Title: Death Note Cell
Rating: You know, in a way... this hurts me. M...
Author's note: Ohhh... Jesus. I'm going to get mauled by all of you, aren't I? Seriously, don't hurt me. I'm sorry it took so long, but I don't know how the time got away from me. I'm going to work on this story and be very dedicated about it, just like I am with the Cleaner, too. That one will hopefully be coming soon. But a lot's been going on in my life right now. My cousin's been sick lately, and we've had to take him back and forth to the hospital. He's still not getting any better, but it's not life threatening. We had family come out to visit, and I had my graduation and school events and concerts and everything like that. It's been kinda crazy. Still, I hope you all love me just as much. Because I love you~ And I should probably let you start reading this before I get eaten alive, right? Right. Souhhh... here you go. Be warned, this mutha's long. :D
Disclaimer: It disheartens me greatly that I have no authorized rights to Death Note and it's characters, ideas, etc., but alas, I must confess my loss.
Chapter 11: Theorizing
Over time I've had many thoughts that have eaten away at my brain with such a velocity that I just had to voice them. This was one of those thoughts. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't—for the life of me—figure out why L had come to that specific conclusion. I swear, I had played it over and over in my head a million times, trying to figure out what was going on inside that head that even I couldn't even understand, analyzing his moves, trying to think like him. And you know what the result was? Nothing. Not a fucking thing. It was driving me insane, I just had to tell him. Before I lost him, I had to ask him... why? Why are you so certain? Why can't you just stop and think? Or better yet, don't do anything so I could hold you before you slip away from me again. Yeah, that would be nice. If only it would work out that way. It was morbid, but with my luck, he would probably die while I was sleeping or something of the sort.
I tilted my head back and looked at the fluorescent lights above me that had darkened hours before. God, what time was it? Early, early in the morning, I knew that much. My body ached to sleep, but my mind screamed out for me to stay awake. I had to stay awake for two reasons: Number one, I didn't know what kind of horrible dreams my still post-traumatic mind would conjure up while I was sleeping, and number two being that I would burn in Hell before I would let my friends sleep without somebody acting as a watch. Sonja was sleeping peacefully in my arms, without any signs of nightmares. I wondered why; if I had seen my mother killed in front of me when I was no more than five, I wouldn't have slept for years. Or maybe she had blocked it out of her mind for the time being; I had known for some time that people could do that. Me, for example. When my father had pulled the gun on me in that car—the day I agreed to work with L—I barely remember it. I have vague flashes, but none of them involve the gun. Needless to say, I haven't been very fond of guns for quite some time.
I decided to let my mind wander. I did have nothing better to do, of course. The first thing I thought of was the words that Lauren had screamed to me not hours before. '"They fucking exploded!" What was that all about? What could have possibly happened to make them... explode? She had said they seemed to be arguing or something like that. But I can hardly think that their 'language' has any true significance... it's just babble, right?' I rested my head in my hands. I'd have to do a little more observing before I could really draw any true conclusions. "Light?" I turned at the sound of my name being called faintly. I recognized the voice immediately; it was obviously Kathy. 'What could she want from me?' I thought, frowning slightly. I could barely see her in the darkness, but I could make out her form. She was sitting up facing me. "Are you up, too?"
"Yeah. But I kinda promised myself I'd be the watch for tonight, so... no worries, you know." I smiled weakly in the pitch black, but knowing she couldn't see me. I didn't say anything else; turned away and looked at Sonja sleeping in my arms. Maybe I was being a little rude, but sometimes I can be a bit of a brash person. I just didn't want to be talked to right that moment. Maybe later in the day I would be fine, but talking to another human just seemed like it would get me nowhere right then. I rested my gaze upon Sonja's little face, how peaceful her tiny little features looked, how I could just barely make out the outline of her chest rising and falling. I was surprised everything was going this well for her. I had thought to myself before we settled down to sleep how Abigail and I were most likely going to be up half the night calming Sonja about her nightmares. I stopped for a little bit, wondering if her father was out there somewhere. Chances are he wasn't—I mean, what were the odds—but there was still the tiniest little chance that he was out there in this strange new world. Maybe he was trapped in a little store, like us... wondering if his baby girl was still alive. Or maybe—like so many others—he was with them, prowling the streets and finding new victims this very moment. Or maybe, by the mercy of some higher power, he didn't have to suffer. 'I hope he's out there somewhere, alive. I hope he finds her...' I smoothed back some hair that had fallen in front of her face, and smiled at her.
While there was some part of me that wanted to stay strong for the rest of them, another part desperately wished I was home with my family. 'Has this stricken other parts of the world? How can I know...? It's not like I can take out my cell phone and call them to make sure if they're all right. I can't check the news, either. Everything has been canceled due to a recent increase in crazy.' Most of all, I wondered dreadfully if my baby sister was okay. I knew kids her age carried their cell phones everywhere with them. In the weeks—and maybe months—before I left for Oxford, she always had it in her pocket or in her hand or something like that. I still remember what it looked like. It was this damningly annoying bright pink, with this huge cluster of chains and little trinkets and whatever hanging off of it. I never knew how she could fit it in her pocket half the time. I just hoped to God that it lay forgotten somewhere on her desk, that maybe she had been too busy today getting ready for school to pay any attention to it. The thought of my little sister becoming one of them was just intolerable. I couldn't take it. There was no way I would think of that... not now.
