Author's Note: WOOT! First day of school down the tube. That also means that updates will be more sporadic and possibly even less often (because they were always on time anyway).

Chapter Nineteen

Stolen

"Jim! I swear to God that when I find whoever did this I'm going to kill them!" McCoy screamed, slamming his hands down on Jim's ready room table.

Sighing, Kirk put his head in his hands. The pulsing headache from earlier had come back full force when his friend came in shouting. Apparently, the drawing McCoy kept on his desk had disappeared.

Jim looked up at Leonard and said in a gentle voice, "I'll do what I can, Bones. It's a big ship, though, and I can't imagine someone would want to steal your daughter's drawing."

Leonard sighed and plopped down in the chair across from the Captain and pinched the bridge of his nose. "She made that for me when she was four. It was me, her, and her momma, all happy and smiling. It's the only thing Jocelyn let me keep."

"I'll get it back; I promise."

"Keptin!" Chekov walked briskly up to Kirk's table in the mess hall, obviously upset and disturbed over something.

The blond sighed and set down his fork. "Yes, Chekov, what is it?"

Looking around carefully, Chekov sat down and leaned across the table, resting his upper body on his elbows. "Someone has stolen something from my quarters."

This was the fifth complaint in two weeks about a missing item and Jim was rather sick of it.

"What was stolen, Pavel?" He tried not to sound exasperated, but by Pavel's reaction, he must have failed.

"My plyushevogo mishku!" Chekov said angrily.

Kirk raised an eyebrow and asked, "Your what?"

"My teddy bear!" Chekov's forehead wrinkled as he said this, obviously annoyed and very unhappy.

Jim took a deep breath, trying to both relax and not laugh. "Your... Teddy bear?"

"My sisters made it for me right before I left for Starfleet Academy." After a few minutes of consoling Pavel and promising to get his bear back, Jim sat in the mess hall, fuming. For weeks he'd dealt with irate officers missing sentimental or expensive items from their quarters and for weeks, the culprit had eluded them. The whole thing was affecting everyone's work ethic. Just a few days before, Uhura, who was missing her favorite pair of hand knit socks, had been daydreaming about what could have happened to them. All the while Kirk was trying to get her attention. Sulu's fencing gloves were missing and he forgot to disengage the external inertial dampener (much to his embarrassment). It was just getting to be too much.

Maybe Spock will have a logical explanation for it, Kirk thought.

"Enter," Spock's voice said through the speaker of his quarters. Jim stepped inside and was amazed at the sight that greeted him.

"Jesus, I thought Vulcans were neat."

Spock turned to look at Kirk; he looked different, but Jim couldn't quite pin point how. "This is not the typical nature of my living quarters. I returned from Alpha shift to find my door partly open and my possessions strewn about. So far I haven't been able to locate a sweater, but nothing else seems to be missing."

Jim almost sighed in relief. "At least it was only a sweater. I don't think I could handle another crewmember racing up to me, yelling about how their mother's handmade mittens or their father's college t-shirt are missing."

The captain didn't notice the look on Spock's face as he mentioned the part about crewman Lucas' mother. Spock paused in his cleaning and said, without turning around, "The sweater that is missing was the sweater my mother gave to me the last time I saw her before the Battle of Vulcan."

Ah, shit, was the first thought that ran through Jim's mind. "I'm sorry, Spock."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Why do humans insist on apologizing for things beyond their control?"

"It's our way of sympathizing," Jim said flippantly. "Anyway, I actually had a question for you…"

Scotty was mad. No, scratch that, Scotty was bloody furious. Right where his poor, innocent, unsuspecting sandwich had been was now empty space filled with only carbon dioxide, oxygen, and bit of nitrogen to go with it. Keenser was nowhere to be found, but Scotty just knew, he knew, that

Keenser was responsible for the disappearance of his lunch.

"When I find that wee bassa I'm going give him hoor o'e beatin'," he muttered.

"Computer, locate Lieutenant Keenser."

"Lieutenant Keenser is located on deck six." Cursing, Scotty realized that Keenser

couldn't be the culprit; engineering wasn't close enough to deck six for that to even be feasible.

Suddenly, Scotty heard what sounded like a whimper from one of the Jeffries tubes entrances.

"Hello?" he called out, looking up the pipe. What he saw surprised him. "What in the..."

Sticking out from one of the offshoot tubes was a brown, white and black tail, wagging away. When the thing heard Scotty's voice, it backed out and turned to look at him. Barking happily, he dropped the sandwich that had been in his mouth.

"Porthos!" Scotty yelled, lunging forward and grabbing the dog. "Oi, I knew ye'd show up sooner or later!"

Porthos licked Scotty's face in reply.

"Well aren't you a mighty handsome fellow?" Uhura asked, scratching said fellow behind the ears. Porthos rolled over, exposing his stomach. Nyota laughed and rubbed his belly, all the while using her extensive knowledge of language to speak to the dog in baby talk.

"Who's a good little puppy? And fat, too!" Sulu laughed as the dog barked in reply.

