WHEN I'M GONE

"Dean? Oh my God Dean." Jeremy turned Dean slowly. He hadn't expected anyone to be standing on the road when he came around the bend and had reacted as best he could but still clipped the figure in the road.

He hadn't expected to find Dean Winchester sprawled across the road. He reached with a shaking hand to feel for a pulse and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt it.

Ruthie was sobbing on the side of the road thinking they had managed to kill someone on prom night.

"Dean you're going to be ok, I'm calling 911 right now." Jeremy said as he moved Dean off the road so no other accidents would happen. He spotted Dean's phone and it picked up hearing a frantic Sam yelling his head off.

"Sam, Sam it's me Jeremy man I'm sorry I didn't see him in the road but he's alive and the ambulance is on the way."

Sam could hear the regret in Jeremy's voice. "I'm on my way."

"I didn't mean it Sam please believe me." Jeremy whispered.

"I know Jeremy, just stay with him."

"I'm not leaving his side." Jeremy promised.

Sam now had to deal with telling his parents as he tried to stay calm and drive.

He hit speed dial and put it on speaker.

Thankfully his dad answered.

"Dad I'm on my way to get Dean but there was an accident." Sam said calmly.

"How bad?" John asked.

"He was hit by a car I don't have any other details except that he's alive." Sam hitched.

"Be careful Sammy we're right behind you."

Sam hung up and took a deep breath praying hard that he could piece his brother back together again.

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"I need to know if he's ok." Arandi said as they waited to board the jet.

"I'll see if Sam will tell me anything." Jade sighed and walked off a distance to call.

Arandi watched her biting at her nail and saw Jade speaking and the look that crossed her face. Something was wrong and she rushed to her. "What happened tell me what happened?"

"He was hit by a car that's all Sam can tell me right now, he knows nothing else."

Arandi felt the ground go out from under her, she never meant to hurt Dean and now he had been hurt both emotionally and physically. She hated herself and her life would never mean a thing again without Dean.

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Sam had arrived at the scene just in time to see Dean loaded into the ambulance and a very distraught Jeremy and Ruthie were being given the once over.

"He wouldn't wake up." Jeremy stammered.

"He's going to be fine." Sam said more to himself than anyone else.

He got back into his truck to follow the ambulance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Arandi?" It had to be a bad dream, it just had to be. Dean struggled to open his eyes. The pain he felt and the urgent voices around him told him different.

This couldn't be happening to him. How could she do this to him? He let out a strangled sob.

"Dean I'm hear you have to calm down ok." Sam was saying somewhere above him.

"Where is she?" Dean struggled.

"She's gone Dean." Sam whispered gripping his brother's hand.

Dean felt hot tears slipping from his eyes and slipped back into the dark.

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Arandi sat on the plane staring out of the window. In weeks she would be married to man she was going to barely meet in a few days.

Her stomach flipped and she rushed to the bathroom. She had barely eaten anything since leaving Winchester Haven or slept and once again it was catching up to her.

What she had done was eating her up with guilt.

On her own private jet everyone was attentive to her and she could feel someone holding back her hair as she threw up what little she had in her.

Death would be so much easier she thought. What the hell good was it to be the queen of anything if you were miserable?

A queen that was marrying a king who cared nothing about her except her beauty and how she would make him look in public.

Someone helped her to her feet.

"Arandi are you ok?" Jade asked even though she knew the answer.

"Have you heard anything about Dean?"

"I'm guessing that Sam isn't allowed to speak to me anymore."

"Your highness is there anything I can get you." Bellia her person assistant asked her.

"Some water Bellia if you would be so kind." Arandi asked as she moved back to her seat.

"Your highness you do not look well." Stepheno said beside her.

"I do not feel well Stepheno." Arandi sighed.

"If I may ask you a personal question?" He bowed respectively.

"What is it that you find is a personal question?" Arandi asked.

"Are you with child my queen?" Stepheno asked quietly.

Arandi's hands automatically went to her stomach. "Stepheno you know that is not possible."