Turning my mind elsewhere, I looked beside me to the always still form of L. He was facing away from me, so I could never be sure if he was sleeping that night or not. He looked pale in the filtering strands of moonlight that were making it to the back of the store. But then again, he always looked pale. Something inside of me wanted to reach out and touch him, to stroke his face, run my fingers through his hair, do something. But my hands stayed where they were. I don't know why I didn't right then, I just didn't. I thought about the little time I had left with him. 'What am I going to do once he's gone? He's what I've lived for... for a good deal of my life... I just got him back...' A lump formed in my throat, and I tried to choke it back to no avail. I held back the tears that threatened to fall over my cheeks. They might catch enough moonlight to shine in someone's eyes and wake them up. Then what would I say? I could never let anyone catch me crying. I was supposed to be strong, wasn't I? 'I guess I'll just have to deal with it. I mean, I dealt with not having him in my life for four years, certainly I can do this...' I sighed. ":Who the fuck am I kidding?:" I whispered quietly. 'I can't do anything like that... My life will be over at the same time his is.' Then I got to thinking about how he would die. I don't know why, that was the absolute last thing I wanted to think about. But I thought about it, nonetheless. For the most part, I hoped he would die peacefully. But then again, it had always been like L to go out with somewhat of a bang. I hoped that wasn't in this case. Then a terrible thought struck me: What if he turned into one of them before he died? My stomach lurched somewhat, and that lump in my throat was becoming increasingly harder to fight back. Would... would I have to kill him?
I almost threw up on the spot.
No way in Hell was I going to think about that anymore. That sealed it. I was just going to lie there and think about absolutely nothing. Absolutely. Fucking. Nothing. I turned my eyes back to him. It may have been the last time I would be able to see him. Giving into what I wanted, I reached out and ran my fingers through his hair. As I sat there looking at him, a lot of indistinguishable thoughts ran through my head. For some reason, I began to remember the day we had the fight that would separate us for nearly five years. I don't really remember what it was about; all I know is that it was certainly something idiotic.
"Everything that has gone wrong in my life is your fucking fault!" I screamed, my head pounding and adrenaline rushing through my veins. This was the first real fight I had ever had with him. "It's all this Kira shit! Why can't you just give up and accept me for who I am for once?! You don't even treat me like I'm human anymore! What the fuck am I to you?" I stood there, breathing heavily and waiting for his answer.
"Do you really need me to answer that question?" He replied quietly, not even meeting my piercing gaze. I knew his answers. He was just trying to get around the question, which meant he had an answer that he knew I wouldn't like. "I would've figured you'd know the answer by now." My jaw tightened, and it became increasingly harder to fight off my building anger.
"I can't take it, L! I know you don't mean it, but I can't stand being treated this way by you! I don't care if it's not your fucking fault, I think it is! Until you learn to accept me and treat me like an actual person, then I'm—" I was cut off as he placed two fingers over my mouth and looked deeply into my eyes. I slapped his hand away and shoved him back rather hard. "Get away from me! I hate you! I don't want to see your goddamn face ever again!"
That last thing I said always stung at my heart whenever I thought about it. Looking back on it now, I was being childish. Then again, I was only just barely 18. What was to be expected, anyway? I was just a child myself. But even then, I realize that I had wronged. L was just being... L. He was a person that treated people like objects, no matter how much he cared for them. Just because it may have seemed like I wasn't important, I was. I never really understood that look of hurt on his face that day. Maybe I didn't even see it, but in my mind's eye... I can see it now. I can see how devastated he was when I said that... I didn't blame him. The one and only person on Earth that you've ever loved telling you they hated you? 'I wonder if he really, truly forgives me...' I thought suddenly, but shook the thought from my head. 'Of course he forgives me... he said he did after all, right?' But the more that I tried not to think about it, the more I did. Would he really forgive me for something that terrible? L was a skilled liar, I knew that much. He could make anyone believe anything he wanted. So who was to say that he wasn't making me believe he forgave me? I sighed. Of course it was all my fault. I can't remember letting L take the blame for something without second guessing myself. It was like it was always my fault, no matter what. It was a new law: All relationship fuckups shall be attributed to Light. I stopped thinking about that, and began to wonder something. 'When I kissed him... for the very first time... was that the right thing to do?' It was a crazy thought, I'll give up that much. But it was still a pressing thought in the back of my mind. I wondered, 'Should I have done it? Where would I be now if I hadn't...?' Obviously I wouldn't know him like I knew him now, however little that may be. Maybe another opportunity would've presented itself and I could've taken that one... or maybe it wouldn't have. That's always a factor. What would have happened? 'Maybe... my life would've been different in a good way... had I not gotten involved with him...' My heart went a little cold, and I decided almost immediately that it was a lie. There was no way in hell that my life would be better. Whether that day I would lose a friend, or I would lose a lover, I would still be losing. I sifted my fingers through his hair a little more, wondering if he was awake or not. He probably knew what I was thinking about; I wouldn't be surprised. But then again...
"You two are awful close, aren't you?" I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard her voice again behind me. For some reason, my hand didn't leave L's head, as it should have. I was scared, but definitely not as scared as I could've been. I stayed silent for a little while, hoping that maybe in the dark, she wouldn't see that I was doing anything. My heart pounded a bit in my chest, but that was mainly from the shock. I wondered what she meant by that 'you two are awful close, aren't you?' Well obviously she saw me running my hands through his hair. That's something I shouldn't have done... 'Goddammit I can be such an idiot!' I really didn't have any other choice...
