BREATH OF LIFE

Dean stared at the ceiling of his room. He was there again, had not been spared the mercy of death. He was going to suffer the rest of his miserable life, he had no choice but to for his family. He could never be the cause of their grief.

It had been hard enough waking up in the hospital again seeing their sad and stricken faces.

He had managed only to reinjure his ribs. The ground had been too soft for him to be crushed.

Sam had convinced the doctor that his brother was stubborn not suicidal. Maybe it would have done him some good to be locked up in a padded cell for a little while.

He knew if he dwelled on things too long he could truly go mad and if one more person told him that he would be happy again, that there was someone else out there for him, he was going to be quite capable of murder.

No one understood that Arandi hadn't been just some girl that broke his heart. He had truly fallen in love with her and there would be no one else.

He would never be able to date without thinking of Arandi and no woman should be subjected to that.

Jeremy was looking better and better.

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"Dean you shouldn't be lifting anything that heavy." Sam said quietly behind him as he threw the bale of hay.

The pain slid through his chest and abdomen but he didn't care anymore, pain was the only thing that made him realize that he was still alive.

"I'm fine Sam."

"Mom has lunch ready."

"I'm not hungry." Dean muttered.

"Man Dean you really need to stop this, you didn't eat dinner or breakfast and that's not good."

"Spare the fucking lectures Sam."

Dean gasped in surprise as he was shoved into the wall forcefully.

"I've had it Dean! I can't take this shit anymore. We get that you're suffering and all we want to do is help you. Stop this please Dean, I want my brother back!"

Dean stared at his brother in shock seeing the tears going down his cheeks and he felt the throbbing in his ribs, really felt it.

"I'm still here Sammy." He managed to push out.

Sam eyes widened at the implication. "Oh god Dean you can't….." Sam fell to his knees and Dean went with him.

"I won't, I promise no matter how empty or dead I feel inside I won't because of you and mom and dad. I would never do that to you." Dean hitched putting his forehead to Sam's.

"Dean just the fact that you thought about it is like a dagger to my heart." Sam sobbed.

"I'm sorry Sammy I really am but no one understands."

"I lost Jade too."

Dean nodded, he realized that Sam had lost someone too but how could he make his brother realize how much more different his situation was compared to his.

"Will you please eat?" Sam said.

"Yeah Sammy for you anything" Dean sighed and hoped he could keep it down.

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Dean managed to pass all of his tests and get caught up on all his school work in order to graduate with the rest of his class.

He had kept mostly to himself when he was at school and he ate his lunch alone outside by a cluster of trees.

Chris joined him every other day and they mostly just talked about school.

Days before graduation Chris joined him again.

"Dean you and I have been friends for a long time man and I really want to see you be happy." Chris said.

"I'm never going to be completely happy ever again Chris, I'm basically just going through the motions." Dean shrugged.

Chris stared at Dean. "She wouldn't want you do this to yourself, you know that right?"

Dean's chest felt tight as he stood up. "I have to go." He pushed out and ran for his truck.

He did his best not to speed all the way home. He stumbled from his truck into the barn and fell to his knees in front of Winchester and cried and he couldn't stop.

Arandi's death had shocked him and he had cried for her but he hadn't allowed himself to grieve and have to truly face a life without her.

He felt strong arms around him and he fell into them and let himself grieve the love that he had lost and accept that Arandi would never want for him to give up his life for her.

Even in her death Dean wanted nothing more than to do whatever he knew would make her happy.

"She's always going to be a part of you sport." John said as he held his son close.

Dean nodded and let out a long stuttered breath. For her life would move on.

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Dean squirmed in his dress clothes and graduation gown as his parents took a million and one pictures and Sam videoed him.

He was trying his best to look happy but right now this soon, still involved a lot of faking it.

Hugging and kissing his parents he headed into the stadium to join the rest of his classmates. They got last minute directions and went to theirs seats facing the crowds before them of family and friends.

The ceremony started and Dean was never gladder that his graduating class was only a hundred and thirteen people especially when it went in alphabetical order.

When his name was called he moved forward on automatic and did everything he was supposed to do. Posing a few seconds for the pictures.

He scanned the crowd and began to walk back to his seat. He nearly fell when his eyes fell on a pair of very familiar blue eyes. He stopped and stared thinking for sure that he was losing his mind, that there had to be more than one person in the world with that deep color of blue eyes.

This woman had blond hair and Arandi would never dress like that but his heart told him different.

When you love someone that much you just know.

"Arandi." He whispered. He sensed the person behind him so he began to move again. He didn't want to cause a scene as much as he wanted to take off running like a raging maniac he knew that if that really was her she didn't want to be spotted.

He didn't hear a word that followed. He barely could keep himself still.

When everyone else threw their caps in the air, he was already moving towards the crowds afraid that she would be gone.

Everyone was standing and he couldn't see her anymore, his heart was racing in panic that he truly was losing his mind.

He found the seat where she had been and found only a program left on the chair but written across it were the words that made him feel alive for the first time in so long.

'I'll be by the lake.'

Suddenly he couldn't wait to get home.

TBC

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Thanks for reading!