"Miracles happen every day my queen. I am sorry that I am being so bold but I see the love you have for the young man you were with and for a few seconds I saw the love that he has for you. In just those few seconds I knew that he would do anything for you. Such love is hard to find these days."

Tears streamed from Arandi's eyes that she could truly be carrying Dean's child would be a true light in her life but it wasn't possible. She gently ran her fingers over the necklace that he had given her.

Stepheno had been part of her life for as long as she could remember. His dad had guarded her dad and now he guarded her. She considered him her friend although in public it wasn't allowed to be conveyed.

Right now she didn't care falling into his arms wishing that he was Dean.

Stepheno sighed hugging her close. "I am so sorry that I cannot make this better for you."

"Thank you." She said pulling back so that she could sit but her stomach lurched again and she turned to head to the bathroom again. She stopped half way when everything started to spin.

Jade called to her as strong arms caught her and darkness enfolded her.

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Dean had been kept in the hospital for three days with bruised ribs and a concussion.

He wondered if his missing heart had shown up on the x-rays. He wanted to hate her but there no way that he ever could.

No amount of pain meds would ease his pain and he hoped that his family understood that.

All good things come to an end, this too shall pass, and so on and so on. He wished they would just let him die.

"I never want to see you again." He had said to her. Right now he would give his right arm just to see her one more time. He was sure the pain of losing an arm wouldn't even compare to the pain of losing her.

He sat up on the bed slowly. His parents were on the way to pick him up since he had been discharged. He still felt like crap.

There was only a five weeks of school left and he wished he never had to set foot through those doors again. He could only imagine the looks he was going to get from all his classmates.

The news had to have run rampant that Dean Winchester had hooked up with a woman that was supposed to marry someone else.

He still had so much to adjust in his life in order to move on. Not that he wanted to move on.

He felt like a pawn on a chess board maneuvered around aimlessly for the benefit of others.

He scoffed to himself, he had been a pawn alright between a king and queen. And there was no fucking checkmate for him.

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Dean panted, sweat running in streams down his face there was no way he was getting back into the house without his parents noticing.

He hadn't been able to sleep partly because of the ache in his ribs, partly the bad dreams and the rest the pain where his heart should be.

He had snuck out of the house to ease his mind and in his room he felt trapped. He had just wanted some air but had ended up in Arandi's cabin. He could still smell her and tears slid from his eyes.

He closed his eyes and the memories ran him over and the pain in his chest took him. He tried to run out and had only ended up falling which had sent fiery, breathtaking pain through his still aching ribs.

He had managed to roll himself on his back and blackness hedged his vision as he tried to get to his feet and only fell back causing more pain.

He gave up and lay back panting. "I loved you so much." He cried. "I gave you my world."

Finally the darkness claimed him completely.

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Sam was the one who had found Dean unconscious in front of the house and had panicked. For a split second he had thought his brother had done himself in and he had held him in his arms, broken arm and all rocking back and forth begging him to hold on if only for him.

Dean opened his eyes and had buried his face in his brother's chest. Sam was his only rock.

Sam had helped him back into the house and helped him get cleaned up, had forced him to take pain meds and then sat with him in silence until he was asleep.

Sam told his parents that Dean had had a rough night and to let him rest, never telling them he had found his brother passed out outside.

He had then gone to his own room and cried. He wanted his brother back.

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Dean stared at his hands and he had lost track of time.

A knock on his door made him jump.

"Yeah." He called out.

Christian stepped into the room. "I'm sorry I didn't go see you in the hospital bro but I just didn't know what to say to you and I figured you didn't want company. Probably still don't."

Dean shrugged. "I thought she was the once and I got played like a fool."

"Get mad at me all you want dude but I saw the way she looked at you. She loved you, maybe not enough to stay but she loved you."

Dean eyes filled with tears. "I don't know what to do Chris, I'm fucking lost without her."

Christian squeezed in besides Dean. "Take it day to day my friend and know you're not alone. Never alone." He pulled Dean into his arms and let his best friend grieve all over again.

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"I got it all on video mom." Sam was telling Mary. "I think he needs to see it."

