Chapter 40

Rock me gently in your arms
Say that I will remain in your keeping

Rubbing the fatigue from her eyes, Robin leaned back in her chair. Her normally orderly lab desk was overrun with old journals, textbooks and notes; the soft glare from her computer monitor illuminated the desk.

Having signed off on all her patients for the day, she had spent the last five hours up to her eyeballs in research and reports on treatments for meningioma. It wasn't that she didn't trust Eric or his course of treatment but the researcher in her had to believe there was more and if not more than at least an alternative to what Patrick was facing. Advances were being made all the time in so many conditions, why couldn't there be one for him?

She wanted to find it for him.

To a certain extent it felt like she had been working towards this moment for years. While in medical school she had briefly toyed with the idea of being an HIV/AIDS researcher but that idea died quickly as she realized that she would be too personally invested in the results to be objective. There were others, many others, working tirelessly on finding a cure or a vaccine and they didn't need her in the lab; not when she could raise money for them outside of it.

Her path towards neurological research had been almost pre-determined. Her break-up with Jason Morgan had devastated her and she had left for the Sorbonne to seek refuge and redefine herself. As the pain receded and she was able to examine her choices and his, she became fascinated by what role his brain injury played in his decision-making process. That lead to a consuming interest in how the brain functioned and what factors, like drugs, could be applied to it to change it.

She had come home to cure Jason and had failed. She wondered if that had been the reason to bring her back and her real purpose was to cure Patrick?

Exhaling softly, she leaned forward and resumed her searching. He didn't have to tell her she knew he was afraid of the radiation. She knew that he worried about what it would do to him, how it would incapacitate him, how he would be forced to depend on others. It had been years since he had been required to rely on another person and Robin understood that he was afraid that when he did it this time no one would be there.

But she would be. She would make sure to catch him when he fell and let him know that he wasn't alone. Despite the feelings of loneliness she had experienced over time she had always known that she had family and friends who would support her if only she would ask. She rarely did but there was comfort in knowing she had a choice.

Her mind drifted back to that afternoon in the exam room after he had been exposed during April's surgery. He had asked her questions about what he could expect with the PEP and in general. She had done her best to explain it as carefully and gently as she could, highlighting the positive but not ignoring the negative. After taking it all in, he turned to her and told her that he wished there had been an option for her.

That was what she wanted now – an option for him. Something that could divert him from the course he was about to travel.

Her heart pounded in her chest and she did her best to quieten it by pushing away the thoughts of what was to come if she didn't find it. It wasn't like Stone – he wasn't dying and there was hope but the fragility of it all echoed loudly in her heart and her mind. She didn't want this to happen not to him or to her.

Tiredly, she rubbed her hands over her face. Her head jerked up as someone knocked on her door.

Sliding from her stool, she walked to the door and pulled it open. Her face lit up as she saw her uncle standing before her. Launching herself into his arms, she hugged him tightly.

"Hi sweetheart," he said, squeezing his niece.

"I'm so happy to see you," she told him as she pulled back from the hug. Stepping aside, she invited him inside her lab and directed him to the couch. "I have some really bad coffee in the coffee maker, would you like some?"

"No" he replied with a smirk, "the PCPD has its own brand of bad coffee."

It still amazed him to see his niece at work. She was still a teenager in his mind, worrying over boys and clothes and to see her work, work at saving lives made him feel proud and old all at once.

Flopping down on the couch next to him, she rested her head on his shoulder. "I've been meaning to call."

"So what's happened that stopped you?"

"I've been busy?" she offered weakly.

"Of that I have no doubt – but generally when you don't call or visit Robin, it's because something has happened and you are trying to work out what to do about it."

"I both hate and love that you know me so well" she replied with a grin.

"So what's going on?"
"Patrick moved in" she told him sheepishly, suddenly feeling badly for not having shared the news earlier. "Last week."

Tilting his head to the side, Mac studied her carefully. "You really care for him, don't you?"

"I love him" she said simply. "I didn't think it would happen again but it did."

He lovingly kissed the top of her head. "I am so very happy for you, Robin. Everyone deserves love, especially you."

A small sigh escaped her lips. "There's more" she told him quietly.

"I thought as much."

"He….he…." she stammered and then paused. She realized she had never said it out loud to anyone but Patrick. As the news was shared it would become more real and she suddenly wondered if she was ready for that.

"He has a brain tumour" she told him quickly, ripping off the band aid.