"Yes." I finally whispered, not even sure it was that much. There was silence or a few moments, and I wondered if she was even going to reply. 'Maybe I should just lay down and pretend I've gone to sleep... no, I can't. That would be rude, wouldn't it?' I don't know why this last thing slipped out of my lips, but I just had the irrevocable urge to say it. So I did. "I'm sorry." I added, though it bugged me somewhat that I had said it. Did I really need to be apologizing for this? It was a question I had asked myself a lot, but not for a while.
"Oh, you don't have to apologize for anything." Her soft voice answered back, and surprisingly it lifted some of the weight off of my shoulders. I sat up and faced her, and through the faint light, could tell she was sitting up and facing me also. The nervousness had completely dissipated, and I was actually somewhat eager to hear what she had to say. "You know, it may seem hard to believe, but I was in love once, too." In my minds eye I could see a faraway look in her eyes, maybe one that matched my own. I just accepted the fact that she knew; I really didn't care at that moment. It was hard to care about anything right then, when I was talking to her. "I wasn't quite your age, but I was still young." Her melodic voice went on, and I could do nothing but listen, captivated. A strange feeling came over me then, but I couldn't identify it for the life of me. "I've always thought love changes when you get older. Not really changes, but changes in your head. When you're in love at your age, it's different than when you're my age. Don't take this the wrong way, but from the moment I heard you two speak to each other I knew something was going on between you." My face flushed a little bit, but I hardly paid any attention. "Nothings wrong with that, so don't feel bad. I remember when my husband and I fell in love. I met him when I was still in college, his name was Harold. And he was with some other girl... but oh, he was so handsome!" She paused for a moment, probably recalling some distant memory. "And he left her just to be with me. I felt bad for the poor thing, but of course I was happy... two years later we were married. Both starting our careers, we barely had anything to call our own. I remember, we lived in this little one-room apartment for the better part of our first two years together. But of course, we didn't care." She laughed faintly. "We had each other, and that was really all we needed. We finally moved out of that thing and bought a nice little house out here in Oxford... never had any kids, though. That's one thing I regret most of all. I'm much too old to have children now, and once I'm gone... well, that's the end of my family. Don't have any sisters or brothers." Something tugged at my heart a little, and all of a sudden I felt bad for her. "But just listen to me, babbling away like this... of course five years after we bought the house he left. It was Cancer that finally got him. He fought long and hard, he did... but sometimes in the end, it's just time to go." I put my hand to my mouth. 'So he's dead... this poor woman. All alone for God knows how many years, no children... how lonely she must be.' "I'm just carrying on, that's all. That's seems to be all I do anymore. I'm almost seventy, you know." I didn't say anything for a while, just sitting and thinking about what she had been telling me. "But enough about me." She said finally. "What about you, Light? What's your life been like so far?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but to my surprise, nothing came out. I tried again, but my voice was a little shaky. "Well..." I started, then cleared my throat. "The-there's not much to tell, really. I had an average childhood, I guess. My father was the Chief of Police, so I guess it wasn't all that average." I sounded strange talking without abandon like this. I'm not a generally quiet person, but I'm not exactly boisterous, either. I guess I wasn't used to 'opening up' to people. "My parents had a little girl when I had just about turned four. Her name's Sayu. She's the sweetest little kid you'll ever meet... but, Jesus, she's almost eighteen now. It's crazy..." I sighed, not knowing what to say next. But I didn't suppose Kathy came with a prepared speech, either. "The one thing that scares me the most... out of all of this..." I managed to leave out the detail of L dying, which was by far on par with what I was about to say. "...is that I have no way of knowing if she's okay. I have no way of knowing if anyone's okay. It's... killing me inside, I mean... my baby sister could be out there like them, just roaming the streets, with that... with that look in her eyes, she could be dead... a-after this is over, if it's over... she could be just another percent, another casualty, just a damn statistic..." As my voice trailed off, I felt something warm roll down my cheek, and I wiped it away immediately. I cried no more tears that night. "I-I'm sorry..." I mumbled, knowing that I had gotten a bit too carried away. There was no reply, and I hoped there wouldn't be. I felt a little embarrassed that I had actually expressed my true feelings like that to someone that I had known for not even twenty-four hours. Hardly any of us knew each other, anyway. But the strange thing was that we had gotten along so quickly. Almost all of us had just bonded together immediately. I wondered why.
After about ten minutes of sitting in silence, I had just about had it. Well, I can't really be sure it was ten minutes. My concept of time had been practically ripped to shreds the moment I stepped inside that store. I was desperately wishing for someone to say something, but not willing to contribute anything myself at the moment. Kind of hypocritical, if you ask me. The silence provided an eerie sort of background to my thoughts, as if it was aiding them along the wrong path or something like that. I had never been particularly fond of silence, though I didn't much care for ruckus, either. It was kind of fifty-fifty with me. But the silence that night was the loudest thing I had ever heard in my entire life. Not so much loud as it was pressing, making its presence known to everyone that would listen. Which, unfortunately, happened to be me.
"One more question, then I'll let you go for the night." Pause. More silence. "If that's okay with you, of course. I don't want to be too much of a bother tonight. It's too peaceful to stay up." I smiled, though I didn't know why.
