Author's Note: Hello my dear readers, I have returned. I forgot to mention in my last chapter that Overhasty was inspired by a wonderful idea from my beta, CurbItKirby who does a wonderful job editing my stuff. My vacation was awesome just so you know and I learned a few things. Hotel wifi is spotty, drunken wedding parties suck, a king size bed can fit two adults and a teenager (but not really comfortably), and Horseshoe Falls is much more spectacular than the American Falls. Anyway, here you go and many thanks to XxTheMoonRiddlexX for the word. By the way, one strong curse word, but I highly doubt any of you care.

Chapter Sixteen: P

Pride

People in red, yellow, and blue uniforms scrambled to their stations as the red alert klaxons sounded. The ship shuddered as a phaser shot hit, knocking some officers off balance. On the bridge, Spock was sitting in the Captain's chair, raising his voice some so his orders could be heard over the sirens and the general buzz of people.

"Evasive maneuvers; Ensign Chekov, target the Klingon vessel's engine room!"

Chekov didn't even nod to acknowledge Spock's orders; he just let his fingers fly over the helm. Next to him, Sulu was adjusting thrusters and doing his best to avoid the volley of photon torpedoes headed their way. Spock continued issuing orders, wondering where Captain Kirk was and why he wasn't on the bridge.

Captain James T. Kirk was never nervous or embarrassed; never. Jim raced down the halls, shouting for people to move out of his way. Officers jumped to flatten themselves against the walls, staring as their Captain flew by.

When he reached the bridge, Kirk ran from the turbo lift just as Uhura called out, "The Klingons are hailing us, Commander."

"On screen," Jim said, standing next to his emotionless first officer who was still seated in the Captain's chair. At the helm, Sulu had thrown his hand over poor Chekov's eyes at the sight of their Captain. Uhura had turned at the sound of Kirk's voice and immediately put her head in her hands. No one on the bridge was paying attention to their stations or the incoming message from the Klingons as they gaped and guffawed at the stark naked Captain standing on the bridge.

An angry looking Klingon on the view screen began to speak, "Duj jegh'a' pagh. . ." but trailed off. Captain Mortek of the Klingon House of Tagh was surprised to see a naked human standing next to a Vulcan science officer in the command chair who was at eye level with Kirk Jr.

"I assume you're the Captain of the Klingon vessel," Jim began, cocking his hip to one side and placing his hands on his hips. When the Klingon nodded, confirming who he was, Kirk continued. "I'm Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the United Starship Enterprise. By crossing the neutral zone, you are in violation of the Klingon/Federation treaty. Return to Klingon space and no action will be taken against your people."

The more Jim spoke, the more the Klingon looked like he was trying to suppress a laugh.

"You expect me to believe," the Klingon choked out in standard, "That you are the Captain of the Federation's flagship?"

Jim sighed and looked down, knowing that later on there would probably be photos. Returning his focus to Captain Motek, Kirk shrugged, causing certain body parts to. . . move. "Sometimes you're sleeping when the red alert sounds and unfortunately for me, these are my pajamas. Now, as I said before, return to Klingon space immediately and no action will be taken against your people."

The Klingon Captain only laughed and ended the connection, raising their shields for battle.

"They're locking phasers, Captain," Sulu said, immediately sobering when he saw what the Klingons were doing.

"Evasive maneuvers and fire torpedoes," Kirk said, sitting down in the recently vacated Captain's chair.

God, this is uncomfortable, Jim thought, causing the material of the chair to squeak as he shifted. Certain parts of his anatomy stuck to the shiny surface of the chair, making Jim cringe as the ship rocked and shuddered from impact.

"The Klingons are retreating, sir," Sulu reported after many minutes of trading fire.

Kirk jumped from his seated position, making many turn and cover their eyes again. Pointing at each crew member, Jim said, "Admiral Pike is neither to hear of this nor see this. That's an order." Slowly backing out of the bridge with his hands between his legs, Jim bumped into an unsuspecting chief engineer, causing him to spin around and move his hand to steady himself..

"Do I even want to know?" Scotty asked, smirking at the sight of Kirk scrambling to recover his junk. Sighing, Jim turned to leave the bridge, exposing his bare ass to everyone.

"Is that a tattoo?" Chekov asked, pointing to the detailed tattoo of the Enterprise on the Captain's lower back.

Sulu laughed, slapping a hand on Chekov's back and pointing at the tattoo. "Dude, that isn't just a tattoo, Kirk has a friggin' tramp stamp!"

"Jesus, today just keeps getting fucking worse," the blond mumbled, moving into the turbolift.

Dear Chris,

Last time we talked you wanted to know how Jim was doing. Well, ye asked and ye shall receive. I'm technically disobeying a direct order which I could be court martialed for, so you damn well better not let the kid know we have a copy of this.

Have fun being an Admiral in a cushy office while I'm stuck on a tin can full of fresh faced cadets.

Sincerely,

Samuel Giotto

The video enclosed with Sam's message caused Christopher Pike to completely lose it; his secretary came in and saw him wheezing with tears in his eyes. Rolling her eyes, she plopped his most recent paperwork on his desk and left, not even wanting to know what had thrown him into such a fit. After she had left, Pike did his best to calm down and watch the vid again.

"My God, does the kid have a tramp stamp?!"

Yay, more embarrassed Jim! Too bad Bones wasn't there to see it. If anyone doesn't know what a tramp stamp is, it is a tattoo on your lower back right above your ass and it's usually something girly like a dolphin, a butterfly, or some intricate and swirly design.