Chapter 71

Goodbye love. Hello disease.

Staring at the suitcases lying haphazardly on the bed, Robin took one steadying breath after another. She wasn't sure what she expected to find when she came home but she was pretty sure this wasn't it. A shirt dangled from the suitcase, twisted and tangled, in his haste to put his clothes away. Crossing the room, she carefully picked up the crumpled sleeve, straightened it out and folded it into the suitcase. He was normally so fastidious about his clothes - he loved clothes and wore them well. He never let them pile up on the floor or get crinkled. Seeing one of his shirts tossed away with so little concern shook her.

"You're leaving" she stated quietly as she turned around to look at him.

Patrick stared at the floor. He couldn't look at her - not in the eyes at least. Her eyes had been a weakness of his from the moment he met her.
They were a rich brown and enormously expressive. He loved the way they danced when she was being mischievous or the way they darkened when she was concentrating on something, trying to solve a problem. He adored the way she looked at him because she loved him and the proof of that could be found there.

If he looked at her now, he would lose his nerve. He wanted to stay with her but it wasn't possible - not with what was coming.

"Yes" he whispered.

"Why?"

"I have to"

With her knees shaking, she sat down on the edge of the bed between his suitcases. "No you don't. You don't have to leave."

He sucked on his bottom lip and jammed his tremulous hands in his pockets. "I can't stay. I'm sick Robin and I need to...I can't be here."

Pursing her lips together, she nodded. "You're scared, I get that. But running doesn't solve anything."

"Is my father okay?" he asked quietly, still not quite meeting her gaze.

"Alexis took him to the hospital but I don't think anything is broken."

"The tumour is short circuiting my emotional responses" he told her matter-of-factly. "That could have been you Robin – I could have lost it on you as easily as I did my father. I cannot be around you."

"That's bullshit and you know it." Her fiery tone finally succeeded in getting him to look her in the eye. "You would never hurt me."

"Be honest Robin, until you came into Kelly's this morning did you really think I could hurt my father?"

"You would never hurt me" she repeated.

"I already have" he whispered.

"That's not true."

Robin was struggling to stay in control. Panic was sweeping through her and though she was trying to hold it at bay, her boyfriend's resigned and defeated tone were doing little to help her. Her biggest fear – always – was being left behind. It had happened too many times in her life to count and she was not sure she could go through it again. It had taken everything she had to open her heart again, to take a blind leap of faith and the mere hint of it being stolen from her again had her near the edge.

His bottom lip quivered. "Please don't make this harder than it is."

Springing to her feet, she angrily crossed the floor and stood in front of him. "Did you think I was going to make this easy on you? Did you think I would let you go without a fight?"

"Robin-"

"I am NOT giving you up – do you hear me?" She grabbed hold of the Claddagh necklace resting against her skin and held it up to him. "Do you know what this means? When you gave it to me you told me it was because you love me and you admire me. This is us, Patrick. We are friends, we are lovers and we are loyal to each other."

Seeing her reach for his hand, Patrick moved away from her. Her touch was kryptonite – it would sap him of all his strength and take him from the course he knew he had to follow.

Stepping past her, he walked to his suitcases and closing the tops, zipped them up. He clenched his eyes shut as her arms wrapped around him and she pressed her body against his. His left hand shook badly as he covered her hand with his.

"You have to let me go Robin" he told her hoarsely, willing himself not to cry. Nothing in his life would be as difficult as this.

"No," she told him emphatically.

Gathering what strength he could, he gently unclasped her hands and pulled away from her.

Feeling as though her legs would give out on her, Robin backed up against the wall and stared at him. His anguish was total and he wore it on his face.

"You're in ten different kinds of pain and you don't understand how to process it. You've shut down - you think it's to protect me but it's to protect you. You're afraid - you're terrified, that if you actually stop and let yourself feel this that you will fall apart." She swiped at the tears that trickled down her face "But you won't. You have me and you have Noah and Eric and the point of relationships is to have someone to see you through the good times and the bad. To have someone who can carry you when you can't take another step."

His tears fell recklessly down his cheeks. "It can't be you," he whispered.

"Because you think I'll fail you?"

"No" he replied with a shake of his head. "Because I can't let you watch me die."

"You are not going to die" she told him defiantly.

Patrick slapped his head down on the bed. "I wish everyone would STOP saying that," he snapped. "I am a fucking neurosurgeon, I KNOW what it is I am facing and death is a very fucking real possibility. And if not death then there are a host of other shitty things that could happen."

Robin sucked in a shuddering breath and tried to balance herself before she spoke. "Okay," she began softly, "let's say the worst happens and that you do die." The mere mention of his death being a reality squeezed the air from her heart. "Don't you….don't you think it would be better to die surrounded by those of us who love you than alone? Wouldn't you want your last memories to be of love and family?"

In her mind the last hours of Stone's life played. She could still feel the heat from his body as she had climbed in to bed with him and pulled his arm around her. He was already gone but his body still held the warmth that she loved.

And in an instant, the image changed from Stone to Patrick. Her legs finally gave out and she sank to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest.

Patrick slipped from the bed and crawled across the floor to her. He could not bear to see her in pain and yet he believed whatever pain he caused her now would be worth it as it would spare her a greater pain in the long run. Unable to stop himself, he reached for her and pulled her into his arms.

She tightly wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. "I love you," she whispered.

Patrick swallowed down the acrid lump that had formed in his throat. "I love you too" he said, closing his eyes as he stroked her hair.

With hearts hammering inside their chests, they stayed wrapped together, sitting on the floor for nearly 20 minutes. Neither wanted to be the one to move first, knowing that the minute they let go of each other everything would change.

Leaning against the wall in the hallway, Eric pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. His friend was in the process of making perhaps the biggest mistake of his life and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The damage that he would leave in his wake would be intense and far reaching.

"That's not a happy face"

Looking up, he smiled as Alexis strode down the hall towards him.
Extending his arm to her, he pulled her against him and brushed his lips against hers. "How is Noah?"

"Bruised ribs and bruised jaw. Dare I ask what's going on in there?" She jerked her head in the direction of the door.

"Nothing good" he sighed. "Patrick wants to come back to New York with me."

"That's stupid" she snapped.

"I agree" he answered slowly, "and I told him so but I'm not sure it's had any impact."

"Is that why you called me?" she asked, knitting her brow together in confusion.

"Yeah" he nodded. "I don't know any of Robin's friends – besides you – but if Pantsy goes through with what he's planned, I don't think Robin should be alone."

"This is going to be bad, isn't it?"

"Very" he nodded.

Patrick slowly and reluctantly extricated himself from Robin's arms. Her grip tightened on him as she felt him move; she was not ready to let him go.

She would never be ready to let him go.

As gently as he could, he removed her hands from him and slipped from her embrace. Rising to his feet, he turned his back to her and pulled the suitcases from the bed. She watched in disbelief as he left the room and headed to the door.

Scrambling to her feet, she ran after him. "Patrick!" she cried.

He stood frozen at the door, a suitcase in each hand, unable to turn around.

"Please," she cried, tears streaming unashamedly down her face. "Please don't leave me. Please don't leave us."

Looking over his shoulder, his own face awash in tears he simply shook his head. "I have to."

Quickly, before his will failed him once and for all, he pulled open the door and stepped through. He glanced at Eric, gave him a small nod and headed down the hall.

Robin dropped to her knees, clutching her stomach in abject grief.

Eric smiled wistfully at Alexis before heading after his friend. Alexis exhaled quietly and crossing the threshold into the apartment, sank to her knees in front of the young doctor and pulled her into her arms and held her.

There were simply no words that could offer any comfort.