"Sure. You can ask me anything." 'Anything? Of course she can ask me anything, but... am I really willing to answer?' I pushed the thought aside as ridiculous, and I wouldn't think of it until much later. Even though it wasn't something I would usually think, it was sort of true. I wasn't always willing to answer anybodies questions, no matter who they are. I wasn't even that willing to answer L's questions, come to think of it. I waited for her to ask what she wanted, and I wondered if it was something that was really all that important. 'It shouldn't matter if it's important or not. I've talked with her this much, why should I care now of all times?'
"What's happening right now." I nodded, though fully aware that she couldn't see it. "It's obviously some kind of disaster. A terrible, horrible thing that's happened to us because we're unfortunate." There was a pause, and I remember thinking that it went on far too long. It was like she was uncertain about something, almost. Maybe she was starting to doubt her statements that she had just said. "We're just unfortunate." She repeated. "Right?" It was then that I understood what she was trying to ask me. 'What do you think about this? I need your input,' was what I gathered from her strangely phrased question. A lot of people have asked me for input over my lifetime. Hell, I was the person people came to with their problems ninety percent of the time. But what was happening right then was so beyond me, that I didn't know how the Hell to answer that question. 'What is going on here? It's a question I'm sure everyone has. But... she's the only one that's asked it out loud. And to me, nonetheless. Why me?' I wondered of course why she chose me to ask this question to. Or maybe she didn't chose me. It could be completely random, just a freak coincidence that she happened to wake up and decided to talk to me.
"I understand what you're asking me, but..." I started out strangely; it was the kind of statement that you said when you were giving someone an answer they didn't want to hear. Which, I suppose no one would want to hear the answer I was about to give to Kathy. "I have absolutely no idea what's going on here. I don't know what to think. I haven't known what to think ever since this whole disaster started. And... I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. I'd be damn well floored if someone knew what was happening here." I waited a few more seconds in the pressing silence, thinking of what it would be like to receive an answer like that from me. It was obvious she was hoping that I knew the answer, and truth be told, so were the rest of the people there, too. But to get an "I don't know" from someone you counted on to give you what you needed... I wonder how it felt. I almost felt bad for giving her that answer, but lying wouldn't have been any better, of course. "So, sorry if that's not the answer you wanted to hear." I looked down.
"That makes sense. I didn't expect any different, of course. How could anyone know what's happening? They'd have to be a genius. No, more than that." She laughed, and I smiled. For a second, it felt oddly peaceful. "And I know you're smart, beyond smart. But you're just doing all you can, right?" Deciding not to answer that, I stayed quiet. Was I really doing all I could? With my reluctance to answer, we fell into an unfortunate silence once again. There was wind outside, I could hear it just the slightest bit. Or maybe that was me just imagining things. I couldn't tell, right then. Though I did wish I was imagining the whole thing, and that it was all a horrible dream.
Suddenly I had a question to ask. It was more like a half-formed question, because I really didn't know the point of asking it, but I did anyway. "Kathy... I wanted to know something." I paused, thinking of how I would ask it. "You remember how Rue said he could kill them. With his mind or some sh—" I stopped myself before I could curse. "Something like that, right? Well... what do you think about that? I mean, what does it mean to you? Because... it just seems like it has a connection somehow, I just can't think of it." I remembered desperately trying to think of the missing link between L and those things out there, and I still came up with no answer. I sighed, frustration rising in my chest. "I wanted to know if you could... maybe come up with something. Just a guess, you know. Anything helps." I didn't ask people for help often, and whenever I did, it was always with some reluctance of course. I was a person that didn't like accepting help unless it was in the worst possible situation. Which, didn't this count as one? I was pretty fucking sure it did.
"Well..." She started, and for a moment I was filled with a slight hope that she might come up with something. But then I doubted it. "It's frightening, that's for sure. It must be frightening for him as well. Not knowing that you can do this with your mind, and then doing it all of a sudden... if you get what I mean." I almost laughed out loud, for L's sake, of course. If he was awake, would he be hearing this? What would he be thinking right now? Probably that I was a fucking loon. "Maybe it's helpful. If you're asking why, I don't know. I don't think everything has a reason, but you seem like somebody who does." Damn, she was right. "It sounds like a horror book, you know. This whole thing that we're in the middle of. Doesn't it?" Strangely enough, she was right again. It really did. "So I really don't know what to say, but... do you remember? When he said he had answered his cell phone?" I stayed silent. That definitely had something to do with the missing link, but I didn't know what again. I felt like I was slipping a little bit, like I should've been able to figure this out a long time ago. "What do you think that means? It seems like... something tried to get at him. But maybe it didn't work, you know?" I nodded, forgetting that she couldn't see me.
Sighing, I laid back down on the floor and looked up at the lights above me. "Yeah." I whispered, feeling suddenly tired. I supposed it just took a little while, and the events of the day where finally catching up with me. It was about time. "That seems about it, but the question is... why? Why didn't it get through to him? It's more than just a coincidence, I know it." I felt Sonja stir, and I looked down. But she was still fast asleep, and I wondered what she was dreaming about. I was closing my eyes, when she spoke up again.
"I'm happy for you, you know. Being in love like you are." I felt my face get a bit red again, but I ignored it. "You really do love him, don't you?" I swallowed hard, wondering how I ever got myself in this situation.
