Title: Death Note Cell. (I WILL NEVER CHANGE IT! D8)
Rating: If you're this goddamn far into it, you should freakin' know it's M. If not, how can you even read? Honestly. –shakes head-
Authors Note: 8D GUESS WAT, GUYS?! (What?) I GOT AN iPOD!! –scream/faint- I know, can you believe it! Well, it's a big deal for me, seeing as I'm completely broke-ass poor. But anyway, it's so awesome! I have 67 songs on it so far, but it holds 4,000. And it plays video, and has games! It's so amazing I'll have to invent a new word. But I don't wanna, so… yeah.
OTHER THAN THAT.
Can you BELIEVE THIS?! I'm on my tenth chapter! Chapter ten! I've finally hit the double digits of this baby! –Cries inside- I'm going to miss it soooo much when it's over! Anyway, so you guys can enjoy the chapter, I think I'm going to cut this off right now. :D see you later, loves!
Anyway, enjoy the story. :D
Summary: Like I said. If you're THIS FAR INTO IT… you should know. Unless you're being a retard and starting at CHAPTER TEN.
Pairings: LXLIGHT, people. MY GOD. D8 you people disappoint me. (No, I'm just joking. –hugs everyone-)
Disclaimer: Okay, I own absolutely no characters from Death Note, and the concept of Cell belongs to Stephen King and him alone. Not me. Though if I had come up with that idea, you can bet your asses you would see my shit in bookstores instead of here. The only thing I do own is my original characters. No, seriously. That's about the only thing I own… TT 0 TT All right, adding on to the disclaimer. I do not own the movie "The Mist", which will have some striking similarities to DN Cell very soon. Just a coincidence, but Mist is also a Stephen King novella.
Chapter ten: Breaking Him Down.
A poignant silence filled the air around us. For a moment, I couldn't believe I could say those words. 'He's going to die…' I repeated that in my mind over and over, but it just didn't make any damn sense. There was something he was missing, I knew it. But what? It was no use trying to rack my brain thinking about it. He was always right, anyhow… "Why?" Lauren finally said, her voice so soft it was barely even there. Did I have an answer? I really didn't, but I wanted to. I hated not having the answers to things; it makes me feel like I've failed the person asking the question. And there was never a time that she needed me more than then. But I couldn't help… "Why is he going to die, Light?"
My jaw trembled as I tried to regain control of my tired body. "I don't know… Lauren, he just… he has it all figured out… he…" I leaned forward and covered my face with my hands lest I began to cry. Crying was one thing for me, but crying in front of other people was terrible. "…He explained everything to me. It's… it's too hard to retell, but…" I lifted my face and rested my chin in my hands. "It's going to happen, and trust me… I don't want him to die as much as the next person…"
"I don't get it!" She shouted suddenly, making me jump. "It's so stupid! Why does he think that? Nobody knows for sure if they're going to die and when!"
I stared at her, a little taken aback. "Lauren—" I started, yet she cut me off.
"What?! Does he think he's so fucking smart that he knows?! He doesn't know, nobody knows!!" She collapsed then, folding in on herself and shaking violently with each sob. I wanted to reach out and comfort her, but it wasn't like she wanted me to. Did she even like me? All I did was sit, and watch her cry. 'That poor girl…' I thought to myself, feeling tears tug at the edge of my vision also. 'She really doesn't want him gone, does she?' I wondered if L could hear us from where we were, and I wondered if he was thinking about me. I know, it sounds a little selfish… but isn't everybody? I wanted to know if he was still okay. I mean, he never said when he was going to die…
"Listen… Lauren, Rue's smart. Smarter than all of us… if… if he says it's going to happen, it's going to happen." I sighed. "There's nothing we can do about it." She didn't hear me, or just didn't want to acknowledge me, because she just went on crying. I placed my head in my hands and tried to control my breath. 'Please… please just let him live…' "Lauren!" I finally snapped, not knowing what the Hell I was doing. She stopped crying almost immediately, staring up at me with blood-shot eyes. "Stop crying." I said harshly, wondering why I was sounding so mean. "Crying is not going to do anything. If it was, I'd be doing it too… trust me." Her bottom lip trembled, and she looked hopeless with all the makeup running down her face.