Kirk chuckled, watching as his crew fawned over the fat beagle. "How'd he get on board?"

"He musta transported; I dinnae even know he was on board 'til a few minutes ago, sir. Found 'im in a Jefferies tube, hoarding things he musta stolen. Took everythin' back to me quarters. Hopefully, we can get it all back to its owners."

Jim nodded as he watched McCoy lean down to scratch the dog behind the ear. Apparently, Porthos had taken a liking to the country doctor because he got up and launched himself at McCoy's chest.

"Whoa there," Bones laughed, holding tight to the dog so he didn't fall. "Archer'll be happy when he finds out his prized baby's okay."

Scotty nodded, smiling at the thought. "Maybe he'll actually apologize for leaving me on that god fer saken planet fer so long."

As everyone talked, Spock walked up to the dog curiously. He wondered why it was so willing to be around people it did not know. Sticking his hand out, Spock expected the dog to sniff it and then let him pet it. Instead, Porthos stuck his tongue out and ran it up Spock's hand. Yanking his hand back in disgust, the Vulcan immediately retreated back to his post.

Everyone laughed as the First Officer turned slightly green and wiped his hand on his uniform.

"And Uhura said I had sex with animals," Jim gasped, holding his side as he laughed.

"Alright Sulu, here're yer gloves," Scotty said. Sulu smiled, turning the gloves over to inspect them for damage. When all he found was a bit of dog slobber on them, he thanked Scotty and walked off.

Turning to Jim, the Scotsman said, "Well, Captain, that's the last of it."

Jim sighed and sat down on Scotty's couch. For hours crewmen had been back and forth from the engineer's quarters, retrieving their possessions. The only person they hadn't seen was Doctor McCoy.

"Do you think the wee lass will be able to draw him another one?" Scotty asked.

Jim shrugged. "Probably."

After they rested for a few minute, both men jumped at the sound of the inner ship communicator going off.

"Bridge to Captain Kirk," they heard Uhura say.

Getting up, Jim pushed the little button on the panel. "Kirk to bridge; what is it?"

There was a pause before they heard, "Admiral Archer is on the view screen demanding to see you and Scotty."

"Admiral Archer, to what do we owe the pleasure?" Kirk tried to sound happy to see the Admiral, but the look of pure rage on Archer's face made it difficult.

"Where is Lieutenant Commander Scott?" Archer spat, saying Scotty's full title as if it were a nasty four letter word.

Sheepishly, Scotty walked forward. "I'm right here, Admiral."

If it was possible, Archer's face turned an even deeper shade of red when his eyes landed on Scotty. His nostrils flared as he said, "You better not be messing with me, Montgomery Scott. Bring Porthos now."

While Scotty was gone, Kirk and Spock did their best to calm Archer down. They didn't understand why he was so angry; they'd found his dog. Why was he still mad at Scotty?

The turbolift doors opened to reveal a slobbering beagle and an engineer struggling to keep hold of it. Scotty set the dog down on the floor of the bridge and it raced over to Jim, putting its paws on his knees.

Jim smiled, pulling the dog into his lap. "See, Archer. Here's your Porthos."

"What have you done to him?!" Archer was fuming. His eyes were wide and he was breathing heavily.

Scotty looked nervous as he tried to console the Admiral. "Look, sir, I know that Porthos is a wee bit different from the last time ya saw him…"

"A wee bit different?!" Archer screeched, cutting Scotty off. "He's the size of two beagles! My strong, fit, poor Porthos is fat!"

"While now there's more of him for you to love," Jim piped up, his snark not really helping the situation; it was obvious he had annoyed he Admiral even further. Archer opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind and only glared at him.

Spock spoke up, trying to divert the man's attention away from his captain. "Admiral, we will be passing Starbase Eleven within the next fourteen point two seven hours. If you wish, we will transport him aboard and you may retrieve him there."

Archer shook his head. Frowning, he said, "You will transport him aboard by shuttle craft and I want someone other than Scott to do it."

After many promises, assurances and forced smiles, the Admiral signed off. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief; the bridge was much quieter now that Archer was gone.

Spock was the first to break the silence. "I, for one, will be quite pleased when Porthos is returned to the Admiral. Animals do not belong on a starship."

"You're just mad because he licked you," McCoy snorted, rubbing the dog's head affectionately. "Isn't that right? You certainly showed pointy-eared bastard."

"As a doctor, you should know that dogs' mouths are filled with bacteria."

"Yes, but dogs' tongues can also help heal wounds."

"That is a myth."

"Actually," Jim said, "It's not. A dog's tongue is rough and it scrapes away the dead tissue, kind of like a surgeon cleaning a wound."

Spock raised an eyebrow in response.

"Face it, Spock," Kirk smirked. "You're just mad because you French kissed a dog."

For those who have note figured it out, Porthos is Admiral Archer's beagle, the one Scotty talked about transporting in the first movie. I don't actually know the dog's name, but 'Porthos' seems to be fan cannon, so that's what I'm going with.