Chapter 12

But all I've ever learned from love is how to shoot somebody who outdrew you

"Get out!"

Patrick's eyes widened in surprise at the curtness of her reply. "You know, I've never, ever told another human being that I was in love with them but I'm pretty sure that 'get out' is not the appropriate response." His attempt to lighten the mood was met with a steely glare.

"You are not funny" she said with quiet anger, "you are not charming and I don't want your pity."

"My pity?" Folding his arms across his chest he held her gaze until her discomfort forced her to drop her eyes. "Wow. You are in worse shape than I thought, if you're confusing love for pity."

Robin's head was reeling. For so long she had wanted to hear those words - to hear them from him - but not now, not when she felt so completely unlovable. He did not love her, he could not love her and she needed him to leave. She would not have him or anyone staying with her, making romantic pronouncements because they felt sorry for her. She had already suffered through too much and as April Gilbert's death had reminded her, there was much more suffering to come; she could not handle someone being with her out of obligation.

"I asked you to leave" she reminded him, walking towards the bedroom. "Close the door behind you as you go."

Patrick stared after her, dumbfounded, as she slinked away to her bedroom, the belt from her robe trailing absently behind her. Every fibre of his body was screaming for him to leave. For the first time in his life he had openly and loudly declared his love for another person and he was dismissed immediately. Knowing that she was sick and hurting did little to remove the sting from her rejection. He had avoided love for so long because of moments just like this - love was messy, complicated and filled with potential for hurt. Patrick Drake didn't do hurt, his father had hurt him enough for a lifetime and he had vowed he would never let himself be that vulnerable to someone else again.

But then he had never counted on meeting someone like Robin Scorpio. From the moment she busted in to his OR he had been drawn to her. He had tried to push her away, he had put her through hoops but she never wavered - she was always Robin. He could count on her to be supportive when he needed it, call him on his crap when he deserved it and provide him a safe place to land when he didn't know he needed it. When he was exposed to HIV and could barely string two words together, she had been right by his side helping him put one foot in front of the other. It had not been the first time he wondered how someone so tiny could possess so much strength. He supposed, as he dragged his hand through his hair, that was what threw him the most - reliably strong Robin was coming apart. He wanted to help her but he had learned too many times in dealing with his father that you cannot force someone to take help if they don't want it.

Flopping on to her couch, he dropped his head against the back and sighed heavily. His left hand began to twitch again and lifting his head he stared at the small tremors causing his hand to shake. Rubbing it with his right hand he was able to make the trembling stop and made a mental note to review the side effects of the ARV cocktail when he got home. Getting to his feet he walked to the door, shaking his head at how disasterously this had all turned out. He should have known better. As his hand gripped the doorknob, he paused. He had never really been a coward, in fact he had prided himself on his willingness to rise to any challenge, surgical or otherwise. His feelings may be hurt but it was little in comparison to what she was feeling, this woman that he had just declared his love to.

Striding down the hallway he stopped in her bedroom doorway, leaning his lanky frame against the side he jammed his hands into his pockets. Robin was on the bed, her legs pulled to her chest and her cheek resting on her knee. Hearing the wood doorjam creak, she lifted her head and rolled her eyes as she saw him standing there.

"I told you to leave"

"Actually, you asked me to leave. Asking involves a choice and so I'm choosing not to leave."

Arching a perfectly groomed eyebrow, she glared at him. "You're arguing semantics with me? You need me to be more directive? Fine. LEAVE!" she screeched.

Undeterred by her sudden outburst, he simply shook his head. "No."

"Are you stupid? Are the words I'm using too big for you?" she raged.

"Nope" he drawled, "I understood your words. I also understand what you're not saying."

Her eye twitched at his stubborness. She wanted him to leave; ten years of pain and disappointment had flooded into her system all at once and she was hanging on by her fingernails but she couldn't let go until he left.

"GET THE HELL OUT!" she screamed, reaching behind her and throwing her pillow at him.

Catching it, he set it down on the ground. "Look, you can be pissed at me, you can yell, you can scream and you can cry but I'm not leaving you. Not like this. I'm in love with you. And I refuse to be one more person in your life who loves you and leaves you just when you need them the most." The image of her sitting on her hospital bed with a tear stained face as her father left her after the virus outbreak had been contained was still fresh in his mind. It was the first time he had noticed how truly tiny she was.

"You really are an arrogant jerk!" The tears she had been trying so hard to hold back burst forth and tumbled down her cheeks. "I don't need you - don't you get it? I don't need you or anyone!" She angrily wiped at the tears, furious with herself for not being able to hold back.

Patrick tentatively walked towards her. "Yes you do. You need me and I'm not leaving so deal with it" he said kindly as he approached the bed. "I love you Robin."

Picking up her teddy bear, she hurled it at him. "STOP saying THAT!"

"No" he said quietly. "I love you and I'm going to keep saying it until you believe me. I will hire sky writers, I will spray paint it on the side of your building and I will hire a singing telegram to sing it to you - whatever it takes to make you believe me." He eased himself on to her bed and while she didn't move towards him, he took it as a small victory that she didn't move away from him.

Swinging his legs on to the bed, he reached out and draped his arm over her shoulders gently pulling her towards him. She remained stiff in his arms, quietly crying. Wrapping his other arm around her he held her closely to his chest. The warmth of his body and the safety of his arms were too much for her to resist. Her body melted against his as she dissolved into tears.

"It's okay Robin" he whispered, "I've got you. I've got you and I'm not letting you go."

She burrowed her head against his chest. "I don't want to feel like this" she cried quietly.

"I know baby. I love you" he said quietly as he pressed his lips to the top of her head.