Chapter 17
In your eyes I see that perfect world
Gripping the edge of the bathroom counter, Patrick peered into the mirror; instead of his reflection, he was met with a series of black dots moving in a staccato rhythm. Squeezing his eyes shut, he exhaled slowly and prayed it would all go away when he opened them again. Prying open his eyes, he immediately shook his head to try and clear the Dali-esque formation his face seemed to take. His chest started to heave, his arm started to tingle and his knees began to shake.
"No, no, no" he whispered as he tightened his grip on the marble counter. "Please" he pleaded in a serrated breath.
The room started to swirl around him and he was only partially aware that his grip had failed and he was falling to the floor.
When he came to, he felt as though a truck was parked firmly on his chest. Gasping, he tried to remind himself to take long, slow, deep breaths hoping that would quell the hammering of his heart against his ribs. Raising an unsteady hand, he shakily wiped at the perspiration that had pooled on his forehead. Reaching for the towel dangling on the small brass ring, he pulled it down to him and ran it over his face.
Slowly - nervously - he pulled himself to his knees before taking hold of the bathroom counter and using it to support his trembling legs as he lowered himself on the closed toilet. He cradled his head in his hands and sucked in a sharp breath. It was the second seizure in as many weeks and despite the numerous excuses he had made for the numbness in his hand, he knew now that it could no longer be ignored.
He was scared.
Carefully balancing two coffees, Robin pushed her backside against the diner door and nearly fell over the threshold as the door was pulled away from her.
"Same old Robin - would rather do it by herself than ask for help."
Her mouth twitched up in to a smile as she recognized the voice. "Same old Sonny - always on the lookout for a damsel in distress."
Grinning with a flash of his dimple, Sonny leaned in and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek. "How are you?"
"I'm great" she said brightly. And for the first time in recent memory she truly felt as good as she felt. Her relationship with Patrick was continuing its slow build, she continued to find both strength and solace in her support group and she was making great strides in her research.
Sonny took in the brightness of her eyes, the flash of colour in her cheeks and found himself grinning again. Though wiser, smarter and tougher now, she once again beamed the same joyful spirit that she had when he had first met her.
"You look great" he confirmed. "How is Patrick?"
Robin's brown eyes danced at the mention of his name. She loved him more and more every day and had finally given herself permission to let him in fully. Her leap of faith had been rewarded ten fold with his love. He was careful with her but never coddled her. He sought out her opinion but always challenged her. He shared more and more of himself without demanding anything in return.
"He's good - he's amazing" she qualified. "I'm actually just on my way to go see him. He's working today and I told him I'd bring him his coffee and walk him to work."
"Really?" Sonny asked with a hint of surprise in his voice. "So it's serious?"
Twisting her mouth to the side, she gave a small shrug. "I think it has the potential to be. He's...Sonny, he's really good to me."
"I'm really happy for you. No one deserves it more," he said sincerely. "Listen, did Ms. Sneed speak to you about the Nurses' Ball?"
Chewing nervously on the inside of her cheek, she nodded. After the hospital administrator's first phone call she had changed her mind almost a hundred times on whether or not she would give the keynote address at the AIDS fundraiser. She was learning to voice her fears more and more and Patrick encouraged her to give the speech provided it was the speech she wanted to give and not the speech she thought others wanted to hear.
"Sonny, can I ask you something?"
His dark eyes narrowed in concern and his tongue darted from his mouth, sweeping over his lips. "Of course sweetheart."
"If I...would you - would you be okay if I gave a speech that talked about..." her voice trailed off and she inhaled quietly before starting again. "If I gave a speech where I talked about the realities of being HIV+ - including the bad stuff, would you be okay with that?"
Though the ball was a General Hospital fundraiser, it was also Sonny's legacy for Stone and his way of seeking atonement for all his trangressions against others and himself. Their relationship may have changed over their years but she always wanted to ensure that she honoured him and the memory of his selflessness during those scary, dark days in the mid-90s.
Sonny was silent for several beats, his eyes firmly focused on his friend. "Robin - if...if you won't shine a light in a dark corner, who will? I am proud of the girl you were and the woman you've become and I will support you in whatever you choose to do."
Her eyes glistened with tears and standing on her tip toes, she pressed her lips against his cheek. "Thank you."
Pulling his hoodie closer around him in an attempt to ward off the chills, Patrick shuffled to the door and paused for a moment to collect himself before he opened it. Pulling back the door he was immediately warmed by Robin's bright smile.
"Hey lazy pants - you're not even dressed" she observed as she pushed past him. "You're going to be late." At home in the hotel room, she placed his coffee on the side table by the chair and flopped onto the couch before peeling back the plastic tab on her cup.
He ran his hand through his bedraggled hair and closed the door behind her. "I, uh - I just spoke to Alan. I'm not going in today." Her eyes shot up in fear and met his. "I seem to have a bug of some sort and am staying home."
Robin jumped to her feet and walking to him, placed the palm of her hand against his cheek. "Why didn't you call me baby?"
"Actually" he said gently, as he removed her hand. "You probably shouldn't stay - I don't...I don't want you to catch what I've got."
He knew full well that she could not catch what he had - even if he didn't know exactly what it was that was wrong with him - but he needed more time to himself to think. He was at a loss to know what his next step should be but there would be no way he could figure it out if Robin was hovering. Not to mention, he was unsure if he could continue to cover in front of her.
"Don't be ridiculous" she countered. "As if I'm going to leave you alone to be sick by yourself. What is it? A gastro? Sinus?"
He rolled his eyes as he hid his hands inside the pockets of his hoodie. "Robin, I'm a doctor - I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
Taking a step back, she studied his face carefully. There were dark circles around his eyes and she was trying to figure out if they were new or if they had been there for a while and she had simply not noticed. His face was pale and there was a slight shiver to his lips.
"I know you can take care of yourself" she replied quietly, "but...but you don't have to. We're a team, remember?"
His face softened immediately and he stepped towards her. "I know" he agreed softly. "I just - I'm probably just going to sleep though and you don't need to sit around and watch me."
"Do you really want me to go?"
Patrick swallowed thickly as he looked into her warm, brown eyes. He knew everything that he needed could be found there.
He didn't want her to go. He wanted her stay and wrap him in her arms and reassure him that everything was going to be fine. He wanted to feel her lips against his and know that whatever was going on with him was just a blip on the radar. He wanted to tell her that he was scared - that after the first seizure he had curled up into a ball on the floor and cried for almost an hour. He wanted her to drop a kiss over his heart and take away his fear. But he didn't know how to tell her any of it.
"No" he whispered.
"Good" she said with a reassuring smile. Fishing his hand from his sweatshirt pocket, she curled her fingers through his and led him towards the bed. "I'm going to take care of you."