I breathed in silently. "Yes. I do. I love him." I whispered, wondering again if he could hear me. What would he be thinking? I hoped he would believe me. "More than anything in the whole world." 'Should I tell her, too? About L... God, I don't want him to go. I don't want that...' I decided to keep quiet. I already told Lauren, and made a promise to myself not to tell anyone else besides her. She deserved to know, though. Kathy deserved to know. Everyone did. But maybe... L would want it that way. He was secretive, secluded, he would want as few people knowing as possible. I sighed again, my breath coming out a little shaky. 'If there's one thing that I'll do... I swear to God I'll figure this out before he dies. I have to. Just... for him, if nothing else.' I turned my head to side and looked at him, just looking. To think that he would be gone in a matter of minutes, or hours... or even days, it hurt. I didn't want to think about it, but I couldn't stop.
"I should be getting some sleep now. It's getting late. Or early, however you want to put it." She said suddenly, and I looked in her direction. I wondered what time it was, I hadn't brought my stupid watch with me. And my cell phone... well, it was out of the question. But it was back at the apartment, or what was left of it. The building had probably been destroyed by now. "You should probably go to sleep too, you know. You've been up all night. Nobody has to keep watch out for us, I think we'll be fine."
I took a deep breath, still feeling tired. But I would not go to sleep, I had to make sure everyone was safe, and remained that way. "Yeah, I'll work on that. You get to sleep first, all right?" I could see her smile in my minds eye, and I smiled, too. "See you in the morning." 'Hopefully,' I didn't say. I heard her lay back down, and sigh. It was silent again, and for a moment I wished we could still be talking. It broke up the silence, and that I loved. But I supposed it would be better for me to learn how to deal with it. I would be facing a lot of it without L in my life. Placing my hand back on his head, I continued to run my fingers through his hair. He did look strange as a blond. I was more used to seeing his normal black hair, and a lot longer as well. But he wanted to avoid me, wanted not to see me or ever run into me again. ":I swear, if you can hear me... I meant what I said.:" I said in a low whisper, hoping he really was awake. ":I do love you. More than anything. When you die... it'll...:" I sighed, closing my eyes. ":I'll miss you, Lawliet.:" He hated it when I called him by his real name; thought it should be kept a secret. Which I agreed with in some respects, but in others... I think I should've still been allowed to speak it. ":I'll miss you so much.:" Finally I opened my eyes and looked over to his still form. My heart began to pick up speed a little bit in my chest, and without thinking I shook his shoulder. ":L!:" I whispered as loud as I could without waking anyone else up. ":L! Hey, can you hear me:?" To my great relief, he sat up suddenly, but slowly. Turning to face me, I saw that same look in his eyes. Whenever I had interrupted him he would just look at me for a few seconds; this cold gaze, and then go back to whatever he was doing.
":What?:" He whispered tersely, turning to face me. I sighed and sat up as well, making sure Sonja was comfortable. ":Is it absolutely necessary to disturb my sleep, or are you just joking?:" He continued, his tone harsh and biting. I smiled and leaned in, kissing his lips softly. He placed his hands on my shoulders, and I thought he was going to push me away, but I was wrong. I deepened the kiss, and felt him tighten his grip a little bit. Finally I pulled away and kissed his cheek. His skin was cold, like it always was. He sighed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. ":Was there any purpose to that, Raito? Do you ever think about your actions before you perform them?:" I smiled even more.
":I'm just glad you're alive.:" I saw his eyes widen a fraction, then return back to normal. ":You weren't answering, so I just... I guess I jumped to conclusions.:" He sighed.
":Yes, you have a tendency to do that, don't you?:" Reaching over, I took his hand in my own and held it. He looked down at his hand encased in mine, and the corners of his lips turned up in a slight smile. ":You're a bit flirtatious tonight, don't you think?:" I cracked another grin. I didn't know why, I was just so overjoyed to see him alive when I had thought him dead moments before. ":It's okay. I know you're happy I'm alive. Everything is okay. I'm okay, so you should be as well.:" He took his other hand and laid it on my chest. ":Your hearts beating sort of fast. You must have really been scared.:" Now I knew what I was doing. He was joking, playing with me, and mocking me at the same time. I rolled my eyes; I didn't want to accept his challenge this late at night. ":Honestly, can you feel how fast it's beat—:" I pressed my lips against his again, shutting him up. His hand began to slide down my chest, and come to rest at my waist as we kissed. I reached up and ran my hands through his hair again, but there was no way in Hell I was going to let him have control this time. L didn't get to make fun of me and not regret it. I tilted his head back and kissed his neck softly, and he sighed. It wasn't a contented sigh, more like an annoyed one. But as I went on, his breaths became just the slightest bit heavier, and I smiled to myself. I had definitely won. I guess I took his challenge after all. ":A-alright, that's enough.:" He finally whispered, pushing me away. ":It's a tie.:" That was his way of admitting defeat without really saying it. I kissed his cheek, and he pushed me away again. ":Go back to sleep, Raito.:"
":Why don't you?:" I said, pushing him back down gently. ":I'm the one that woke you up in the first place.:" He sat back up once my hand left his shoulder. ":Come on, you should get some sleep, you deserve it.:"
":I can't. I'm awake for good now that you've woken me up. Don't tell me you've forgotten already. It was only four years.:" He smirked, and I chuckled slightly. Laying back down, I pulled him down next to me, as close as possible without bumping into Sonja. L stared into my eyes with a serious look on his face; more serious than usual. ":Wherever I'm going, I will miss you also.:" He said, and that was when I realized that he had most likely heard everything I said. ":Don't ever call me an optimist, otherwise I will come back from the grave. But I do believe everything will work out once I'm gone. It seems like the final step in this... situation.:" I shook my head and was about to open my mouth when he stopped me. ":Don't try to contradict me, either. Just accept it, please. Or don't, and keep it to yourself.:" Before I could say anything else again, he leaned forward as much as he could, and our lips touched, but barely. I saw him close his eyes, then pull away. ":Goodnight, Raito. Get some sleep. You deserve it, too.:" I smiled at him, and to my great surprise, he smiled back. Deciding that maybe L was right for once, I closed my eyes.
