Chapter 37
Later that evening:
"Paul? Come on, honey, wake up," Nadine nudged him gently.
"Maybe we shouldn't have dumped the whole baby thing on him so quick," Brian said.
"It didn't exactly help with you joking around about multiples," Briana glared at him. "Brian, I warned you about that."
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know that this would be his reaction in general. Yo, PL! Come back to us!"
"I'll get a cold cloth and some water," Briana said. "Good grief, poor Paul. You'd think he was the expectant father."
"Yeah, considering I'm the one that did all the work," Brian said, not missing a beat.
"Oh, you had the easy part, mister," Briana reminded him, placing the cloth on Paul. "I have to carry this precious bundle for the next nine months."
Paul opened his eyes a few moments later. "What…the…fuck?" he groaned.
"Paul, are you okay?" Nadine asked.
"Welcome back, godfather to be," Brian grinned. "Nice to see you take the news so well."
"You're an asshole," Paul grunted. "I have a headache."
"I'll get some aspirin," Nadine offered, returning shortly with two tablets and a bottle of water. "Are you sure you're all right?"
He glared over at Brian. "I'll live, but another joke like that and Papa over here may not live long enough to welcome the birth of his spawn. What the hell possessed you to start spreading your DNA around anyway? I thought kids drove you nuts."
"Some of us can change," Brian replied. "And I met and married a beautiful goddess."
"Oh, you are too sweet," both women cooed at him.
"Now I'm really going to be sick," Paul rolled his eyes. "Any decent beer in this place? I need a good buzz."
"You already had three Coronas at Nadine's," Brian reminded him. "Here, have a cigar."
"Uh, dude, aren't you supposed to pass them out after Bree has the baby?" Paul asked.
"And where did you get cigars?" Briana wondered.
"Got them awhile back in Mexico," Brian answered. "I've been saving them just in case. Well, 'just in case' finally happened."
"You are not smoking those smelly things in here. As a matter of fact, you need to curb smoking period once we have the baby."
"Which brings us to the next thing," Nadine chimed in. "Aren't you going to need a bigger place?"
"Why?" Paul furrowed a brow. "It would be easier and cheaper just to hire a bulldozer to shovel Brian's junk out of their spare room."
"Dude! That's not all 'junk', as you put it. I have some good collectors' stuff in there."
"Well, let it collect at your ma's. That room would make one kick ass nursery. It's not like housing is cheap out here anyway."
"He's got a point," Briana agreed. "I don't want to move again, and there's no better excuse to finally get that room cleaned out than the present."
Brian let out a low groan.
"Brian, don't be a whiny child. I'm already carrying one; I didn't plan on raising one thirty years old."
"All right, I'll call my brother tomorrow and get those things out of there."
"I'll help," Paul offered.
"Nothing doing, holmes. The last time I had you help clean shit out, half of my good clothes and stuff ended up at Goodwill or in the Dumpster."
"You hadn't worn some of that stuff in like a hundred years," Paul said in protest
"That's beside the point. Throw your own stuff out."
"And he calls me a fucking pack rat."
"Hey, I'm not the one with fifteen hundred action figures and comic books dated back from when dinosaurs roamed the earth," Brian countered.
"Whatever the case," Briana cut in, "we need to start thinking about making a baby's room. Since we're all here, how about making this a group project?"
"As long as Paul isn't picking out any colors, I'm game," Brian said. "No kid's room of mine is going to be purple and cat shit green."
"Oh yeah, like pink and orange would be stellar," Paul responded.
"It isn't going to be either," Briana replied. "Actually, we really should consider a neutral color; that way, whatever I have, it won't matter, because it will be perfect for either a boy or girl."
"Or six boys or girls," Brian said, snickering.
"Brian." Briana shot him a look.
"If there's six, dude, you'd definitely need another place," Paul pointed out. "In any case, it's going to be hard picturing you with one kid, let alone that many."
"I may surprise you yet, man," Brian grinned. "Then again, you may end up surprising yourself."
The following afternoon:
They had driven to the medical complex where Briana's doctor was located and she had checked in. Brian sighed, seeing all of the women in various stages of pregnancy around him, wondering if this was just a taste of what lay ahead.