I positioned myself in front of her and held her shoulders gently in place. "Right now I need to ask you something, okay?" She hiccupped, and nodded, a few stray tears spilling over her blackened cheeks. "Are… are the bodies of those people still out there?" She looked surprised—even confused, for a moment before mouthing 'yes' and nodding furiously. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Wh-where did you put the bodies of your co-workers again?"
She jerked her thumb shakily behind her. "I-in… in the… the back of the… store…" I peered over her shoulder, my mind racing. "Wh-why… Light…" Still thinking, I didn't hear her. "Light!" I jumped at the sound of my name being called so strictly. "Why?"
I pushed myself up and offered my hand to her. She took it gratefully and I pulled her up without effort. "Somebody's going to have to bring those around to the back, Lauren. I don't know if they'll attract more of those things, and if they do… I don't want them hanging around the front of the store, okay?" She nodded, hopefully understanding what I meant. I just hoped nothing came after me while I was out there. And I couldn't tell L, no way. If I did, he'd want to go with me. I wasn't about to risk his life with what little time he had left…
"Light." She said, and I turned toward her. "Please be careful when you're out there. Something might try and come after you…" I smiled reassuringly, though I could feel my heart pounding against the walls of my chest like nobody's business. "You might think you'll be fine, but I don't know…" She looked down. "If I lose Rue… and… and then you…" I was confused, and a little shocked. So she did care about me? That was news I had no idea of…
I smiled again, hoping she understood that I would give my life to protect the people inside of this store. "I know. It's okay… thank you for worrying about me. I'll be safe… for you." She laughed dryly, and then wrapped her arms around me suddenly. Somehow, feeling her embrace calmed me inside, and I wrapped my arms around her in turn.
After a few minutes, I stood up and placed a hand on her head. "I'll be okay, I'll only be gone a few minutes. Ten at the most. All right?" She nodded, traces of a smile lingering on her lips. All of a sudden she jumped and removed herself from my presence. I heard her calling after me as she ran that she was going to get something and that she'd be right back. I stood for a second, wondering what she could possibly be getting. Only then did I realize my shaking hands that stood by my sides. 'God… am I really this scared?' I closed my eyes, envisioning L and his placid face in my minds eye. 'Please give me strength…'
"Light!" She called, and I heard her shoes pounding on the linoleum. She was out of breath; obviously she had run a long way. "Here!" She handed something to me, and I opened my eyes. 'What… is this a walkie-talkie?' I thought, staring at the rectangular radio-like thing in my hand. "It's a walkie-talkie." She clarified, and I raised my eyebrows. How was this going to keep me safe? "I know it's a kid toy, but it'll let me know if you're okay or not. I can't see you when you're around to the back of the store, so…" She placed her hands on her hips and gave me her best smile. Then her eyes trailed to my face, and she paused. "What were you doing?"
Almost immediately, I answered. "Praying." It was like a reflex.
She drew her brows together. "I didn't know you believed in God. You look more like the Atheist type to me…" I laughed.
"No, I'm not." There was silence, and then she continued.
"I pray sometimes, too. Like… I prayed after the people I work with dropped dead. And… I prayed when I saw people in the street go crazy…" I placed a hand on her back, and she stopped talking.
"Can you do me one thing?" She nodded. "Pray for Rue for me, okay? For both of us. He needs us right now…he needs our strength." She bit her bottom lip and nodded again, evidently trying hard not to cry.
"Yeah. Yeah… I'll do that. I'll pray for him." She punched me in the shoulder playfully. "Now get your ass out there, and come back safe. Okay?" I smiled.
Pressing the little button that still had the 'try me' sticker on it, I held it down. "Thank you, Lauren." My voice echoed out of the one she held in her hand, and she giggled. I released the button and turned to walk away. She didn't say anything, but when I was almost near the front of the store, my walkie-talkie spoke:
"You're welcome… be safe."
My footsteps echoed in the recesses of my unsteady mind as I walked through the aisles. The things on either side of me blurred in my line of vision, and I just wished I could be somewhere else right now. It… truly was a nightmare come into a harsh reality. A call of: "Where do you think you're going, young man?" reached my ears and I stopped. I didn't recognize the voice, so it must have belonged to only one person in the whole store that I hadn't heard speak until now.
"Outside, Miss Campbell." I answered softly, hoping she didn't press me for any more details. My patience was hanging by one single thread, and it was beginning to fray. "I'm going outside." I turned around to face her, and my eyes automatically traveled down. I didn't want anyone to look me in the eyes right now.
