A/N-I'm finally back. Sorry my work kept me a bit busier than I'd expected and then there were some technical issues. Thank you all for your patience. Things should calm down in my real life for a bit (I hope).

Thanks so much to this chapter's reviewers: ikissedtheLaurie, JM, JLCH, freeasabird14, IHeartHouseCuddy, LapizSilkwood, jaybe61, OldSFfan, lenasti16, Anonymoose, Suzieqlondon, KiwiClare, LittleGreg, Abby, HuddyGirl, Alex, linda12344, HuddyAleja, iridescentZEN, Boo's House, Mon Fogel, oc7ober, grouchysnarky, the Guest reviewers, BabalooBlue, dmarchl21, Tori, Ann and Dfc.

-Playable Hands-

"I know this has something to do with you," Wilson said while he walked into House's office.

House's fellows turned to look at Wilson, who was obviously seething. The fellows dispersed and House answered, "It's very possible. Which thing are you referring to?"

"You want Sam and me to break up, don't you? Don't deny it."

"Have I ever really tried to deny it?"

"So you did this?"

"How about this," House said while he thought, "you tell me the best way to break you and Sam up. I'll do that very thing, and when it works, you can come back and thank me."

"This isn't a joke and it won't work."

House shook his head, "If I could come up with a way, I would. That woman is not who you want to waste the next few years on. She's slowly bleeding you dry."

"This is my relationship and my decision."

"Agreed," House answered, "but I didn't do anything, mostly because I couldn't come up with something that will work…yet."

"Did you buy the place on Euclid?"

"What as a…gift?"

"Someone took a play right out of my playbook and bought the place before we could."

"Who?"

"I don't know."

"Diabolical. How exactly is that the key to destroying your pseudo-unconfirmed-pretend-engagement?"

"Do you know how hard it was to find a place we could agree on?"

"You didn't mention there was trouble in Succubusland."

"Because you bask in every problem we have. I can't tell you stuff anymore, I had to start talking to someone else about my relationship."

House cocked his head, "Who are you talking to?"

Wilson looked away, "It doesn't matter. I'm happy that you found someone, why can't you be happy for me?"

"Because you should have someone whose ultimate goal isn't sucking all of the fun from your existence. I'm not going to pretend I'm excited that you're signing up for destruction. That's like me choosing an infarction for my other leg because it was so fun the first time it happened."

Wilson shook his head, "This won't ruin us, you'll see."

"I didn't do it."

Cuddy was looking for files in her assistant's area. "Are you sneaking around with my best friend?" House asked while he approached.

"Wilson?" she asked as she shook her head, "When exactly do I have time to sleep with Wilson?"

"Not for sex. You're sneaking around like girlfriends."

"Oh," she answered, still trying to find something in the files.

"Why are you being your own assistant?"

"It's a long story."

"Did he quit? Already?"

"She. Yes, she did."

"She? I thought it was that skinny guy with the eye thing."

"He left last week," she explained, frantically continuing her search.

House stood next to where she was working, "Do you keep spare assistants in your filing cabinet?"

"No. I'm looking for an incident report that was filed last year about the-"

"Would it be here…with incident reports?" he opened the drawer and her eyes lit up. "Don't even ask me," he added, "assisting you is a kiss of death."

"If you could just help me for a few minutes with-"

"No," he interrupted immediately, "especially since I found out that you are trying to steal Wilson."

"Wilson and I have been friends for a long time. The stuff he talks about with me isn't the stuff he talks about with you. We had lunch a few times when you were busy. Are we supposed to skip lunch if you're unavailable."

"You can eat."

"Wow, that's so open-minded of you."

"Just not together."

She turned to see a smirk on his face before she pulled out two folders that she needed, "Thanks for finding this. I'm so overwhelmed I can't even see straight."

"What is he talking to you about?"

"Relationship stuff. Stuff you don't want to talk about. So why shouldn't he talk to me about it?"

House sat back, watching her ass while she filed. When she turned around, she raised her eyebrow, "Seriously? You don't see me enough?"

"You want me to go look at someone else's ass?"

"Not really."

"Then why complain? If you're tense, I could help you relieve some stress."

"Because the answer to not having enough time to do my work is to postpone working so we can have sex?"

"Makes sense to me."

"Not today, House."

"Well, I'm mad at you, don't turn it around and pretend like you should be mad at me."

"Next time, I'll tell Wilson that you want to listen to the problems in his love life and constructively help him with his relationship."

"OK."

"Fine."

"Do you think, in the context of our relationship at this time, we should talk about major purchases before making them? For example, if I wanted a new bike."

