Chapter 18

Hide me inside your heart, let me wash away

Hold me beneath your body, all night and day

"Lie down" Robin ordered gently, "I'll be right back."

Quirking his eyebrow up at her bossiness, he crawled on to the bed and flopped against the pillows as he watched her walk to the bathroom. The words were on the tip of his tongue. If he told her about the seizures, the numbness and the blinding headaches then, at the very least, it would be a little less scary. It was becoming a full time job to keep his fear at bay but at the same time he knew that Robin was still struggling with her own issues and he could not burden her with anything more, especially when he didn't even know what was going on.

Robin returned to the main room and sat down on the bed beside him. "Take off your sweatshirt" she commanded.

"Pardon?" he asked as a small smile played across his lips.

"You heard me Drake, strip to your waist."

Amused, Patrick pulled the thick cotton shirt over his head and tossed it to the side of the bed. Robin kneeled up and squirted the lotion she had retreived from the bathroom into her hands. Rubbing them together first, she then placed her palms against his chest and swept them over his skin.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously as he tried to ignore the feeling of his heart flipping around his chest as she touched him.

"My mom used to do this when I wasn't feeling well - she would give me a massage and help me relax." Leaning in, she brushed her lips against his. "You are wound tighter than a drum, if you relax a little bit it'll help you sleep."

As her hands continued to move over his shoulders and chest Patrick shifted on the bed. Seeing the discomfort cross his face, she lifted her hands and looked at him worriedly. "Patrick? Am I hurting you?"

"That's one way of putting it," he grumbled.

"What's wrong?"

Small patches of red appeared on the apples of his cheeks as he dropped his gaze to his lap. "I..uh...I'm not sure I'm supposed to be getting turned on right now."

Biting down hard on her lip, Robin tried to stifle her laughter. "Really?" she asked in surprise.

Glancing first at his groin and then back at her, he shook his head. "Don't you know yet what happens to me when you touch me?"

"Every time?"

"Every time" he said emphatically.

"Yay for me!" she said, grinning.

It was still difficult for her to see herself the way Patrick saw her. In her group of friends both in Port Charles and Paris, she had never been the bombshell. She was always the steady, grounded friend. Cute and sweet but not the girl that guys went ga ga over. Patrick's insatiability for her was a novel experience and still threw her for a loop.

"So I suppose you'd like me to stop massaging you?" she teased lightly, pleased to see the colour returning to his cheeks.

"Well," he twisted his mouth in to a wry grin, "unless you plan on taking your massage further south, it's probably best if you stop. Not to mention, I think I am getting really sleepy." The seizure had depleted him of all energy. He felt like his batteries had been drained and the idea of doing more than lying on the bed seemed impossible.

"Okay" she agreed, "but I'm still staying here while you sleep."

"How did I know you'd say that?" His eyes were beginning to droop with fatigue as his breath lengthened.

Robin smiled. "Is there anything I can do for you before you fall asleep?"

He nodded.

"What?"

"Could you ... could you just lie here with me for a while?"

His mother's death had brought an abrupt end to any moments of clinginess he had ever had. He had always done everything he could to keep people just far enough away that he couldn't lean on them. His independence had been a source of personal pride. He never lacked for company but he never had to worry about appearing vulnerable or weak in front of another person. Before Robin the only person who had ever seen through his defenses was his best friend Eric. But even at that, he had never asked Eric for the type of support he was silently asking Robin for now. He wanted her. He loved her. And scariest of all to him, he needed her.

Curling up beside him, Robin draped her arm across his waist and laid her head on his chest. Linking her fingers through his, she tilted her head upwards and stared at him. He seemed locked in some kind of internal battle and she worried. Patrick always gave off an air of being carefree and easy going but she had discovered during the last several months that he felt things more deeply than anyone would imagine. Every failure took a toll on him that very few every saw. Over the last few weeks it felt as though he was always on the verge of telling her something but pulled back at the last moment. She had tried every way she knew to leave him an opening to tell her but he had taken none of them.

"Baby?" she called to him quietly.

"Hmm?" he replied sleepily. His eyes were closed and his fingers threaded through her silky hair.