Oh, Paul would have a field day with jokes if he saw me in here, he thought as Briana passed him a magazine.
"How to find the right diaper?" he asked, scowling at a blurb in the table of contents.
"Who knows, you may learn something," Briana teased, giggling when he made a funny face at her. "There's also pamphlets on AIDS and gonorrhea."
"No thanks, this is the lesser of the two evils. Jesus, I can't believe you talked me into this."
When Briana's name was finally called, the two of them followed the nurse back to the exam room. After recording her weight and vitals the nurse prepared the exam table.
"Remove everything and change into this," the nurse smiled, giving her a paper gown. "You know the routine, opening in the front. The doctor will be in shortly."
Brian took a seat in the corner, still looking around.. "I never thought I'd find myself in one of these rooms," he said.
"Just hold this stuff, will you? Did you honestly think this was all about you sitting pretty in the waiting area while I was being poked and prodded? You aren't getting off that easy, Papa."
"I think I sense that now." He walked over to the exam table, staring the sterling silver stirrups. "What the fuck are these things? Are they examining you or putting you through hell?"
"I'm sure some women would think the same. That's where my feet go," Briana said, gesturing at them.
"I'm well aware of that," he replied. "Still, this is going to be….odd."
"You think this is going to be enjoyable for me?" she replied, laughing. "If it makes you feel any better, Doctor Edwards is one of the best."
"Briana," the doctor said cheerfully. "How are you today?" He looked at the chart and smiled. "I see here there's a chance the Clomid treatment was successful and we may finally be pregnant."
"Huh?" Brian asked, eyes wide with shock.
"Relax, short man; it's medical speak," Briana reassured him.
"You must be the proud daddy," Dr. Edwards smiled at Brian, offering him a hand to shake.
"I hope the hell so," he replied.
Briana gave him a look. "Brian."
She then turned back to Dr. Edwards, telling him the results of the home test and her last period being lighter than normal.
"I see you gained a little weight too," the doctor nodded. "It sounds like you are about to be a mom, but let's take a look and see what we find." He snapped on some latex gloves. "All right, little lady, feet in the stirrups and let's have a look."
"Oh shit," Brian groaned.
"Don't worry, I won't hurt her," Dr. Edwards reassured him.
Brian stared at the ceiling during the exam, before Dr, Edwards finished up.
"Congratulations, Briana. From what I could see of your cervix and uterus, you're definitely pregnant," Dr. Edwards announced cheerfully.
"How far along would you estimate?" she asked, sitting up. "Because I think my husband over there might have some interest in the day we conceived."
Brian snapped to attention. "Wait, what?"
"You wondered last night 'when the bun popped in the oven', remember?"
"Oh right." He felt himself blushing.
"I can give you an estimated day, but an ultrasound would more accurately tell us," he said pulling over the machine. "If you'll lie back again, we can have a look."
By now, Brian was curious and crept over beside her as Dr. Edwards prepared the ultrasound. After a few minutes, the doctor spoke, stopping at a place on Briana's middle.
"And there's your baby," he said smiling.
"Uh…where?" Brian asked.
"Right there, honey," she laughed. "It's so little."
"It looks like a kidney bean."
"Don't worry, it gets bigger from here," she told him.
"Bree, I know that much; I didn't come off the boat this morning."
Dr. Edwards chuckled. "Give him time," he said. "He'll get used to the idea."
"He better," Briana teased, now enjoying herself.
The doctor then examined the image, taking measurements. "I'd say you're at least five to six weeks along."
A mischievous grin crossed Brian's face. "For some reason, I kind of had that idea."
Dr. Edwards tapped a few buttons and printout of the image on the screen was produced. "Baby's first picture," he said smiling and handing it to Brian.
"Ahh," Brian joked. "My little kidney bean."
Briana rolled her eyes and laughed again as the doctor left the room and she got dressed.
"Yep," Brian said, grinning wider and waving the picture. "Definitely had to be the back of the Jetta. I knew that car was good luck for some reason."