"Whatever for?" She asked haughtily, crossing her arms over her chest. "Trying to stop God's judgment like your friend is?" My heart skipped a beat, and a fury I couldn't really explain lit a small fire inside my veins. I ground my teeth together silently, wishing she would just leave me the fuck alone.
"Look, Miss Campbell—"
"Don't tell me to 'look'!" Her features contorted into a face that told me I had really stepped in deep shit. "That 'friend' of yours is the one that is working alongside the Devil!" I clenched my fists tight to my body, trembling with that fire in my veins. "Trying to stop the judgment of God! We have done this upon ourselves, we deserve the punishment He is handing us!" She paused, probably waiting for my answer. When I didn't, she continued. "And you friend will burn in Hell, I can assure you!"
My patience snapped then. "Don't you fucking dare say where he'll go when he dies!! You have absolutely no damn right to judge other people like that!" She drew back, stung. "And if ever I could tell God to strike one person down, it would be you!" I panted, watching carefully to see what she would do next. "If you'll excuse me, Miss Campbell… I'm going outside to clean up everything that's out there. Now tell me! Do you have a problem with that?"
Without waiting for her answer, I stormed off.
(Break)
I stood against the back wall of the store, taking my first glimpse of the world outside for what seemed like ages. The fresh blood on my hands almost didn't bother me at all as I gazed upon what the bustling streets of Oxford had now become. Just beyond the store, cars that were smashed in, and smashed into each other littered the streets. My eyes would trail over a discarded tire occasionally, and even more rare was when they landed upon a body. The smell of decay was thick in the air, and I had to fight not to vomit.
You might be wondering why I didn't leave. It was simple: I couldn't, I was entranced. How could my world change so drastically so quickly? So many things had gone wrong, and so many things were different that it made my head spin. Off in the distance, the sun was just about to go down for the day. The sky was filled with hues of pink and purple, and still a tiny bit of blue left. If it weren't for the chaos around me, I would have thought it beautiful.
"Light, what's taking you so long?" Lauren's voice crackled over the walkie-talkie I held in my hand. I sucked in a deep breath; the sound of her voice had startled me.
I hesitated, trying to think of a reason. None came. "Nothing. I'll be back in a second, okay?"
"Okay, just hurry up."
Then movement caught my eye, and my heart stopped. A man, an older gentleman came loping up the street in front of me. His once-nice dress shirt hung off his frame in mere threads, and his pants were badly ripped on both legs. My stomach lurched as my eyes landed upon his foot, which was dragging behind him a few inches, connected by a thin strand of skin and muscle. I was surprised and wondered how he was managing to walk, or how he wasn't feeling any pain! But… his eyes. I'll never forget the look in his eyes. It was dead, like a zombie… but there was something else behind it. Something that I couldn't understand, and that was what had scared me the most out of everything else that I had seen that day. Then others followed behind him. I wanted to hide, to run away, but I was frozen in place.
There were two women, and one younger man. Barely my age. No… younger. Much younger. His face looked so familiar, I just couldn't place him. My hands shook, but I wondered if I ran if they would notice me. As my breathing accelerated, my foot skidded off the pavement and I took off at top speed around the side of the building.
It seemed like an eternity to get to the front door, and it scared me to death when I heard their angry shouts behind me. My loud breathing covered up any footsteps albeit my own, and that just made it worse. As my foot pounded onto the ground, it twisted to the right, and I went crashing to the ground. Putting my hands out first, I was able to lessen most of the impact, and I scrambled frantically upward. 'Please don't let them take me, please…' I reached the front of the store, those Plexiglas doors, and I pounded on them with all my might, not knowing if they were open or not. Smears of red blood that didn't match the ones already there were cast across the door, and that startled me. I looked at my hands, embedded with rocks and gravel and scraped badly.
But the door opened before I had time to worry. Lauren pulled me inside and I stumbled a bit before I caught my balance. She took one look at my hands and said: "Oh, my God! Light, you're bleeding!" I nodded my head 'yes', trying to catch my breath. "Are you okay, why are you breathing so hard?"
I pointed blindly in the direction of the door, squeezing my eyes shut. I could still see them… "There's… three—no, four of them out there. They…" I panted, struggling. "…I started to run, but… I… I don't know if… if they saw me or not…" She laid a hand on my back, calming me down just a little. Walking on shaky legs, I plopped down on the bench behind the cash registers, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. But I couldn't for very long, for images of the people walking down the street begin to flash into my head.