"It's your money," she answered, while she looked through the paperwork, "but I'd say we're at the point where stuff like that would at least come up."

"Exactly. But you bought two houses without mentioning that to me."

Her eyes widened, but she still didn't look at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Are you buying the places that Wilson and Sam like?"

"Wouldn't I tell you if I was buying a house? That's not something that's easy to hide."

"Maybe you aren't buying. Flipping? Investing in? What phrase do I have to say to get you to admit it?"

"I didn't buy or invest or flip anything."

"So you weren't trying to beat up the bully that was mean to me at recess?"

"You think Doug Miller is on my secret payroll?"

"You know who bought it? Even Wilson didn't know that."

She tightened her lips, "What could I possibly gain by doing that?"

"Revenge on Wilson for doing it to you. Or, you're trying to break them up. Like I said, beating up the bully who picked on me."

"If anything, she should be mad at Doug."

"I'm keeping track of the amount of lying and-or misdirecting that you're doing, and I'll consider that your way of setting acceptable standards of deception. Because no matter what your intentions, you're lying."

She closed the filing cabinet door with her hip and nodded, "You're right. I may have mentioned to Doug and one of our insurance reps…and a friend of mine…that a few properties had come up. But only because I knew they were looking."

"And then you directed them to the places that Sam liked?"

Cuddy bit her lip and looked away, slowly turning back, and defending, "She's terrible for Wilson. She lied to you about the engagement to push you out of Wilson's life. And did I mention that she's terrible for Wilson? It didn't seem too out of line since he did it to me."

"I don't think it'll work. But it's a nice try."

"Are you kidding me?" she said with a look of strategic brilliance, "buying a house and moving are incredibly stressful. It is going to bring out the very worst in her, and Wilson is going to see that. This is going to work."

House looked at her face and the determination on it and said, "Maybe I should have been more cautious about pissing you off over the years."

She tucked the folders under her arm and nodded, "Damn right."

Cuddy was right about Sam, and the relationship with Wilson blew up. Cuddy was excited about her victory until Wilson showed up that night. The man was devastated. They told him he could move into the guest room since his loft was rented out for the next few months.

Wilson and House were sitting in the living room, playing a video game while Rachel teetered around next to House or occasionally sat on his lap and pretended to play along with the game. They were limited to certain games because a child was in the room. Cuddy was in the kitchen, looking through her email address book in search of someone who she thought Wilson might be interested in dating. She would have definitely denied it if Wilson caught her. She certainly wouldn't set them up on a blind date, but she didn't see any harm in having a friend over while Wilson happened to be there. Although her plan to end Sam and Wilson's relationship was successful, the guilt that resulted was difficult for Cuddy to handle, and she felt a compelling need to make it up to Wilson.

Cuddy heard House pause his game, coming out the kitchen to grab a snack and refill Rachel's cup. "You need me to get that?" Cuddy asked.

"Nope. You almost done working?" he questioned, irritated that her work had come home.

"Soon," she answered. When he went back into the living room, Cuddy closed her computer and listened to the conversation. House seemed quite at ease with the little girl, unless Rachel was sick or really fussy, and at times like those, she was usually only interested in her mother.

"Maybe I should have a baby," Wilson suggested.

"Do they make maternity ties?"

"You know what I mean. I could adopt. Or look for a woman who is interested in those sorts of things. Maybe I'm looking for the wrong things."

"If Sam was your choice, you're definitely looking for the wrong things."

"I don't even know what I want anymore."

"You never seemed too eager to have kids before."

"No. But neither were you. When I was younger, I figured I'd get married and have a kid or two of my own. Then it just never seemed the right time and I figured maybe I didn't want that in my life. Now I see you and Cuddy and Rachel, and I don't know. Maybe I want a baby."

House held out Rachel out in front of him and said, "Have this one. Give her a few of those yogurt snack puff things and she'll follow you anywhere."

"I don't think Cuddy's ready to give that one up."

"How committed are you to remaining with your current household?" House very seriously asked the child.

Rachel smiled and said, "Hi."

"Hi," House responded and told Wilson with an official tone, "she seems pretty committed to staying here with Cuddy."

"You like her, don't you?"

"Have you seen Cuddy? What's not to like?"

"I meant Rachel. I meant you seem to like being around her. You like being the man in her life."

"I'm someone to play with who gives her snacks and keeps her mother happy."

Rachel leaned her head against House's shoulder sleepily and looked up, "Hi."

Wilson shook his head, "You've bonded."

