A/N LOOK! UP IN THE SKY IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE! WAIT, NO! HOLY CRAP! IT'S THE WAFFLE OF DOOM!
Could've sworn she was dead, after all she hasn't updated in forever, so much for a "very temporary hiatus."
*Waffle smacks person above her* SHUT UP! Sarcasm is NOT appreciated. Gosh.

Sorry about the wait, I know, I suck. You guys are awesome, however (that is those of you who still care enough to read this). Anyways I could make excuses like: I was busy learning to drive (which I was), trying to find a job (again, I was), and school has been kicking my butt (which it has), but I won't because all of those are lame excuses that mean nothing. I could've made time to update, but I didn't, and I apologize.
*hangs head in shame*
Feel free to throw tomatoes at me, I deserve it.

Disclaimer- Like I really own Twilight. That's about as likely as me being the Queen of Bulgaria.

JPOV

I whispered to Edward quietly enough that I didn't think Emmett would be able to hear me, "We're dead."

Emmett stood in the doorway, "You got that right," he growled.

Emmett took a step towards up menacingly a said in a tone that could only be described as homicidal, "First, I'm going to rip you both limb from limb, then I'm going to stomp on the pieces," he took another step, "followed by a quick reassembling, and tearing apart a second time, after that I'm going to take all the pieces and chuck them in the fireplace to see if you catch."

Edward smirked, "And how do you plan to do this?"

"With my bare hands," Emmett breathed back.

"If you say so," Edward replied, unconcerned, which apparently only angered Emmett further.

"Why you little…" Emmett rushed towards Edward in a blind rage and Edward quickly stepped to the opposite side of the coffee table, effectively dodging him.

This further infuriated Emmett whose emotions were nothing but pure, undiluted rage at this point. I moved to the side so as to be out of the way of the fight I was sure was about to break out. Then, as if in some kind of trance and not thinking clearly, Emmett picked up the table, raising it over his head as if he was readying himself to hit Edward with it when one of the only people who could put an end to the madness walked in.

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN! PUT THAT TABLE DOWN RIGHT NOW! So help me if you break another coffee table," Esme shouted, angrily. "There will be no more fighting in this house, you all are far too destructive." She looked over at me, "And were you just planning on letting them fight? Did you not even think of trying to calm them down?"

I was immediately ashamed, having always hated to upset Esme for any reason. I hung my head solemnly, "I'm sorry, Esme, you're right. I should have tried to stop them, but I was really only thinking that it was better Emmett took out his emotions on Edward rather than me."

I spared a glance over at Edward and Emmett, both were frozen and Emmett still had the table raised over his head.

Esme sighed, "Emmett, please put down the coffee table, it's brand new. Now what are you fighting about in the first place?"

Emmett set down the table and Edward put on his best innocent face, "We weren't fighting, we were just messing around and it got out of hand."

Esme raised her eyebrows, and I didn't even need my gift to tell me she was skeptical.

"Oh bull crap, Edward!" Emmett roared, "You are so full of it!"

"EMMETT! Watch your mouth! I will not tolerate vulgarity," Esme snapped at him, "now what exactly happened and this time I want the truth." She glared pointedly at each of us, all of which now had looks on our faces like children who had just been scolded by their mother.

"They ruined my Jeep," Emmett half muttered, as if he was afraid of another reprimand.

She raised her eyebrows again, "How so?"

"Well they… here it's easier if I just show you," Emmett walked over to the large window overlooking the front of the house where his car was parked and pulled back the curtain.

Esme's eyes widened in shock and then she quickly brought a hand to her mouth, fighting to stifle a laugh.

"Well," she said trying to hide her smirk, "that was quite childish and inappropriate of them to destroy your, "she glanced out the window again, suppressing another laugh, "property that way." Esme turned to Edward and I, "I hope you realize that you will be making this up to Emmett somehow, I also hope that you will all stop with this behavior and try to resist the urge to make each other miserable, as hard as that may be."

"Yes, ma'am," We all replied in unison.

"Good." She turned and walked out of the room, I could feel the amusement coming from her as she left.

Emmett walked up to my side and growled low in my ear so Esme wouldn't hear him in the other room, "And I hope that you both realize that this is far from over. You have no idea what you've gotten yourselves into."

From besides the table Edward answered, "Oh, I think we do," and smirked at him.

Emmett pivoted towards Edward, "Fine then, let the games begin," then he proceeded to leave without another word.

I heard the front door click open just then and Alice danced into the room, closely followed by an apprehensive Bella and a slightly peeved Rosalie.

"So, "Alice chirped, "Did we miss the fireworks?"

I groaned and collapsed on the couch, which in turn collapsed under my sudden weight, "What have I gotten myself into?"

A/N I tried to make it longer, it just wasn't happening though. Ah well.

REVIEW! Or else your desk chair will collapse under you, impaling you with the metal stick thing upon which it sits.
(Wow, that was morbid)

Also, if you have anything you want the Cullen boys to do to torture each other, please let me know, I'll try to work it in.