Chapter 37

I am drunk in my desire
I love the way you smile at me

Patrick was surprised when he glanced at the clock revealing it was only 8 p.m.; so much had happened in such a short span of time, it seemed as though it should be later – it felt later. Hearing his stomach gurgle, he nuzzled Robin's neck.

"I'm hungry,"

"So I can hear," she said, tilting her head to the side to give him greater access.

Having agreed to move in with her, he had pulled her to his lap and they had sat quietly, limbs entangled for almost an hour. There was little left to say and both felt spent from the exertion and truth-telling.

"Let's go to Jake's and shoot some pool. I'm craving wings and beer."

"You know," he said with a grin, "just when I don't think you can get any hotter you go and say things like you crave wings and beer. Where have you been all my life?"

With a wink, she sprang from his lap. "If you play your cards right I may even let you win a game….but just one," she teased.

Feeling as though a weight had been lifted from him, he blew out his cheeks and rose to his feet. "I suppose I'll need a shirt and you seem to be wearing mine,"

Bringing the collar to her nose, she sniffed it. "I like it, it smells like you."

Walking past her as he made his way to the closet, he stopped and kissed the top of her head. The physical comfort that a touch provided had never been lost on him but until he had met Robin, he had never really experienced, as an adult, the emotional comfort; and now that he had, he found himself wanting to keep her within arm's reach.

As he buttoned up his grey shirt and folded the cuffs back, he cleared his throat. "So, um, I think there may be a few things we need to negotiate before we move in."

Slipping her jacket on, she raised her eyebrows. "Oh really?"

"Serious make or break stuff," he told her with a hint of laughter echoing in his voice.

"Such as?"

"Well you need a new television. How on earth do you not have a flat screen? And no hi-def? And once we take care of that, then we'll need to order the NFL package and the NHL package."

With an amused grin on her face, she folded her arms across her chest. "I see. Anything else?"

"Well now that you mention it," he told her, reaching for his coat, "I think we may want to reconsider your Laura Ashley bedspread. Perhaps something a little more neutral?"

"What? No race cars?"

"Well see that's what I wanted but I'm willing to give it up so if you give up the flowery poofy bedspread then we've reached a compromise." Flashing his dimple, he held out his hand to her. "Wasn't that easy?"

Shaking her head she entwined her hand through his. "Impossible" she muttered jokingly.

Discarded peanut shells crunched underfoot as they manoeuvred their way through the patrons to a corner table. Jake's was an interesting place for people watching as an anomalous cross section of the town could always be found there.

Robin pulled back the chair and flopped into it. She watched as Patrick carefully took off his jacket, pausing to stretch his hand. Tempted to ask if he was okay, she stopped herself; she knew better than most the instinct to take even the smallest of twinges and make it into something larger; for her, coughs were precursors to pneumonia and fatigue was a sign of a failing protocol. While it was important to be in tune with your body, it was equally important not to be so in tune that you overestimated what the signs were trying to tell you. It had taken her years to get to that point and she needed to let Patrick get there on his own.

"Hot or mild wings?" he asked.

"Hot – with a side order of hot sauce."

Rolling his eyes at her standard answer, he gave her a sly wink and began to weave his way through the crowd.

Even if he hadn't been wearing a leather jacket that was so old it could walk away on its own, Patrick would have recognized Eric anywhere. Taking a deep breath, he pushed past the last few people and sidled up beside him at the bar.

He glanced at the obvious blue and purple lump on his jaw and grimaced. "Looks like someone hit you"

Taking a sip of his beer and looking to his left, Eric shrugged. "It was a girly punch, barely even felt it."

"I'm sorry" he apologized earnestly.

Swivelling on his stool, his friend turned towards him and looked him up and down. "You okay?"

Patrick blew his cheeks out. "I'm better than I was."

"Good." He absently picked at the label on his beer bottle. "Look, I spoke to Alan and he's sympathetic but agrees with my assessment. I know that sucks for you but I'm trying to protect you-"

"I know you are and I know I was a jackass," he interjected. "It means a lot that you're here."

Eric nodded. "We've been through some battles together Patrick and we'll get through this too. I need you to start the new steroids tomorrow and then I'll be back in two weeks to get the radiation going."

Seeing Coleman signal to him that his order was ready, he turned back to his friend. "Robin and I are just about to have some wings and shoot some pool – come sit with us."

"No" he demurred. "I…look, you need some time with your girlfriend-"

"I want some time with both of you – some time with you not as my doctor." He tugged on his sleeve before picking up the pitcher and basket of wings. "Come on Smitty – you'd be doing me a favour anyways."

"How's that?" he questioned amusedly.

"You're the best pool player I know, I'm hoping you can kick her ass."

"Wimp" he told him with a grin as he gathered up his beer and coat and followed Patrick to the table.

Robin gave a small wave to the two men as they approached the table. Patrick set the pitcher down before pushing the basket in Robin's direction.

"So, what do you think?" Eric asked, rubbing his jaw.

"Definitely more rugged" Robin nodded in agreement.

"Please don't feed his ego" Patrick begged taking his seat. "He thinks he's god's gift to women"

"Uh, hello? Projecting much?" Eric retorted. "I would go days between dates – you could barely go hours."

Leaning across the table, he covered Robin's ears with his hands. "Shut.it."