(Break)
I've had bad nightmares before, but the ones I had that night were just... well, there's no other way to describe them. Fucking scary. Obviously that's what they're supposed to be, but these jarred me for a long while after I had woken up. I remember having nightmares when I was younger, maybe eight or nine, but once I got around eleven, I stopped having them. And I hadn't had nightmares in years, so these came as a bit of a shock to me. Naturally, they all had to do with the current situation. The first one I had, I was walking through the store. But it was strange, it was sort of half the store and half my old house back in Japan, too. Some things looked the same, but it mainly just looked like the store. I was definitely searching for something, but I can't tell you what it was now. Off in the distance, I could hear a phone ringing. I didn't attribute it to anything in the dream, and stopped doing whatever I was doing to answer it. So now I was searching for the phone, all over the store. I never seemed to find it; each time I got close to the ringing, it was like someone picked it up and moved it to a different spot. Finally I caught sight of it, on top of one of the shelves. I don't really know how, but it was in my hand a few seconds after I saw it. (You know how it is in dreams.) To my horror, it was Sayu's phone that I was holding. It kept ringing, and ringing... and it was her calling. Her own cell phone was ringing, and it had her name on the caller ID. I felt the urge to answer it, so I pushed the button. It went to speaker automatically, and these horrible sounds came out of it. It sounded like Death. That's all I can describe it as. Someone dying was what came out of that phone. I threw it on the ground, and that's when that dream ended. Fortunately, that's the one I remember the most out of all the nightmares that I had that night.
So while I was still reeling from the pounding of my heart in my chest, I decided to look for L. Glancing beside me, he wasn't there. I also noticed Sonja was gone. She had been right in between us, and... 'Oh, fuck. Nobody's here.' I thought to myself as I looked around the small area. I was completely alone, the makeshift beds laying in disarray. It seemed like people had gotten up in a hurry, or just didn't bother to rearrange everything. With everything that had been going on lately, I figured more that they had gotten up in a hurry. But why not wake me? Standing up, I began to feel more awake, more alert to what was going on around me. And as that transpired, distant sounds from the front of the store drifted toward my ears. Shouting. People were screaming, but I couldn't tell what about. It seemed like everyone was talking at once, and of course my first instinct was to rush to where I heard the sounds of distress. Kicking the sheets away from my legs, I ran around the corner and began to make my way to the front of the store. It seemed like every five minutes I was back there, doing something or the other for someone else. As I neared, the screaming and shouting became more intense, and as it finally came into my sight, I could see everyone crowded around in a tight circle, all shouting at once. But above everyone's voices, one stuck out the most, making my heart sink into my stomach and a slight fury bubble in my veins. Miss Campbell was the loudest one, though I still couldn't tell what she was preaching about. That gave me reason alone to break up the fight.
"Hey!" I shouted, but nobody listened. I pushed my way in front of everyone, and in the heart of it all was Miss Campbell and Lauren. Both screaming at eachother like they didn't even know I was there. "STOP IT!" I finally shouted at the top of my lungs, grabbing both of them by the shoulders and forcing them apart. Lauren stumbled back, but didn't seem shaken at all. I saw her move like she was going to jump at Miss Campbell, but Abigail grabbed her by the shoulders and held her back.
"You old bitch!" Lauren screamed, struggling against Abigail's grasp. She looked at me with a sense of desperation in her eyes, and I stepped forward, taking hold of Lauren's arm. She didn't seem to notice much. "Don't you fucking talk about him like that! I hope you die! Whore!" Abigail stepped back and took Sonja's hand, who was standing beside her. I saw her mumble something to the little girl, who looked scared beyond belief. Her already large eyes were wide and brimming with tears, and her bottom lip was trembling a little bit.
Holding Lauren back, I looked around. "All right, what the Hell is going on here?" I spoke loudly, making sure everyone could hear me. "Is anyone going to tell me?" Nobody seemed to want to talk. Abigail stood behind me, biting her lower lip and holding Sonja tight. Kathy was standing to my right, her hand outstretched as if she would help me hold Lauren if she happened to get too out of hand. Miss Campbell stood alone in front of me, her eyes not directed at Lauren, but a piercing gaze in my direction, as if I had done something to start the whole fight. Which, Hell, I might've, seeing as I still didn't know what started it. I looked down, refusing to let myself get too worked up over her. It was true, she pissed me off to no end. But I wanted to be calm then, amidst all the chaos that I had just broken up. "Come on, somebody." I said, looking back up. Lauren had fallen silent, her hair covering her eyes as she looked down to the floor, maybe even a little ashamed. Slowly, I let go of her arm. She wasn't going to go after anyone again, I just had a feeling. And, true to what I was thinking, she stayed where she was, still keeping her gaze low to the ground. I looked to Abigail, and she met me with the same sort of desperation in her eyes that I had seen earlier. Stepping away from Sonja, I closed the distance between us. "Abigail..." I whispered, taking her arm gently and stepping a few feet away. "What happened? You can tell me, please..."