"Is there...is there something else going on? Other than not feeling well?"

A lump formed in his throat as his eyes flew open. In that moment, unthinking, he was ready to confess all but swallowing thickly, the moment passed. "No" he said quietly. "I'm just a little under the weather."

There was something about his answer that left her feeling disquieted but she decided not to press further. Sweeping her hand across his chest, she nodded. "Okay."

Assured that he was sleeping soundly, Robin slowly extricated herself from his arms. She pulled the blankets up around his chest and lovingly pressed her lips to his cheek. Flopping into the overstuffed chair, tossing her legs over the arm, she stared at him. He was beautiful in every way and watching him sleep she saw flashes of a future with him - something she had never experienced before.

She had never really seen a future with Jason, not a real one anyway. At that time she hadn't believed there was a future for her and concentrated only on living in the moment. Her love for him had been real and consuming but she was still very much a girl - a lost girl - in love with a man. When the moment ended, as she knew it inevitably would, she accepted that was all there was for her.

Marriage and babies were abstract thoughts for her. In Paris she had entertained brief fantasies of finding a man who would fall in love with her and want to build a future together, for however long she had to offer. In reality she knew that was unlikely, if not impossible. What type of man would want to take the risk with her?

Glancing over at his sleeping form she could not keep the smile from her face. He was not perfect but then again she didn't believe in perfection for people. His trust was hard won, like hers. His heart was heavily guarded, like hers. His love was a gift, like hers, she hoped.

She thought back to her earlier conversation with Sonny about her speech for the Nurses Ball and she realized that she would be able to be unfailingly honest about life with HIV. Because of Patrick's love and Sonny's support, she would be able to tell others about the dark moments, the days when just the knowledge that she was HIV+ could suffocate her. But now she knew how to balance it with equal parts of hope and love.

Swinging her legs to the floor, she walked quietly to the desk for a pad of paper and a pen. She was ready to start writing. As she carefully rifled through the piles on his desk in search of even a single blank sheet, she stumbled across a package of printouts. Looking at them, her breath caught in her throat and she glanced over her shoulder at Patrick. It was the last thing in the world she had ever expected to find.

Patrick's eyes slowly fluttered open and he sighed sleepily as he stretched out his long, lean body. Without even turning his head, he was aware of Robin sitting beside him.

"How long have I been out?" he asked as his tongue darted from his mouth, moistening his lips.

"Three hours" she told him. "How are you feeling?"

"Better" he said nodding, finally turning to look at her. Seeing the look on her face, he stopped in his tracks. "Uh-oh - what happened?"

Robin scrunched up her face. "I wasn't snooping" she began.

"I don't have anything to hide" he lied.

"I was just looking for a piece of paper to do some writing with and I found these" she carried on quietly, brandishing the printouts. "Were...were you going to tell me?"

Taking her hand in his, he brought it to his mouth and dropped a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. "Not right away" he admitted, "I was hoping to surprise you."

The truth was, he had begun to consider settling in Port Charles months before he had told Robin he loved her. Even if he had been unable to articulate the words, he knew back then that he was where he was meant to be; that after years of roaming and searching for some place to belong to this was it. It was everything he never thought he wanted but felt so incredibly right that he could not ignore it any longer.

Her brown eyes widened in surprise and her heart began to hammer loudly in her chest. "So it's for real?"

"I can't live in a hotel room forever Robin."

She swallowed thickly trying not to get too ahead of herself. "I know" she said quickly. "But...but these aren't rentals - these are places for sale."

His lips curved upwards into a smile. "I'm aware of that."

"Buying a place is a commitment. It's like having roots..."

Pulling himself into a sitting positon, he reached for her and wrapped his arms around her. "I have always had a million reasons why I didn't want roots."

"And now?"

"And now I have one very good reason for wanting them."

"What's that?" she squeaked as she chewed on her bottom lip.

In that moment, all thoughts of seizures and headaches were driven from his mind. All that mattered was the look on his girlfriend's face as she finally understood that he was serious about her - and his love for her. Dipping his head, he brushed his lips against hers.

"You."