Author's Note: What up homies? Yeah, no I don't talk like that. I'm white, like, neon white. So, hey, I HAVE A BETA! I would like to publicly thank CurbItKirby for taking time to read my stuff and telling me exactly what I can do better. Since I don't seem to be able to post every day, I'm going to make updates every three or four days. That way, I'm not cramming to get things done and I can get them betaed. Also, I will try my darnedest, but the end of school is coming up and between projects, fieldtrips, and graduation I am swamped; because of this, every three or four days is just a guideline right now. Hopefully, things should become more regular and scheduled after June 18th. Enough ranting on my part, here's H.

Author's Note 2: Hehe, so I know I just posted this but one of you kind reviewers noticed something that was slightly confusing, so I did my best to fix it.

Chapter Eight: H

Horses

The first contact on Rho Andromedae Prime went spectacularly; between the diplomatic dinner and the ceremonial signing of the treaty, everything was perfect. So, of course, some deity somewhere just had to mess around with the crew. McCoy was already walking on eggshells, praying that his idiot captain didn't screw anything up.

"Hey, Bones," Jim said. "Lighten up, everything has gone just fine."

McCoy shut his eyes and took a deep breath. "Don't jinx it, alright? I keep expecting the desert creature of doom to come charging in."

Jim rolled his eyes and went back to shaking hands with the Andromedaen officials. McCoy just shook his head and looked over at Spock who was examining an equestrian looking animal.

"What is it, Spock?" He asked, walking over to the first officer.

"It appears to be remarkably similar to the Terran horse," Spock said, gently petting the side of the horses face. Just then, one of the ambassadors walked over. Her five green and purple hands waved an enthusiastic greeting to the two.

"Oh, I see our portloayka you've discovered ," she said in broken Standard, running her hand down the horses neck.

"It is a magnificent creature," Spock replied.

The woman next to him smiled widely, taking her hand and pushing her blue hair out of her face. "Then ride must you. Tradition here is it."

Spock shook his head no.

"Thank you, but I do not know how to ride."

McCoy snickered and looked down at his feet, hoping Spock wouldn't notice.

"Is there a problem, Doctor?"

McCoy silently cursed those pointy, super ears and smirked at Spock.

"Nope, it's just that I've finally found something I can do that you can't."

"Is there a problem here?" Jim asked, noticing the icier-than-usual glare Spock was shooting towards a laughing McCoy.

Kirk looked at Leonard questioningly.

"Spock doesn't know how to ride a horse," Bones told him.

Jim laughed and smiled, looking at Spock, who to the untrained eye would look stoic but to the Captain he looked embarrassed. Kirk decided that they had to teach Spock to ride a horse, just to see the reaction of McCoy. So, he called Uhura over and looked at Spock, opening his mouth to say something, but not finding the words. Instead, he turned to the ambassador.

"Tuma kay lomayta jore portloayka?" Jim asked, speaking slowly in the native language.

"Eshtay, oma letyre. Korris, machna ishtor amisga kitay plo federes na tloayka." The woman bowed to their captain. Before she left, she gave the Captain the key to the stable. Uhura, who had arrived when Jim started talking, raised an eyebrow.

"Just because it takes a long time to learn a language doesn't mean that you can't pick up a few things just by listening to the native speakers," Jim said matter-of-factly.

The Captain mounted the creature and used his heel to put pressure on the horses flank, holding the reins rather tightly. The horse began to trot forward, moving to the left or the right, depending on which way Kirk jerked the reins.

"See, it's not so hard. Here, Spock, you try."

So far, Spock hadn't been able to mount his horse without the animal running away right before Spock kicked his leg up. Uhura didn't seem to be having too much trouble with her horse; she appeared to be a natural rider, picking up on the subtle movements quickly. Jim, having grown up on a farm was doing just fine. McCoy on the other hand. . .

"You should be ashamed of yourself," Leonard said, rubbing his back. The horse whinnied and backed away. "Don't you walk away from me."

This time, the animal snorted and looked McCoy right in the eye.

"Yeah, that's right, you shouldn't have thrown me. Now I have to deal with Jim making fun of me because I got a moody horse."

The horse reared up on its hind legs, waving the front limbs in the air.

"Bones, you're talking to a horse," Jim said, riding up next to him.

"I've told you before that one of these days, you're going to make me crazy. I think today is that day," McCoy said, hanging his head in his hands.

"Really, Doctor?" Spock said. "By your actions, I was lead to believe the Captain had driven you crazy long before you came aboard the Enterprise; my mistake."

Jim and Uhura laughed as McCoy gaped at Spock and said, "I can't believe it; the damn hobgoblin made a joke."

I just watched True Lies again, and I totally thought that the scene where Arnold Schwarzenegger yells at the horse was hysterical. So, instead of an angry, buff, Austrian, we have an angry, grouchy Georgian. Also, I totally made up a bunch of random words and called it a language. Here are the translations:

Portloayka- Horses

Tuma kay lomayta jore portloayka?- May we borrow these horses?

Eshtay, oma letyre. Korris, machna ishtor amisga kitay plo federes na tloayka.- Yes, of course. Please, teach your friend how to ride a horse.

This is not a real language. The only thing that makes it similar to a real language is I decide por is a prefix that makes a word plural.