She looked over her shoulder at the crowd, where everyone had begun to walk away. I didn't know where they were going, but... 'Something looks wrong here... Maybe I'm just imagining things...' "Light, I don't know what to say... we got up before you, and you were so fast asleep. So I woke up Sonja and got her some breakfast..." She sighed loudly and brushed back her hair, tucking it behind her ear. One curl fell loose, and I reached out and placed it back. She smiled. "While we were eating, I could hear Miss Campbell off in the distance. She's the one that started it all, Lauren was sticking up for him. For Rue, that's all she was doing. You know, she was just going on and on about nothing. The same crap that she was saying the first time. That Rue was bad, and that he needed to be gotten rid of, you know..." She shook her head sadly, and I felt my shoulders slump. 'What the Hell am I going to do? It's bad enough being trapped in here, but trapped in here with someone like her? Why did this have to happen?' "That's when Lauren started defending him. She told Miss Campbell in no uncertain term to piss off, and to stop saying things like that... it just escalated from there. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about." I nodded. Looking back the same way Abigail had, I saw Miss Campbell standing by herself.
"Abigail, I'm gonna go talk to her." I patted her shoulder; leaned in and kissed her cheek softly. "I'll be okay, she won't hurt me. Don't worry." She smiled somewhat, and I could feel her eyes on me as I walked over to the woman that started the whole thing. She didn't see me approaching; wasn't look my direction. "Miss Campbell." I said, surprising myself by how tight my voice sounded. "If you don't mind me asking, what was that about?" She turned my way, her features drawn together tightly. She had a horrible frown on her face, and crossed her arms slowly over her chest. "Lauren's not a violent girl, I know that. Something must have really pissed her off to get her like that. What did you say?" My chest was getting tighter with each word I spoke, and I could almost feel my blood boiling underneath my skin. She stepped forward slightly, but I made sure I didn't back away. I wasn't scared.
"I simply said what needed to be done. That friend of yours is in league with the Devil, isn't it obvious?" She held her hands out in the universal "see?" gesture, and I sighed. "Yes, you heard what I said. He is trying to stop God's judgment. It's only obvious that this is what is happening." I closed my hands into fists at my sides, and closed my eyes as well. "You can deny it all you want, but don't think that changes anything. People that meddle with God's judgment... it's only right that they should be punished. Am I wrong? I know you believe me—"
"Listen here, Miss Campbell. I know how you feel. But you better keep your damn opinions to yourself as long as I'm around. You can say what you think about Rue when I'm dead. Do you understand me?" I set my eyes hard on her, and to my relief, she backed up a few feet. 'Something still feels wrong here... L! Oh, fuck! Where did he go?' "I mean it. Try anything with him... you'll regret it if you do." I turned on my heel and stormed the other way, right past Abigail, muttering an excuse as I passed her. I didn't mean to say that last part, it just slipped from my lips. I hoped it had scared her shitless, though. She needed to be set straight one way or the other. I had no idea where L could be, let alone any idea of where to start searching. But I was going to find him, whether it took all day or not.
I searched the store from top to bottom. Every aisle I passed I looked in thoroughly, even though I knew he wasn't there. Just hoping to find one sign of him. It must've taken a good half an hour to look for him, and finally I sat against a shelve, exhausted. Not physically, but mentally. I wanted to find him, why the hell wasn't he turning up? 'Oh, my God. What if he went outside—No... there's no way he would do that. He's not an idiot, he knows that's dangerous...' Still, I felt myself looking toward the front of the store, trying to see out the doors. I couldn't see him. I placed my head in my hands, wondering why this had to happen now. I had searched that fucking store up and down, but no sign of him. Suddenly a thought popped into my head. 'Wait. Stores usually have a loading dock... something... for authorized personnel. There has to be one here! I haven't looked for that!' I sprang to my feet immediately, my energy suddenly renewed as if I had never been looking in the first place. The loading dock was almost always in the back of the store, so that's where I headed first. A door next to the freezers happened to catch my attention, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The sign hanging on it said "Loading Dock—Authorized Personnel Only." I just hoped it wasn't locked. Which, if it was... there was no way he could've gotten in. And that meant he really wasn't in the store at all. Stepping forward, I tried the door handle. It felt cold in my hand, and turned just like I hoped it would. The door swung open easily, but inside it was pitch black. I decided not to turn on a light, lest I attract any attention to myself. ":L?:" I called out, stepping inside and closing the door.
Almost immediately, a voice answered back. ":Yes?:" I grinned from ear to ear. He was okay... he was alive... he was in the store! I heard footsteps coming my way, and all of a sudden a glaring light from over head shone in my eyes. Another reason why I didn't want to turn on the light. L stood in front of me, a questioning look on his usually blank face. I couldn't help myself; I walked forward and wrapped him in my arms. He patted me softly on the back, then pulled himself away. ":You've got to warn me before you do that.:" He said in a matter of fact manner, and I laughed. ":What do you want? Did it ever occur to you that I came back here to be by myself?:" I rolled my eyes. That was L. Probably the most solitary creature on the face of the Earth. I loved him for it, too; it meant that I got to teach him how to enjoy other peoples company.