"She's not boring," House answered, "so my friendship with her is not that different from my friendship with you."

"You bailed her out of jail?"

"They caught her joy riding…dime bag in the back pocket of her diaper."

House was amused by the image in his head until Wilson said, "But here you are, sitting at home on a Friday night with a little kid climbing over you."

"I sat at home on plenty of Friday nights."

"Is virtual fatherhood what you would have chosen if I would have asked you two years ago?"

"No," House answered, sharply.

Cuddy's heart dropped when she heard House's reply. It stung as fully as if he'd told her that he'd never loved her.

"You do realize that, if you decide to stay with Cuddy, you will be the only man Rachel will ever remember raising her?" Wilson asked.

House thought for a minute and said, "I'm good here."

"But it isn't what you would have chosen for your life."

They stopped talking, going back to their game. Rachel climbed on House's lap because she was getting tired. Cuddy stood in the doorway, coming in to take the girl up to bed and House, without seeing Cuddy, said to Wilson, "Two years ago, I didn't know I wanted this, but sometimes the hand you're dealt is more playable than the one you were hoping for."

Cuddy blinked slowly while she felt the wash of relief from House's clarification. As she approached, she saw that Rachel had already fallen asleep.

When they were getting ready for bed a few nights later, House said, "This place sucks."

"Thanks," Cuddy answered dryly.

"Did you see this?" House tilted his laptop toward her and she looked at the real estate page.

"You're mad about the Wilson thing," she sat down on the edge of the bed, "just get to it."

"I'm not mad. It was brilliant."

"He's depressed."

"He's not depressed, he's just…in transition. He'll be fine. Better now than later. This is not something you should feel guilty about."

"And yet…I do."

"The only thing you should feel guilty about is not helping me kick her to the curb back when I originally asked you to."

"Then what's the real estate thing about?"

"Like I said, this place sucks."

"You're testing us?"

"No."

"You are. You just watched Wilson and Sam blow up, so you're running a test to see if we can survive a similar situation."

House looked at the property on his screen and said, "We've always fought. We've said horrible things, done mean things and screamed at each other. We don't need to move in order to fight. You think that an argument over whether or not there are separate sinks in the bathroom is going to be what finally breaks us?"

"No. I don't think that. You're the one who keeps an apartment as a safety net."

"Well you were willing to buy a place with Lucas but not with me. That doesn't make me feel exactly confident here."

"I was going to buy it on my own, in my name, not with him."

"So essentially I'm the same as him. You want your place and some guy to live in it with you."

"No," she argued, "you know that's not true."

"Then what is it? My place is practically empty, I'm completely moved out. You want to keep your safety net while complaining that I'm keeping mine?"

"No. I didn't know that you wanted to buy some place new."

"This is your place and I'm here, at your place. As long as you have your place, I'm going to want to keep my place."

"Because you think I'm just going to kick you out?"

He became silent, paging through homes on the computer.

"I'm in love with you. I've told you that so many times and in so many ways," she explained.

"It was good that Wilson found out about Sam now. If you have reservations, I want to know. I'd rather get dumped now than later when I've really gotten used to this."

"I'm not dumping you. You could have told me how you felt."

"Isn't that what I'm doing?"

"We're arguing about it."

"Arguing is telling."

"I still think you're testing us." She sat on the bed and looked over his shoulder. Pointing at a home, she said, "I like that one."

"But this is the best one," he pointed at the screen, "this is all on one floor. There's room for a playroom for Rachel, space for a piano, an office that can be turned into a porn-viewing studio-"

"Or kept as an office for me."

"Boring. Also they have separate in-law quarters. It's close enough to the hospital."

She looked at it, "It is charming."

"That was my biggest concern."

"In-law quarters?" she suddenly looked both touched and worried, "For my mother?"

"Hell no. For Wilson. Just in case there are any future divorces. Or if Rachel decides we're way too embarrassing to live with."

"There are two sinks in the master bathroom," she said excitedly while they looked through the pictures.

"I was joking about arguing about separate sinks. That isn't really important to you, is it?"

"For the chance to not deal with stubble when you choose to tame your face or toothpaste in the sink…yea, it's important to me."

"Part of the joy of being with a real man."

"And I would be able to enjoy the joy of being with a real man even more if some of his manliness was contained in his own sink. And by now I'm sure you've noticed that when I'm less stressed…I tend to be more adventurous and enthusiastic in bed because I'm not distracted by whatever I'm stressed about."

He looked over the computer, staring at the empty space in the middle of the bedroom, "In that case, I'll look for a place with my own bathroom."