Giggling, Robin wriggled out of Patrick's hold. "As if I don't know already. Did you ever tell Eric how we met?"

"I did," he replied huffily, "I told him that you burst in on a consult with Sheri"

"Sheila" Eric corrected.

Dissolving in to a fit of laugh, Robin reached for the pitcher and poured out two glasses, passing one to Patrick. Holding up her glass to the light, she examined the frothy head topping the amber liquid.

"Scorpio why are you staring at your beer? It's for drinking, not admiring."

"Oh but that's where you're wrong Pantsy" she said laughing lightly as he scowled. "Beer is a beautiful thing. It is one of the oldest and most popular alcoholic beverages and is recorded in the written history of both Egypt and Mesopotamia. This isn't just beer, it's a taste of history"

"You were right Patrick – very well developed geeky side."

"HEY!" she protested, throwing a carrot stick at him.

"Ah but the geeky combined with the hotness is a deadly combination" he countered. "And that's why we're moving in together."

Having choked on his drink, he wiped the back of his hand against his mouth. He stared in shock at his friend who was smiling smugly, pleased to have caught him so off guard. Shaking his head, Eric extended his hand to Robin.

Shooting him a curious look, Robin shook it. "Dare I ask?"

"I'm offering you my sympathies. I lived with Patrick for four years and have spent the last six in therapy. I'm hoping that I'll finally be able to put that ugly period behind me"

Patrick objected loudly. "I was a good roommate!"

Leaning across the table, Eric whispered conspiratorially, "Do you have a dishwasher?" She nodded. "You may need to teach him how to load it. He drinks milk from the carton-"

"I don't let my lips touch it!"

"And he eats breakfast standing over the sink and then leaves his bowl in the sink."

Robin gasped mockingly. "The horror! What about socks?"

"Oh lord the socks. Robin - you'll need to borrow a hazmat suit from the hospital to pick them off the floor. And I say you because he won't."

Both laughed heartily as Patrick's bottom lip jutted out in a pout. "I hate you both," he muttered reaching for his beer.

Robin ran her hand along his leg. "Aw baby, I'm sorry."

"Oh leave him to his pout Robin," Eric encouraged, "come show me how you can kick my ass at pool."

She rubbed her hands together gleefully. "Fresh meat! Let's go Smitherman."

Eric leaned on his cue as Robin racked up the balls. It did not escape his notice that she continued to sneak looks at Patrick and that his eyes were on her and her alone. "You really love him, don't you?" he asked.

She turned red from her neck to the roots of her hair. "Yes," she replied unapologetically.

"I'm glad that he's found you Robin. I was beginning to despair that he would never fall in love."

Having lined up her shot, she looked at him over her shoulder. "Why? Patrick always said that he didn't want to fall in love - that he didn't want to be tied down." Striking the white ball, she stood up and watched as the coloured balls scattered over the felt.

"He wants to be tied down - he's just afraid of it. He's so afraid of becoming his father, of not being what a wife or child needs that he had dodged and weaved it for so long. If you've managed to get him to stop running away from what he wants, even for five minutes, then you are one powerful person."

Robin let his words roll around in her head as she took her next shot. As the balls drained into the pocket she smirked to herself thinking how much dating was like pool. You spent all your time hitting balls you didn't want so you could get a shot at the one ball you did. She had spent years dating on and off, generally knowing from the first date that there would be no relationship but the moment she saw Patrick, something inside her awakened and even as she tried to push him away, she was already lost. Patrick was her eight ball and from Eric's words, she might just be his as well.

Having missed a shot, she backed away from the table. "What about you? Do you want the whole enchilada - marriage, kids?"

With his back to her, she could not see the sad smile that worked at the corners of his mouth. Folding his lanky frame almost in half, he took the measure of his shot. "Kids aren't an option for me," he answered quietly. "The cancer took care of that and unfortunately my case was so critical there was no time to make spermcicles. As for marriage, who knows?" he shrugged. "But there aren't a lot of people out there who want to take on a workoholic surgeon whose had cancer and can't have kids."

"I don't know," she said quietly, "I didn't think there were a lot of people who wanted to take on a workoholic researcher with HIV but," she smiled as she looked over at Patrick, "love finds you when you least expect it."

Tipping back his beer, Patrick could not keep from smiling as he watched the two people who meant the most to him, laughing and shooting pool. Eric had only ever met his dates by accident; Patrick never liked to mix his personal life with his sex life. The less connection any woman could make with him, the better. Many a nurse at the hospital had tried to use Eric to get to Patrick but it had rarely worked.

But this was different.

He wanted all aspects of his life to intersect. It mattered what Eric thought of Robin and vice versa. As his mother's illness had progressed years ago and he had quietly borne the effects of it, she had reached out to him and encouraged him, reminded him to be open to possibilities not closed to them. It was a lesson he had largely ignored until he met Robin. It was an ongoing struggle to let her in but he wanted to. He didn't know much about being in love but he did know that he wanted to share his life with her and would rather die than hurt her.

Setting his glass down on the table, he gave a small shake of his head that he had been unable to recall the name of the nurse he had been with when Robin barged into his life. From the moment he laid eyes on her, she had been all he wanted. It may not have been the most elegant or romantic meeting but he was discovering that love had a way of finding you when you least expected it.