Chapter 52
Six months later:
Brian had to go overseas again, but he didn't feel comfortable leaving Briana and the twins alone, so he asked Paul if he could either stay over or at least check in on the three of them from time to time.
Paul jumped at the chance; despite not being enthusiastic about the whole baby deal when the twins had first been born (and Brett's subsequent bout with colic, which he had eventually come out of it), now that they were crawling and doing more "fun" things, he couldn't get enough of them.
Briana had shook her head in amusement; between their father and godfather spoiling them, she knew she would have more on her hands with Paul being around the kids. It would take forever to settle them down at night once he'd gotten hold of them for awhile.
On the fourth day he had been gone, Brian had called in. "How's life back home?" he asked.
"Between trying to keep tiny fingers out of things and their godfather's nightly regimen of snoring and farting all night long that I can hear in the next room, it's been quite interesting."
"Yeah, my fault on that one. I should have given you the heads up that Paul snores like a bear and his ass sounds like a French horn."
"I don't know how these kids can sleep through all of that. They certainly didn't get their sleeping patterns from you."
"Hell no; someone has to just look at me and I wake up."
"How well I know. In my case, you also have a case of Roman hands and Russian fingers too."
"You haven't complained yet. So how are those little towheaded monsters of ours?"
"Pretty good. It's rather nice not to hear Brett scream bloody murder into the wee hours anymore."
"Jesus Christ, you aren't kidding. I thought that kid would never get over that shit. And Ma yells about being in labor thirty-six hours with me? She should have had Brett for about a week. Now there was pure hell."
Something caught the corner of Briana's eye; it had been Paul holding a laughing Bella in mid air."
"Paul, put her down!" she cried. "Are you insane?"
"What? We're playing airplane. She loves it."
"What the fuck is that beaner doing with our daughter?" Brian asked. "One scratch on that kid and he dies a quick and painful death."
"Put her down," Briana repeated. "Or you will have her angry father chopping you in a hundred pieces when he gets back here."
Paul grabbed the phone, Bella still in one arm. "This coming from a dude who has to be reminded to smoke outside," he said in the phone.
"Don't be using my kids for airplanes," Brian replied. "They're babies, El Dumbass, not your personal toys."
"Did you know your wife talks in her sleep?" Paul asked with a goofy grin.
"You snore and fart in yours, your point?"
"I do not snore."
"Like hell. I'm going to have Bree tape you one night before I come home. Put her back on and play with those kids the right way."
"It's like having a third kid here," Briana said when she took the phone back.
"Yeah, dude needs to get cleared so he can get back to work," Brian answered. "I think he's bored more than anything else, and you know how he drives people nuts when he's bored."
"True. Anyway, since you're not going to be here for your birthday, I thought we'd do something when you got back."
"Do I really need a reminder that I'm getting old?" Brian groaned.
"Come on, Paul volunteered to barbecue and Nadine's getting a cake. Be a sport. And this will be your first one with the twins. It's going to be fun."
"Hmmm, when I think about it, it will be kind of fun to see them doing something like this, especially with cake on their face."
"One crumb of that on them, mister, and you get bath duty for both of them," Briana warned laughingly.
"I've already done shitty diaper duty," Brian laughed back. "Giving them baths would be the lesser of two evils. But listen, they're yelling for me, so I have to get off of here. Ti amo."
"Ti amo," Briana said back before hanging up and going back to the chaos in the living room.
The next evening:
Briana had been putting down the twins for the night and Paul was fooling around on the computer. He had been instant messaging a few friends, and then Brian for a short period of time.
"Hey Bree," he called out. "You got to see this!"
"Will you keep it down?" Briana said. "The twins just went to sleep and I'd like to keep them that way."
"Sorry," Paul replied. "But I got to show you something. Your husband's tearing someone a new one again."
"So what else is new?" Briana managed a chuckle.
"Yeah, but this you have to see."
"Fine." She sat down beside him. "Excite me."
"Actually, that's Brian's job," Paul joked. "Read this, though."
Dear 24 Hour Fitness,
As I write this, I'm sitting in my hotel room (Marriott on 5th to be exact), with NO workout facility to go to. If I get fat, I blame it on you… and your mom, just for future reference.
One question, Bill, how is it you own a gym yet still weigh so much? Do you use your equipment, sir? Or do you think you too would break a treadmill and not be allowed back in the building?
I'll keep it short and sweet. I hope you choke and die. I now have to go to Nelson's, and it smells like fried ass juice in there. Thank you, fuckhead.
Sincerely,
Brian David Kendrick
World Wrestling Entertainment
Briana couldn't help but break out laughing. "What on earth brought this on?"
"Your husband broke a treadmill and they banned him from there," Paul replied. "To put it mildly, he was a little pissed. Don't know why; he works out and then ends up going to Wendy's or wherever anyway."
"It's only the third place he's been banned from," Briana said. "First there was the bowling alley after we were engaged, then the toy store where the two of you made total asses out of yourselves jumping on the store display trampoline, and now this."
"Face it," Paul grinned, "the guy is just a walking destruction machine. I should show you sometime the letter he wrote to a traffic court. This thing is mild compared to that."