"Don't you think he's been through enough?" Mary huffed.

"He deserves to know that she did love him."

"You think that's not going to hurt him more."

"Sometimes pain heals."

"Sometimes you need to stop talking about people when they're in the same house." Dean huffed shuffling painfully into kitchen.

Mary and Sam exchanged glances and Sam slid the camera across the counter towards his brother. "You might want to sit down."

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Dean had opted for taking the camera out to the barn to watch with Winchester the only other one who could possibly understand his pain of being left behind.

He had been shocked and deeply saddened that Arandi had left the horse she claimed to love with him.

It was going to be hard to see Winchester everyday but Dean would be there for him, he wouldn't abandon him no matter how much it hurt.

"Sam seems to think this video will make a difference. What do you think Winchester?"

The horse seemed to nod his head with a soft whinny.

"What the hell right it's not like the knife in my chest has been pulled out yet?" Dean mumbled. He leaned back against the wall of the barn, took a deep breath. He turned to video on and tortured himself watching the happiness that had been so evident when they were leaving for the prom.

He didn't bother trying to stop the tears. The ache in his chest was getting stronger.

Sobs started when he heard the words Arandi had said to his mom. He put the camera down when his hands started to shake. He put his head in his hands trying to breathe.

She loved him, she was marrying someone that she didn't even know because she was being forced to but she loved him. She proclaimed her love for him with pain so deep on her face, in her voice.

It was more pain than before. It was so painful feeling that she had used him and walked away.

The pain of knowing that she loved him and was in as much pain as he was just felt like a fresh wounds being ripped open. He slid to sit sobbing in earnest with Winchester softly nudging his head as if soothing him.

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Dean had gotten very little sleep wondering and fretting on what he could do to get Arandi back. He had tried to call her only to discover that her phone was no longer in service and the same with Jade's number.

He paced in the barn, the only place he felt right in anymore taking care of Winchester was all that he was being allowed.

He would gladly go after Arandi, fight for her if he could, only he had no idea where he needed to go.

But he heard the words over and over in his head. Her country would go to war if she didn't marry this man that could never possibly love her as much as Dean did. Arandi would never let people die because of her.

He punched the barn wall in angered frustration. Tears prickling his eyes. The thought of another man touching her set him in a rage.

"Dean are you ok?" The voice startled him.

"No I'm not." He said to Jeremy.

"I came by to see how you were doing, I felt horrible about hitting you."

"That part of me is doing alright Jeremy, I'm not mad at you. I shouldn't have been standing on the road like an idiot." Dean sighed brushing the tears away, knowing there was no point in hiding them.

"I'm so sorry Dean."

Dean knew he didn't mean the accident this time. He stared at Jeremy and couldn't help but wonder if he had felt this type of loss knowing Dean would never be his.

"I know how you feel about me." He blurted out.

Jeremy turned crimson. "I figured as much with that prom moment."

"And you still came here?"

"If you knew and didn't beat the crap out of me I figured you weren't disgusted by it." Jeremy shrugged. "Besides I needed to see you just in case you decided not to go back to school."

It was Dean that blushed deeply this time. "Jeremy nothing romantic would have ever happened between us but if you had done things differently we could have been good friends."

"I see that now but this is Texas and I thought you being a farm boy and all well you know."

Dean nodded.

"If you need someone to talk to I'm here, I'm the last person who will judge you for loving someone you can't have."

"Jeremy you don't love me."

Jeremy smiled sadly. "I guess I won't know until I fall in love now will I?"

Dean thought he should feel all kinds of uncomfortable right now but he just didn't.

"So I was wondering if you and Sam wanted to order some pizza and play some Madden." Jeremy asked.

Dean smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

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They played for hours and laughed. Dean was grateful for the reprieve of not having his mind completely on how fast his life had been flushed down the crapper.

He knew it wasn't going to last. Once he was alone again the thoughts and pain would inch up on him and he'd be back to miserable.

"Hey I guess I better get going before my parents send out search and rescue." Jeremy yawned.

"That bad." Sam yawned too.