":Yagami-san?:" A familiar voice sounded right next to my ear, making me jump. I looked to my left to see L, his pale hand reaching out toward me slightly. ":I heard what you went out to do. That was very brave. And very risky.:" He continued, breath softer than a whisper. ":…You don't have to risk your life to do things like that, you know.:" I swallowed, and had to stop myself from calling him by his true name.
":It's okay, Ryuzaki-san. It doesn't matter to me. And… I wasn't risking my life.:" I was surprised that a lie had slipped past my lips that easily in front of him.
":Don't lie. You can talk however you want to me now. Besides, you didn't think I heard you talking to Lauren a moment ago?:" I blushed, embarrassed. Oh, yeah. He was right, wasn't he? Guess I couldn't pass anything by him now. Not then, not now. He sat down on the bench next to me gently, folding his legs against his chest tightly. God, I didn't know how much I had really missed watching him doing that. So endearing. ":How about we go and take care of your hands, Raito?:"
I wondered why he didn't call me 'Yagami-san', like he did when he was playing the part of Rue, but I kept it silent. I stood up, my legs still shaking slightly. He placed a hand on the small of my back from his seat on the bench and rubbed lightly. It felt nice, was he reminding me of when we used to be together? L stood up soon after, passing by me without a second glance. I knew he didn't mean it, but he couldn't act like he loved me around everyone else. Sure… Lauren knew, but I specifically instructed her not to tell anyone else about what she saw. And—surprisingly enough—I trusted the girl. She was honest, and in a way I didn't quite understand—young and pure.
Nevertheless, I ran into Abigail and Sonja and Kathy on the way back to the pharmacy. They both hugged me tightly, asking if I was all right. I explained to them that I wasn't sure if a couple crazies walking down the street had chased me back or not, but they were gone now. When they asked where I was going, I showed them my hands. "Oh!" Exclaimed Kathy. "You poor thing, that must hurt." Inwardly I felt like rolling my eyes. Nobody had called me 'poor thing' since I was five. But I thanked her for her consideration and said I needed to be on my way. A wave of nervousness passed by me when I walked ahead of Abigail. Had Lauren said anything? I wondered…
Once L and I reached the pharmacy aisles, he began to dig around on the shelves, looking hard for something. ":What are you looking for?:" I asked, peering over his shoulder.
":Gauze bandages, or an ace bandage… or something of the like.:" He replied hurriedly, then took me by the wrist. ":Actually… right now, we better go clean that out.:" I smiled slightly at how worried he was about me. 'You may not be showing it, Lawliet, but I can tell…' I thought to myself, amused. I allowed him to lead me back into the bathroom, where we had been such a short amount of time ago. I sighed, memories already beginning to come back.
Taking charge of everything, he stuck my hands under the faucet and turned it on. A burning sensation erupted on my palms, and shit did it hurt. ":Damn it!:" I shouted, jerking my hands away. He looked at me, confused. ":That's too hot, L! I know it needs to be hot water, but can we cool it off a little?" He shrugged and turned the handle more to the left. I put my hands back under, fearing the worst. But surprisingly enough, it was pleasantly cooler. It still stung, but I took my mind away from it by watching the swirls of red go down the drain. I guess I had bled a little more than I thought; I must have scraped my hands good.
":I know you're upset with me.:" L spoke from beside me, a heavy tone in his voice that only showed itself when he was upset. I looked toward him, but found no change in his stoic, beautiful mask of a face. ":And I'm sorry…:" He mumbled, and his dark blue eyes fell down to the floor. He grabbed my wrist and began to take the rocks embedded in my palms out. I got ready for pain, but none came. He was so gentle… His thin fingers worked with a smoothness that caused absolutely no pain. It was just like he was stroking my palm with his fingertips. Once he was done, he turned the water off and ripped out two paper towels. ":Use these, but be gentle.:"
":Why do you think I'm upset with you?:" I asked, staring at the scrapes on my hands that had just been laid bare. He stared at me with his eyes that showed nothing behind them, as if I was crazy, though. ":It doesn't make any sense… is it because of what you said?:" He nodded, going back to looking down at the tile.
":I feel terrible for what I told you, Raito.:" He lifted his hands to his mouth and began to chew on his nails vigorously. I felt the urge to reach out and yank his hands away, like I used to do when we were together. ":It's caused you so much distress, no—I've caused you all that distress.:" There was a pause, and then he said the words that tore me up from the inside.
