about the same thing, are we?" Naruto asked suspiciously, and he could feel his teammate tense marginally behind him at the counter. Strange.

"Well, there's a reason why I said you didn't really want to know what she was up to today," she supplied cheerfully, her eyes slanting with the glint of someone who took delight in oncoming social chaos.

"Meaning…?"

"Well," she sighed, already disengaging herself from the conversation. "I'm sure you'll have no problem discussing this with her later; I, however, should be heading out." And with that, she smoothly made her way down the street.

"Hey—wait! Ino, you can't just leave us like that! What are you talking about?" he shouted after her, alarming several passersby. "What am I even supposed to do with information like that?"

Ino paused and inclined her head in Naruto's direction to give him just a glimpse of a satisfied, taunting grin, before disappearing around a corner with only the following clue:

"Just ask Kiba!"

Naruto vaguely heard the snapping sound of ruined chopsticks from behind.

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"Was that really necessary?"

"Don't look at me, Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined. "It wasn't my idea!"

"What were you even thinking?" asked the rosette as she patched up the boys' remaining bite wounds. "Honestly, I think you've drastically hindered the puppies' social development by terrifying them so thoroughly. Akamaru and his mate will never trust us again! What did you think I was doing that you had to burst into the birthing room so violently for?"

Sasuke kept his gaze on the wall. "I don't like dogs."

"Apparently," she deadpanned. He glared. "One thing's for sure: the Inuzuka family is not going to let us anywhere near their nin-dogs anytime soon. I might as well embrace my original love of cats."

Sasuke's lips twitched, but the movement was so marginal that Naruto nearly missed it. Chin high, Sasuke casually remarked:

"Cats are preferable."

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"What about foxes?"

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"Shut up, dobe."

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A/N: Oh, Ino, you trickster.