"Oh that night of the prom some dumbass called my parents and told them that I had been involved in a major accident. They flipped thinking the worst and when they saw me without a scratch they cried like you wouldn't believe."

Dean and Sam exchanged glances. At least they weren't the only ones with over protective parents.

"I'll walk you out." Dean offered.

Sam headed to his room as Dean and Jeremy headed down the stairs.

"So are you still going to go to college for sport medicine?" Jeremy asked.

"I already have everything in motion so I might as well." Dean sighed, even though his heart was no longer in it.

"Well whatever you decide I hope whenever we're back in town at the same time we can get together, exchange glamour stories." Jeremy grinned.

"Does anyone else know?"

"Have I come out of the closet you mean?"

Dean nodded.

"No not yet, I figured I'd better be out of the house and in my own place just in case the news isn't taken well."

"You said you're parents cared about you so much"

"Dean how would your dad take it if you told him you wanted to take it up the ass?"

Dean blushed and huffed a laugh. "Well if I put it like that he'd slap the hell out of me but I see what you're getting at. I really hope they take it well when you're ready. No one is going to hear it from me."

"I knew that, you've known since that day by the lake and you didn't tell anyone, not even Christian. Thanks for that by the way."

Dean shrugged feeling embarrassed.

"Well goodnight if you need anything give me a call." Jeremy said.

Dean would claim temporary insanity and the lack of sleep for his actions as he suddenly advanced on Jeremy and pressed him against his truck and kissed him.

He pulled back shocked at himself but not regretting it.

Jeremy stared at him agape.

"I'm sorry." Dean groaned. "I just needed to make sure, you know."

"Holy fuck." Jeremy squeaked. "Do you know how many times I dreamed of that?"

Dean's entire blood flooded to his cheeks. "I can't believe I just did that. Fuck, Jeremy I didn't mean to hurt you like that."

"Hurt me? Are you kidding? Now I won't have to spend my entire life wondering what those glorious lips felt like."

Dean stuck his thumbs in his back pockets and stared at his boots as he toed the dirt.

"Dean it's ok really, you were curious end of story." Jeremy soothed.

"Yeah I guess." Dean huffed.

"So good night maybe we can do this again."

Dean looked up quickly.

"I meant the games and pizza." Jeremy laughed.

Dean knew his face was like a tomato.

Jeremy climbed in his truck and left. Dean stayed where he stood staring up at the stars wondering what Arandi was doing right now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Arandi walked slowly around the room that she had been given in the large mansion that was now her home.

It was huge and had everything she could possibly want but nothing would make her happy without Dean.

She felt so tired and just wanted to crawl into her bed and sleep for days.

Bellia was flitting around the room putting Arandi's things up happily. "Your highness what shall I do with this?" She asked going to Arandi and showing her what she had in her hand.

Arandi gasped and began to cry taking the rose that Dean had given her to her heart in what now seemed so long ago. Every emotion tumbled over her, every memory, every kiss, every touch.

Bellia stumbled back in shock, terrified of what she had done to her queen as Arandi crumpled to the floor sobbing clutching her rose to her heart.

She suddenly couldn't breathe and she could hear Bellia's desperate cries for help and felt Jade holding her. She didn't care if she died it would be so much better than this hell she was in.

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She wasn't that lucky. She awoke in the hospital attached to monitors and IV's.

Her father, Stepheno and Jade close by.

Seeing her awake her father took her hand anxiously. "Arandi my child, you need to take care of yourself."

"I have no heart to do anything." She replied weakly.

"King Tobian is on his way up." Stepheno said.

Arandi's heart began to beat wildly and the monitors picked it up. Nurses rushed in coaxing her to remain calm.

"Why is he here?" Arandi asked pulling the sheets up high suddenly so very cold.

"I'm sure he wants to make sure that you're not faking since the wedding is only over a week away." Jade answered.

The knock on the door had everyone at attention.

First the king's security walked in followed by Tobian.

Arandi stared at him, meeting him for the first time in person. He was handsome and quite regal but he wasn't Dean.

People walked in behind him carrying flowers and balloons filling the room with color.