":Maybe… it would be better for you if I died.:" My jaw fell slack. 'What the hell is he talking about?! Better for me?! Has he lost his mind?' I thought, not knowing what to say. ":Now I know it sounds crazy, but… think about it. The whole thing is my fault, really.:"
":What whole thing?!:" I finally managed to get out, not sure if he was talking about the cell crazies, or us. ":What… what are you talking about?:"
":Us.:" He whispered, turning to face me. ":Us, Raito. Us…:" He wrapped his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight to him. ":I don't ever want to let you go, you know that… right?:" I nodded weakly, feeling a bit dizzy and totally confused. ":If I could, I'd hold you like this forever.:" He stopped speaking, and I thought I heard his breath hitch in his throat. ":I love you…:" He mouthed, but… somehow I could still hear it. Confusion seemed to soak it's way into my very soul as he spoke the words that day… I truly didn't know what he was talking about.
":I… I love you too…:" I mumbled, patting his back lightly. ":But please… don't talk like that. You know I'd be devastated if you ever—well… when you die…:" He pulled back from me, and in those serious, calculating eyes brimmed tears that I had rarely seen. He blinked, and a single one slipped over his pale face. His jaw trembled slightly, and… I didn't know what to do. I wanted to comfort him, but how? I knew nothing about the man standing before me. Nothing.
Only that I loved him, and would go to the ends of the Earth to make everything better for him. Would lay down and die for him if that was what it took… Another silent tear fell down his face, and I realized something then.
I had never seen him cry.
Sure, I had seen him cry in the bathroom when he told me of his death, but… his face was covered. He didn't even cry when we had 'broken up' the first time. Even when I told him that I hated him, he shed no tears. I guess the hour of separation with me was the only thing that would break the strongest man alive down inside. He hurriedly wiped his eyes and cheeks of the tears that had already escaped and those that threatened to. Without another word, he took me back to the pharmacy aisle.
Searching for the gauze bandages he had set aside before he took me to the bathroom, he still had to wipe his cheeks occasionally. It hurt me too, watching him cry. But it hurt me more knowing that I could do nothing to stop it. ":Lawliet…:" I whispered unconsciously, and he turned toward me, startled.
":Wh-what?:" He kept his voice cool and low, but for the first time… I actually knew what was going on behind that voice and those eyes. ":What is it?:"
I looked him straight in his beautiful blue eyes, and said what I really felt. ":I don't know how I can help you, L… and it's killing me. What can I do to make it better?:" A sad smile graced his pale lips, and he took both my hands in his own. ":I… I just want to help…:"
Kissing me softly on the lips, he whispered into my ear. ":Just love me. And just keep me safe. Because there's nowhere in the world safer than your arms, sweetheart.:"
Nowhere? Was he sure?
Author's note: -dies- WOOH! FUUUUNNNN! Okay, not. –shifty eyes- NOT FUN. Oh well. Is this chapter short or long, cause Word keeps fucking up and I don't know… -cries then eats Microsoft Word- Omnomnom, mmm… yummy. 8D Sorry, I'm feeling really random… don't ask. O GUESS WAT? (What?) I bought Disturbed's new CD, "Indestructible." IT IS LOVE. You MUST buy it if you're a fan of Disturbed. It has sooo many good songs on it. I personally love "Divide" and "Inside the Fire". 8D cause they're right up my ally. Inside the Fire actually got me thinking on a storyline plot I might put up here one day. It's really complicated, though.
Umm… er… yeah. To follow this will be a super secret SPECIAL thanking all my fans for sticking with me for TEN WHOLE CHAPTERS! –Hugs everyone- I love you guys so much, you never fail to make my day sooo much better! All of you! And I need to get working on Chapter four of The Cleaner, which is going to be a GIANT BITCH. –sighs- Why do I have to incorporate so much freaking angst into everything I write? –upset-
Oh well. Um… I kind of forgot what I was going to say next, so yeah. Review… and OH! I remember now. Go read "Sudden Death", because it's written by S, and it's REEEAAALLLLY good. And it's been up for a while and hasn't even gotten one review. Not even from Evilshadowcat, which surprises me. –shifty eyes- Seeing as we all know each other… and see each other five days out of the freaking week. Blargh. Too much. No… not too much, nevermind.
Anyway, go read it and have fun! And don't forget to review, okay?