Mac said nothing. He simply wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. He had seen her through some – all – of the toughest times of her life and there was nothing to say other than to remind her that she was not alone.

She melted into his hug and for a moment let herself be comforted. It had been almost two weeks since she had found out and in that time she had kept her focus on Patrick and how she could support him. There had been stolen moments of self-reflection here and there but she was loathe to give any of it too much voice, not while Patrick was struggling.

But here in Mac's arms, a place of refuge so many times before, she allowed herself to feel. The doubt, the worry and the fear started to percolate. They were familiar feelings and there was no one better than Mac to understand what it all meant.

"How are you?" he asked her quietly, not loosening his hold one bit.

She gave a small shrug. "I'm okay – I think. I…I'm worried for him," she admitted.

"Of course you are."

Robin extricated herself from his arms and gave him a watery smile. "He's not dying though. There are treatments and cures available…" her voice trailed off.

"Unlike with Stone" he finished for her.

She nodded. "He's going to be fine in the end. It's just getting there is going to be really tough. But we'll get there together" she added confidently.

Mac smiled at his headstrong niece. "He's lucky to have you Robin. You are the most compassionate person I know and there isn't anyone else I'd rather have at my side during a difficult time than you."

"Thanks" Her cheeks flushed slightly at his compliment.

"But can I offer you a little advice of my own?"

"Always."

"Don't get so caught up in being there for him that you neglect yourself." A protest formed on her lips but he raised his finger to silence her. "Robin, you forget. I was there with Stone and with Jason and I know how you throw yourself into things. You have your own….health issues….that you need to be careful of and I don't want you to sacrifice anything of that for anyone else."

"Uncle Mac," she said softly. "I love you for looking out for me but I'm okay, really. Patrick is going to come out on the other end of this, healthy and strong and that's all that matters."

"It isn't" he said with a shake of his head. "It's important but not the only thing that matters."

Her back stiffened slightly at his admonition. "Uncle Mac…."

Having said his piece, he smiled warmly and got to his feet. "I have to get back to work." Grabbing his coat, he headed towards the door but paused with his hand on the doorknob. "Why don't you and Patrick come for dinner next week? It's getting close to Christmas and I think it's best that we break him in slowly to the Scorpio family traditions, don't you?"

Robin laughed lightly and nodded. "Very wise Uncle Mac."

"Good. It's a date. I'll see you soon sweetheart."

"I love you Uncle Mac and thanks for…for everything."

"I love you too"

Robin waited until he had slipped from sight before balling her fists against her eyes. Now that her uncle was aware of what was going on, there would be nowhere for her to hide and while rationally she appreciated that was a good thing, emotionally she would have preferred to not have to deal with any of it for a while longer.
Unfurling her legs, she rose from the couch and headed back to her research, convinced the answers were somewhere in there.

It was well after midnight when she slipped her key into the door of her apartment. She had not meant to work so long but caught up in possibilities. She had a list of new elements to search tomorrow and hoped that maybe if there wasn't an alternative therapy for Patrick, there may at least be a complimentary one.

Padding into the bedroom, she stopped short in the doorway and stared at her bed. Shirtless with the blankets pooling around his hips laid Patrick. His face was almost serene in sleep and his long lashes swept gracefully against his cheek. She was still regularly amazed by his beauty.

Reaching behind her, she shimmied the zipper from her dress down her back before stepping out of it. Gathering it from the floor, she placed it on the hanger and quietly closed the closet door.

Walking to his set of drawers, she pulled open the bottom one and reached for one of his soft, grey t-shirts, pulling it over her head. She tiptoed to the bed and gently pulled back the covers before sliding underneath them.

She jumped when Patrick reached for her.

"Hey" he mumbled, eyes still closed. "Did you have a good day?"

"I thought you were asleep"

"Nuh-uh" he mumbled again, pulling her flush against him, his lips off in search of hers. "I was just dozing until you got here."

"Do you regularly snore when you doze?" she asked playfully as she tangled her legs through his, enjoying the warmth from his body.

He pried open one eye and stared at her. "Do you really want to have a snoring conversation there Buzzsaw Scorpio?"

She swatted playfully at his chest as she kissed him softly. "I like having you in my bed."

"I like having you in my arms."

She snaked her arms around his waist and brought her head to rest against his chest. With their bodies wrapped together and the sound of his steady heartbeat thrumming underneath her cheek, all worries and fears suddenly evaporated. They had each other and they loved each other. Everything else was just details.