Tobian stepped up to Arandi and gently touched her face.

She tried hard not to flinch.

"I'm sorry to find out that you are ill." He said with a heavy sigh, seeing for himself how pale and worn Arandi appeared. "You know that we cannot postpone the wedding."

Arandi nodded fighting back tears. "I understand that."

"You are still so beautiful." He whispered to her. "I will send people to take care of you. I have sent for the best doctor's in the world to see what is causing this malady. I will take care of you my queen." He bowed graciously and kissed Arandi softly on the lips.

Arandi's eyes rolled back into her head and she fell limp against her pillows as alarms sounded all around.

The medical staff rushed in making everyone clear the room. Arandi began to convulse violently.

Tobian stared through the small window of Arandi's room while Jade cried in her father's arms.

"I did not realize that she was so seriously ill since it came on so quickly."

"She had fallen sick before your highness but we thought it was just that she was anemic and did not check into it." Jade answered.

Tobian nodded. "I will have my doctor's check for everything and take care of her." With a curt bow he walked away.

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It was hours before Arandi was allowed company again. She looked so pale and tired.

"Tobian's doctors will be here tomorrow. He is at least trying to take care of you." Arandi's father said.

"I do not want this. He insists that we are to be married regardless of whether or not I am ill." Tears streamed from Arandi's eyes. "Why doesn't anyone understand that I would rather be dead than to let any man besides Dean touch me ever again?"

Jade tried to console her sister while Jonathan and Stepheno exchanged glances.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dean sat at his computer doing research on just where the hell Arandi might be at the moment. Every day that passed he wanted to tell her that he would help her in any way that he could.

He missed her so much and hated that his last words to her had been words of bitter anger.

Picturing her face and how broken she had been to hurt him was like all hindsight always too late to do any good.

He had sent his graduation invitation to her at every address that he could find that might pertain to her, hoping that at least one of them would make its way to her.

It was all the hope he had left.

He stood up fast when he heard the loud gasp from his mom and a strangled sob from his brother. He quickly made his way downstairs to find them in tears as they stared at the television.

"Dean you shouldn't…." His dad started to say but Dean's eyes locked on the TV screen seeing Arandi's beautiful face staring back at him. The words being spoken sifting into his brain as he began to shake uncontrollably.

"Once again we regret to inform the world that Queen Arandilia of Greckla was pronounced dead this morning due to heart failure from an illness she was unable to recover from."

Dean stopped breathing as he fell back against the wall. He couldn't manage to pull anything else in and didn't care if he died right now too.

John slapped him soundly and Dean sucked in air staring blindly at his father, tears streaming down his face.

The only woman he had had ever loved completely and endlessly was dead and his life meant nothing without her.

"No!" He screamed shoving Sam away as his brother tried to comfort him. Didn't they understand that there would be no comfort from this?

She would never know that he had tried to get to her to tell her he would love her no matter what. She had died thinking that he hated her and that was a fresh wound being filled with salt and alcohol in his very soul.

He ran for the door and jumped the porch in one stride running with everything he had towards the barn. He was glad that Winchester had been left to the arena to ride later so Dean jumped onto his bare back and pushed him to begin to run.

They cleared the fence beautifully and Dean pushed the horse to go as fast as he could.

He had no idea where he was going but he did know that he didn't care if he ever came back.

He heard Arandi's laughter in his head and he was blinded by the air in his face and the tears that stung his eyes. What the fuck was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to do?

He felt Winchester trying to slow down but Dean wouldn't let him so the horse veered on his own to avoid the trees. They cleared a fallen tree barely but Winchester back hoof got caught on a branch making him twist dangerously and Dean didn't have the grip that he needed on the horses mane.

He slid sideways as the horse did the same and the world spotted out painfully as the horse rolled over him on the ground.

His still recovering ribs felt the solid impact. His eyes stared up into the blue sky as the horse struggled to get up. He could hear Sam crying out for him but he could do nothing but lie there feeling his will to live ebb away into complete and total nothing.

TBC

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I made up Arandi's country please forgive my laziness.

Thanks for reading!