Wow, thank you all so much!!! So many reviews! I'm glad you like the story so far. I'm quite busy these days, so I fear I wont be able to update as often as I want to….. I hope you understand. Here we go, the next chapter is ready.
Coming home…
Chapter 5:
I sighed and dipped my head back into the warm water that surrounded me, soaking my hair, trying to relax. My neck was a little stiff and my back hurt, so a bath had sounded good. It felt soothing, but I didn't reach complete relaxation. Considering the thoughts that occupied my brain, it didn't surprise me that much. I had to decide what to do about my pregnancy and that was the kind of thoughts you couldn't just simply banish or brush aside. I closed my eyes, willing my mind to go blank, but I didn't succeed. Memories of the night I had spent with Booth emerged and the moment he had said good bye replayed itself in my head over and over again.
There had been emotion in his eyes, emotion I now knew had to be love and pain. Pain about being forced to leave. Love for me. I couldn't quite believe it, but Seeley Booth would never lie to me about something like that. I knew that much, so I had to accept it as the truth. I swallowed hard.
My former partner, my best friend aside Angela, the man I trusted most…… loved me.
And we had created a life together… not with intention, but that didn't change the outcome, did it? And although I had never really felt something like that before, I had had enough time in this eight weeks without him to recognize that missing someone that much had to mean I loved him too. There were times I felt like somebody had taken away everything from me, although I still had so much.
I had my home, my friends, a profession that challenged me every day and never lost it's fascination. But still, something vital was missing and that something was Booth. I had never quite accepted or acknowledged that he had become the most important person in my life until he had been gone.
When we had discussed him going on this assignment he had asked me if I was going to miss him and I had said yes, of course I would be missing my partner. I had not known I was going to be missing him with all my heart, though. The thought was kind of scary, but there was nothing I could change about it. You can not force yourself to fall OUT of love, I guess.
And now here I was, pregnant with his child and not quite sure what to do with my future. Unlike Angela I was not sure if Booth would ever forgive me for having an abortion. Hell, I was not quite sure if I would ever be able to forgive myself.
Would the child favour me or Booth, I wondered. Would it have brown or blue eyes?
And then I blinked as the sudden realisation hit me. I had given the child a face. Sure, it was nothing more than an imagination, but still…. Foetus, that was a safe term. Scientific, clinical, detached. But I had been wondering if the baby would look like me or Booth.
I knew that Booth's first child had inherited his smile, but not his looks and I wondered if this time it would be different. Parker's laughing face appeared in front of my inner eye and despite the warm water surrounding me I suddenly felt cold, imagining I would be killing a foetus that might grow up to be like him. Such a bright and beautiful boy, acting so much like his father it hurt to see him sometimes.
I had given the child a face and had left the safety that thinking about a foetus, nothing more than an egg and a sperm, a cellular structure, had provided.
A person. A tiny person. Suddenly tears filled my eyes, but I accepted them, even welcomed them, just as I suddenly welcomed the growing life in my womb.
Twelve hours after learning that I was pregnant, lying in my bath tub surrounded by rose-scented bathing water, I had made my decision.
I was going to keep this baby. And I had a father to contact.
I was dreading the next morning, but I knew it was inevitable. The next day I would have to see Cullen and tell him that I had to contact Booth. And I would have to explain why. I sighed. Nothing was simple anymore.
The next morning I called Cam again, informed her that I had to take care of something before coming to work. She accepted it, even told me to stay home another day if I didn't feel well enough to come to work yet. I thanked her, but told her that I was fine.
Mentally, I made a note that I now had to decide to keep one grad student and train him as good as possible in the following months. Although I intended to work as long as possible I couldn't picture myself bending over remains one a scene when nine months pregnant. Come to think of it, I couldn't even picture myself nine months pregnant at all. But that was what was going to happen. I took in a deep breath. I had made a decision. Now I had to go through with it.
My next call was to Angela. I informed her about my decision and after listening to her delighted congratulations for some time, I told her not to let anybody know about my pregnancy yet. She huffed a little, but agreed. When I told her my next step was to see Cullen to try to contact Booth she even offered accompanying me, but I declined. There were things I had to do alone. Facing Booth's boss was one of them.
At seven thirty in the morning I was checking my appearance in the mirror one last time before leaving my car and heading into the Hoover building. I didn't have an appointment with Cullen, but I was quite sure he was going to make an exception with me. He might not like me, but he respected me and valued the cooperation of the Jeffersonian Institute highly. At least of that, I was sure.
I just wished I had a little more confidence and was less nervous about his reaction. It was of course completely irrational to be afraid, to be nervous. But I had hormones to blame it on, at least.
Sooooo, please let me know if you like it or not!!! Reviews are more than only welcome! THANK YOU!