I sighed loudly, placing my hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eye. It would've been a bit more effective had L not been as tall as I, but I worked with what I had. ":I was looking for you everywhere. I just woke up about an hour ago, and I got involved in something... did you come in here to get away from the fight?:" I asked, gesturing to the closed door. He raised one eyebrow, looking at me intently.
":Fight?:" He repeated, looking at the door himself as if he expected something to be there. ":No, I didn't hear about any fight. Why, what happened? Is anyone hurt?:" I smiled a little at the masked bit of genuine concern he held in his voice. L didn't like to see people get hurt, even if he cared not to show his compassion most of the time. It was still there, just in hiding. ":Raito, tell me what happened.:" He said in a slightly exasperated tone of voice.
":Uh, not much. It was Miss Campbell. She and Lauren got into a bit of an argument, that was all. You know what she usually says... she doesn't like you, L.:"
":Really, I never would've guessed. She wants get rid of me, am I correct?:" I nodded and he looked to the side. ":It's not like I expected any different. There are a lot of people out there right now that are making themselves believe this is 'God's judgment' or some other kind of tripe.:" I rolled my eyes again. ":What? What's that look? You can't say that she's not being irrational, am I wrong?:"
":No, you're not wrong L.:" I walked past him to a few crates that were sitting against the wall. It was cold in there, and I shivered a little as I sat down. L walked up beside me and sat down in his typical fashion, legs pressed up against his chest. ":It's just... don't you think a lot of people are acting irrational right now? This is a terrible situation we're in, you realize.:"
":Yes, but those people aren't me. I don't act irrational. Seems like they should follow suit, if I may say so myself.:" I shot him a nasty look.
":Not everyone is you, Lawliet.:" His eyes narrowed slightly, and he looked ahead. ":And you shouldn't expect everyone you meet or don't meet to be as efficient and capable as you are. It's just wishful thinking, it's not going to happen.:" L shrugged his thin shoulders.
":I never asked for it to. Did you hear me say that?:" I shook my head. ":Let's not argue. If she wants me gone, well... she's going to get her wish. It's going to happen soon, I can tell.:" My heart sank, and I placed my hand on his back, stroking it softly. He turned his head in my direction and smiled a little. ":Don't worry. I do plan to spend as much time as possible with you until I leave.:"
I sighed, closing my eyes. ":You know I don't want you to go, L.:" He was silent for a minute, and I could hear him breathing gently.
":Yes, I know. I expected that, of course. You love me. There's only a few things worse to you than my death. And... I love you as well.:" I opened my eyes and looked at him, how calm his face looked in that moment. He really didn't look like someone who was about to face their own death. Then again, L didn't do anything that was 'typical'. He had his own way of doing things, of dealing with challenges. It was always better than everyone else's methods, of course. Because he was L. He was a genius. One of the most efficient people I had ever met. He was mine. I didn't want to lose him again. ":I'm sorry to disappoint you like this, Raito. I know you're thinking... how are you going to go on without me?:"
":Of course I am!:" I interrupted, feeling my heart sink even lower. ":Because I don't know how! I may know how to do a lot of things but live without you isn't one of them, Lawliet!:" I let out my breath, and then spoke again, having no clue what I was doing. ":You've never even stopped for one minute to think about this! I mean, what the Hell makes you so sure you're going to die? Huh?:" It felt like everything I had been keeping on my chest ever since he told me lifted off at that moment, but I still felt no relief. Just sadness, coursing through my veins. ":You're so selfish, L. You won't think about it. You just assume you're right because you've been right before. Did you ever think you might be wrong? No! You don't think that, do you?:" I saw his expression change to one of slight disbelief, and he climbed off the box and stood staring at me. It wasn't long before I got up, too. ":You're not perfect, L! You can't be right all the time! You're wrong this time! Please...:" I paused. ":Please admit it...:"
There was a moment of silence between us, and L exhaled loudly. ":Raito...:" He started, but then fell silent again. Finally, he took me by the hand, leaned in and kissed me. There was absolutely no passion in it this time, like there was before, just love. And I don't know how he did it, because L wasn't one to show love in his daily ritual, but he did. He stood there kissing me for what must have been fifty seconds, before I finally had to break away just to breathe. Somehow his hands hand ended up tangled in my hair, and we were less than an inch apart from each other. ":I don't want to admit that I'm wrong because I'm not one hundred-percent certain that I am wrong.:" He shook his head, closing his dark eyes. ":The moment I answered my cell phone yesterday morning, something tried to get at me. It didn't succeed, but I don't know why just yet. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out why I didn't end up like them. The reason that I can dispose of them with my mind? It's just a glitch, I believe. A step on the way to what's been coming for me this entire time. It's been catching up with me...:" He stopped talking finally, and rested his head on my shoulder, silent.
":I don't believe you. I don't think it's going to catch up with you, L. I refuse to believe that.:" I whispered, running my hands through his hair. I nearly jumped when I heard him chuckle. It was an odd sound; he rarely laughed.
":Oh, Raito. You're such an optimist.:"
Author's note: ...
...please don't kill me anyone. I actually don't know how long it took to finish the final product of chapter 11, but I've been busy. It's not an excuse, I know. But I still feel like I must say it nonetheless. I tried to make up for the amount of time by putting forth more effort on this chapter. I made it longer, made it better (In my opinion) and tried to please you people. So I hope I didn't lose any readers, because that would be heart breaking. Seriously, though. I really am sorry for the amount of time it took to write this. I hope you like it, still. Rate and Review, please!